Chapter 11 : The Aftermath
She's out of the office even before the principal finishes his sentence, sprinting toward the bike park. As she approaches it, she notices that his bike is still there. Has he left on foot ? She doubts it. She wonders where he could have gone, until an idea sparks in her mind. She whirls around and rushes back inside the building, easily finding her way toward the room they usually use for tutoring. Turning the handle, she sees the pudgy fox sitting at his chair, his face inside his arms on his desk.
"Gideon ?"
The fox doesn't move, though she saw his ear twitch as he heard his own name.
"Gid ? Are you okay ?" She asks, slowly approaching.
"This is bullshit." He mutters in a sob. "This is such fucking bullshit."
"Oh, Gid..." She begins, sitting next to him.
"We can't help you if you don't want to help yourself." He repeats. "This… It's sh-sh-shit ! Y'all keep sayin' to me over and over again ! My mom, the teachers, you, my shrink, and know the principal !"
"Because it's true-"
"It's not that I don't want to !" The tod shouts, his fists banging on the table. "It's that I don't fuckin' know how ! I don't understand anythin', I'm repeatin' a year and my grade were even worse than last year ! How… I can't do anythin' on my own. Even when I was… Bullyin' y'all, I wasn't the one comin' up with the ideas. There ain't nothing in here." He says, poking his head with his thumb. "Never was. If I'm supposed to help myself… Then I give up. I can't do it. Y'all are right, I ain't worth anythin'."
He settles his face back into his folded arms, his ragged breath intermittently cutting through the silence.
"Gideon… you're not-" She asks putting a paw to his shoulder.
"I'm just a fuckin' screw up."
"No you're not."
"Oh, please ! I'm goin' to be suspended with what I just said to the principal. And even without that, he gave me detention on every tuesday until the rest of the year. Means ya can't tutor me no more. And I can't do it on my own, I'll fail this year too."
"He gave you detention that day because it's the only day you aren't working." Explains the bunny. "And just because you're in detention doesn't mean I can't tutor you. You'll probably have to stay in the study room, but it's free of access to other students too. They can't bar me access just because you're there."
"Oh… But won't they tell us not to talk to each other ?"
The bunny shoot him a wry grin. "I'd like to see them try to explain that they won't let the best student in freshammal year tutor another student, detention or not."
"Ah… Oh… I'm really a dumbass, am I ?" He mutters, bowing his head with the realisation that half the reason of his outburst wasn't justified.
"No." The bunny answers. "You're not a dumbass… Gideon… What happened to you ?"
"Waddya mean ?"
"I mean… You're different. Before, you didn't seem to care about all this, about what we thought of you, or about your marks, or about getting suspended. I'm not going to say it's bad, I'm glad for your change of heart, I was just wondering… What happened ? Has it anything to do with you missing this year's first quarter ?"
He shoots her a perplexed glance. "What, you don't know ? Mrs Camull didn't tell you ?"
"No."
"I… I was in the hospital…"
"Why ? What happened to you ?"
The young tod buries his snout between his arms. "My dad happened."
"Your… What did he do ?"
The fox exhales slowly, and she can see his shoulders shudder. "He… He was always angry. So angry." There's a waver to his voice as Gideon starts talking. "If the house was not clean, or if I got suspended, or if there wasn't beer in the fridge, or..." The tod's voice breaks.
Judy wishes she had been wrong in her suspicions. The bullying, the anger, the bruises… She had started connecting the dot a while ago, but she didn't want to assume without knowing. And now that he's talking, she wishes he would stop and that she'd forget. Instead, she puts a supporting paw on his arm, that he grabs without looking.
"It wasn't too bad. I mean… Mom would make me hide… I didn't really understand why until… She had forgotten to buy bread, and he was so angry, and he started slapping her, and the she fell, so he kicked her, called her… Called her a stupid whore. And I tried to stop him, put mahself in front of her. He told me that if I thought I was adult enough to tell him what to do, I better be ready to take my beating like a grown-up."
Gideon emits a strangled chuckle. "Wish I could say I gave him as much as I got. Not much an eight years old can do against an , after that first one… I think… He got less… I thought he was less angry… Mom didn't get beat up as much since I did too…"
His breaths gets ragged and he keep his gaze riveted on the wall in front of him.
"Gid-"
"Don't. Don't say yer sorry. I ain't nuthin' to do wid ya."
If she didn't know better, she'd think the thickness in his voice is due to anger. At loss about what to do, she simply press the paw that holds hers.
"Life was pretty much shit 'till mom fell pregnant again a couple years ago… Dad got better. Barely hit us anymore… Well not her. Drunk less. I thought it was over. That was fixin' himself. Then… Then Hailey was born and… It got bad again. Worse. We lacked money, we lacked… Everythin'. That's when I had to start workin' to help, cuz' mom couldn't yet, and we had one more mouth to feed. Dad started sayin' it was all mom's fault, that she was whorin' herself and that's how she got pregnant. That Hailey wasn't his. I tried to take it when I could, cuz mom was too tired takin' care of Hailey. I couldn't always be there, especially wid's work, but it helped. 'Til one day… Mom forgot to make dinner. Didn't have the time, or she was just too tired, I dunno. I told her to hide with Hailey in my room. I knew… It was gonna be bad. Real bad. I was gonna take care of it, make dinner, get dad to take it out on me instead of her… But he wouldn't listen… He started goin' upstairs, and I thought he was goin' to hurt them both… I put myself in front of him. It's… It's the first time he broke sum'thin." The tod explains showing his arm. "Double fracture. Tha's also the first time the cops came."
"Where… Where is he now ?"
"Prison, for the next five years. He'll get out with a restraining order… With some luck, I'll never have to see him again."
Judy doesn't know what to say to that. She almost said "good", but there's nothing good about that situation. She spent her life believing Gideon was simply a jerk. But now, she can see that there was a lot underneath the surface. And with the sociology and ZPD reports she read as preparation for later, she should have formulated a theory about it earlier
"You know, so-so-sometimes I feel like I deserve it. I was horrible to y'all at school. I stole stuff, and I was a major jerk-"
"No one deserves to be treated like that !"
"Tha's what my therapist keeps sayin'… But I can't help it. Maybe, if I had been better, if I had worked harder, if he never had to pick me up from school because of a suspension, or at the police station..."
"Gideon-"
"I made his life harder. I made everyone's life harder. Even yours. I still am. I don't understand why you're all tryin' to help me when I just treat you all like dirt. It's ain't even the first time I repeat a year, and you… I don't deserve your help…" He trails off, wiping his eyes.
"Of course you do !" Reacts Judy. "Yes, you were a jerk, and so what ? You might not know how to help yourself, but you want to, right ?"
The tod nods.
"When you get angry, when you do… stupid things like fighting, or cursing, you do regret it, right ?"
"Not always." The tod admits a bit shamefully. "I'm sorry I was a jerk to you when ya started tutoring me for example, but I don't regret punching Donnie."
The bunny looks a bit shocked, before giving an embarrassed laugh. "If he had said things like that about you, I might have punched him too." She says.
"You would have ?" He asks, surprised.
"Maybe. What I mean, is that I understand why you did it. I'm not mad at you about it. I… I'm not mad at you at all. You attacked him because he insulted me. What kind of friend would I be if I was mad at you for trying to defend me ?"
"Someone like you shouldn't be friend like a dumbass like me." He says in a sullen tone that breaks her heart.
"Gideon, look at me." She states, putting her on paws his cheeks and forcing him to face her. "You're not a dumbass. You have anger problems, you're struggling at school, you're working to support your family. You're in a rough situation and you have the right to be stressed out about it. And you're my friend, that means I'm not giving up on you."
She gives him the hug he didn't dare ask for. It's warm and comforting, and he tries not to breath in her scent. He's probably going to smell like bunny later, but he can't really it bothers him. Then she let's go, and it feels a little hollow.
"We need to go back to principal's office. I got him to promise to be lenient on you if you came back and apologised."
The tod is hesitant, but when she extends her paw, he takes it, and lets her lead him away. They reach the ram's office, and the bunny knocks, opening the door when Mr Woolinsky tells them to come in.
He doesn't say anything, as the tod walks in front of his desk with his head bowed. "I… I'm sorry I cu-cu-cursed at you."
The ram's focused gaze feels piercing. The seconds get longer, and he starts to suspect he'll get suspended anyway.
"Apology accepted." The principal finally utters. "But it's your last warning. Use that kind of language in front of me again, and you will face a suspension and I will have a talk with your mother. Is that clear, young fox ?"
"It is, sir."
"Good. Then, you two can go."
As they're about to exit the room, the ram stops then one last time. "Just one last thing, Mr Grey. Congratulations on your marks' improvements."
Gideon tries to hide the smile of pride that sentence triggered, but the bunny still sees it.
"Wanna go study ?" She asks, despite the fact that she really isn't in the mood.
"I dunno… I don't think I'll be able to concentrate."
Judy nods. "Do you want to do something else ?"
"I… I wanted to go to the reservoir. You don't have to come, though, if ya have other things to do."
"No, I'll come with you. It's kind of calm, I like it." She smiles. "Plus, I think I need to empty my head. That's not something I can really do with all the noise at home."
- 1 -
There used to be a time when Gideon could easily outrun anyone else on his bike. Being fat was never much of a handicap until recently. This time, he has a hard time following the bunny. He almost catches up to her on straight portions of road, and gets in front in a couple of slopes, but when the path goes up, he finds himself struggling.
It's out of breath that the two mammals reach the reservoir. The tod set his backpack down next to his bike and the bunny imitates him, both of them taking back their breath as they round up the shed.
"You gave me a run for my money."
"So you were forcing it too ?" The tod asks, stepping on the pile of tyres, and then climbing on the roof before offering her his paw.
She grabs it, climbing up as she nods. "I don't have as much stamina as wish I had, but when I go all out, I can be really fast."
"Guess working at the steel mill gotta pay, somehow." The fox jokes flexing one of his arms.
The bunny reaches and prods it as a reflex. The fox might have more than just muscle around his bones, there's still a fair amount of them too. "Not bad." She comments before flexing too. Her grey fur contour her lean but powerful muscles. He can't tell she's already kind of ripped, and she's just a teenager.
Gideon hesitates, but ultimately decides that if she's offering, she has no problem with him touching her arm. The tod whistles. "Ya got muscles on ya."
"You'd still win on an arm wrestling match." She smiles.
"Yeah, probably."
They both sir on the edge of the roof, letting their feet dangle down. The bunny lets her upper body lay on the concrete warmed by the sun.
Gideon's gaze roam to the small patch of violet flowers. It's really strange the effect just looking at them can have on him. Calming, almost soothing. The shapes and colours dancing with the wind, they empty his mind.
"I like this place." The bunny says.
"You do ?"
"It's calm. At home, there's always noise. Even in the field, it's hard to be alone."
The tod emits a strange chuckle of acknowledgement. Yeah, it does feel good to be alone. He used to come here to avoid his dad, now he does it so he'll have some time of his own. He loves his mother and little sister to death, but between them, school and work, time just escapes him and he's so tired. Coming here, looking at the flowers and the sky, getting bored, actively bored, it got this strange aftertaste of freedom.
"Can I ask you a weird question ?" Judy has straightened her head, and is leaning on her elbows.
The tod lifts a perplexed brow. "Shure."
"Do you think I'll be able to become a cop ?"
"Why ya ask ?"
"I don't know..." The bunny reflects. "I looked at the ZPD minimal physical standards… They're so high. They were made for medium sized mammal, and I'm training, and training… I barely compare."
"I dunno… We're both kids. Yer even younger than I am."
"It's barely two years of difference !" The bunny reacts.
"It's almost three, who needs math tutorin' now ?" He chuckles. "I think… Ya already have it all figured out. Somethin' you wanna do, what to do to get there. Ya already proved ya could do stuff no one could… Hell, ya got me to study, how's that for an accomplishment ?"
The doe emits a giggle. "Yeah, that was an uphill battle."
"Hey !" He reacts, giving her a playful shove. There's some worry in his eyes, that maybe he went a bit too far with the physical contact, but she just shoves him back with a smile. "But yeah… That had to be hard. I think if ya want to be a cop, ya'll be one."
"Thank you." The bunny grins.
"Sometimes, I wish I was… I knew what I wanted to do wid' my life. I don't want to work a shit job my whole life… But even wid' a highschool degree, I dunno what I would do."
"Nothing you're interested in ?"
Gideon shrugs. "Not really."
"Isn't there stuff you like to do ? At home or at school ? Or something you're good at ?"
"Maybe bakin'..." He mutters with an embarrassed expression.
"Do you like it, or are you good at it ?"
"Dunno… Both… Mom always says my pies are the best… But she's my mom, ya know, she kept all the shitty drawings I used to make her."
Judy snorts. "I think my parents have a literal ton of those. Maybe we should do a bonfire out of them someday. They take a lot of space. But to come back to your baking… Yeah, I think if that's something you like to do… You should do it. Even if doesn't pan out as a career, you'll still know how to bake pies."
Gideon stares at her for a few seconds, trying to decipher her expression. He can't tell if she's serious, or mocking him, but she wasn't ever the mocking kind. With a huff, he lets himself fall on his back and looks up at the sky. Yeah, maybe he'll try to put some effort into his baking. What the hell, worst scenario ends up in him having pastries. Pastries are good.