The title is the name of the song from the Script.
Summary: Barry wasn't dealing with his emotions really well. He was stressed and extremely emotionally drained. Captain Singh assigns both him and Joe to work some homicide cases. The only thing is, they are all from the same person and they are killed in the exact same room and at the same time as Barry's mother was killed. Whilst more details about Barry's mother's case turn up, Joe tries his hardest to keep his son from seeing the dark side.
DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE CW'S THE FLASH TV SHOW OR OWN THE SONG MENTIONED :)
All his life he's been told
He'll be nothing when he's old
All the kicks and all the blows
He won't ever let it show
7:23 am, the clock read. It had been 23 minutes since Singh had assigned him and Joe the "impossible" homicide case. It had been 23 minutes, 24 now, since he walked through the precinct doors with a smile on his face.
He was sat at his desk, staring longingly at it, he had heard the entire backstory behind the 'Woman Killer', before his mom died, she used to explain how the serial killer wouldn't take her away from him after bullies had used that in a way to get to young kid. Now though, after reading the case file through for the one millionth time, maybe just maybe he was behind the death of his murder; not the man in yellow.
Taking a deep breath, he ignored the way his head hurt and the way his heart ached at the images, he tried to ignore the constant flashbacks to the night his mom died, he was a CSI and he was going to finish the case.
Sighing, he closed his eyes, rubbing his temples furiously. It had been 32 minutes since he had been assigned the case and so far he had hit multiple brick walls. Each theory he had was shut down within seconds of appearing, how on earth was he going to ever finish this case?
No matter how many tests he ran, the piece of DNA he had received didn't even have a match. It was supposedly from the murderer himself but quite frankly, no matter how many times he ran tests on it, there wasn't a single thing that would give away whoever the 'Women Killer' was.
Barry had thought of phoning either Caitlin, or Professor Wells, or even Cisco at this point but he couldn't bring himself to pick up his phone.
The grumbling of his stomach brought him out of his thoughts but he pushed through it. He had to solve this case, so the family could grieve peacefully.
9:21 am, the clock read. It had been just under 2 hours since he was assigned the case. It had been two hours since he last smiled and ate. He was supposed to be taking a "break" but had been so caught up in the backlog of the case. He had to write a forensic report for each test he did, Singh had requested him to do that.
Joe had been in and out of the lab frequently, either bringing him more cases from the murderer or the odd warm beverage. He knew his son hadn't eaten and risked going hypoglycemic but he knew how determined his son was about solving this case.
He had tried to maintain a conversation with the stressed CSI but was only answered with grunts or sighs, it was heart breaking for the detective to see him so affected by the cases but he couldn't do anything about it. There were families who wanted justice for their family members and if they knew the best CSI in Central City had lost his motivation to continue with the case, God knows what would happen.
That's why when he started seeing the signs, he pounced into father mode without a second thought.
Joe caught on to Barry's PTSD quite quickly. Especially after they both had to head to a crime scene to examine the victim and learn more about the killer's traits. The way they kill can be shown to show who they are as a person. If they were known for being unorganized, then the place would be in a complete mess, DNA lying everywhere. If they were strategic, then every single movement was meticulously done and mistakes were really noticeable.
The duo arrived at the victim's house 8 minutes after they had been informed. Throughout the entire journey, Joe could feel Barry's anxiety creep up. He knew when his son was distressed and didn't want anyone, especially Joe, to worry about it.
Joe noted Barry's actions. The way he would start to tense and take a deep breath after his face paling from a memory. The way he would shudder and look away from the tired, gloomy eyes of the officers and other CSIs around him.
The moment they walked through the door, however, is when he could finally tell his boy to breathe and relax.
Barry had walked through the door with his mind all jumbled. A mantra of 'this isn't right' filled his brain as he took one look at the corpse and froze. He saw a little boy, no older then 12, holding his mother's limp head to his chest, rocking himself backwards and forwards slowly.
The mother was extremely pale, even more so then a ghost, she had auburn hair and had been stabbed right in the heart.. Just like Barry's mother had.
He felt all the colour drain from his face but he kept himself composed, he had to suck it all up. He tried his hardest to forget that night but he just couldn't. Everything was bringing it back up and it made him feel ill.
The fucking time was the same from when his mom died. Every single little detail was the same from when his mom died and he had never felt so out of place and small in a house before, let alone his next door neighbour's. He needed out. He needed to get out right now. He needed the fresh air and a bin.
Barry walked through the rest of the house to the backdoor, he was allowed anywhere except the living room until they managed to coax the kid away from his mom. He slipped out into the garden where there was no-one else and made a break for the bin, gagging once his head was hanging above it. He continued to heave until he felt someone's hand on his lower back, rubbing it slowly. He didn't even have to look up to know it was Joe.
Joe spoke with such a calming voice, it was soft but strict and it helped him gain control of himself before he spiralled even more. When Joe asked why he was out here he claimed to have eaten something that hadn't agreed with him but he knew Joe thought around that. He knew Barry hadn't eaten for the entire day.
'Bear', Joe said, rubbing his son's back, 'what's going on?'
Whether it was the burning in his throat or the lump made, he found himself unable to speak, he could open his mouth but nothing came out other then his vomit sometimes. It still took the shaken CSI a couple of minutes to calm down, the image of his mother's lifeless corpse becoming embedded into his mind once more.
He took a deep breath and wiped his mouth, closing his eyes as Joe placed one of his cold hands against his forehead. He sighed in relief once he felt himself become less nauseous by the second.
'Barr' Joe said, bringing his son into his arms, 'I'm getting Singh to take you off of these cases'
Barry immediately bounced back. Why would he do that? It's not his fault that it's like his mother's crime scene all over again. He shouldn't be taken off of this case for any reason, heck, he even agreed with Singh that no matter how hard it gets he is going to continue!
He tried reasoning with Joe as best as he could but there was no changing the Detective's mind, he was getting Barry off of this case if it's the last thing he does.
It had been 4 hours since he had been given the "impossible" homicide case, make that cases now that more people have wound up dead by the 'Women Killer'
The board the CSI had made of his mother's murder was on show in his lab. If the murders were connected then he could get more evidence and free his father.
The lab was quiet, Joe had stopped entering after his talk with Singh once himself and Barry had returned to the precinct. He didn't know what had gotten said but apparently Barry hadn't been told to stop with the case.
He sat at his desk, staring at the photo of his old next door neighbour. Her son was getting thrown into the foster system similar to what had happened to himself but he had Joe to take him in. This kid had no-one.
The rumbling in Barry's stomach had become something he tuned out, he had been feeling lightheaded for quite awhile but ignored it and pushed through the case, he had to get justice for the families.
Joe had gone to STAR Labs after his talk with Singh. He needed to cool down. Singh refused to take Barry off of the case even after he begged for it to happen.
He hadn't said a word to any of Team Flash when he walked in. Instead, he focused on how long it had been since Barry had last smiled.
3 hours and 52 minutes
That's how long it had been since his son had seen the best in the world.
The Team questioned Barry's whereabouts but Joe didn't hear them, he didn't want to listen to them as he texted his son, begging him to at least grab some food with him.
It had been over 12 hours since he had last eaten and Joe didn't like that.
Once all of the tests were done, Barry allowed himself a 5 minute break. He was ignoring all of Joe's calls and texts and focused solely on work.
Barry had spoken to everyone he could've, pushing his own personal feelings aside, as the witnesses explained what they saw, a flash of lightning, something red and a man in a yellow suit.
He had seen those exact same things on the night of his mother's murder and he claimed to be crazy and protecting his father. But now that other people had seen the same thing, they weren't getting called crazy?
'Allen, we got another case for you' Singh said, bringing in a new file and plonking it down onto the stack of files from the same murderer.
Joe had refused to leave STAR Labs until he got a text back from his son.
It had been 6 hours since he sent Barry a text and had heard nothing from him. Was he worried? Yes, of course he was.
Iris had tried getting in touch with Barry but with no luck. He was probably still angry after their fight, she thought.
Joe desperately wanted to know what was going on in his son's head. He had seen him freeze up and vomit earlier, he wanted to know what was going on in his head.
The moment he knew what was going on in his son's head, is when he would finally relax. Well, relax as much as he could with his adopted son being the Scarlet Speedster and everything.
Joe sighed as the time flew by and it rolled around to be the 7th hour with no response from Barry. He knew he should've been working on the case but even Singh had ordered him to take some time, yet he pushed for Barry to continue. Granted, Bartholomew Henry Allen was the best CSI in the entire CCPD Precinct history and he was the leading CSI on almost every case. But he had also been through traumatic times with his mother's murder and that was linked with the 'Women Killer' so why wasn't he allowed time away?
It didn't make any sense. Nor did the text he received from his son moments later;
case linked. head over place. help.
He only understood the 'help' plea and that was enough to make the old man jump up out of his seat by Cisco's computer and run out of the complex. His son needed him and he was going to be there for him.
When you've been fighting for it all your life
You've been struggling how to make things right
That's how a superhero learns to fly
Every day, every hour, turn the pain into power
7:23 pm, the clock read. 12 hours since he felt himself spiral. He knew the case would make him go mentally insane, hearing the tales of the other officers who had tackled the case who had gone to suicide. This case was going to bring every little traumatic scar and rip them wide open. And when it did; it was too late for Barry to back out of the case.
Joe had warned him. Warned him to back down but him being stubborn didn't and now, he regrets it.
He's tried holding himself together for the longest time. When he looked at that little boy holding his mother's lifeless body and when he analysed every single piece of DNA given to him.
His rumbling stomach had been annoying him for the past hour. He had at first, ignored it, but then as the night drew to a close, he couldn't hold out any longer.
Barry stared at his mother's case board for the second time that night. Everything linked up with the cases now, even the kids claiming to have seen the 'man in yellow' and yet, they were believed and he wasn't. It wasn't fair. Life wasn't fair. Everything wasn't fair.
His head spun, his thoughts going faster then he could register them. His heartrate had increased and oh god he couldn't breathe. His chest was heaving for breath, gasping to try and bring some oxygen into his system.
Flashbacks overrided his system. The image from earlier with the boy, merging to become himself and his mom. His vision had started darkening around the edges, he felt more and more unaware of everything around him. The last thing he was aware of was the text he sent to Joe.
He needed his foster father. And god did he need him now.
CCPD was quiet at this time of night, luckily for Joe. He snuck in and rushed upstairs into his son's lab.
He could hear someone panting, at first he thought it was himself but then he realised, it was his son.
He ran in, hand on his gun in case and ran into an empty lab. Well, minus the figure rocking himself forwards and backwards and mumbling some incoherent phrases. He seemed terrified.
That same figure just so happened to be his son..
Joe walked towards his son, crouching down beside him. It was clear that his son wasn't entirely there, he hadn't even noticed his presence. He pressed a hand onto Barry's back, rubbing small circles into the fabric of his shirt as he noticed how his son was deathly pale and how he was struggling to breathe. He needed Barry to calm down before his son passed out, especially since he might have to take him to STAR Labs.
He positioned himself in front of Barry, both of his hands placed delicately on his son's trembling shoulders. Joe's heart broke at the whimper, the whimper he had made out of the tightening on the little ball he had confined himself.
It all happened so fast. One moment, Barry was rocking himself to try and calm himself down and the next, he was slumped in Joe's embrace, his entire body going limp but his eyes remained open, unfocused and blearily staring ahead.
Joe tried getting his attention but nothing worked. His son was lifeless in his arms. Instinct, was what helped him make the call to STAR Labs. His fatherly instincts, are what made him overly protective.
Team Flash arrived 5 minutes after the call.
Joe sat by his son's side in the van. He was the only thing holding him up, he would've crumpled to the floor by now if it weren't for his foster father.
They all knew he was stressed from the case, but Caitlin dubbed it as breaking him. He was in a state of shock, from malnutrition and from the emotional trauma he buried deep inside.
The shock blanket was rubbing against the bare skin on Barry's arms, keeping the young man warm; protected.
With Caitlin monitoring his vitals, Joe allowed himself to shut his eyes and drift away from this world, from this cruel reality and away from his son's pain. Away from it all.
The cortex was silent when Barry became slightly responsive again. The IV in his arm had brought his vitals back to a normal reading but his mind still wasn't aware of it all. He would flinch, but had no recognition of who was there or where he was.
Joe hadn't left his side since they brought him in. He wanted to be there for his son, he was the only one who knew about it all. The only one who went to help him.
As the night went on, the bags underneath Barry's eyes only grew. He still hadn't said a word, still hadn't been with them but he was slowly getting there. Slowly but surely.
The only thing that screamed 'shock' now was the way his eyes hadn't set on a single place. How everything was moving at a faster rate then what he was use to.
Barry had been set on his side when they first put him on the medbay bed, Caitlin claiming if he saw Joe then his heartrate wouldn't skyrocket.
4:54 am, the clock read. He had lost count on how many hours it had been since they were given the homicide case.
Joe had tried everything possible to keep his son from spiralling but it didn't work. Barry had freaked out, he had broken his own mind and now, he was just an empty shell of a person. At least he was given the all clear to go home, that's a good thing.
The drive home was silent. Joe didn't even want to put the radio on incase it started something. He'd have to call Singh later and explain how Barry wouldn't be able to work due to the secrets being uncovered about his mother's murder. He wished he said no. Why didn't he say no?
All the hurt, all the lies
All the tears that they cry
When the moment is just right
You see fire in their eyes
Joe remembered when all he had to deal with was an 11 year old boy who had witnessed his mother's murder. He remembered having to talk Barry down from many nightmares and panic attacks but nothing compared to what he had seen today.
All the way through his teenage years, he had kept the brightest smile on his face, it was the most genuine smile he had ever seen from a kid his age. It warmed his heart when Barry would return home from a day at school with a big smile on his face, even if he had been tourmented the entire day.
Right now, he missed that smile. That same smile that could light up a room within seconds.
Joe had contemplated calling Iris for the longest time. She was the only one who could get through to him, he was sure of it. But, they had been fighting a lot recently, and he didn't want Barry to go further into his little hole then he already was in. Joe's goal was to help him swim above the waves; not for him to drown underneath them.
5:21 am, Barry had finally become responsive once again. Of course, he was confused on how he was in the home he grew up in from the age of 11 onwards but Joe just hugged him. He just hugged his son after a long day.
Barry questioned it all, why he was there, how Joe knew he needed him, and how long it had been. Joe didn't answer any of them, however, he just hugged his son and forced him to eat one of his power bars. Barry would get the answers he wanted later, he just wanted to see his son eat and relax. That's all that mattered.
'What happened?' Joe questioned Barry, letting the younger man rest his head upon his shoulder, he seemed drained of all of his reserves at this point.
Barry told him. Told him how it all linked, how everything was unfair and how he couldn't do it anymore. It was just too much for him. By the end, Barry was in tears again but this time, Joe wouldn't let him go to that dark place again, instead, he held his son as he broke down once again, held him as he let all of his emotions out until he was just a sniffing mess.
Joe pressed a kiss to his son's forehead, resting his chin upon his head. At least Barry was safe, he knew his son was okay and that's all that mattered. Healing, from both the PTSD side and the emotional side could be done at a later date; healing from tonight had already begun.
A man in a yellow suit stood upon a rooftop, he had heard the little conversation between Joe and Barry. He had heard it all.
It was his lifelong dream to finally break the Scarlet Speedster, and he was going to achieve it.
He had waited over 15 years for this moment; he wasn't about to screw it up.
When you've been fighting for it all your life
You've been struggling to make things right
That's how a superhero learns to fly
I hope you enjoyed this little one shot, I know it isn't exactly the best but hey, at least it's something I guess. I might actually create a new book to add into my little (Flash/Glee) crossover books so maybe wait for that I don't know exactly. That probably made no sense but hey, I don't care :)