A/N: This is my first X-Files FF. I've had this idea in my head for a while now, I'm a huge MulderScully shipper but sometimes I can see ScullyxSkinner happening. I do have ideas for more if this is received well soooo Please Review
She doesn't know exactly when it happened. When his visits became more than just checking in on her and idle chit chat. When they crossed 'that line'.
Dana Scully looked over to where Walter Skinner was laying in bed beside her, fast asleep. She shook her head.
What the hell am I doing?
She was sleeping with her boss to distract herself from the loss she felt from Mulder's absence.
Mulder had been missing for seven months now. Scully refused to consider the possibility that he might be dead, even though everyone said it was highly likely at this point.
She knew this whole situation with Skinner was wrong. The worst part was, she was realizing that Skinner was starting to have feelings for her. He had started trying to display them by doing more 'boyfriendly' things. She tried to lie to herself that she had feelings for him in return, when she knew there was only enough room for one man in her heart and that man was not the one that so frequently shared her bed. Every time Skinner tried to show more affection for her outside of her bedroom she would push him away.
It was so easy at first, to pretend and let his kisses and caresses wash away some of the numbness she felt day after day. It always ended the same way though. She ended up sitting in bed feeling the numbness and grief returning with an increasing amount of guilt added in, while he slept peacefully beside her.
Scully slipped out of bed and quietly walked to the living room. Glancing at the clock she saw the time, 3:40 am. Another sleepless night.
If Mulder was here, she would be calling him right now saying she couldn't sleep, and he would gladly talk to her until she was so sleepy that she was falling asleep with her phone still in her hand.
But Mulder isn't here.
Scully was alone, even when there was a man in her bed.
She never talked to Skinner about her midnight insomnia. She knew he would willingly get up with her and do anything to help her, but that only made her feel worse, and the guilt she was feeling these days was almost becoming worse than the loss of her best friend.
Guilt over using her friend, and Boss for that matter, to try to feel something other than numbness pain.
Guilt over feeling like she was moving past Mulder by being with Skinner. Mulder, the one person she thought would always be with her, and someday hoped would be more than just her friend and partner.
She let her head fall back on the back of the couch and closed her eyes. She said her rehearsed nightly prayer that Mulder would come back to her somehow and that everything would go back to how it was.
A shadow fell over her face, but she didn't open her eyes. She couldn't handle looking into Skinner's caring eyes.
"Can't sleep?" He asked as he sat down next to her.
"Mmm."
"Want me to make you some tea?"
What is wrong with me? She chastised herself.
Here is this nice caring man, that would do anything to make her feel better, it would seem, and she can't stop thinking about another man to give him an inch.
"No I'm fine." She lied. She was far from being fine, but no amount of tea is going to make her better.
The ringing of her cell phone broke through the silence in the room like a grenade.
Scully got up slowly to answer it, grateful for the distraction.
"Scully." She answered.
Skinner watched as a wave of emotion ran over Scully's face. He stood up and walked over to her. When he was about to reach out to her to offer support, she turned and walked away.
"Ok. I'll be right there." Scully said excitedly and hung up her phone.
She all but ran to her room to change without saying anything to Skinner.
"Dana? What is it?" He asked, even though he knew there was only thing that would make her so excited.
"Mulder." Scully said ripping off her camisole and pulling on a pair of jeans and t-shirt. "They found him." She grabbed her socks and ran to the living room to put them on along with her shoes. "He's as Pres. View in the ICU."
"Ok give me a second to change and I'll come with you." Skinner said turning to walk back to the bedroom.
"No." Scully said, quicker than she meant to, making him stop and turn back to her. "They said he is still out of it. I'll go check on him and give you a call."
She walked over to him and he could see the light start to return to her eyes. The light that had seemed to burn out the moment they lost Mulder over six months ago, and he knew she was slipping away from him.
"OK." He said forcing a smile. "I'll meet you up there later."
"Sounds good." Scully said with a smile. She leaned in and gave him a light kiss and was out the door before he could say anything else.
As the door closed, he knew deep down, he would never be in this apartment again like he is now. He knew, he would never hold Scully again. That quick kiss would be the last time her lips ever touched him.
She didn't say the words, but he knew.
They were over. If there ever was a 'them' to begin with.
Mulder always held her heart and he always would. While Skinner was able to share her bed and body for a time, he knew he never had a chance at sharing her heart.
While Skinner had been able to lie to himself that while Mulder was missing and presumed dead, he had a chance to win over the amazing Dana Scully, he knew there was never a chance when he watched her on the phone and when she told him Mulder was found.
The way she said 'Mulder'.
There was no mistaking the way it seemed like life was breathed back into her with the knowledge that he was alive and home.
Any chance he had of being with her any longer was yanked away in the last five minutes.
It was his own fault he felt like shit right now. He never should have allowed himself to fall for her. For that matter, he should have never started sleeping with her. He knew how much pain she was in. He could tell she was trying to find something, anything to hold on to. Something to reassure herself that she was still alive, and he was more than willing for that thing she clung onto, to be him.
Skinner walked back into her bedroom and got dressed. He couldn't help but look at the bed and think of all the nights they had shared together.
Walking to the door he took one last look around at a place he was becoming very comfortable and happy in. A place he would never be in again, in the same capacity.
"Good Bye, Dana." He said softly as he walked out the door. He knew he would never get the chance to tell her in person. She would never mention the time they shared. It didn't exist in a world that Mulder was alive.