Suzanne wasn't stupid. In fact, she was quite smart. But as the dark veins spread beneath Damon's eyes and his fangs descended while he looked enraged, Suzanne realized that she had quite possibly had an error in judgment.

Eight minutes earlier

Damon was starfished on the carpet of her bedroom, looking completely relaxed as Louie laid half on top of him, both of them dozing off. Suzanne made sure to discretely take a picture, smiling to herself when she saw that it had come out looking adorable. Greatest fucking blackmail for her oh-so-badass best friend.

"There is so much crap under your bed. I see at least three pairs of socks and what looks like a magic eight ball. Don't humans stop playing with those in third grade?"

Suzanne, who had been laying on her stomach while reading Martial's Epigrams – okay, she was a nerd who took Latin for all four years of college, whatever – extended her arm off of the bed and flicked his nose.

"You're so abusive!"

Suzanne rolled her eyes at his whining and didn't bother looking down at him when she responded blandly, "Good luck finding someone who cares."

Just on the edge of her peripheral vision she saw Damon gently lift her dog off of him, resulting in a pathetic bark from the Dalmatian. Louie was absolutely enamored with Damon. It was bizarre, but every time Damon came over he acted like a puppy. The vampire had joked that they could train him as a vampire-detector.

Faster than her eyes could register, Damon flew over from the other side of the room and threw himself on top of her. He didn't hesitate to put all of his weight on her when he sat on her lower back.

Suzanne's breath immediately left her and she wheezed, "Get the hell off, you douche!"

In a sing song voice he responded, "Not until you say you're sorry. I can stay here all day. All of eternity, actually."

Suzanne tried to breathe in but could only take shallow gasps so she shouted, "Oh my god, sorry! Fuck you!"

"Hmm. Doesn't seem very genuine to me. What do you think, Louie?"

At the sound of his name, her dog perked his head up and began wagging his tail. The traitor.

Suzanne was still gasping to get enough air to speak and finally said, "I'm sincerely sorry for the abuse, Damon Elizabeth Salvatore."

Damon rolled off to the side so he was laying on his back next to her, when she turned to face him she could see that he had a strangely endearing confused look on his face.

"Elizab – what?"

Suzanne shrugged and simply responded, "Well I don't know your middle name. I thought I'd grace you with mine."

Damon made a cooing sound and patted her cheek condescendingly.

"You just say the sweetest things, Suze."

Suzanne rolled her eyes and got back to her reading while Damon seemed to be thinking deeply. Which obviously was concerning and a sign of the upcoming apocalypse.

When she opened her mouth to ask what was in his head, he interrupted her.

"Katherine is alive. That's why I'm going back to Mystic Falls. That's where she is."

Suzanne dropped her book and gaped at him.

"Are you – are you fucking kidding me you complete skank! No lead up at all! You are such an awful best friend."

Damon hadn't moved at all, keeping his passive expression while he stared at the ceiling. After a moment, he simply turned to her and raised an eyebrow.

"You done?"

Suzanne struggled not to shriek at him. He was such a dick sometimes. Just usually, well, usually not to her.

"What do you mean she's in Mystic Falls? Why the hell – I mean, why the hell haven't you gone after her, you're obsessed with her."

Damon struggled to look nonchalant but Suzanne could obviously tell that he was majorly suppressing his emotions when he said, "She's been trapped in a prison there since the 1860's. Getting her out is a specific process."

Suzanne whistled lowly and felt an enormous surge of pity.

"Damn. That's awful. Nobody deserves that. It's like when criminals get multiple life sentences, but she actually has to live hers out."

Before Damon could say anything else, Suzanne went on to say, "You aren't taking her back though, right? Releasing her I get, it's the right thing to do, but I assume you aren't going to be her boy toy again."

Damon's body froze and Suzanne felt a strange pang of anxiety when he slowly turned his head to meet her gaze. His expression was blank, which was honestly usually a precursor to violence.

"What do you mean take her back. We never ended. And I wasn't her 'boy toy'. We were-"

Suzanne knew she shouldn't say anything. But fuck, everything Damon had told her about Katherine didn't exactly endear her to the vampire. Damon loved her, but Suzanne had figured it was a past-tense thing. That he was pining because she had passed away.

"Damon, I just don't know if you should jump back into a relationship with her. Stefan is in the same town, and last time the three of you were together she took advantage of your-"

Damon rolled off of the bed to stand and glared at her when she sat up on the edge herself to meet her gaze. When dark veins spread beneath Damon's eyes and fangs extended while he looked enraged, Suzanne realized that she perhaps should have phrased her concerns a bit better.

"What the fuck is the matter with you? I'm getting the love of my life back and you turn into some jealous bitch –"

When he raised his voice, Suzanne felt her own temper spike. She was scared, hell yes, but Damon just wasn't getting it. When she interjected, she was shouting in an equally annoyed voice.

"Can you just shut up and listen to me for a minute! You're my best friend! I'm not jealous, Jesus fucking Christ! I just want you to be happy, and when you talk about Katherine and Stefan, your face, it just drops. I understand helping her. But I don't want to see you miserable because she still has a hold on you."

Damon had actually frozen, and when his face began shifting back to look more human she knew he had actually processed her words. When his posture slumped once more and an arrogant smile stretched across his mouth, Suzanne knew that they were alright, but that he was also about to completely bullshit her.

"Your concern is touching. You deserve an award for being a truly protective friend." His voice hardened a little bit and his eyes narrowed when he finished by saying, "but Katherine is the love of my life. She loved me, and nothing will keep us apart ever again once she is free."

Suzanne inhaled deeply and then exhaled, but knew that the minimal progress she had made would be the extent of this subject so she let it drop.

"Fine. Now I need you to be my wingman tonight. There's this hot new nurse at work and I need a drinking buddy when I invite her to casually come to the bar."