Super Smash Bros. For Wii U and 3DS: The Glory of Custom Moves
Donkey Kong's Barrel Blast Banana Bonanza
Bananas. Bananas. Bananas. Oh wait, ugh, dirt, blech...Bananas.
That was what went through Donkey Kong's train of thought as he swam in glee, chuckling in a way only a brown, muscular ape would laugh, eventually bursting into a guffaw as he practically chugged down fruits left and right. His banana hoard, stored deep underground his house, held hundreds upon hundreds of the yellow, ripe fruits. It was heaven for the gorilla, and as the red tie with his initials embroidered on them in yellow, similar to the snack of his he continually chomped through his hidden valley of tropical snacks.
He was hardly even that mad that Samus pulverized him with a body check that would put a hyper-nova to the test. It was not exactly the most pleasant feeling in the world, but being a simple gorilla with simple goals, not too concerned about strategy and whatnot, it was but a scratch on his very small list of worries, which was already minuscule. He could not ask for more or less, just bananas all day, everyday.
But then again, being one of the twelve veterans of Smash, he did have some responsibilities. Technically, they were just to go protect his hoard of bananas or go beat people up, but they were responsibilities nonetheless. Brutish responsibilities, but again, someone needed to do them. What a joy, being able to just smash people in the face!
Well, at least, that was how it was for quite a while. Donkey Kong slowly stopped his rampage on the banana hoard, his freestyle strokes through the sea of yellow slowly turning into small paddles. Eventually, the Kong just laid on the pile of bananas, frowning up at the tree roots poking through the dirt ceiling of the cave he hid his hoard in.
It had been quite a while. While the woman in the Power Suit had gone off and "sort of" celebrated her anniversary off on another planet, Donkey Kong could not help but remember his older days. Sure, he enjoyed romping through the wilderness, pummeling regular old wildlife that dared crossing his path, or any of his fellow ape or monkey companions in search of the potassium-filled fruits. At least, he did so unconsciously, most of the time he just hooted with glee as he pelted animals with barrels. But the charm of barrel flinging was only so great. He missed the old days, a time where easygoing animals were not his main target.
Once upon a time, he was a rather hefty, angry gorilla. No, perhaps was it his grandfather? He could not remember, for he was just a simple ape. Regardless of who it was specifically was, the gorilla was rather furious at the time. Angry enough, in fact, that Donkey Kong took the time to kidnap a damsel by the name of Pauline one fine day. A woman, who, happened to be a rather close acquaintance of his would be nemesis, Mario. The very same Mario that was practically decimated by his brother and green and a puffball a few chapters earlier, in fact. The Donkey Kong of years past would fling barrel after barrel at the plumber, who would either jump and dodge or stay and let himself get run over as he ascended the tower. After quite a while, the charade grew dated, and so did the Donkey Kong who had once flung wooden containers down several flights of construction.
Those were the days. At least it was for the older gorilla, who had aged dramatically. The Donkey Kong of the present, on the other hand, was more well known for traversing jungles and occasionally picking up a stray barrel in his quest. As he laid down in the banana pile, he thought about these barrels. It was bizarre having them in the middle of a natural jungle, but they were certainly a help in dispatching any enemies while also snatching floating bananas. Bananas. Barrels.
An epiphany struck the ape like a lightning bolt. Jolting up from his throne of yellow, he gripped a single banana, peeled the luminescent yellow skin off, and popped the soft, pale fruit into his maw, chewing it thoughtfully. After finishing his snack, a light bulb burst over the brown ape's head. With a yelp of excitement, the ape scrambled off of the hoard of fruits, making his way out of the cave and into the sunlight.
The light was almost blinding as he left the small cavern underneath a tree. Blinking repeatedly, the Kong swiftly brushed past dirt and leaves. As soon as his eyes adjusted, he was greeted to a beaten dirt path surrounded by tropical flora and fauna, palm trees and other various large plants clustering around the path. He rolled along, past other creatures that dwelled in the jungle who leaped off the path, narrowly avoiding the Kong by diving into the bushes.
Sliding to a stop down on the path off in the distance, Donkey Kong sniffed, ceasing his roll. Breathing out of his nostrils, a pair of dirt corks flying out. Observing the path ahead of him, he snorted in glee, finding the round, easily destructible wooden projectile lying on the path ahead of him. Slowly making his way over towards the container, he picked it up and hoisted it over his head, flashing a grin. With this, he would truly relive the past of his ancestor before him and hopefully bruise the competition.
Donkey Kong was cowering under a barrel barricade, yelping in alarm each time a barrel sailed over his head.
Sitting behind his barrier on a segment of jungle rising from the ground, serving as a battle platform, his situation could be similarly referred to as a snowball fight, but with barrels. The jungle platform rising above a shroud of coconut adorned trees and ancient ruins that he and his opponent stood on, for whatever bizarre Super Smash Bros. reason continually generated random brown barrels. From the start of the match, since Donkey Kong had brought his own barrel, there have been plenty of items, both barrel and non-barrel that popped into existence. Whenever a barrel was tossed and broken, occasionally a random destructive item would pop out.
So, needless to say, the brown ape was beginning to regret his decision. Covering his head with his hands as if it were a helmet, he slowly peeked over the wall of wooden objects he had made, eyes peering out into the jungle curiously. Yet again, he ducked, watching as another barrel came extremely close to smacking his head off.
"Wahaha!" A mocking response erupted from the other end.
Frowning, the gorilla grumbled in his own ape language, watching as several more objects took flight above him, traveling in an inaccurate arc. On the other side of the large platform the two "fought" on was a short, chubby man garbed in yellow.
Said chubby man glared up at the sky and yelled, "Hey!"
The man wore a yellow cap with a large "W" plastered on the front and shirt under his light-violet overalls. A spiny, "w" shaped mustache elongated from the bottom of his large pink nose, shifty eyes glancing towards the barricade of barrels. Beefy arms held the would be projectile aloft, and immediately flung it towards the barricade. This man was none other than the nefarious Wario.
"I'm-a gonna win!" He yelled with another set of cackling as the barrel smashed into its brethren.
Ducking his head under his hands, planting his face on the ground, Donkey Kong grunted as several barrels rolled over him. Groaning, the ape shook his head, then shook its fist in the direction of the wicked smirk Wario cast. His pleased demeanor indicated that he was in no way ready to cease his barrage of barrel throwing. That irritated the ape. That was his job! But before he could leap into an uncontrollable ape rage and bash the little man's nose in, something dropped from the sky which may have solved his problems.
Landing directly in front of Donkey Kong from seemingly out of nowhere was a barrel. But unlike all the other generic barrels that shattered on the ground somewhere, this barrel in particular had the initials, "DK" stamped in red and yellow on the front. Just barely, the cylindrical brown storage unit shook, enough to cause a grin to spread across Donkey Kong's face. Rubbing his ape hands together eagerly, he got to his feet and barreled towards the barrel.
Man, I waited a whole week to use that line.
Rolling his eyes towards the clouds as he spun towards the wooden barrel in the shape of a sphere. Furrowing his brow, Wario reached behind him, picking up yet another brown barrel, raising it over his head. With one fell swoop of his hands, Donkey Kong gripped the barrel and raised it over his own noggin as well. Soon, the two were glaring at one another face to face. Like a sheriff and a bandit with a grudge in a spaghetti western, the two stood unmoving, their weapons of choice ready and loaded, with a mystery item inside.
As a lone tropical parrot flew above them in the background, squawking, the two launched their attacks. The barrels were launched simultaneously the moment the sound blared out of the avian's beak in the background. The smashed together, splintered wood and rings of iron spinning everywhere. They immediately made a case as to shield their eyes from the potential missiles of wood. As the dust settled around the debris, the two of them removing their arms from their eyes.
Pupils growing wide, the two of them stood still for a solid minute. At the ground where the barrels were smashed, there now laid two previously concealed objects. Well, if you can count a chimpanzee an object. A small chimp wearing a red hat with the logo, "Nintendo" emblazoned on the front glanced around in confusion. His long brown tail wriggled to and fro slowly. In front of him laid a glass trophy case, with some form of humanoid stuck inside. Donkey Kong grinned yet again. Now was the time to-
"Ha!" Wario shouted, sliding in to take the trophy case, kicking away the chimp as a fortunate side-effect.
The monkey yelped as it was launched away, much to Donkey Kong's distress. Glancing back, he noticed Wario raising the trophy case into the air. As soon as his hand shot up into the air, it shattered and disintegrated immediately, a light flashing upon the destruction of the case. Now standing tall above him, a man in a violet, similar uniform-
Unfortunately, his description would have to wait, as Donkey Kong had punched him in the abdomen hard enough that the thin man flew off into the distance with a "WAAAAAAAAAHHH!"
With one glare shared between each of the two, it was clear that neither of their partners seemed fit for winning their battles. As they looked at one another, the both of the fighters hatched a devious strategy. Each taking one step forward, they threw a punch.
"Oogh." Wario grunted, smacking his fist against the much larger, heftier ape fist, the pain slowly and slowly travelling up his arm until- "WAH-"
Donkey Kong attacked yet again with a headbutt, slamming Wario into the soft earth. A dizzy, stubby yellow man laid disoriented in the hole, his eyes slowly rolling around in a daze. With one last smirk directed towards his opponent as he spun his fist around, winding up for a punch. As Wario shook his head, blinking to rid himself of his dizziness, he managed to clear the blurriness out of his eyes and focus on the image directly in front of him.
Tilting his cap, he stared directly at an ape fist. "...Aww-"
He was sent hurdling into the stratosphere, not unlike many of the barrels he had tossed before. Except unlike the barrels, he stayed in one piece, a large red mark remaining where he had been bashed. Spinning off towards the stars, he disappeared in a blink of an eye and a flash of light.
Victorious, despite the painstaking process of dodging (and getting hit by) multiple barrels, Donkey Kong beat on his chest, shouting his victory to the sky. He was soon answered with an irritated screech. Despite the rhetorical nature of his hooting and hollering, Donkey Kong spun around, confusion clear on his face. What then replaced the look of confusion was a legume. A peanut, launched with quite the high velocity in his direction, caught him off guard. As the shell shattered in his face, he wiped off the remnants, glaring in the original direction of the shot.
Without warning, he was met with a brown and red fury, which smacked and beat him until he found himself on the edge of the stage, bordering a cliff which would, simply, ring him out in a rather explosive way. Finding himself struggling to keep balance, he stared at the aggressor, his eyes expanding in an instant as he was struck with another blow.
The monkey from earlier was not too happy. As he kicked Donkey Kong off the cliff, the ape falling to the ground and subsequently to his doom, he briefly remarked in his own, primitive language something about keeping barrels away from chubby men.
After the pillar of light erupted where he fell, the ape found himself, his opponent, and the victor sitting in a set of ruins. Donkey Kong and Wario groaned and scoffed at the monkey in the little red hat, who clapped for himself.
"The winner is Diddy Kong!" The announcer's voice reverberated throughout the ruins.
Perhaps a few less barrels next time. Or none at all, that would do, Donkey Kong thought.
AN: Apologies for the delay, work is a bit taxing.
Thanks red fiend for reviewing. I'm glad I could write a Metroid based chapter, even if it was late to the anniversary.
Thanks for reading, this is ThePizzaLovingTurtle, see you.