Author's Note: Aaaand I'm back! I've had a long break from writing but I really want to get back into it. So let's finally get on with chapter seven of this silly little "project".
Dragonshy
Feed the Birds
[Fluttershy is feeding her little animal friends. She flies up to the top of a tree to feed some worms to a few birds, however…]
Fluttershy: [beginning to choke and sputter, spraying the worms from her mouth]
Director: [yelling through his megaphone] Fluttershy, are you alright up there?
Fluttershy: [clutching her throat and starting to freak out] I THINK I SWALLOWED ONE!
Director: Someone help her out!
No Ordinary Rabbit
[Fluttershy chases Angel Bunny with his partially eaten carrot and drops it in front of him]
Fluttershy: [gently] Now, I know you want to run but just… three more bites?
[Angels turns away and shakes his head]
Fluttershy: Two more bites?
[Another head shake]
Fluttershy: One more bite? [pushes the carrot towards the bunny] Pretty please? [flutters her eyelashes]
[Angel then proceeds to kick the vegetable away. However, instead of kicking it off-set, he kicks it right into Fluttershy's eye]
[Fluttershy yelps and clutches her eye]
Fluttershy: OWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW-
Nurse: Okay! I'm coming!
Director: CUT!
(Credit to NintendoNate1)
Smoke's On You
[Fluttershy looks up at the sky to see a giant black cloud of smoke drifting through the sky overhead. She is about to say her line when-]
Fluttershy: [staring to choke] O-or- [cough] or- [cough] HELP! [cough]
Director: Hey! Who's in charge of the special effects?! The smoke machine shouldn't be producing that much!
Tackle Dash
[Fluttershy trots through town, trying to get somepony's attention]
Fluttershy: [quietly but urgently] Help! Help! Please? Help! There's… there's a horrible cloud of smoke… it's headed this way and- AH!
[Rainbow Dash slides onto the scene, bouncing a ball on her head. However, instead of skidding past Fluttershy, she slides right into her, making both of them tumble off-stage]
Director: CUT!
Fluttershy: [weakly] I don't like this episode…
Busted
Rainbow Dash: I'll tell you what we're meant to do! Give him the boot! Take THAT! [kicks one of Twilight's pony-head busts right into the purple unicorn's chest]
Twilight: [gets knocked to the ground] GYAH! I wasn't ready!
Director: We need to hire more medical staff…
Montage Mishap
[The montage of the mane six preparing for their quest to defeat the dragon begins. Rainbow Dash dips her hooves into a puddle of rainbows and then marks her cheeks with them like war paint… however she accidentally pokes herself in the eye with one hoof.
Rainbow: YOW! DARNIT! RAINBOW IN MY EYE! IT BURNS!
Director: Someone do something!
Pinkie Has a Point
Twilight: The dragon is in that cave at the very top. [points towards the mountain the dragon smoke is coming from]
Applejack: Looks pretty cold up there.
Rainbow: You bet it is. The higher you go, the chillier it gets.
Rarity: Good thing I brought my scarf. [Rarity whips a scarf out of her saddlebags. However in doing so, she whips Pinkie on her right cheek]
Pinkie: OW! [rubs cheek] Ya know, we haven't even gotten to the dragon's cave yet and I think half of us have already been to the nurse!
Director: Pinkie, it's not your job to point out the various ways in which your occupation is hazardous to your health.
(Credit to Captain Alaska)
Holy Map
[Twilight opens her map and starts reading it, however she immediately encounters a problem]
Twilight: This… this is a map of Las Pegasus…
Rainbow: Aw man! She noticed!
Twilight: Wha- Rainbow, why didn't you think I would notice something so obvious? I highly doubt there's a casino on a mountain!
Rainbow: Well I was hoping that by some miracle you'd see the map and take us to Las Pegasus instead?
[Everyone, including the crew, glares at her]
Rainbow: What?! It's better than climbing up a mountain!
Director: Oh you're gonna climb that mountain, Skittles. Now CUT!
Hitting Rock Bottom
Twilight: Alright girls! Let's move out!
[Twilight and the others, sans Fluttershy, begin to gallop in the direction of the mountain, running straight into Fluttershy and carrying her along with them. However, the pegasus only manages to stay on their backs for a couple of seconds before being knocked off.]
Fluttershy: [rolling down a hill] These accidents were funny the first few times, but now this just-
[Fluttershy then crashes into a rock at the bottom of the hill]
Fluttershy: [weakly] …hurts...
Late to the Party
Rainbow: [calling down to Fluttershy at the bottom of the mountain] What are you waiting for? An invitation?
Pinkie: Ooh! I think I have one in my bag!
[Pinkie turns around and pulls an invitation out of her bag, turning and making a silly face as she holds it out. However, the confetti that was supposed to explode out of the bag does not fire]
Pinkie: Huh? [turns around and looks inside the bag] Where's the-
[The confetti explodes right in Pinkie face]
Mattresses Aren't Always Reliable
[Fluttershy begins flapping her wings to catch up to the others on the mountain. However, when she hears the sleeping dragon roar, her wings snap closed against her abdomen and she plummets back down to the ground]
Pierre: Uh, I don't think she's gonna-
[Fluttershy completely misses the bush she was intended to land in, within which was a mattress for her to land on, and lands face-first on the ground]
Everyone Else: [cringes] Oww…
Director: Cut! Fluttershy, are you okay?!
Rarity: Clearly not! She just faceplanted a dirt road!
Twilight: At least this stuff's not happening to me this time…
Rarity: [smacks Twilight's shoulder]
Twilight: Yow!
Fire This Guy
[Applejack skids down the cliff-face to help Fluttershy, however before she reaches the bottom, the entire set shakes and sends the orange pony tumbling down the last couple of feet]
Applejack: [rubs head] What the…
Pierre: Uh… I think the shake effect was used too soon.
Director: No kidding, Sherlock! Who is in charge of the special effects today?! They're not doing a very good job!
Tic-Tac-Nose
[Pinkie Pie and Rarity are playing their 35th game of tic-tac-toe. Pinkie Pie draws her final naught in the grid with her muzzle, winning her the game]
Pinkie: Woohoo! I wi- oh darn! [Pinkie begins violently sneezing and scraping at her face with her hooves.
Rarity: [panicked] Pinkie darling, do you need help?!
Pinkie: [blowing dirt out of her nose] I-I got it!
Rainbow Dash: [To Twilight] Now do you see what I mean when I say unicorns have an unfair advantage with their horns?
Twilight: [sarcastically] Yes, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie using her muzzle to write in the dirt definitely proves that unicorns are the master race. She could have used her hooves you know; she totally used her nose by choice.
Pinkie: [Sheepishly] Hehe… maybe.
Director: Don't worry Pinkie, it's in character. Cut!
Flop Slip and Thump
[The Mane six come to a gap between mountains. All the ponies aside from Fluttershy have jumped across.
Twilight: Come on, Fluttershy, we should be much farther along by now.
Applejack: You could just leap on over.
Fluttershy: I-
[Suddenly the dragon lets out a thunderous snore]
Fluttershy: I don't know.
Pinkie Pie: There's nothing to be afraid of. It's just a hop, skip and a jump. See?
[Pinkie Pie sings]
It's not very far
Just move your little rump
You can make it if you try with a hop, skip and jump"
Twilight: We don't have time for this!
[Pinkie Pie keeps singing]
A hop, skip and jump,
Just move your little rump,
A hop, skip and jump,
A hop, skip and jump,
A hop, skip and- WHUH?!
[As she makes another jump across the ravine, she slips and tumbles backwards down the gap, landing a second later on a mattress]
Pinkie: [Lifts head up from the mattress] Maybe we shouldn't tell kids that hopping over ravines is as easy as the script says it is…
Director: It's too late for a rewrite! CUT!
AVALANCHE!
Director: Okay girls, I cannot stress enough how important this scene is. Pierre is going to trigger the avalanche and then you just need to get to the left end of the set without getting hit by the falling "rocks". Got it. It'll take forever to set up again so it would be wonderful if you got it right first try. Understand?
Fluttershy: [Raises hoof] Can't we get stunt doubles?
Director: That didn't work before and it's not going to work now. NOW GET IN POSITION!
Take 1
Director: ACTION!
Fluttershy: AVALACHE!
Pierre: [pushes button to activate the avalanche]
[The ponies scramble around the set to avoid getting hit. Twilight gets out of the way of a large paper mache boulder and Rarity hops out of the way of two. Applejack jumps over a couple of boulders- only for a massive third one to fall down right in front of her face]
Applejack: GYAH-UFF!
[Applejack slams face-first into the boulder]
Director: DANGIT!
Applejack: [Dazedly looks over at the director and slurs] Sir, my face is imprinted on this thing…
Director: No one will notice!
Applejack: Alrighty then [collapses to the ground]
Take 2
Pierre: Okay, everything's set up again.
Director: Great. ACTION!
Pierre: You could've said thanks…
Director: ACTION!
Fluttershy: AVALANCHE!
[Pierre activates the falling rocks]
[The ponies manage to dodge all of the rocks until Rainbow Dash's right wing gets clipped by a small boulder, sending her spinning right off the set]
Director: UGH! CUT! Pierre, go help the prop crew reset the boulders.
Pierre: [sobs]
Take 3
(Credit to Brandon Vortex- I mixed it with a blooper of my own though ^u^")
Director: ACTION!
Fluttershy: AVALANCHE!
[Pierre pushes the remote to activate the falling rocks]
…
[Nothing happens]
Director: Pierre, what's going on?!
Pierre: I'm pressing the button but it's not working!
Director: Okay. Can we get a couple of prop technicians over here?! Preferably unicorns?
[Starlight Glimmer and Princess Luna sheepishly approach the director]
Director: …okay I can understand Starlight helping out, but what are you doing here, Princess?
Luna: Well, I'm not supposed to be in the show again until the next season, but I still want to keep up with the progress you're making so I decided to visit the studio and lend a hoof in speeding up the process.
Starlight: [To Luna] You think that's bad? I'm signed on for the season five premiere.
Luna: Holy Me, this thing is going to go on for five seasons?!
Starlight: Apparently.
Director: FOCUS! The rock props aren't falling down!
Luna: Never fear. I'll make sure this set functions properly! [flies up to stand on top of the set]
Pierre: What's the problem?
Luna: …It seems that one of the rocks is lodged. I'll just… [she moves some things around] There! It should work now.
Pierre: [Presses button]
[Nothing happens]
Director: Luna, what did you do?!
Starlight: Don't point fingers yet, sir. There might be a problem with the remote. [She uses her magic to take the remote from Pierre and takes the back of the device off, examining the batteries] Hmm… nothing seems to be wrong, but there's nothing fresh batteries can't fix [takes the batteries out and replaces them with some new ones]
Pierre: [pushes button]
[Nothing happens]
Director: Oh for crying out loud! [He gets on the set and starts pushing the button as hard as he can repeatedly] Comeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeon…
Luna: [Looks at the bottom of the pile of paper mache rocks to see that the one at the front is being held in place by the tip of her hoof] Oh! My hoof was in the way! Whoops. [moves her hoof out of the way]
Director: [looks up] Oh cucumbers…
!SLAM!
Everyone: [Jaw drops]
Pierre: Sir…?
Starlight: I'll go get help-AAAAGH!
[As she begins to run, a second load of rocks fall down and land on top of her]
Artistic Choices
[The mane six are climbing over the pile of fallen rocks and debris caused by the avalanche. Twilight, Applejack and Rainbow Dash make it to the other side, but Fluttershy, who is climbing over last, slips and slides down the pile]
Fluttershy: EEP!
[Fluttershy crashes into Rarity, who also begins to slide down]
Rarity: WHUH!
[The two of them collide with Applejack]
Applejack: GYAH!
[The three of them tumble to the ground. However, Applejack hits the ground too hard and bounces clean off the set]
Pierre: I'm beginning to see why you decided not to film most of the climbing scene sir.
Director: The cut between the climb starting and ending is an artistic choice, Pierre!
Pierre: More like a lazy choice.
Director: Artistic!
Applejack: C-can I get a band-aid?
Chickening Out
[Twilight is coming up with a plan to get rid of the dragon]
Twilight: Rarity and Pinkie Pie, you'll create a diversion to distract the dragon if things get a little hairy in there.
[Pinkie Pie nods and pulls out a rubber chicken, gleefully swinging it from side to side]
Rarity: [looks at Twilight with an incredulous expression]
[Pinkie swings the rubber chicken too hard and its floppy legs hit Rarity in the cheek]
Rarity: Gah! [rubs cheek] Pinkie Pie!
Director: CUT!
(Credit to bLuewErewOlf25 and I AM AN A****LE- I love all your suggestions but I didn't include all of them)
How To Deal With Dragons: Crossover Edition
Take 1 (Undertale)
Twilight: I'm going in! [she trots through the cave towards the dragon] He… probably just doesn't realize what he's doing… [turns and calls out to the rest of her friends] Right?!
[Rainbow, Applejack, Rarity and Pinkie all nod unsurely and mumble their agreements]
[Twilight continues forward but stops when she sees a small human child standing in front of the very-much-awake dragon]
[The child pats the dragons nose with one hand and points to the mouth of the cave with the other. The dragon nods its head and gets to its feet, stomping right past Twilight and out to the cliff where it spreads its wings and flies away]
Twilight: H-how did you…?
[The child smiles and waves at Twilight before stepping to the side and plummeting down a hole to the side of the dragon's treasure hoard]
Director: What just happened?
Take 2 (Pokemon)
Twilight: I'm going in! He-
?: Rayquaza! Use Earthquake!
[Twilight yelps with alarm as a long and green flying serpent creature zooms into the cave and slams its tail forcefully on the ground. It then turns and grabs Twilight with its tail, dragging her out of the cave as it collapses]
Everyone: [watches as the cave crumbles down]
Fluttershy: [In tears] Oh no! The dragon!
Director: [In tears] Oh no! The set!
Pinkie: Oh no! This Rayquaza doesn't have Overheat in its moveset!
Applejack: [smacks Pinkie on the back of her head]
Take 3 (Lord of the Rings)
Twilight: I'm going in! He… probably just doesn't realize what he's doing… [turns and calls out to the rest of her friends] Right?!
[Rainbow, Applejack, Rarity and Pinkie all murmur in dishonest agreement]
Twilight: ...Mister Dragon...? [she walks further into the cave until she finally bumps into something- the dragon's snout. Twilight almost gasps, but manages to remain silent]
Director: Twilight! Wait!
Twilight: What?!
[The dragon opens its eyes at Twilight's exclamation]
Director: Oh...
Pierre: My...
Director and Pierre: GOD!
Twilight: WHAT?!
Smaug: [smirks and whispers] Greetings thief...
Twilight: NOT OUR DRAGON! [desperately gallops out of the cave with Smaug right on her tail]
Director: [excited nerd noises] Holy cannoli are you getting this, Pierre?
Pierre: [Catching the chase between Twilight and Smaug on camera with tears in his eyes] I picked the right day to wear my Lord of the Rings shirt!
Take 4 (Still MLP so this isn't really a crossover but it's essentially the same joke so I'm keeping it in this collection and the haters can just deal with it)
Twilight: I'm going in! He-
[An ear shattering roar comes from outside the cave]
Twilight: Uh… [exits the cave] What was that?
[The entire studio is shaking]
Fluttershy: [peers down the mountain and gasps] Everyone hide!
[The ponies hide behind a large rock while the Director and Pierre abandon their equipment and dash to the back wall of the studio, crouching in the shadows]
[A hulking Hydra ascends the path to the cliff and peers into the dragon's cave. Several moments of silence follow before two simultaneous roars shake the studio. The dragon lunges out of the cave and knocks the hydra onto its back, one of its heads shooting out to embed its teeth into one of the dragon's front legs]
Pierre: [paralyzed] Sir… why is there a hydra on the set?
Director: I-I-I don't know. We have a hydra scheduled for episode fifteen but it's being kept in an enclosure next door.
Pierre: Well who was supposed to be watching it?
Director: Starlight Glimmer!
Pierre: Starlight's supposed to watch the Hydra and handle props?
Director: No, we have a human girl in charge of props but she hardly ever shows up. Where did Starlight go?
[The dragon's tail almost slices the two humans' heads off but they duck just in time. The crew is screaming and running for their lives. Twilight and the other ponies manage to get off the set]
Pierre: She went to the hospital after the rocks landed on her.
Director: What?! The rocks are paper mache! How did she get hurt?!
Pierre: Her horn got cracked. If a unicorn's horn cracks they need to get immediate medical attention or they risk losing their magic for good.
Director: Oh… well that… sucks. I hope she gets better.
Pierre: SIR! [pulls the director out of the way of the hydra's descending foot]
Director: We should probably run.
(Credit to AkaiKamiRyu)
A Lady's Grace
[Twilight has just failed miserably to get the dragon out of the cave]
Rainbow Dash: So much for [coughs on smoke] persuading him.
Applejack: Now what?
Rarity: [Gracefully tosses her mane and strides towards the dragon's cave] Obviously, this situation just calls for a little "pony charm". Allow m-OOF! [She trips over a rock and stumbles, landing on her belly with her limbs splayed out like a starfish]
Rainbow: Ha! Graceful as ever, Rarity!
Rarity: [grumbles and blushes]
Director: Cut.
Author's Self-Indulgence
[Rainbow Dash has finally had enough with everyone's failed attempts to get the dragon to go away]
Rainbow: Alright! THAT'S IT! We've tried persuasion, charm… and whatever it is Pinkie Pie does-
Pinkie: [blows into her battered party horn]
Rainbow: It's time to stop wasting time! I'm going in! [she flies into the cave]
Twilight: Rainbow! No!
[Rainbow Dash flies up to the dragons face]
Rainbow Dash: Get. OUT! [she gives him a rough kick in the nose]
[The dragon barely reacts, but does let out a sneeze of smoke into Rainbow's face. He is not happy]
Rainbow: Heh… sorry?
[The dragon roars in Dash's face before lunging forward and trapping her in his jaws, swallowing her whole]
Pierre: Holy cucumbers!
[The remaining ponies all begin to panic and scream]
Director: Remain calm! She's perfectly fine!
Pierre: [whispers] Are you sure?
Director: Nope. She could be dead. We should probably call someone.
Work On Your Bowl
[The dragon roars at Rainbow Dash with such force that it sends her flying right out of the cave]
[Outside, the rest of the ponies, sans Fluttershy, are standing at the mouth of the cave anxiously, bracing to get knocked down like bowling pins by Rainbow]
Rainbow: Whaaaaaa-
[She flies clear over their heads and off the set with a loud crash]
Director: Geez, if this keeps up Dash is probably gonna sue us for bodily damage.
Pierre: What do you mean she's gonna sue "us". You're in charge- she's gonna sue you!
Director: Just turn your stupid camera off.
The Height of His Career
[The dragon begins to emerge from its cave]
The Mane Six (sans Fluttershy): [All cling to each other, paralysed with terror, staring wide eyed up at the scaly beast]
[The dragon growls and begins raising itself to its full height… and then hits its head hard on the roof of the cave, promptly stunning it and making it collapse to the ground]
Fluttershy: [gasp] Oh dear! [she flies over to the dragon and begins examining its head] We'd better get you some ice.
Director: Who. The HECK. Designed. This set?!
A Rocky Recording
[The dragon knocks the ponies against the large rock that Fluttershy is hiding behind]
Ponies: [All groan]
[The ponies struck the boulder so hard that it begins to crumble, and several large pieces detatch from the rock and fall down… right on top of the group].
[Beat]
Director: …well this seems as good a time as any for a break.
Twilight: [in agony] Thank Celestia… [another piece of rock hits her on the head] Ow…
(Credit to AkaiKamiRyu)
Wrapping up The Running Gag
[The adventure is over and the mane six have returned to Ponyville. Pinkie Pie has just stopped Rainbow Dash from breaking the world record for the number of times somepony can bounce a ball on their head]
Rainbow: Pinkie Pie! You scared me! I-I mean you broke my concentration!
Fluttershy: [flaps down from the sky] It's okay Rainbow Dash; not everypony can be as brave as me. [She smirks]
[A leaf falls down from Twilight's library and Rainbow huffily blows it into the air. It winds up landing on Fluttershy's back]
Fluttershy: MEEP! [she falls down from the sky and pretends to play dead… but lands on top of Rainbow Dash in the process]
Everyone (besides the pegasi): [starts laughing]
Rainbow: [Groans and rubs her head] If the director uses this in the final product I'm gonna sue his stupid butt.
Pierre: I frigging told you, sir!
Director: Just cut already.
Endnote: Next up is Look Before You Sleep! If you have any bloopers to suggest, drop me a review or a PM. Hopefully this one will be out a lot sooner. ^u^
One reason this took so long is because the episode Dragonshy is kinda hard to watch. Not because it's a bad episode- I actually believe that this episode is when MLP really hit its stride- but because it's not until you re-watch the earlier seasons that you realise how developed the characters are now in season seven. Rarity was practically fashion-obsessed, Ashleigh Ball was still working on her Applejack voice, Twilight's still a no-nonsense busybody, and the biggest offender, Rainbow Dash is a huge jerk in this episode, and I hated every line of dialogue she spoke. It may not have been so bad when this episode first aired, but after finding out later in season one that Rainbow and Fluttershy have been friends since childhood, it makes Dash's behaviour here seem even more mean that it already is.
Fluttershy herself isn't safe from "Early Season Syndrome" either, with her timidity bordering on annoying rather than cute. The Mane Six are climbing up a mountain to confront a dragon, so you would expect the dragon to be the main antagonist. However, the villain of this episode is Fluttershy (or at least her constant fear of everything) instead. Yes, in the grand scheme of things, the dragon is the central threat, but only for the last five minutes of the episode. For the rest of it, Fluttershy's lack of motivation to get to the dragon's cave was the thing the ponies were really battling. What's the point of this paragraph? Absolutely nothing. I just find it kinda funny that in an episode where a literal giant dragon is threating Equestria, the scariest thing the Mane Six come up against is Fluttershy's fear of jumping over small gaps.
I'd like to end each chapter with more musings like this just to explain some things about my choices for bloopers and to share my thoughts on the episodes in general. For example, the outtake Author's Self-Indulgence is the most literal title of the bunch because of my intense desire to see Rainbow Dash in pain throughout my viewing of Dragonshy.