Bridle Gossip
Author's Note: HEY!
Okay, I shall now type in a non-bold font so the "hey" seems louder by comparison… I shall not let the inconsistencies with my other author's notes bother me...
Yes I will.
Anyway, I shall kick off this blooper romp by recommending to you all a story by another talented author whose works deserves WAY more attention than they have been getting. If you are like me in that you have a fascination with seeing ponies in a more mature world where they tackle problems outside of friendship and flowers and sparkles, then man do I have a story for you!
It's called Romance and the Fate of Equestria by my friend Supa Supa Bad Truly Mad Moves and it honestly blew me away with how well it's written. The characters act their age, get into situations one might expect from twenty-something year old women, and the fact that it's so in-character is what makes the story all the more intriguing. It's well worth the read so don't let its length intimidate you. ^u^
Now let the bloopers begin!
(Credit to bLuewErewOlf25)
Arriving At Work
[The Director walks into the studio, carrying a copy of the script and his megaphone]
Director: Goooood morning team! I see you're all here on time… [looks around] except for Pierre…
Twilight: Uh-huh.
Rarity: That's nice.
Director: Um… what are you all doing?
Applejack: Readin'.
[Sure enough, all of the ponies are reading magazines]
Director: Heh. Hey guys! Applejack can read! [chuckles]
[Silence]
Director: Yeah, okay that joke wasn't funny… it's been done to death on the internet already.
[More silence]
[The director moves to look over Rarity's shoulder and squints at the magazine she is reading]
Director: Oh it's a fashion magazine. Why am I not surprised?
Rainbow: Nope. It's a gossip magazine.
Director: Oh? Well… Rarity's looking at bridles so… wait you're all reading the same magazine?
Pinkie: Yup! It's gossip!
Fluttershy: About bridles.
[Everyone smirks at the director]
[Beat]
Director: [Rolls his eyes and turns around, finding himself face-to-face with Pierre, who has his nose buried in the same magazine as the ponies. The director stares accusingly at the cameraman.]
[Another beat]
Pierre: [Closes the magazine in shame]
(Credit to Guest)
Early x2 Combo
[Twilight and Spike are walking through Ponyville, which is completely empty]
Twilight: Wait… Where is everypony?
Spike: Is it some sort of pony holiday?
Twilight: Not that I know of.
[All of a sudden, Discord slides out from underneath a wagon wearing a thick winter coat and pants, some gloves, a pair of goggles and a pair of heavy boots. He has a snow shovel slung over his shoulder and he begins marching alongside Twilight and Spike whilst singing-]
Discord: [singing] Winter Wrap-Up, Winter Wrap-UUUUUUUUP! [His singing is so shrill that the glass in his goggles shatters]
[Silence]
Discord: [Notices that nothing is happening] Oh? Have you all been stunned to silence by my impressive countertenor singing voice?
Director: [yells through his megaphone] WHY ARE YOU HERE?!
Discord: [blinks] I'm too early, aren't I?
Spike: Yep. Winter Wrap-Up isn't for another few episodes, and you're not due to appear until next season. So technically, you're double early.
Discord: [rolls eyes] Good lord Spike, you sound like a YouTube comment section.
And Thus a Victim Was Chosen
Pinkie: [peers out through Sugarcube Corner's door] Psst! Twilight! Spike! Come here! Come! Here! Hurry! Before she gets you!
[Twilight gallops towards the door, however Pinkie Pie closes it before she can make it inside, causing Twilight (and Spike) to slam face first into the door]
Director: CUT!
Twilight: [rubbing her nose] Please don't let this be a running thing. Please!
Back Already
Twilight: Pinkie, what are you doing here alone in the dark?
Pinkie: I'm not alone in the dark. [The lights get a little brighter to reveal Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Fluttershy, Apple Bloom and-
Everyone: DERPY?!
Director: Oh my God! CAN YOU NOT?!
Derpy: [shrugs and smiles]
Bloom's First Bloop
[The title sequence ends and we cut to a shot of Twilight and Spike standing by a window. Apple Bloom places her front hooves on Spike's head so that she can stand at a height closer to Twilight's]
Apple Bloom: Did ya see her Twi- WHOA! [Spike loses balance, and he and Apple Bloom fall to the floor]
Director: Cut! Spike, work on your balance!
Spike: Apple Bloom… you're crushing my spine.
Apple Bloom: Your spines are stabbing me!
Motion Sickness
Applejack: Why, as soon as my sister saw Zecora ridin' into town, she started shakin' in her lil' horseshoes. [Applejack puts a leg around Apple Bloom and begins roughly shaking her back and forth]
Apple Bloom: [shakily] Did… did… [Apple Bloom suddenly lurches forward and throws up on the floor]
Director: Cut! Apple Bloom, do you wanna take a break?
Apple Bloom: Urk… yeah. Can I lie down for a second?
Director: Applejack, try not to shake her so hard next time.
Nerdy Purple Unicorns in Trouble
[Flutterbutt, Pink Ponk and Skittle Hair are describing Zecora to Twilight]
Fluttershy: She's mysterious…
Rainbow: Sinister...
Pinkie: And spoooooky!
Twilight: [Rolls her eyes and goes to look out the window again. However, the rest of the ponies (and dragon) in the candy shop crowd around her to get a look, shoving her into the window by mistake so that her face is smooshed against the glass]
Director: CUT!
Twilight: [muffled] GET. AWF. MEH!
You Need More Pain, and You Need More Pain!
Twilight: My books say that zebras come from a faraway land. But I've never seen her in Ponyville. Where does she live?
Applejack: That's just it; she lives in... The Everfree Forest!
[Suddenly there is a loud crash that sounds like a thunderclap followed by a long groan of agony]
Twilight: [Calls into the next room] Spike?! Are you okay in there?
Spike: Ugh… a frying pan landed on my tail.
Director: Cut.
Camera's First Bloop
[Pinkie begins singing her Evil Enchantress Song]
Pinkie:
She's an evil enchantress
She does evil dances
[Pinkie grabs the camera and leans in super close to it]
And if you look deep in her- AUGGGH! [Pinkie slams her face into the camera's lens]
Pierre: Hey! Now I have to clean that!
Director: Oh shut up, Pierre. Quick, get Pinkie to the nurse before she gets a black eye.
Safety Hazards
[Pinkie keeps singing]
Then what will she do?
She'll mix up an evil brew
Then she'll gobble you up
In a big tasty stew
Soooo... Watch o-WHOA!
[Pinkie jumps up on a table, striking an intimidating pose. However, the table flips over as she lands on it, sending her crashing to the ground]
Pierre: Oh come on! I just took you to the nurse ten minutes ago!
Pinkie: Mr. Director, maybe it isn't a good idea to show kids that jumping on a table is okay so long as you're emphasizing the final line of a musical number?
Pierre: Actually that's a good point. Maybe we should just have Pinkie stand on the ground-
Director: Don't question the script or I'll cut you.
(Credit to bLuewErewOlf25)
I Choose This Crossover
[Apple Bloom follows the hooded zebra through the Everfree Forest, treading quietly to ensure that she was not heard. Suddenly-]
Applejack: Apple Bloom!
[Apple Bloom gasps as the creature she's pursuing turns around and flings its hood away, revealing itself to be a slender yet muscular zebra with stripes and a mane in the shape of lightning streaks]
Apple Bloom: What the- you're not Zecora!
[The zebra-like creature lets out a powerful neigh and rears up on its hind legs, electricity flickering from its body]
Director: Um… Pierre, there's a chance that Zecora got escorted to the Pokémon studio by mistake.
Pierre: Apple Bloom! Step away from the Pokémon!
(Credit to Maggot Man)
An Odd Perception of Reality
Zecora: Beware! Beware, you pony folk! Those- OH! [Zecora suddenly turns around sharply, and soon everyone can hear heavy footsteps and muffled maniacal laughter]
Rainbow: What the holy horse-feathers is that?
[Twilight gasps as she suddenly sees fire approaching]
Pierre: OH MY GOD, THE SET'S ON FIRE! EVERYONE GET THE FIRE EXTINGUISHERS! CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT! WHERE'S MY ASTHMA PUMP?! [starts freaking out]
Director: Who the heck let that guy in?! [A large man in a red jumpsuit, carrying a flamethrower and wearing a gas mask storms across the set, aiming his flamethrower at pretty much everything. The director can tell, even though this individual is wearing a mask, that he is enjoying causing all of this destruction.]
Fluttershy: EVERYPONY TO THE EMERGENCY EXITS!
Director: PIERRE! NOW IS NOT THE TIME TO PASS OUT!
(Credit to Brandon Vortex AND AkaiKamiRyu)
Slip Ups
Zecora: Beware! Beware, you pony folk! [She begins backing ominously into the forest fog] Those leaves of blue are not a j-OOOFFF! [Zecora slips on something and falls backwards onto her rump]
Director: CUT! Zecora! What was that?!
Zecora: I'm not quite sure… oh. [she picks up a banana peel] It seems that someone left this on the set.
Director: [Intimidatingly] Zecora!
Zecora: Yes?
Director: Remember what it says in your contract. You have to stay in character. Keep talking in rhyme.
Zecora: [Sigh] This peel is the cause of my outtake. The fall has caused my behind to ache.
Twilight: Hehehe… that was my fault. I got hungry between takes.
Director: DAMNIT TWILIGHT!
The Services
[As Zecora backs away into the fog, Applejack ducks down to scoop Apple Bloom onto her head. However, in doing so she stands straight again so fast that Apple Bloom is flung off her head and down to the ground.]
Apple Bloom: [Lands on her back] OOOOOWWW!
Director: CUT! Applejack, what the heck?!
Applejack: [Worried] Shucks! Are you okay Apple Bloom? [She helps her sister to her hooves]
Apple Bloom: [Weakly] How many times can ya accidentally get me hurt before child services have to get involved?
Pierre: Good question-
Director: Pierre, shut up! I will not have this show go down in history as "The Show That Didn't Get Past Eight Episodes Because A Small Foal Got Repeatedly Injured By Her Kin".
Pierre: That's a mouthful.
Director: Shut up!
Spit-Outtake
[Twilight and Pinkie (now cursed) and Spike are in the library]
Twilight: Pinkie? What happened?
Pinkie: Phet wath Zthecora! Sthe put a cursthe on me! [As she says this, spittle sprays all over Spike.]
Spike: Hey, say it, don't spray it, Pinkie! [Suddenly, Spike takes a step back and slips on the puddle of spit, landing on his behind]
[Everyone is frozen]
Spike: [Tense]…okay, this may be one of the grossest things to happen on set so far.
Director: Agreed.
Pain in the Glass
[Rainbow Dash suddenly slams into a window, however instead of just bouncing back off it, she cracks the glass]
Rainbow: YIKES!
Director: What the heck?! Pierre, install a new window! Dash, try again!
Rainbow: Wha-? I could have got shredded by broken glass!
Pierre: [Installing a new window] Just… hit the window with a little less force?
Rainbow: How?! We're supposed to make it seem like I'm uncontrollably slamming my face into that thing!
Director: You're an actress, Dash. Just act like you're hitting the window really hard.
Rainbow: But that's not-
Director: ACTION!
More Short Ends for Applejack
Twilight: Fluttershy? Are you okay? Is there something wrong with you?
[Fluttershy nods her head]
Twilight: Would you care to tell us?
[Fluttershy shakes her head] So... you're not going to tell us?
[Fluttershy nods her head again]
Twilight: Yes you're not, or yes you will?
[Applejack, now tiny, runs along a table and jumps up onto a book]
Applejack: Good gravy, girl! What's wrong wi-YOW! [The book Applejack is standing on slides right off the table, sending the little pony tumbling to the ground]
Director: Cut!
Apple Bloom: Applejack! Are you okay?!
Applejack: [Weakly] Fallin'… hurts more… when you're tiny…
(Credit to Captain Alaska)
Inappropriate Improv
Spike: Hahaha! This is hilarious! Hehehe! Look at all of you! We got: Hairity, Rainbow Crash, Spitty Pie, Apple Teeny, Flutterguy, and Twilight Flaccid!
Director: Cut! Cut! Cut! Cut! CUT! Spike, what the heck?!
Spike: What?! You told me to improvise! So I did!
Director: In an appropriate way, you stupid Spyro reject!
Spike: Harsh!
Twilight: Spike! Where did you even learn language like that?!
Spike: [Groans] Great. Now I'm in trouble with mommy!
Just Pick A Punching Bag!
Twilight: This is no joke, Spike. [Spike snickers at Twilight's floppy horn] Now start looking for more books so I can find a cure!
Spike: [groans and walks off screen]
[Rainbow Dash is trying to get her head out of a ladder she had rammed her head through earlier… to no avail]
Rainbow: Uh, guys… I can't get out!
Director: Just pull harder.
Rainbow: No! I'm really stuck!
Pierre: Uh, hold on! I'll get a saw!
Rainbow: [sob] A saw…?
(Credit to Brandon Vortex AND AkaiKamiRyu… again! ^u^)
Flushing With Shame
Rainbow: [Struggling to stay airborne] I think we'll find a cure to this curse at Zecora's place!
Twilight: It's not a curse!
[Rainbow Dash tumbles off screen and a crashing sound is heard]
[Silence]
Director: …Applejack?
[More silence]
Director: …Applejack…? It's your line!
[Even more silence]
Director: Pierre, where's Applejack?
Pierre: How am I supposed to know?
[Sunset Shimmer suddenly rushes on stage, holding the tiny Applejack in her hands]
Applejack: I'm here, everypony! Sorry I'm late!
Director: Sunset, where was she?
Sunset: She… [lowers her voice] fell into a toilet.
Rarity: [Gag] Applejack, I hope you cleaned yourself off!
Applejack: Of course I did! What do you take me for? A savage? - don't answer that.
Sunset: It's true. She hosed herself off in a sink.
Pierre: [Chuckle] How did ya realize Applejack was in the toilet, Sunset?
[Beat]
Sunset: [Shuffles feet] …I don't wanna talk about it.
Twilight's Off the Hook- AJ is the New Punching Bag
Apple Bloom: This is all my fault. If I hadn't followed Zecora in the first place, none of this would've happened. I just gotta fix this.
[Apple Bloom begins making her way towards the door while everypony else is bickering. Applejack notices this.]
Applejack: Now where does she think she's goin' this time?
[The orange pony gallops towards the edge of the table and leaps towards Apple Bloom, aiming to land in her tail. However, she doesn't jump far enough and ends up plummeting to the ground again.]
Director: Cut!
Applejack: [Lifting her face up from the floor] Sir... this SUCKS!
This Was Bound To Happen
Rainbow: I don't care what you say, Twilight. It's time to pony up and confront Zecora. Come on, girls. Are you with me?
Pinkie Pie: Ah am-YOWWW!
Director: CUT! Pinkie, what is it?
Pinkie: Ah 'it my tong'b.
Director: [To Pierre] What did she say?
Pierre: She bit her tongue.
Director: [Flinches] Oooh!
Does This Even Count As A Blooper?
[Rainbow Dash, unable to get airborne, skids across the floor on her head.]
Rainbow: Hey, a little help here?
Fluttershy: Oopsie! Sorry.
[Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie help Rainbow Dash turn the right side up and then throw her into the air. Rainbow immediately flies out of control and slams into the wall above Twilight's door, leaving a dent in the shape of her body in the wood and causing the wall to crumble a little.]
Rainbow: [Sheepishly grins before zooming out the door]
Pierre: Um… sir, was that in the script?
Director: No, but we're keeping that in. Nice going Dash!
(Credit to AkaiKamiRyu)
A Tiny Problem
[Apple Bloom is galloping along the path to the Everfree Forest. She gallops into the trees… and keeps going… and going… until finally she slows to a stop.]
Apple Bloom: Applejack? [She shakes her tail to check for a sign of her sister, but there are no tiny ponies to be found.]
Director: For Pete's sake. Where is she this time?
[Suddenly, a tiny orange speck runs along the path to catch up with Apple Bloom.]
Applejack: I'm here! [Pant] I just… fell down [pant]… over there…
Director: [Groan] Why couldn't the poison joke have turned you into an actual apple or something? At least then we'd have a bunch of spares in the break room if we ever lost you.
Pierre: Well that's dark...
I Promise I've picked a Punching Bag Now
Applejack: [From atop Apple Bloom's head] You can't ignore a direct order from yer big sister!
[Apple Bloom flings her head up and tosses Applejack into the air. She tries to catch her sister, but misses entirely, and Applejack lands on the floor with an audible thud.]
Applejack: AIIIIIEEEEE!
[Apple Bloom frantically picks Applejack up and rushes her to the nurse.]
Pierre: I don't think I can watch this anymore…
Director: Tough luck; you're the cameraman. Suck it up.
Pierre: I never should have quit graphic design.
Shaggy Mare Story
[The Mane Six (sans Applejack) are galloping through the Everfree Forest to Zecora's hut.]
Twilight: C'mon girls! We've got to get to Zecora's. Hurry!
[Rarity suddenly trips and falls on her face… and doesn't get up again.]
Director: Um… Rarity?
[No response]
Pierre: Dang. I think she's out cold.
Director: [Groans] Do ya think we could hide a safety helmet under all that hair?
Horrible Horse Riding
[After several seconds of unscripted slapstick from Rainbow Dash, Applejack is almost swallowed by the cyan mare and forms a plan to get to Zecora's. She fashions a bit and reins out of sticks, leaves, and vines and puts it on the grounded pegasus. She then jumps onto Rainbow's tummy, holding onto the reins.]
Applejack: Giddy-up, pony!
Rainbow: Ex-CUSE me?
Applejack: YEEE HAW! [Applejack stomps on Rainbow's chest, but instead of making her take off, it instead causes Rainbow to cough and splutter.]
Rainbow: [Chokes] Dangit! [Coughs] Right on the trachea!
Director: Cut!
Baritone Bloopers
[Pinkie Pie is begging Fluttershy to help her sing her song, giving her a pair of her best puppy dog eyes. Fluttershy sighs and gives in, singing the song while wearing a deadpan expression.]
Fluttershy:
"She's an evil enchantress,
And she does evil dances,
And if you-"
[Suddenly Pinkie stops dancing and starts snorting with laughter, while Twilight and Rarity begin to snicker.]
Director: [Laughing a little himself] Okay let's try that again.
Take 2
Fluttershy: [sigh]
"She's an evil enchantress,
And she does evil dances,
And if you look deep in her eyes,
She-"
[Rarity begins to giggle, which makes Twilight giggle, which makes Fluttershy giggle, and so on until everyone on the set is laughing.
Director: God damnit, [chuckles] let's keep trying.
Take 3
Fluttershy:
"... She'll mix up an evil brew,
Then she'll gobble you up
In a big tasty stew,
Soooo..."
[Fluttershy suddenly bursts into laughter before she can get to the end of the song.]
Director: Cut! [Snort]
Fluttershy: Heh… sorry.
[Everypony starts chuckling again]
The Rainbow Suicide Attack
[Applejack flies down towards Zecora's hut on Rainbow Dash.]
Applejack: I'm comin' for ya, Apple Bloom!
[AJ flies Rainbow right through Zecora's door, across the room and… right out through the wall on the other side, taking a HUGE chunk of the wall out.]
Pierre: Damn! I know that Dash is probably in egregious pain as I speak, but that was impressive!
Okay So Maybe I've Picked a Punching Bag Now… Perhaps
[Applejack flies Rainbow downwards, intending to knock over Zecora's cauldron, but misses entirely and flies over it, slamming into a shelf.]
Director: CUT!
Pierre: Let's never use poison joke on our actors again…
(Credit to AkaiKamiRyu)
Teeny Tumbles
Zecora: That plant is much like poison oak. But its results are like a joke.
[Silence]
Director: God damnit! Where's Applejack now?!
Applejack: I'm still here! [She clambers up Zecora's neck and tugs herself onto the zebra's head by holding onto one of her ears] I just fell down… again.
Director: [Groans] Almost over…
Classic Background Ponies
[The director has his face buried in his hands.]
Pierre: What take are we on now, sir?
Director: Ugh. Fifteen.
Pierre: Damn… how hard is it for these ponies to just run in different directions into buildings?
Director: I'm starting to think they're doing it on purpose.
[A little way off, Daisy is whispering to Roseluck from their position on the ground after they had crashed into each other in the last take.]
Daisy: Rose, I think he's onto us.
Put Your Apples in a Bucket
Apple Bloom: [Gasps in realization] Applejack! Hey, where's Applejack?!
[Everypony starts panicking and looking around for the little orange pony.]
Applejack: [normal voice] I'm right here, little sis!
[The camera pans to Applejack, now back to her normal size, sitting in a small wooden bucket.]
Applejack: I ain't tiny no more-AWHUH!
[Suddenly the bucket Applejack is wedged in splits apart, making Applejack fall to the ground with a thump.]
Pinkie: Haha! AJ's booty was too big for that bucket!
Director: [Snort] We'll… we'll get a slightly bigger one.
Applejack: I think my rump's got splinters…
Endnote: And that was Bridle Gossip! Next up is Swarm of the Century so if you have any suggestions for bloopers, send them to me via PM or submit them in a review. Hope you enjoyed! ^u^
Also, I wonder who the 100th reviewer is going to be?
Mouse's Musings: I haven't watched Bridle Gossip in a long time, so I had virtually no ideas for bloopers before getting started on this chapter. With the "curse" affecting everypony it was hard to pick a target for slapstick in this chapter (eventually I settled on Applejack) and coming up with bloopers for Rainbow Dash was pretty much impossible since she was already making mistakes on screen, so I just went with the idea that she improvised all of her crashes (why the heck didn't Dash just WALK?!). Another thing I'm sure folks will be asking is: "Why is Sunset Shimmer a human here?" and I'll gladly explain. In the last Musings I said that I wanted to talk a little bit about the world this story is set in. I imagine that it takes place in a Who Framed Roger Rabbit type of universe where humans live amongst fictional characters, which is why humans, ponies and Pokémon are all featured in the same room here. Since Sunset Shimmer is shown more as a human than a pony in the series, I decided that the world's official Sunset would be a human. When I get around to doing the Equestria Girls movies (God help me) new blooper opportunities could open up, since the human versions of the Mane Six in this universe will be different human actors lip-synching the voice lines of the pony actors. And it's easy to explain why the Humane Six will be human clones of the ponies: Body paint and hair dye! I've seen some incredible MLP cosplays in my time- some of which could actually pass for the human versions of the horses we love, so it's not that hard to believe that the Twilight actress in this story could just wear some purple body paint and a wig.
But onto the episode itself- the first thought I had upon watching the episode in its entirety was: "Hmm… this episode felt a lot shorter than I remember it being." But it was at its full 22 minute length, so that couldn't be it. I skimmed through the episode again, and then I realized what made me think the episode was so short: Most of this episode is just the main characters standing around and talking in a room. The scene where the gang are cowering in Sugarcube Corner lasts almost four minutes if you count Pinkie's song, and much of the scene in the library could have been cut out to save time. It really does feel like nothing much happens in this episode. It's just padded out with the ponies acting like numbskulls to fill time. A thing I've noticed in MLP is that most episode conflicts (particularly in the first few seasons) depend on one of the main cast's morals and/or intelligence being sacrificed so the plot can flow. Sometimes it's Twilight, sometimes it's Pinkie Pie, sometimes it's Spike, but when this happens it usually only happens to one character. But in Bridle Gossip, it seems like everypony's a little out of sorts. I mean, everyone in Ponyville is terrified of Zecora? For no other reason than she looks different? The entire town?! That's stretching my suspension of disbelief a little there. I also have a theory that the reason Zecora talks in rhyme is because the writer for this episode didn't know how Zecora could mess up telling the ponies "Look out! Those plants are dangerous!" and so she came up with the rhyming thing because "wise, rhyming creatures always give vague advice."
This episode is a mixed bag for me. I don't really like it, but I don't dislike it either. I just find it kinda "meh." One thing I will praise it for, however, is the development this episode gives Twilight. At the end, Twilight discovers that she had the cure for Poison Joke in her library the whole time, but she didn't look inside the cure book because of the title on the cover. Twilight, being the book nerd that she is, learning about not judging a book by its cover is actually a pretty clever idea, because it shows that, at least in some ways, she is still on the same level as her Ponyville friends in terms of something- the "something" in this case being "judging someone before you get to know them."