A/N: So, we begin where we left all. Once again, thanks for all the reviews, theGLASSEDcamera, Khaos20 (explanation at the author's note at bottom), Calefe, SuzuBells (yes, if there's one thing that this fanfic teaches you, it is how to make up absolute nonsense off the top of your head and say it with a straight face), Jaspercabeth83 (I won't exactly tell you, but more info at the bottom author's note), lunarchroniclesandcockatiels, CrazyBlueOwl (if you stop 4 times at chapter 4, do you stop 5 times at chapter 5 and so on? Also, your profile pic combines pandas and lightsabers, two of my favorite things). I'm glad to know all of you laughed so hard, and I hope we can all continue to do so.
Leo was rubbing his hands nervously, thinking just what Percy- and the others had in store for him. See, he knew he was currently behind, and he knew that the others probably wanted him to be the one punished at the end, so undoubtedly they would want to break him, who was currently already the weakest part of the chain.
"Hey Leo," Percy said. "Shouldn't you be in uniform before we get started? It is right under your desk after all."
Leo hesitatingly looked under his desk to see a small black box. He hesitatingly opened it to reveal what is inside.
"Percy… this is slightly overdoing it," Leo said as he saw a maid outfit inside.
"No, this is revenge," Percy said. "For the DUNCE hat, and for what I was forced to say, and for what I was forced to hear…"
"Is this about what that Aphrodite girl said again?" Frank asked.
"I'm trying to forget about that," Percy said. "So let us never talk of it again."
Leo seriously considered hightailing it right then and there, but then decided it wouldn't be worth it to let Percy know that he had won.
And so. Leo, the new Oracle, was sitting in the room, wondering when this whole thing would be over.
"By the way Percy," Frank asked, "where did you manage to get a maid outfit on such short notice?"
Percy merely gripped Frank's shoulder, and very calmly said, "Don't ask questions that you don't want the answer to Frank. And for that matter, Leo, I'll have you know that I've invited someone very special here."
"Who?" Leo dared to asked.
"Oh, you know how we were going to record this all and then later put it on Hephaestus TV for everyone to see? Well, I managed to write a petition to the Olympian TV networks, and to Hephaestus, and guess what your dad said? He said it was great," Percy said.
"Where is this going?" Leo asked.
"And guess what, Hephaestus was just so amazed he wanted to meet you, his favorite son and/or daughter, while you were filming the show," Percy said. "And then yours truly, of course, decided to invite him here so he could see just what we were doing. By the way, did I use 'yours truly' correctly in that sentence?"
"I'm not sure," Frank said. "But you can't just go and say and/or, Percy, that's just not right."
Leo nearly fainted at that. "Wait-wait- are you telling me, that he's coming here right now?"
"What else did you hear?" Percy asked and then high fived the others.
"Oh, we're going to break you like a twig, Leo," Jason said.
Leo had started nearly hyperventilating. "Okay Percy, this is just not fair. You just cannot, and I seriously mean that, cannot just drag in people like that with-"
"All's fair in love and war," Frank said. "And by the way, he's kidding, Hephaestus turned out to be too busy to come. Or to send a reply for that matter."
Leo sighed out of relief before his actual client came in, Chiron.
"Surprise!" Percy said.
"Um, I was told by Percy to come here for some reason," Chiron said. He then took a good look at Leo, and then blinked to make sure he was seeing straight. "Uh… if you don't mind me asking, why…"
"Go on Leo, tell him," Percy prodded.
"Well, you see, I had to dress up like that for my last customer's reading for a very specific and sensible reason which if you heard you would not find me wearing a maid outfit to be strange at all," Leo said.
"Which was?" Chiron asked, very confused.
"I'm afraid I can't tell you," Leo said very slowly. "Oracle-client, privilege, you know?"
"Right, Oracle-client privilege is a thing now?" Jason asked.
"I see," Chiron said. "So there isn't any thing overtly wrong here?"
Leo wanted to say 'Everything's wrong here' but instead said, "Nope. Nothing. Just an Oracle reading people's fortunes."
"I see," Chiron said. "Only thing is, there are some weird rumors going around camp, and Miss Dare asked me to check things as she had visions that you volunteers were not exactly doing stuff right."
"This is bad," Jason said. "She's on to us."
"Eh," Percy said, not overly worried. "She'll probably forget about it once we show her the tapes we got, you know, and maybe collapse laughing."
"So," Frank said, "Leo, apparently your job has just gotten harder. You need to convince Chiron that everything is alright and we aren't up to any funny business, which given that you're currently in a maid outfit and forced to do everything that Percy says, who's about to rain cold, watery, vengeance on you, is somewhat of a Herculean task."
Leo gulped. "Nothing's wrong here," he said weakly. Leo somehow knew that if they were all caught, most likely he would be the one to be blamed, because let's be honest, Leo is the Apollo of the group in the sense that if something goes wrong, people are most likely to blame him for it. Plus, it was his technology that made the whole thing possible.
"Is it normal for a child of Hephaestus to be an Oracle?" Chiron asked. "I don't believe so-"
"Of course it is normal," Leo said nervously. "I mean, who else builds those odd astrolabes and telescopes for people to look up at the stars and record them properly, we do!"
"Right," Chiron said. "But are you doing your job properly? I'm going to need you to make some predictions for me then. Let's start with something simple, who is going to win the 2016 Presidential Race?"
This was a bit of a problem, as Leo had spent most of his time on his Wii U, and knew just about as much about the 2016 Presidential Race as Spongebob Squarepants.
"Leo," Percy said, "say that it will be Abraham Lincoln."
"I will have you know the fact that indeed I do know who will win the next Presidential Race," Leo said. "It will be Abraham Lincoln."
"Abraham Lincoln," Chiron said. "The sixteenth president?"
"Yes," Leo said.
"Do you care to explain how that's going to happen?"
Leo was going to say 'I don't know, I don't know the how, I just know that it is going to happen,' but before he could, Percy decided to interrupt.
"Go on Leo," Percy said. "Give him a good reason to explain yourself."
Leo frowned and closed his eyes. "I need to concentrate."
"Remember Leo," Percy said. "You need to say something so ridiculous that he'll have no choice but to accept it as the truth."
"Okay," Leo said. "This is how it will occur. You see, next year, Frank and everyone will ask for Hades to bring Hazel back to life, and this will occur eventually, and Thanatos will go to his huge death machine or whatever it is called, but someone will have accidentally left a pepper shaker there, Thanatos will accidentally hit it, it will spray out, he'll sneeze, and select 'Bring Back Abraham Lincoln' instead of 'Bring Back Hazel Levesque' and then he'll come back to life. Furthermore, as he was assassinated during his presidency, it was technically never over, so with a couple of good lawyers and after exploiting several loopholes he'll end up back in the White House."
The other three paused for a moment, and then began clapping.
"Okay, I have to admit, that was pretty awesome," Percy said. "That you completely thought of that off the top of your head."
"Agreed," both Frank and Jason said.
Chiron had a facial expression of intense disbelief, but then was interrupted from saying something as someone ran into the tent.
"Uh, Chiron, the Big House has been flooded, we need you there," the camper said, taking a full minute to look at Leo and rubbing his eyes to make sure he was seeing correctly.
"Alright then," Chiron said, leaving, and only sparing Leo a cursory glance.
"Hmm, someone flooded the Big House," Percy said thoughtfully. "It's almost as if a certain child of Poseidon was behind it and broke the plumbing."
"Wait, you're telling me you did that?" Leo asked. "Why the sudden change of heart?"
"We don't want Chiron telling on Rachel before we've finished," Percy said. "And I think this sort of private war is somehow… uh, ridiculous."
Result: Leo passed.
Leo returned to the hideout, oddly enough still in his maid outfit.
"Why haven't you changed?" Jason asked.
"Because it is a whole lot harder changing out of a maid outfit, or changing into one, than you think," Leo said (which is incidentally very true, but you know, in case you're wondering it's not like the author has extensive experience in that regard or anything like that ***shifty eyes***).
He then took a good look at Percy.
"It's okay," Leo said. "I mean, this was a really great joke for that matter. Truce?"
"Truce," Percy said, and in one of their rare moments they hugged it out.
Meanwhile, Jason took a photo of Percy hugging Leo while he was wearing a maid outfit, and then filed it away in a folder labeled 'Blackmail Material' on his phone, knowing that sometime in the future, it would be useful.
Leo was done changing, and now it was time for Frank to step up for his turn at being Oracle.
"Yeah, in the spirit of everyone wearing ridiculous costumes Frank," Leo said, "we have decided that you too, shall wear something ridiculous while being Oracle." Leo then took out a huge panda outfit.
"You guys are racist, you realize that don't you?" Frank said as he put the panda costume on.
So, Frank was sitting, wearing his panda costume, waiting for a customer, when Travis Stoll walked in.
"Where's Rachel?" he asked, saying the cliché line that two others had before him.
"She's gone on vacation for a while," Frank said. "So I'm here instead of her."
"So you're volunteering?" Travis asked.
"Frank, say, 'No, I have to pay back my student loan debt,'" Leo said.
"No, I have to pay my student loan debt," Frank said, though he didn't understand how that was funny.
"But you're a child of Mars, aren't you?" Travis asked. "Do you really have any powers as an Oracle?"
"Of course I do," Frank said. "Example, I for one, can tell you that you very recently met Leo Valdez, and he tried to sell you a book on twigging- no, on twerking, around the world."
"Whoa," Travis said, shocked. "How did you know that?"
"What can I say," Frank said, trying to sound mystical and spooky (thought that was hard while being dressed up like a giant panda), "I'm an Oracle. It is what I do with my amazing psychic powers."
"Or using hidden cameras," Leo said.
"So, why are you here?" Frank asked.
"Uh, well, that's kind of a long story," Travis said.
"Ask him if it has to do with Katie," Percy said.
"Does it have anything to do with someone named Katie?" Frank asked.
"No," Travis lied unconvincingly.
"Okay, now you need to start with the whole seeing into the future thing," Leo said. "Thankfully though, we've decided to add an ancient form of Chinese fortunetelling beneath your desk."
"Uh, you do realize that just because Frank's Chinese, it doesn't mean that everything he does is from China somehow?" Percy asked.
"No, but it is fun to see him squirm when we say that," Jason said.
"True, true," Percy agreed.
"I have an ancient form of fortunetelling that I believe can help you," Frank said. "I will have you know that this is an ancient Zhang family secret, passed along initially by pandas, who, you may be surprised to know, were the first fortunetellers in nature."
"Great job Frank!" Percy said. "You just took this whole thing to another level!"
"Really?" Travis said, who was, for a moment, seriously believing everything that came out of Frank's mouth.
"Yes," Frank said. "It is all true. The pandas then passed it on to my family, as we can become pandas, and so, this ancient Chinese tradition passed through the Zhang family, of which I am now a practitioner."
"Now go under your desk to find a box labeled, 'Frank's Special Treasure Box'" Leo said.
"Is it just me," Percy said, "Or does 'Frank's Special Treasure Box' sound like a euphemism for something?"
"It's just you," Frank and Jason assured Percy.
"By the way," Percy said. "What does 'euphemism' even mean?"
Frank reached beneath his desk to indeed, find a small box labeled, 'Frank's Special Treasure Box' except 'Frank' had been misspelt as 'Franc', you know stuff happens when Frank's the only non-dyslexic demigod in your group.
"That sounds like a euphemism for something," Travis said. "Is it?"
"No," Frank said.
"By the way, what does 'euphemism' mean?" Travis asked.
Frank ignored this and opened the box.
It is at this point that the writer of this fanfic would like you to pause, and just take a guess as to what could possibly be in that box which supposedly contained a secret Chinese fortunetelling tool that had been passed on for generations.
Guess what, you probably guessed wrong, because it was a bag of Cool Ranch flavored Doritos.
"What?" Travis asked. "Are those Doritos?"
"Yes," Frank said. "Of course, I'm assuming that you probably know that Doritos originated in China."
"Whoa," Percy said. "I thought we were imaginative liars, but Frank's really taking this to a whole new level."
"But you said this all came from pandas?" Travis asked.
"Well duh," Frank said. "Everyone knows that the staple diet of pandas are bamboo, followed by a certain type of grain which they form into geometrical shapes, usually triangles, from which the Chinese later developed Doritos. Like seriously, don't you know anything? What did they teach you in school?"
Travis looked offended. "Hey man, I was dyslexic alright, unlike you, so you should stop trying to lord over us who have learning disabilities with your amazing knowledge of everything."
The others were quite literally rolling on the floor laughing at the absurdity of the whole thing.
"So how does this work?" Travis asked.
"Basically, what you have to do is munch on some Doritos," Frank said, rapidly thinking of something to say. "And based on how the crumbs fall on you and your clothes, I can divine your future."
The whole thing sounded crazy to Travis, but he took a Dorito anyway and started munching on it. When he was done with ten, and being Doritos, the crumbs went everywhere as they tend to do.
"Hmmm," Frank said, getting up to see where the crumbs had landed, scratching his chin and looking far off into the distance as if contemplating something important while he wondered just what he was going to say to Travis. Frank even took out a magnifying glass to observe the crumbs closely, because, you know, why not?
"Okay, Frank," Leo said. "Make a really sad face."
Frank's face drooped.
"Now say," Jason said, "'I know what you did last summer, Travis, and it is going to come back to haunt you.'"
"I know what you did last summer Travis," Frank said. "And it is going to come back to haunt you."
Travis' eyes widened, he was horrified, and he was like, "What do I do? What I do to stop it?"
"Okay, I now really wanna know what he did last summer," Leo said.
"Yeah, but it isn't like Frank can just ask now," Jason pointed out.
"Uh, to stop it," Frank said, "all you need to do is run around a tree three times and then do the hokey-pokey."
"Got it!" Travis said and then ran out of the tent while screaming, "Thanks!"
"Quick!" Jason shouted. "I want to see Travis run around a tree three times and do the hokey-pokey! Frank, run after him with one of the hidden cameras!"
Result: Frank passed.
"So, that ends this round," Frank said.
"What was crazy was how you mainly just made up everything with us barely prompting you," Percy said.
"Yeah, this was great," Leo said. "But the problem is it was probably too easy, considering the fact that all of us passed. Though I probably would've quit if you know, you had actually called Hephaestus. We need to make a rule that says no godly parents allowed."
"Which means Leo is still behind," Jason said. "Actually though, that means that there's no way he can't lose."
"But, next round, it'll all be over," Frank said. "Or at least, for this session."
A/N: And that ends it for now. Overall result right now is Frank, Percy, and Jason all have a negative point while Leo has two, putting him in last for now.
By the way, this was supposed to be a story about a few friends having some fun, but then it became a story of backstabbing, private war, feuds, forgiveness, and blackmail.
That is also, incidentally, what happened to the Roman Empire. Or the Beatles for that matter. And I kind of like it better this way.
Anyway, next will be the final round of this segment, and this means that Leo is definitely getting punished, but what remains to see if someone is going to get punished with him.
And for that matter, quite a lot of you asked about the Aphrodite girl and what she said. Well, it had to do with the fact that Percy said that he was a girl on the inside, and well… that's all I'm telling you, the rest is really up to your imagination, and as Percy said, 'Let us never talk of it again.' And if you didn't get it at all, no problem.
Thanks for reading, as always, and do leave a review, if you liked it or this made you laugh.