Suzanne looked at Damon with a blank expression, unimpressed with his smug declaration.

"Am I supposed to give you a pat on the back? High school girls are a dime a dozen. You finding one to eat isn't exactly a revelation."

Damon rolled his eyes and grabbed the remote, shutting off the episode of House they'd been watching and forcing her to look at him.

"But this one has a purpose in my Mystic Falls diabolical scheme. I thought you'd want to hear all about it. Unless you're still pissed about my egregious error of beginning the plot without you."

Suzanne took a minute to weigh her options. The silent treatment and faked disinterest had been driving Damon crazy since she got back to Virginia, and seeing him try pathetically to get on her good side was incredibly entertaining.

But she also wanted to hear about this. Very, very badly.

"Okay. I'll bite. Give me the details."

Damon's eyes lit up at her show of apparent forgiveness and his voice was eager when he began speaking.

"So I took a bite out of a drugged up teenager at the bonfire party Elena was at with Stefan. You know, the foreplay for later terror and hysteria."

Suzanne nodded along and murmured in agreement, "Of course."

"But then at the end of the night one of Elena's best friends went on a rant that revealed raging insecurity before she liberally eye-fucked me. All I've got to do is make her wishes come true and taunt Stefan with the fact that Elena's friend is my blood bag."

Suzanne frowned immediately at this.

"No. You will not be sleeping with this girl. She is sixteen, maybe seventeen at most, and you are physically twenty five if we don't take your hundred plus years as a corpse into account. It's statutory rape. And I know that as a teenager my sexual choices were much, much different than they are now."

Damon interrupted her rant before she could say anything else, but looked fondly exasperated when he spoke.

"As much as I'd love to hear about your exploits as a dorky high school student, I'll pass for now. And we already went over this when you lectured me a month and a half ago. I'm not going to actually sleep with her. She'll be compelled to think so, as per your request."

Suzanne tried to hide her smile, but eventually gave up and grinned widely at her best friend. These moments were the reason that Suzanne wanted to punch Saint Stefan in the fucking mouth and knock out a few teeth. The younger vampire talked down to Damon constantly and preached about how evil he was and how he had no redeeming qualities, yada yada.

For one, Damon's cynical sense of humor was a fantastic quality, if Suzanne said so herself. And he always let her have the last of the pretzels when the bag ran out. Kindness, naivety, altruism, and tortured brooding weren't even near the top of Suzanne's list of good qualities in a person. It was irritating that Damon's younger brother didn't even bother trying to see his positive qualities.

…and apparently Stefan's body count was disregarded since he went to the good side?

Either way, Suzanne loved Damon as a friend. They'd known each other for nearly six months and seen each other all the god damn time. The two of them just got each other.

Damon always knew when Suzanne needed to let off steam, when she needed him to comfort her, or when she needed him to go along with her plans to ignore her problems. And Suzanne knew that Damon wasn't some perfect, nice guy who put on an asshole façade but deep down was actually a cinnamon roll. Damon Salvatore was an ass, and deep down, he was still an ass.

But it couldn't be said that he didn't have a few soft spots. Well – that was probably a misnomer. Their friendship was composed of the fact that they were psychotically protective of the other and they were mutual bitches who enabled each other's bad habits.

The vampire had labeled them 'platonic soul-mates' and to be honest, Suzanne actually believed in that bullshit when it came to this.

Getting back to their conversation, Suzanne said, "I think you should bring her over here when you two are not-fucking. If you bring her to the boarding house Stefan will see through you, and her family would notice an older guy doing the walk of shame. I'll watch Lost with her and paint her nails and shit to balance out you using her like a human Capri-Sun."

Damon nodded with a thoughtful expression on his face and responded, "Why Miss Sinclair, that's actually a good idea."

Suzanne nodded with a smug expression and said, "All I ask is that you heal her after chomping. Don't be obvious. And of course it's a good idea, all of my ideas –"

"Making me compel the pet store to let you 'borrow' seven golden retriever puppies for a day."

"Okay, that was a fantastic idea, it was just poor planning beforehand and your habit of leaving your fancy shoes on the floor that –"

"Drunkenly climbing onto that old lady biker's lap and soulfully telling her that you were pretty sure she was Emperor Augustus in a previous life."

"You know, you can't exactly disprove –"

"Spiking the punch at the retirement home."

"Okay, okay. Fuck you very much."

Damon threw his hands up in the air triumphantly and was about to brag about his victory when Suzanne's text tone went off. At the name flashing across the screen, she felt a surge of surprise and interest.

Seeing her expression, Damon of course immediately leaned across the couch to see what had come up on her phone.

"Nick Smith? You've never mentioned him."

Suzanne heard the plaintive tone and shoved him off of her before saying, "I'm aware. I met him two days ago and we went out for drinks. He bought me some expensive booze."

"Wait, you met him in New York City? Why would you still talk if you probably won't run into him again?"

Suzanne shrugged, not really having an answer. Exchanging numbers with Nick had been done on a whim. After dropping Louie off at her AirBnb and meeting Nick at a bar later, she'd had a fun night. It had ended with the two of them making out against the side of his very nice car like teenagers, but Suzanne had pulled the plug before she was tempted to spend the night with him.

"It's the first time he's sent me a text since I left."

"Oooh, is he a special friend? Suze and Nick, sitting in a tree, F-U-C-K-I-N-G, first comes –"

Damon's song came to an abrupt end when Suzanne landed a solid punch to his solar plexus without bothering to look up from her screen. His wheezing sound was worth the bruises that would probably form on her knuckles.

When she unlocked her phone and saw what he had sent, she dramatically gasped and whispered, "That fucker."

Suzanne quickly turned the phone around and held it out in front of Damon so he could see the message and hopefully share her indignation.

"Why are you pissed by a picture of a departing flight screen at an airport? Are you already pining for him or something?"

Suzanne burst out laughing and Damon joined in a second later, both of them knowing that Suzanne wasn't exactly on board with the love-at-first-sight thing. Considering hers and Nick's first encounter had been disastrous, her disbelief was especially applicable. She was not fooled by 90's teen comedies – bumping into someone in an unexpected and inconvenient manner was not a cute way to meet a significant other.

"I'm not actually mad. We'd talked about the fact that he's going to Rome, so this picture is his way of lording it over me since I drunkenly confessed my love of Latin."

Damon let out a long, considerate whistle but answered back, "Sounds like a dick. You tend to attract those, don't you?"

Suzanne raised her eyebrows and purposely looked him up and down when she said, "Exhibit A."

Damon continued on as if she hadn't spoken while an amused smirk covered his face.

"So he buys you fancy liquor, knows some of your embarrassing secrets, and acts like a jackass. He sounds like we'd get along. I give him my blessing. You have my full support if you decide to flee to Italy and stay with him in a licentious love nest, as long as I get invited for Christmas every year."

Suzanne just stared at him for a moment, utterly bewildered.

"Um. Thanks?"