Griffon the Brush-Off
Crick in the Head
[Pinkie spastically thrusts her head in different directions]
Pinkie Pie: …and then she looped around and around like whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo wh- ACK!
[The pink mare falls to the ground, clutching her neck and repeating 'ow, cramp, owie ow!']
Director: Cut! And someone get the nurse to do her thing!
[Twilight observes from the bench she is sitting on with a book]
Twilight: Is it wrong to say that I'm pleased it wasn't me this time?
Dash is High
[Rainbow Dash is flapping through the air while Pinkie trots after her on the path below]
Pinkie Pie: Rainbow Dash.
Rainbow Dash: Not now, Pinkie Pie.
Pinkie Pie: But, but Rainbow Dash–
Rainbow Dash: I'm in the middle of something.
Pinkie Pie: But–
Rainbow Dash: I said not now-
[Dash prepares to collide with the mountain, but instead finds herself flying over it]
Rainbow Dash: Err…
Director: Cut!
That of All Things?
[In one take, Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie complete their comedic chase around Ponyville, until…]
[Rainbow Dash is standing with her back to the lake, and suddenly Pinkie Pie rises from the water wearing scuba gear. She spits out her snorkel.]
Pinkie: I need a favor Rainbow Dash.
[Rainbow yelps and leaps into the air, preparing to zoom away before deflating and giving in]
Rainbow: Oh forget it.
[She then falls back down to the ground. However instead of landing on her stomach, she lands on her face with a pained grunt]
Director: …are you kidding me?
Rainbow: Owwwww…
Director: One shot was all it took for you two nitwits to get the chase scene over with. You could have crashed or fallen or missed your cues at any moment back then. But here is when you choose to screw it up. All you had to do was land on the ground right, Dash!
Pierre: I'm gonna cut before the language gets too explicit.
Flipping Heck
[Pinkie is still half-submerged in the water while wearing scuba gear]
Pinkie: I totally promise that it'll be totally- whoops!
[The pink mare throws her hooves in the air and one of her flippers flies of.
Director: Cut.
Crew Member: AGGH! MY EYE!
Royal Pain
[Celestia is standing in her room reading something scrawled onto a sheet of papyrus, when suddenly, a scroll shoots into existence and smacks into her face]
Celestia: AGH! *Censored*
Director: [stares blankly at the princess after her choice of language]
Pierre: Should… should I cut now?
(Credit to Captain Alaska)
Cuts all Around
[Celestia is standing in her room when a scroll poofs into existence and drops to the floor in front of her. She picks it up in her magic and begins to read it, when suddenly lots more scrolls appear and rain down on top of her]
[A crew member holding the boom mic is standing too close, and one of the scrolls scratches his face]
Boom Mic Guy: AGH! PAPER CUT! [Let's go of the mic]
[The mic swings forward and hits Celestia in the back of the head, knocking her to the floor]
Boom Mic Guy: Oops.
Director: Cut.
Pink-ups
[Pinkie hiccups around the set]
Pinkie: That'd be [hiccup] I'd really [hiccup] When do [hiccup] I mean [hiccup]…
[As Pinkie keeps hiccupping she bounces off the set and out the studio door]
Pierre: How did she even do that?
Director: Meh, I'm used to it by now. Also- cut!
This Just Stings
[Rainbow and Pinkie are hiding in the bushes outside Carousel Boutique. A vase of flowers is sitting outside the front door]
Rainbow: (whispering) Is she even home?
Pinkie: (whispering) I don't know. This is gonna be gold.
[Rarity pushed the top half of the door open and looks around]
Rainbow: (Whispering) There she is.
[Rainbow and Pinkie duck]
Rarity: (After noticing the plants) Oooh!
[Rarity bends down to sniff them, when she suddenly leaps back]
Rarity: BEE!
[There is a crash as she stumbles into something]
[A bee then drifts up from the plants and hovers away]
Director: Ha! Cut!
(Credit to AkaiKamiRyu)
Fruit Shoot
[Applejack looks around at all the apples in her orchard, which have been painted in different colours and patterns]
Applejack: Land sakes!
Rainbow and Pinkie: [Giggle]
[Applejack looks to the side and spots to the mares wearing berets and holding palettes of paints and brushes. Applejack then starts hurling apples in their direction, and Rainbow manages to dash away in time. Pinkie, however, doesn't quite get out of there in time and gets pelted with a purple and yellow striped apple in the side of the head. She lands on the ground with a thump and a cartoonish bump rises from her skull]
Applejack: Uh… Pinkie. You aren't hurt too bad, right…? Pinkie?
Director: Someone call the nurse.
Nancy the Nurse: [deadpan] I'm already here.
(Credit to AkaiKamiRyu)
The Chant
Take 1
Rainbow Dash and Gilda: [Fly into the air, performing an acrobatic routine as they recite the Junior Speedsters chant]
Junior Speedsters are our lives,
Skybound soars and daring dives,
Junior Speedsters it's the best…
…to someday…
Gilda: Ah crap! [facepalms]
Rainbow: "It's our quest", Gilda.
Gilda: Right, right. Sorry, I'm a li'l bit of a bird-brain
[Gilda taps the side of her head]
Take 2
Junior Speedsters are our lives,
Skybound dives and daring-
Rainbow: UGH!
Gilda: Can't I just write the words on my claw or something?
Director: Nope, now cut.
Pink Bump
[Gilda and Rainbow Dash fly through the air and eventually come to a stop on a cloud, bursting into laughter]
Gilda: (stands up) Whoa, that was sweet! Just like old times.
Rainbow Dash: Yeah, only faster! (Hoof-bumps Gilda) So now what?
[As they go in for another hoof-bump, Pinkie Pie's head pops up from between them and Pinkie gets a hoof and a claw on either side of her face. She then plummets downwards back through the cloud.]
Rainbow and Gilda: …Oops…
Director: No Pierre, I am not giving the nurse a raise!
Pierre: I didn't say anything.
Kids Show Logic
[Pinkie keeps bouncing up and down on the trampoline and popping up through the clouds]
Gilda: Hey Dash, think you got enough gas left to beat me to that cloud? [points left]
Rainbow: A race? You are so on!
[They prepare to take off]
Gilda: One, two, three, GO!
[Gilda and Rainbow take off, but as Dash is zooming upwards, Pinkie's head comes up through the cloud and Rainbow's back legs hit her square in the face. Pinkie falls down again]
Pierre: Sir, maybe this is a little dangerous.
Director: This is a kid's show! And kids like trampolines!
Pierre: If this is the logic you're using then how the heck did you get this job?
The Ropes
[Rainbow and Gilda are arguing over who won their race, when Pinkie floats up, tied to a bunch of balloons]
Pinkie: Wow guys, that was really cool, but I think-
[One of the two strings keeping Pinkie Pie level with the other mare and griffin snap, and she begins floating higher up]
Pinkie: Um…
[The other string breaks and Pinkie floats higher until she reaches the ceiling]
Pinkie: Can somepony get me down, please… pwease?
Director: Who the hell bought such cheap string?
Stunt Organizer: You mean I wasn't supposed to use thread from the costume department?
Director: No, you stupid woman, why on earth would you think that was a good idea?
Stunt Organizer: 'Cause shut up! Shut up is why!
Pierre: I'm cutting now.
Spinnin' Around
[Gilda is confronting Pinkie, who is riding her 'weird contraption']
Gilda: You're dorkin' up the skies, Stinky Pie! Now make like a bee, and buzz off!
[The griffin grasps hold of the spinning blades of Pinkie's contraption, but doesn't quiet hold tight enough and is whirled around with Pinkie. The pair spins out of control, and Pinkie Pie falls down again while Gilda is shot off the set and into a wall]
Director: Aaack, this is gonna be so much paperwork!
Nancy: I'm getting one heck of a workout from this job. I'm a nurse, not a war doctor.
Smooth
[Pinkie is sullenly sipping a strawberry milkshake at a table in town, when she hears Rainbow Dash and Gilda flying overhead. She ducks to take cover under the umbrella (eh eh eh) and in the process, she flips the other side of the table up, spattering her milkshake all over her]
Pinkie: Aye! This is cold!
Director: You okay there, Pinkie?
Pinkie: Yeah. On the bright side, this can't stain my fur 'cause I'm pink, too! [Giggles and licks her lips]
The Great and Wise Pinkie Pie
[Gilda has just stolen from a fruit stand]
Pinkie: No, no, no, no, no… she might give it back. It's just a joke. [Sarcastically] And besides, a pony would most certainly want a pre-eaten-and-then-thrown-back-up apple! That would be the perfect solution!
Director: Pinkie, what have we said about improv?!
Pierre: Especially when it makes one of the writers look like an idiot?
Pinkie: Well excuse me if I disagree with the logic in this thing!
Director: Again with the logic. THIS IS A KID'S SHOW!
Pinkie: So you're teaching kids to throw up the things they steal and give them back?
Director: NO OF COURSE NOT!
Pinkie: Then-
[The bickering continues]
Pierre: I'm gonna go to the bathroom. Like anyone even cares.
(Credit to Captain Alaska)
(Featuring his hilarious OC Casey)
Get Your Rock Off Bitch
Gilda: Hey!
Fluttershy: Please excuse me.
Gilda: I'm walkin' here!
Fluttershy: [Timidly] Oh, um, I'm sorry. I-I-I was just trying to...
Gilda: [mocking] I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Why don't you just watch where you're going, doofus?
Fluttershy: B-b-b-but I... I...
[Gilda then draws in a deep breath and roars right at the yellow pegasus]
Fluttershy: [Begins to whimper]
[Out of nowhere, a grey unicorn stallion slides in and gets right in Gilda's face, glaring at the griffin with the fury of an entire army]
Casey: HEY! NOW WHY DONT YOU PICK ON SOMEONE YOUR OWN SIZE YOU *LOOOOOONG BLEEP* YOU DO THAT S*** AGAIN, AND YOU'VE LOST YOUR FEMALE CARD, B***!
Gilda: [Unfazed but confused] Err…
Fluttershy: [Taps Casey on the shoulder] Um, Casey? You do realize that this is just a TV show right?
Casey: YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF- Come again, Flutters?
Fluttershy: It's just a TV show! Gilda is just ACTING mean to me!
Casey: [Face morphs with realization] Uh...
Gilda: Could you back off before I REALLY get mean?
Rarity: Did you seriously not see the crew, cameras, and lighting fixtures?
Casey: [Ignoring her] So she's not gonna hurt you?
Pierre: GET OFF MY SET YOU TROTTINGHAM *BLEEP*
Casey: WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE AROUND MY SISTER!
Rarity: Fluttershy, you're related to this ruffian?
Pierre: Don't make me hurt you, b***.
Casey: Oh ho, don't buck with me, needle d***. I took on six crooked security guards at my last concert!
Twilight: Language, please!
(Credit to Brandon Vortex)
Shock Much?
Pinkie Pie: Gilda! I'm so honoured to throw you one of my signature Pinkie Pie parties, and I really, truly, sincerely hope you feel welcome here amongst all us pony folk.
[Pinkie holds out her hoof for Gilda to shake, and Gilda hesitates before reaching out and grabbing it. Suddenly, rather than Gilda being shocked by the buzzer on Pinkie's hoof, the shock backfires and Pinkie shakes with the electrocution instead]
Pinkie: [Buzzes with electricity] AiAIIIiiiAiiiiAIiiiiaaaaiiiaaAAAaa! [Sinks to the floor]
Gilda: Um, what just happened? You okay, Pinkie?
Pinkie: [Weakly] Hehehehe… I smell like bacon.
Director: Cut!
A Breather
[Gilda is attempting to blow out the candles on the cake, however they keep relighting themselves. With a baffled expression on her face she tries again and again to get them to stay out, but eventually inhales to hard and begins to choke, collapsing to the ground]
Twilight: Gilda, what happened?!
Gilda: [Coughs] Just… just let me take a breather, okay?
Director: Be more careful next time, okay? Cut!
Slap That Pony
Rarity: Can I go first? Can I have the purple tail? [Bends down to pick up the tail]
[Gilda swoops in and attempts to pick the tail up but accidentally hits Rarity in the side of the head]
Rarity: OOOWWWW!
Gilda: Gah! Oh shoot, did I get you bad?
Director: God, it's so weird seeing Gilda act nice since I've memorized this entire goddamned script.
A Little to the Right Would Do
[Gilda is walking across the room blindfolded and slips on some cake that has splattered on the floor]
Gilda: WHOOOA…
[Instead of sliding through the double doors, she smacks face-first into the wall beside it, and is knocked onto her back]
Pinkie: Oh gosh, are you hurt?
[Gilda lies still and doesn't respond]
Pinkie: Um…
Director: NUURRSS-
Nancy: Oh shut up!
Endnote: And that's all folks!
Next time on My Little Bloopers, it's Boast Busters! So as usual, if you have an idea for a blooper and you want to see it featured in this story, send 'em in via the reviews or in a PM. ;)