The Synod: The Book of Black Justice
By AtheistBasementDragon
Edited by The Usual Gang of Drunken Perverted Idiots
Chapter 19
...Illyana's House...
Neia had her eyes closed as she lay on the cozy bed alone in her room and stared up into the darkness and ran over everything everyone had said to her. Her wife. Her father. Her friends. "I just want everyone to be OK... including me. Is that so damned wrong?" She asked of the darkness.
'Then you should die. There isn't another solution that is better. If you're dead, you can't hurt them anymore. You can't repeat what your voice did to Gagaran, what your access to your father's power almost did to Lakyus. You can't repeat what happened at Wheaton. You can't draw your sword on your wife or draw your bow on a wayward child. You are a destroyer, you destroyed so many lives that you surpassed a demon emperor, you destroyed so many that you even killed those you sought to help. Destruction is your nature, not love, not affection. Trying to be what you're not, will only cause more harm as they draw closer to you.' Neia lay alone there as the voice spoke to her.
'If you love them, you have to protect them. Don't you? And besides, isn't it better to do it now, before you turn them against you? At least then you'll be mourned for a little while, before they move on with their lives.' It said as if it were the whispers of a demon in the dark, like some twisted lover cuddled close and whispering twisted words woven out of shadows.
She clutched the blanket close to her body. 'Go ahead, take the sheet, wrap it around your neck, then pull. One moment of pain, and it will be over, you'll be at peace, they'll be safe. They'll miss you, but they will get over it, they're strong, and they'll be stronger without you. Do you think they'll be better off with you drinking yourself into a stupor, cutting yourself up, or drawing your sword or bow whenever something makes you angry?'
Neia held the blanket against herself and turned onto her side and squeezed her eyes tightly shut against the voice in her head, that hateful inner critic, that buzzard that had been circling about in her mind as one experience, setback, failure, or less than flawless triumph ate away at her.
She opened her eyes, well adapted to even this kind of darkness, it would be easy, she took a deep breath and reached for the end of the blanket and sat up, she swung her legs over the edge of the bed.
She pulled up that voice, and looked at in her own mind, she tried to put a form to it, a face perhaps. She cycled through the faces of those she hated, and those who hated her as she sought an enemy to fit the words to.
From Remedios to Dominic, to her own mother, she tried to picture the words coming out, and each she discarded in turn.
Until at last, she set them to her own lips, and, alone in the dark, she looked down at the floor, and as though she was looking at her own battered, wounded self, every mark and scar that the most potent healing magic could not touch was evident, and her own face twisted in pain. "You're wrong." She said softly to that wounded self. She gritted her teeth and shut her eyes as she pulled her knees up to her chest. "You're wrong, you hear me!" She whispered fiercely. "I want to get better damn it! I want to get better! Yes I want them to be safe! But I'm part of them... and they are part of me."
She started to rock back and forth at the edge of her bed as she held herself.
Her eyes pressed against her knees, and she let her tears fall out, "But so are you. You're 'also' part of me, little voice, and I know what it is now, you're my guilt, even when I shouldn't have felt guilty, you're my shame, even when I shouldn't have felt ashamed. You're the pain I denied and my own self criticism. You're just a wounded me, and because you're part of me, if I help me, I'm helping you. I want to get better, I want to laugh with my wife and wake up to see her smile, and I want to put that smile there. I want Lakyus to come for dinner and to try and fail to tell another joke, and have her laugh anyway because she's my friend. I want to hold father in an embrace and tell him I love him, that I'm proud of him and I can't do any of those things if I'm gone! I want to remember them all! The ones who fell along the way, I don't owe them my death, I owe them a world where they didn't die for nothing!"
She rocked harder and harder as the voice in her head told her she was alone.
"No! I know it feels that way... I know it does! You don't have to tell me that! But the fact that I'm here says otherwise, even if it is hard to accept! They want me to get better! Not 'get out of the way!' I'm still alive, and that means I can try, I can try as often as I have to, to help me, to help you... I know that what you're saying isn't so, and you don't get to decide how my end comes! You don't! You can't! You won't! I'm going to talk, I'm going to listen, I'm going to find my way OUT of this, because I'm Neia Baraja, damn it! And if I haven't been brought down by now by whole armies, I won't be brought down by my own damn voice in my own damn head! I'll argue with you every time! You're just my own feelings, my own thoughts, my fears... and even though you're powerful... the truth is... you're like a little wounded bird calling out for help. I'll get help for us both, and we'll see tomorrow together."
Neia forced herself to lie back down in bed, beneath the covers the voice had said to use to end her life, and closed her eyes of terror in the darkness, and finally went to sleep.
...Arwintar...Lakyus's Hotel Room...
Lakyus woke up early, the sun hadn't even crested the horizon when she pulled the rope five times, summoning five servants to her room. They arrived together, wearing their crisp outfits of black and white in the fashion established when the maids of Nazarick had been seen in all their perfection by the highest ranks of nobility. As she moved about her room giving crisp and hurried orders, she recalled an expression she once heard on a trip to that impossible place. 'Maid outfits are justice.' Just what that meant, she still did not know, but... 'they are beautiful and fit the roles quite well.' She admitted, she swiftly ordered that her bath drawn, her clothes prepared, breakfast made and delivered for her and three companions, all to go, a carriage prepared, and both Skana and CZ awakened and informed that they should be made ready as well. She was a whirlwind of activity, an unstoppable force of motion as the squad rushed to obey her completely.
The water was boiling hot, it touched her skin and a shiver of pleasure ran through the blonde legend. The faint sound of the water as it began to ripple around her was like the opening to some beautiful music. A servant of the hotel began to gently scrub her back as Lakyus leaned forward with her arms crossed over her breasts in front of her.
"Are you really Lady Lakyus?" The woman asked with disbelief.
"When I got up this morning, yes." Lakyus made the light joke, and the woman washing her tittered a bit.
"You're famous." The servant added.
"So I've heard." Lakyus remarked dryly, prompting another laugh.
The slender dark haired servant went about her routine with practiced ease, "You're a priestess, right? Are you here for the Synod?" She asked conversationally.
"I am. And before you ask, I am going to vote to recognize His Majesty as a god. I've seen up close what he can do, and what he chooses to do. He is the salvation of humanity, a river of plenty to us. I can see no other way forward." She said quietly as the woman scrubbed one arm, and then the other.
"The stories about your service to him are all over the map. Early on, people said it was just about money, but as the war went on, people said different. Can I ask... why'd you really turn yourselves over to him?" The maid asked curiously.
Lakyus stood up and let the woman work on her legs. With the maid behind her, Lakyus looked out the window where darkness still covered her world. "Because... because he gave my sister the world. Money is nothing, a medium of merit to show our time is not to be wasted, and a way to keep our equipment up. If money were our reason, we'd have joined him a long time before we did. The truth is, what it took was to see his people first, it was just a job, just a chance to protect some people and make good money in the process to keep our equipment up and all. But while we were there, in the Holy Kingdom, we got to see who they really were. More importantly, we saw the world they were making, and I got to see my sister as I'd never known her before, and I never would have if it hadn't been for him. My old gods kept her hiding from those she loved, my old gods made no room for her in the world. This one... he not only has more power, he has enough power to make room in the world for all of us. That's godlike enough as far as I'm concerned."
"I guess that makes sense, what kind of monster would put a god that doesn't need them, before a family that does?" The maid asked gently as she finished scrubbing, and Lakyus stepped out of the bath and the woman began to pad her down.
"Exactly." Lakyus said warmly as she did her hair and the elegantly dressed maid tended to her duties by retrieving the priestly dress. It was easily donned, put overhead and then the woman went behind Lakyus's back and bound the golden rope behind it, tying it with a crisp sharpness born of substantial practice.
The timing was expert grade, as a knock sounded at the door only a moment later as Lakyus slipped her shoes on. "Enter!" Lakyus said enthusiastically.
"Thank you." She said to the maid, who curtseyed and departed just as CZ and Skana entered the room, followed by a servant bearing four small boxed meals.
"It is early." CZ said near neutrally.
Lakyus grinned broadly at the enthusiasm CZ's 'almost' neutral tone had buried.
"Yes, what gives?" Skana asked as she brought her hand up to her mouth to cover a yawn that, while genuine, seemed much louder than necessary and therefore highly exaggerated. With her other arm stretched far out at her side, it was enough to make Lakyus smirk.
Lakyus raised her hand in front of her and then lifted one finger with melodramatic slowness, "Several things. First, we go see your wife and we all have breakfast together."
Skana's sleepy eyes immediately brightened and her hands came together with almost childlike enthusiasm.
"Second, we collect your wife and go together to the Synod." She raised another, and then another finger in rapid succession, "And also, today is the day of the final vote, where His Majesty's status as far as the priesthood is concerned, is settled once and for all. If they vote to add him to the pantheon, then the six become seven."
CZ's face cracked a tiny smile. "That is good." She said succinctly.
"Yes, she should be there, she's worked for so long to see this come true... nobody deserves to be there more than her." Skana said and briefly wiped her eyes at an unexpected swelling of longing.
"My thoughts exactly." Lakyus said, "Let her see it."
"Only one question?" Skana asked as she started tapping her foot.
"Yes?" Lakyus said as the servant departed silently.
"Why are we still here, we should be with her now, now, right now, why are you still standing there, let's go lets go lets go!" Skana said in an antsy, and fidgety way.
"Alright, alright! Let this be her crowning moment!" Lakyus said, and before she could even act, CZ snatched up the boxes and a few seconds later, the gate was opened and they were at the base of the steps of 'Illyana's House'. Into the doors and down the hall, they went without pause, with CZ walking so fast that her companions had to run to keep up with her. The nurses, busy as they were, recognized her immediately, and word went to Enlaith, who met them outside Neia's door.
"Can we see her?" Skana asked hopefully, a sudden anxiety striking her that... 'What if I can't, we can't? What if she doesn't want to?'
Enlaith put a finger to her own lips and said a gentle, 'Shhhh.' She then pointed to the window that gave them a view into Neia's private room, and the three women saw a most unexpected sight.
Neia was there. But she slept. Skana covered her mouth with her hands and stepped back, her eyes glistening.
"I can barely believe it..." She whispered.
Lakyus stepped away as well, and put her arms around Skana's shoulders without saying a word, but CZ looked on for what seemed a long time.
"That is good." The maid demon spoke their thoughts for them.
Enlaith nodded. "It is. When was the last time?" She asked with a grave expression on her face.
"Months, at least months. She was up before us every time, at first... I thought it was just her dedication to her duty but... no, she couldn't, so she didn't." Skana's entire body was shaking as she started to break down, and Enlaith walked swiftly down the hall, waving for the trio to follow her.
The closeness of her companions helped Skana keep hold of herself, "I haven't seen her like that... peaceful, in... I don't know how long."
"She's asked to join a group session for therapy today. To talk with others who have stories like her own." Enlaith said, and a professional tone took over, "Understand that I won't have those interrupted, not even for you three. If you want to see her while those are going on, you'll have to wait. That isn't scheduled for some hours yet, but if you want time with her, then just wait in the gardens, I'll send her to you when she wakes up." Enlaith remarked in the stern professional voice of a nurse, and her look, no less stern than her voice, told them there would be no arguing the matter.
Their mild sigh echoed off the walls, "No, it's fine, we'll wait in the garden, when she wakes up, tell her she has visitors who come bearing bacon, eggs, and biscuits." Skana said enthusiastically.
Enlaith reached up to her neck and took a bell that dangled from a string and rang it gently. An orderly appeared from around the corner like magic, and Enlaith gestured to the three of them. "Hans, take them to the garden, and... bring them a blanket to sit on, looks like they might be in for a little breakfast picnic."
The orderly was a large man, thickly muscled but with the most gentle brown eyes Skana had ever seen, they seemed to peer into their very souls, but without one ounce of judgment behind them. "This way." He said in a deep baritone, and the great behemoth lumbered back the way they'd come, snatching a blanket off a cart casually and leading them through a side door that brought them to a great wide grassy area. Trees swayed back and forth, and flowers bloomed and turned to face a sun that was impossibly warm and... impossibly out at all.
"Wait, we're indoors..." Lakyus bit her lip and felt her heart beat faster.
"We do not call him a god for nothing." CZ said with tranquil ease.
"Will I ever stop being impressed?" Lakyus asked humbly as she took in the landscape.
"Never." Skana and CZ answered together as the orderly handed Lakyus the blanket and gestured to the nearest tree.
"Please, make yourselves comfortable." Hans said gently, "I'm sure she'll be up soon."
The trio wasted no time in laying out the blanket beneath the gently swaying willow tree and CZ put the boxes in front of her companions, including one in the empty space.
Skana stared at the empty space opposite her where the box for her sleeping wife sat, and her lower lip began to suddenly, unexpectedly quiver.
"Skana?" Lakyus asked with a sudden concern.
The words rushed out as if a dam had burst, "I almost lost her, I almost lost her... oh god... how... how did it get so close... if any one of a dozen things had been different... that space... that space would really be empty, and I'd be waiting forever."
Her eyes never left the empty space, neither of her friends moved, neither of her friends spoke, instead they found themselves looking with such intensity at the empty space, that they missed the entry of the one to fill it.
At least until Neia spoke in a voice as soft as a summer breeze, "You will never lose me." Their heads snapped up to see Neia in a robe of blue, she approached the space under the tree, and the three of them rose to their feet, and went to embrace her.
She tried her best to hold them all, and though she failed, she stretched her arms to their limits, and came close. "You'll never lose me, you hear that, no matter what happens, now, tomorrow, or in a thousand years, I'll never be far, as long as I'm not forgotten." She smiled weakly as they made space for her, and gestured to the blanket.
They returned to their seats on the blanket and opened their boxes together.
They started eating together, and finally Neia asked the question they were sure she would, "How... how does the Synod go?"
"Supremely well." Lakyus said with a radiant smile spread wide over her face, "We vote today, and I am absolutely confident that His Majesty will be declared to be what you have always said he is. "That is the other reason we came here, to see you, yes, but also to collect you, to take you to bear witness to this moment. You worked so hard, for so long, you deserve more than anyone to see your work bear fruit."
Neia put a bit more bacon and egg in between her biscuit, then took a bite, chewed, swallowed, and then folded her hands in the center of her crossed legs.
She looked at them with such intensity that for a moment they were all of them reminded of the last battle of Prart, when an army fell to its knees. There was a shadow and darkness to her eyes from which two red points glowed with a sudden flaring brightness, only for it all to fade as if it hadn't been, and the shining sky blue of her eyes was restored.
"I'm not going." Neia said gently, and said nothing else as their jaws fell open.