Hello!
This is my first try in a new fandom! I hope you'll enjoy it.
This two-shots is written as a part of the Collectif NoName February challenge. The Collectif NoName is a French writing group that you can mostly find on ffnet.
I used my own theme for the first oneshot: "And I hope that we meet in another life". This sentence comes from Another Life by Motionless in White.
As a part of the challenge, I have to answer this question: do you think reincarnation exists? and to that I will say: I don't know, I don't think so; but I'd be happy to be proven wrong.
English is not my first language and this work is unbetaed; please, feel free to tell me if I've made mistakes and I'll correct them!
Everything that happens after seems to pass by in a blur, as if Rey is only a passenger of her body.
She gets out of Exegol, flies to the Resistance's ships waiting for her, tightens her arms around Poe and Finn and Rose and pretty much every member coming to congratulate her for her victory.
They're alive, they have survived, she has ridden the world of its greatest plague. The Siths are no more.
And yet she can't bring herself to care.
Something inside of her doesn't feel right. Something is actually broken, and she can feel the empty pulses somewhere under her ribs, somewhere that used to beat in tandem.
But there's so much to do, to rebuild, so many species to help, and she doesn't have the time to analyse any of it. Refuses to.
Soon, she finds herself in the desertic immensity that is Tatooine, and it reminds her too much of the nowhere she comes from. But she comes here to set a final point to the horror shredding galaxies and decimating species, to finally bring balance to the Force, to give a final farewell to the Jedi order.
When she wraps both sabers up, her throat is clogged up and painful, but it's not because of the sand burning the air and every part of her. She tries to find peace in the deepest parts of her soul, relief, as she kneels outside of her Master's first home and wills the sand to accept and protect them until the end of time.
Stopping in the middle of the ramp as she goes back inside her ship, as if on second thought, as if she feels a call, she turns one last time.
The heatwaves blur the white walls, stark against the vivid oranges and reds of the desert. She brings a hand on her brows, taking her surroundings in one last time. The blaring suns are blinding her, reminding her of a childhood of nothingness. And there's nothing for her in here either. No matter how the waves floating above ground cast a form that shatters her heart in the process.
So she climbs up, closes the ramp and takes off, eyes purposefully set to the skies.
Sometimes, when sleep finally rids her of the necessity to appear joyous, when her brain finally lets its barriers loose, she can feel the brush of lips against her own, the crease of a cheek stretching under her palm, a hand caressing her ribs. She almost hears him calling her name-
Rey ends up jostling awake every night afterward, fighting sleep as hard as she fights enemies. This has become her nemesis. This inflicts pain much stronger than any cut or burn ever did.
She doesn't even notice the tracks drying her cheeks anymore, when they feel carved in her skin, salt burning her lips.
She can only hope now, but she can't find the strength to do so. Hope that he's not-
That he's not completely gone. He gave her his lifeforce as he did everything else: he gave himself fully to it, without hesitation, without a doubt. He brought her back the same way she brought Ben back instead of Kylo Ren, with a selflessness she only saw him possess towards her. But the emptiness she still feels where their bond used to warm her even if she had spent so long refusing to acknowledge it breaks her heart more than she would have thought. Now that she lets those thoughts surround her, she realises how much she misses it, misses him. It feels like it's a part of her own soul that went missing with him.
When the pain becomes too much but she can't stop from calling it to her, she screws her eyes shut and tries to bring the memory of his face back in the forefront of her mind, his small, reassuring smile comes back to her. And when her heart bottoms out, she tries to reach for him in the void beyond, where the Jedis rest, calling his name again and again. She hopes with all her heart that he's here, somewhere. She hopes with everything she has that she'll meet him again, in this life, in another, it doesn't matter.
Ben.
She keeps hearing him calling her name at night, in the desert landscape of Tattooine, and she knows her friends have noticed that she can't keep a straight face anymore. Seeing their concerned gazes unsettles her, because she knows none of them would understand why she mourns their enemy.
More and more, she looks at the Falcon and wonders if she should just take it and fly away, but every time, when she turns, Finn is watching her, his face closed off. So she turns around and goes back to work rebuilding the Resistance. Everybody has lost someone in this war and tries to move on, so why wouldn't she? his gaze seems to say.
But one night she can't take it anymore and just snaps, grabs her bag and staff and flies to the planet where she buried the lightsabers. She needs to be sure, she needs to know if she's going crazy or if- If he's here, somewhere, calling her. She doesn't look back.
She lands close to the ruin that is Luke's home and silently walks to the place she buried the sabers, her heart beating in a frenzy. Her head pounds, Ben's voice filling it with her name, calling her, pleading her to get closer. She tries not to hope too much, in case his voice is only a memory triggered by her brain, but she can't stop her heart clenching in earnest. He might be here, he might-
She feels the Force getting stronger the moment she steps over where the sabers lie. Feels the brush of Jedi ghosts surrounding her, their voices resonating in her head. She's not alone, she has never been with them, even if they kept silent for so long. But someone still misses in her life, more than her parents ever did, and it's the only place he could be. She has to try, she has to reach for him.
She calls his name again and again, and it feels like the wind picks up, playing with the strands escaping from her buns and twirling the sand around her. Her body trembles, crushed by anticipation and worry. She has to succeed, has to find him, get him back-
But nothing happens, and her heart has the time to break before rational thoughts gets her to stand straighter.
She closes her eyes, takes a deep breath, another, lets peace settle her pulse. This is something she knows, something she has done already.
Opening her eyes, mind calm, appeased, she focuses on his voice until it gets clearer, more than a whisper. Her gaze is fixed on the horizon, but she doesn't see it. She lets her memories of him unfurl until he appears in front of her, translucent, the shape of his body trembling with the wind and heat. But it's here, the small smile that sets his eyes alight, enough to make her reach for him. Her fingers hesitate as they get closer to him, and she doesn't dare cross the small distance that separates them, reminiscent to all those times they almost brushed, but also afraid to get through his image. She can't stop the hopeful, tentative smile that tugs at her lips, though, the same one she wore when he brought her back, when she was in his arms. And he lifts his arm, mirroring her, hand so close to hers.
Rey doesn't move, doesn't dare to. She breathes in, holds, breathes out. Calls his name as much as he calls hers. It may be the end of all her hopes of finding him, of feeling him again. It may be the end of her, if none of this is real.
Tears start to roll down her cheeks, of happiness or sadness she can't decide. Maybe it's something else entirely.
Their fingertips are almost brushing, and she feels like she could burst, her heart hammering inside her ribcage. He doesn't move, eyes her curiously. She wonders if he feels the same way, if he feels at all.
Do it, calls the wind before all the voices she learnt to listen to stop, leaving them alone in the desert of Tatooine.
Do it.
Her breath itches when she reaches for him, reducing the distance to nothing. And when she thinks she'll get through, warm skin welcomes her, and she nearly yelps, unbelieving. She doesn't dare blink, fearing that it might just be a dream, but she sees his body taking shape in front of her, dark clothes and darker hair, brown eyes shining as they bore through her. She remembers to draw air in the moment a small, half smile welcomes her, and then she forgets it completely.
He's here, his hand warm and solid in hers.
He's here, cupping her jaw and leaning in.
He's here.