The Show Stoppers
Intro
[The Director walks into the studio, not bothering to look up from his copy of the script as he speaks.]
Director: Okay, thanks to an unfortunate food poisoning incident- I feel awful, thanks for asking- we're a day behind schedule. I know we have to deal with a bunch of kids on-set, but that's not an excuse anymore. We need to have an actual good episode sooner or later so we don't lose our audience, so get off your butts because we're filming now, and I'll cut the paychecks of anyone who screws this up.
[He looks up from the script, finding that the studio is completely empty and he has been talking to himself.]
Director: …*sobs*
[Applejack leads the Cutie Mark Crusaders through the woods until she reaches the place she wanted to show them.]
Applejack: Here we are!
Apple Bloom: What are we looking at?
Scootaloo: I have no idea.
Sweetie Belle: What is that thing?
Applejack: Cutie Mark Crusaders, welcome to your new clubhouse! [Applejack proudly flourishes a leg out towards a shabby looking treehouse that looks like it's on the verge of completely collapsing.]
[Beat]
Applejack: Um… [She stays frozen in the same position, angling her eyes towards the clubhouse]
[Longer pause]
[Applejack stays frozen, gritting her teeth as she continued looking at the treehouse. The Director leans forward in his seat, a vein already popping out of his forehead from how frustrating it was.]
[Beat]
[Finally, a window breaks off the clubhouse, and Applejack sighs in relief while the Director buries his head in his hands.]
Director: We'll just edit that. Let's move on.
[After leading the CMC up towards the clubhouse, the three fillies aren't pleased by what they see.]
Apple Bloom: Applejack, we're supposed to turn this into our new clubhouse?
Applejack: [Leans against one of the treehouse's walls.] Well, maybe y'all will get your Cutie Marks when you discover your talent for-
[The orange earth pony braces herself for the wall to fall in, but nothing happens.]
Director: Ugh. Cu-
Applejack: WHOA! [A few moments too late, the wall falls in, and Applejack yelps as she topples through it and onto the floor inside.]
Director: Dang it!
[Scootaloo whizzes through Ponyville on her scooter, using her tiny wings to propel herself at an impressive speed. She zooms between two mares conversing in the street and heads in the direction of a crowd. Just in front of the crowd is a conveniently-placed plank of wood leaning against some crates. She scoots towards it but ends up skidding too far to the left and heading straight towards the crowd. Everypony dives for cover.
Director: CUT!
[No one can really hear him over all the screaming.]
[The CMC are explaining their plans to Applejack, who is leaning inside through a window.]
Apple Bloom: We'll leave no stone unturned!
Scootaloo: No mountain unclimbed!
Sweetie Belle: No meal uncooked!
Apple Bloom: No sock unworn!
Applejack: Well okay then! Sounds like you got a plan. I've gotta… uh, leave no apple unpicked!
[Applejack goes to leave but ends up hitting the back of her head against the window's frame]
Director: Cut!
Applejack: [Taking her hat off and rubbing the base of her skull] Son of a mule, that's gonna bruise like heck.
[The CMC are carrying some buckets of swill towards the barn on their heads.]
Scootaloo: Oh no! [She loses her balance and the bucket falls to the ground, spilling the swill everywhere. The other two fillies bump into Scootaloo and their buckets of swill end up splashing all over them.
Director: CUT!
Sweetie Belle: Ewww, it stinks!
[Quinn saunters over to the three fillies, picking them up and tucking them under his shoulders. Some of the swill gets on his clothes, but he doesn't seem to care.]
Quinn: I'll get these kiddos cleaned up in a flash. [Gives the Director an unnerving smile.]
Director: Um… Pierre, can you go with him? I suddenly don't trust him.
Pierre: [Heads off] Sure. I'll hide all the sharp objects I can find.
[On the farm, Apple Bloom and Scootaloo are playing some sort of competitive tabletop game to see if that will get them their Cutie Marks, but Apple Bloom keeps guessing Sweetie Belle's cards wrong.]
Scootaloo: What is this game?
Director: Cut! Scootaloo, no ad-libbing! This is supposed to be a silent montage!
Scootaloo: Sorry, but I can't help it. I gotta know what the rules are supposed to be.
Director: Who cares? The game is on screen for like ten seconds- no one could be stupid enough to pay close attention to it.
Scootaloo: We work for Hasbro, right? We could have used one of their board games.
Director: Scoots, are you seriously saying that Hasbro isn't plugging their products enough? While you're acting in a TV show that was pretty much made for advertising toys?
Scootaloo: I just think it's weird they'd miss that…
Director: Stop giving them ideas!
[The CMC are rock climbing now, and they are attached to each other with a rope. When they get to the top, they lose their balance and tumble back down to the ground. The three fillies end up completely tangled in the rope.]
Director: Ugh. Cut!
Sweetie Belle: C-can we get some help?
Apple Bloom: [Struggling] This rope's cuttin' off my circulation!
Scootaloo: Why don't you come up with the dance routine, Apple Bloom?
Apple Bloom: Hmm… I'm not much of a dancer... but I do like Kung-fu. That's kinda like dancin'.
[Apple Bloom shows off a few kung-fu kicks but doesn't look where she's aiming and kicks Scootaloo in the face. The whole room gasps as Scootaloo falls unconscious.]
[Silence]
Pierre [Gets up] I'll go get the nurse this time.
[Apple Bloom kneels down beside Scootaloo]
Apple Bloom: Scootaloo! Don't die! You're too young!
Sweetie Belle: She's not dead, Apple Bloom. Look, she's breathing!
Apple Bloom: Oh! Well… thank goodness. I wouldn't wanna have that on my conscience.
[Apple Bloom is having trouble dancing, so Scootaloo shows her how to do a spin. She makes it look incredibly easy.]
Apple Bloom: Wow! That does look easy. Thanks. Okay. Let's try this again. [Apple Bloom begins to spin around, but she quickly loses her balance and falls over into the record player she was using to play music.] Ow! Ouch! OW!
[Scootaloo cringes at the state of her friend.]
Apple Bloom: I'm okay!
Scootaloo: Then.. where's that blood coming from?
[Apple Bloom lifts her head and looks down at the grass, where a small amount of blood has splattered onto the ground. After staring at it for a second, she faints.]
Director: CUT! What happened?
[Applejack trots onto the set]
Applejack: She's just got a little phobia of blood. [Checks the filly over] Ah, she just scraped her knee- I'll go get somethin' to put on that cut.
Pierre: Congratulations, sir. Your first child bloodshed of the production!
Director: Shut up, you.
[Sweetie Belle is checking up on Scootaloo's songwriting.]
Scootaloo: I'm just no good at lyrics. Coming up with words is, like... [pause] really hard.
Sweetie Belle: Oh, it can't be that bad. [She trots over to the piano and leans in to read what Scootaloo has written] "With our cutie marks we'll rock Equestria. We use our stomachs to... digestia"?
[Scootaloo smiles widely, but it's very obvious that it's forced.]
Director: Cut! Scootaloo, can you at least try to smile genuinely?
Scootaloo: [Through her teeth because she's still "smiling"] But these lyrics are so bad that they burn!
Director: Yeah well Scootaloo's stupid so you're not supposed to know that.
Scootaloo: [Frowns] I know you're talking about my character, but that still hurts...
[Sweetie Belle has a solution for some lyrics to improve Scootaloo's song.]
Sweetie Belle: How about after "we fight the fight"...
"There is nothing that we fear
We'll have to figure out what we'll do next
'Til our cutie marks are here!"
[Sweetie Belle covers her mouth in embarrassment when her voice cracks on the final note.]
Director: Cut!
Rarity: Don't worry, Sweetie Belle. It happens to the best of us.
[Applejack has just witnessed the CMC practicing their disastrous talent show act. She is about to leave when the fillies emerge from the clubhouse.]
Apple Bloom: I think that sounded pretty good.
Sweetie Belle: Me too. Do you think we're ready?
Scootaloo: Ready as we'll ever be.
[The trio see Applejack on the ground below the clubhouse and head to the balcony to speak with her. Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle lean over the railing while Apple Bloom squeezes under them so she can dangle her front legs over the edge of the platform.]
Scootaloo: Hey! Did ya see us practicing?
Applejack: [Hesitantly] Uh… yeah.
Apple Bloom: Well? How did we do?! How did we do?!
Applejack: Uhhhh…
Scootaloo: She's speechless! See girls, I told you that's what we're gonna do. We're gonna leave them speechless!
[All three of the girls cheer, but Apple Bloom loses her balance and falls through the railing and off the platform. Applejack gasps and dashes forward, catching Apple Bloom on her back before she hits the ground.]
Applejack: Dang it, Apple Bloom! You could've gotten splattered just then!
Apple Bloom: [Shaking] I… I just saw my life pass in front of my eyes! It was mostly me sleeping, Applejack!
Applejack: So? What's important is that you didn't hurt yourself.
Apple Bloom: [Sounding desperate] Applejack, I need to get out more!
[On the day of the talent show, Snips and Snails are performing a magic act.]
Snips: ...And on the count of three, this rabbit will disappear, and something tasty will reappear in its place.
[Snails places his top hat over the rabbit on the table.]
Snips: A-one, a-two, and a-three!
[When he lifts up the hat, the rabbit is gone, but instead of there being nothing there at all, a different rabbit is in its place.]
Cheerilee: What the… is that Fluttershy's pet bunny?
Snips: H-how did he get here?!
[Angel Bunny hops onto Snips' head, giving him a quick kick in the horn before jumping down to the floor and bouncing away.]
Snips: Ow… hey, Mr. Director, how did that happen?
Director: Don't ask me. My perception of reality is skewed enough without adding teleporting bunny rabbits to the equation.
[The CMC have just finished telling Twilight Sparkle about their act].
Cheerilee: Cutie Mark Crusaders, you're on next. Break a leg.
[The fillies head toward the stage.]
Twilight: Break a le-
[Apple Bloom then trips and slams face-first into the floor. When she lifts her head, her nose is bleeding.]
Director: CUT!
Twilight: [Levitates Apple Bloom onto her back] Oh no! Let's go get you cleaned up. [Quinn calls after Twilight, but the unicorn pretends she didn't hear him.]
Pierre: Congratulations, sir. Your second child bloodshed of the production.
Director: Pierre, I swear, I will shove this megaphone down your throat.
[After the CMC have won their prize, they talk backstage for a while.]
Apple Bloom: Can you believe it? We won!
Scootaloo: I knew our act was awesome.
Sweetie Belle: You know what would be the best? If we won and we got our cutie marks.
[They eagerly begin taking off their costumes, ready to see if all their effort has paid off. Apple Bloom and Scootaloo check their flanks, but are disappointed to see no Cutie Mark has appeared.]
Sweetie Belle: Ugh! I'm stuck!
[The little unicorn can't seem to get out of her costume; the material tightly clinging to her.]
Apple Bloom: You just had to pick latex, didn't ya?
Sweetie Belle: Hey, blame the costume department! Just get me out of this thing!
Director: Cut!
[Everyone is packing up after a long day of filming.]
Director: I gotta hand it to you guys, that was pretty smooth compared to how things usually go.
Twilight: I know! It was a breath of fresh air.
Tou-Mou: I managed to work with Veronica long enough to plan out that song scene, and I let the kids help me make the props. Didn't I do good, sir?
Director: [Groans] I guess you did.
Tou-Mou: So… [smirks]
Director: No, you can not borrow my trailer to throw a party.
Tou-Mou: Dang it… [Leaves]
Twilight: I hope the next episode gets finished this smoothly as well.
Director: I recall reading the script and thinking it looked pretty simple to film, so it might actually be a quick shoot.
Pinkie: [Jumps onto the Director's back and flings her front legs around his neck] Hellooooo~!
Director: [Shocked] GAH! Pinkie, where did you come from? You weren't even in this episode!
Pinkie: Hey, I just wanted to show up and be supportive! That's what friends are for.
Director: Hey, you wanna know something. I pulled some strings to get Rainbow Dash in the episode purely because I didn't want her taking time off.
Twilight: But… she didn't even get a line. That's pretty cruel.
Director: [Chuckles] I know!
Pinkie: Hey, guys. Do you think anyone noticed we're not using titles for the bloopers anymore?
Twilight: ...what?
Endnote: Another episode done! I want to get to the end of this season as soon as possible, so if you have any suggestions for A Dog and Pony Show bloopers, send 'em on in. I feel like I should clarify that I don't want the bloopers to be too adult-oriented. This story is rated Teen, so while some suggestive stuff is okay, I can't go too far with it.
Mouse's Musings: We got another one that doesn't really expand on this world's lore again, but let's be honest- that's not why you're here. I'm constantly worried about focusing on my own characters too much, so I felt like a chapter consisting of the ponies almost exclusively would do some good. I have a feeling I'm gonna go back to expanding the world in the next chapter though- I got some material for it, at least.
As for my thoughts on the episode itself; this one is really interesting because it's the first CMC-centric episode of the show. We're also shown that the three fillies do have things that they're talented at, but they either don't realise it or don't enjoy doing it. After this episode, the CMC don't really come close to finding their talents again until Crusaders of the Lost Mark. This episode doesn't really have a moral to it, which I hadn't noticed before; it seems like this episode was just made to entertain kids rather than teach them anything, and that's fine- it's just the first instance of this happening in the show if my memory serves correctly.
I've always really loved the Cutie Mark Crusaders, which I was initially surprised by because I rarely ever like child characters. Child characters are really hard to get right, and this show does make the CMC annoying sometimes, like in the last episode. The thing with TV shows is that half the time they make the child characters too smart for their age so that an adult audience can connect with them more, but on the other hand, when writers depict children more realistically, they often come across as irritating. It becomes a lot more difficult to relate to a character whose brain hasn't finished developing yet, is what I'm saying. But the CMC find a good balance between those two portrayals most of the time, and that's why I encourage any writer to watch this show and use the CMC as an example of how to write good children.