Super Smash Bros. For Wii U and 3DS: The Glory of Custom Moves
Bowser's (And Junior's) Cruel, Smashing Story
He who stomps upon the crusader in red.
He who seeks to wreak havoc upon the land under his mighty fist.
He who…
"Ugh, Dad, I can't do this."
"Junior, just man up and finish the line."
"Fine."
He who strikes fear into the hearts of all.
The King of Koopas, the Baron of Badness, the-
"This is stupid! There's no one here to hear it!"
"Junior, you're supposed to say- Ugh." Bowser sighed, planting his dragon-like face in his scaly palm, "Nevermind."
Within the rooms of a dark castle atop a sea of lava, Bowser, the self-proclaimed King of Koopas and his son sat by a roaring fireplace, seated atop two separate lavish thrones, with velvet cushions and a scarlet carpe leading through a hall towards a set of double doors covered in spikes. The light from the fire cast large shadows, and revealed the two of them, with the younger Bowser moping on his chair.
The two had similar appearances to a turtle mixed with an ox. Bowser had big bushy orange brows and a shell covered in spikes, black gauntlets wrapped around his arms, presumably to look threatening. Both had yellow skin and scales, and were practically the same except for a few differences. His young offspring had a smaller appearance, but instead of menacing eyes, he had black pupils and a bib with a mouth full of sharp teeth drawn on it. Next to his miniature throne, a spherical vehicle with a face that resembled a clown sat by him, looking extremely inactive.
"Why do I have to do it Dad?" Bowser Jr. asked with a glare, "It's so cheesy!"
The elder baddie scoffed, crossing his arms. "It's threatening! It's meant to be a gateway into a battle."
"Can't we just beat them up and say it after or something?" He suggested.
For a moment, Bowser bit his lip, tapping his fingers on his scaly arms. "...Yeah, that makes sense I guess. But don't forget! We need to preserve the fear it strikes, got it?"
"Got it..." Bowser Jr. shook his head with a sigh.
With that said, Bowser grinned and departed from his throne, with Bowser Jr. following suit. Bowser Jr. hopped into the vehicle, which buzzed to life, suddenly taking off into the air, a happy mien forming on the front, a propellor on the bottom lifting him into the air. Despite his vehicles ecstatic expression, he was sighing behind his father's back simply in relief that he stopped egging him on about battle suggestions. It had been hours and hours of talk about "promoting" Bowser and his might. Despite all of that constant embarrassing speeches that he was roped into, Junior agreed that their awesomeness was to be celebrated. But for whatever reason, instead of just leaving a mark on the opposition, his father had decided to use more opulent ideas.
"More like lame ideas." Bowser Jr. thought, trudging along the scarlet carpet.
"Hey!" Bowser glared at his son, who hopped up in shock, giving him a bizarre look, "It'll be great! Trust me. We'll even do that 'thing' you wanted to try out on the battlefield."
At the mention of whatever ambiguous idea the two had in mind, Bowser Jr. grinned mischievously, the two beginning to chortle and laugh in a hearty, sinister manner. You know, like all villain stereotypes. Reaching the two set of doors, Bowser cocked an eyebrow.
"The spikes are just as shiny as usual." Bowser commented.
Right before he punched said spikes, launching the set of doors open. As the doors slammed into the sides of the brick walls of the castle, they came back flattened, the two walking out into the dim, warm rock that led out of the castle, a few plumes of fire launching out of the lava as they went.
Hardly turning around, Bowser announced, "Your king's leaving, don't trash the castle when we're gone!"
The command echoed throughout the castle. Smirking, the two went on their way, towards whatever battlefield was on the agenda next.
Behind a tower pillar, close towards the castle, two figures on the top of the pillar stared at the two as they left. Through a set of binoculars, a short creature in a blue robe watched, another creature, similar to a turtle with a green shell sat next to him, arms crossed, lying on a black brick.
"Well?" The turtle spoke up, "Is it clear Kamek?"
"Almost…" Kamek coughed, staring as eventually they faded into the distance, becoming specks from his point of view, "Now it is."
With that said, Kamek suddenly heard a popping noise next to him. Turning about, he adjusted his glasses, noticing a soda bottle, foaming from the top.
"Great." The Koopa grinned, raising it in a cheer, Kamek rubbing his hands eagerly.
Meanwhile as Bowser's pad was beginning to look less threatening as the party grew in the background, he and his son had already reached the waiting room, punching open the doors yet again. Though, this time, it appeared that the king's knuckles were sore. Shaking his fist to relieve the pain, he and the younger Koopa walked in, taking up a seat or two. Upon noticing him, a handful of the other contestants promptly shuffled five feet away. Rolling his eyes, Bowser simply glared at the door, waiting impatiently.
Eventually as the doors opened on the other side, Bowser hardly needed an invitation. Placing one hand on on his son's vehicle, he pulled him into the hall, grinning like a madman. His son braced himself, closing his eyes as the light enveloped the two of them.
As per the norm in this wacky universe, both of the Bowsers popped out into another stage altogether, Bowser and Bowser Jr. spitting hot fire (in a literal sense mind you) as they entered the stage, with the intent of simply looking intimidating, nevermind the fact that a wildfire threat was entirely possible. Stomping down, it was a wonder that the stage did not shatter. A large dirt platform raised out of the ground, the sides rounded out, grass sticking out from sparse dirt collections. Some giant loomed overhead in the background, a long sword of sorts sticking out from the large, immobile beast's palm.
Bowser seemed to cringe upon recognizing the place he had landed. Already, it also seemed, there were enemies to defeat straight from the start. Across from him, it appeared that there was already a pair of enemies. Or two. Or three.
"...Huh?" Bowser glanced closely at their opponents.
"Uh, Dad…" Bowser Jr. gulped, backing away.
A collection of strange humans surrounded them. They all seemed to have rather odd facial features of various description, round faces, with multiple different eye types and colors, and were armed to the teeth with swords, guns of sorts, and their fists. It was extremely unnerving to say the least, and immediately they started backing away from the six other bloodthirsty creatures.
"Alright," A booming voice emerged from the waiting room's doors, "Who's the wiseguy who used the Cruel Brawl transport?! Our cloned Mii fighters haven't been fed yet!"
Immediately, everyone stared to a pair of seats, now resting on broken hinges from where a certain turtle sat. The gloved hand with the large voice simply groaned.
In the short time that it took for them to realize that they had a grave mistake. The Miis in question were brutal, as soon as they moved an inch, they dashed towards them, delivering slices to their shells, somehow cutting their scales from the inside, punches that launched them dozens of feet into the air without breaking a sweat, and were constantly peppered with painful lasers. All in all, despite their natural protection, it did jack squat against the enemies.
"Gah!" Bowser grunted, landing face first in the dirt, attempting to pull his head out of the crater.
Junior simply smirked next to him; a saw erected itself from the clown car, waving around rapidly towards the humanoids. "I got this!"
As he dashed, wielding the circular saw, he hardly noticed the shine on one of the gunner's weapons. Approaching, he realized too late that there was something awry. Aiming its cannon, the Mii launched thousands of bullets at the younger turtle. The sheer force was enough to knock him back past his father, who had finally managed to unearth his own face. His first sight since his retrieval of himself was a fist cocked and slamming into said face, simultaneously sending him back. The two laid on the ground, dazed, getting up slowly but surely. They grit their teeth, got to their reptilian feet, and charged, claws and fire breath at the ready.
Had the writer had the patience to describe the constant agony that came with the Miis dodging flames, cannonballs, and retaliating with equally painful attack options, there would have been a text montage of brawling that would have gotten nowhere. Instead, the assault finally ended when they were on the edge of the stage, steam rising from their maws and several bruises now smack dab on their noggins.
Growling, Bowser slammed the ground with his fists in complete anger, which at this point were extremely sore, taking warm breaths in and out. He glanced at his son, who was just about as roughed up as he was. But, same as his stubborn father, he was not done yet.
"Junior. Now it's time to try that 'thing'." The King of the Koopas said, shakily rising from his dirty perch.
Nodding just as unsteadily, the young Koopaling crawled back into his own vehicle, searching through the seat, as Bowser prepared for any potential onslaught by the horrifyingly powerful humanoids with oddly placed facial expressions. Still, they were certainly a threat to be reckoned with, throughout that battle, they showed no signs of stopping, advancing closer with intent to kill.
Suddenly, Bowser Jr. popped back out of the vehicle, carrying some sort of controller in his hand, a large screen smack dab in the middle of it, with multiple buttons on the front. Now possessing the odd controller, he retrieved a pen of sorts from the back, and stared at the screen. The dark screen in question illuminated itself, revealing a bird's eye view of the exact stage they were sitting on. Opponents slowly edging closer, Bowser Jr. began tapping rapidly, sweating as they closed in.
Strangely, all of a sudden, a standard Koopa in a red shell popped into existence right in front of him. Followed by another one. And another one. Soon, their side of the stage was completely filled with the turtle troopers, Koopa Troopers crowding the stage, providing a wall of force. A few of them glanced around in fear and bewilderment, a few had beverages in their hand, but every single one of them was creeped out and just about ready to leave.
Bowser raised a fist in triumph. "Perfect! That device we stole works! Now we can send as many soldiers as we want!"
"Uh… What happened to the party?" One of them asked aloud, "Where the shell are we?"
His answer was a swift kick, which launched him off the edge, an explosion of light bursting out from the pit he fell in. His subsequent demise alerted the others to the presences of the Miis, one by one, all were getting booted off the stage in painful fashions.
"Hey! Don't just stand there! Attack!" Bowser commanded with a yell, "Junior, keep getting more of them!"
Rolling his eyes, Bowser Jr. started tapping the screen rapidly. The Miis started assaulting the minions with just as much ferocity, punching, kicking, shooting, blasting, slicing and dicing, thinning the wall of baddies down almost as quickly as it was conceived. It began a race of sorts; as he summoned mushroom creatures, turtles, spiked abominations in which to battle the humanoid creations with, they fought back with just the same speed, with the many grunts and screams of pain and agony from the enemies being major telltale signs that things were getting intense. So intense in fact, that no one realized that the added weight of multiple enemies, alive or unconscious, was shattering the platform foundation. Up until the point where it was increasingly loud.
At first, everyone thought it might have something to do with pain, and continued their full on war. Then they realized that the ground was shaking, and everyone stopped immediately, staring down at the floor. A fissure, titanic in size, had grown in the ground. For a moment, their was peace. No one was getting beaten, neither were they shouting or yelling. It was completely silent.
Then the platform snapped in two, the world seeming to screech as soon as it did.
"Ow." Bowser Jr. groaned as he rubbed the miniature bandage placed on his head.
Bowser himself sighed, patting his son on the back. "Eh, that could've gone better."
"That's just great." Bowser Jr. frowned, glancing at the oddly familiar controller, which now had a crack splitting the screen in two, "We didn't even get to win with this stupid, broken thing."
"Hey, at least you're not like the other, broken things." The king grimaced, glancing to the side.
A hall full of hospital beds housed hundreds of thousands of Bowser's minions, who boredly sat with injuries untold. One of Bowser's own spikes on his back was dented for some reason. Regardless, it seemed as though no one would be returning to Smash anytime soon.
The moral of the story?
Never play Cruel Brawl on another stage except Battlefield.
Or cheat, I suppose.
AN: Mario Maker powers in Smash would be completely broken. Just like the many bones of the henchmen in this chapter. I thought it made sense for Bowser or one of his children... Or Koopaling acquaintances... I dunno, one of them to use a Mario Maker Gamepad. Smash would be broken if that were the case, though, so let's be glad that had not happened.
Moving on, let's take a look at a review. Thanks XShinkuKikinX for reviewing! Honestly, not entirely sure exactly what Kirby's gender is, nor would I like to get into that unless going on a tangent sounds good. But thanks for reviewing regardless, I'm sure it'll be made crystal clear somehow somewhere.
Thanks for reading, this is ThePizzaLovingTurtle, time to stop procrastinating.