A/N: Koolkat0207 (I originally meant for Jason to do something with that photo he took... and he did), Ayano's Theory of Relativity (if I do CPR that means I'm technically kissing you and I'm not sure how that would be. Instead, if your Canal of Jason is blocked, just try moving your Vocal Cords of Frank which should clear it up), CrazyBlueOwl ( I am to assume you mean snot. Autocorrect sure does love you), Neutrino 2000 (it kind of depends on what the audience wants and if you get some people who are very serious or something), Star, Vexy Minion, DrakonOwl21195, Calefe, and Will.
"Wow Leo, if it means anything, I'd give you a 10/10 for the funny class," Percy said.
"Yeah, but that really doesn't make it up for your low score," Jason said.
Jason was up next.
"Great Jason," Leo said. "We've decided to give you your topic before the class walks in so you have some time to prepare. Your topic is, 'How to Talk Like a Baby.'"
Jason wrote the topic on the board.
"So come on Jason," Percy said. "You need some practice. Try talking like a baby."
"Good mowning, class," Jason said in a very high-pitched and oddly cute voice. "My name is Pwofessow Wason. Who's weady to wearn?"
The other guys were in stiches. "Great," Percy managed to get out. "Now keep talking like that for the rest of the class once it arrives."
The class did arrive, and once almost everyone was there, Jason repeated his rather weird greeting to the chuckles of most of the class.
"Now, when talking like a baby, what's the most important thing to remember?" Frank asked. "Oh yes. In order to talk like a baby, it is important to think and act like a baby. Now tell your class that."
"Now," Jason said in the same voice. "The most impowtant thing about talking like a baby is that you have to think and act like won."
"Great," Percy said. "And just for the occasion, we've prepared a nice costume for you under your desk. Go have a look at it."
Jason took one look at it and made it a note to find out whoever thought of it and get them back.
Basically, it was huge baby costume, even with a huge bib and a pacifier Jason's size. Jason of course, put it on, because not even Leo had given up and he wasn't either.
The class, as well as the other contestants, laughed like there was no tomorrow.
"I'll be honest here," Leo said. "I'd have preferred the maid outfit."
"Agreed," Percy said.
"Great, you're doing great Jason," Frank said. "Now, what you need to tell the class is that as babies sleep up to sixteen hours a day, they need to as well."
Jason took the pacifier out of his mouth and said, "As you all know, babies need to sweep at least sixtween hours a day, and you should all too."
One of the students said, "So we can all sleep sixteen hours a day? That's awesome, I can't wait to tell my parents when they try to wake me up."
Jason snorted.
"Now, you should probably demonstrate how to sleep," Frank said.
At that moment of course, a lullaby began playing out of the speakers and the lights began dimming.
"So Jason," Leo said. "You're doing great. There's a blanket next to where you found the costume. And do remind your students how a blanket is important, and then demonstrate how to sleep by going to sleep on that desk."
Jason did in fact find a blanket covered with the phrase, 'World's Best Baby' and then he said, "Wemember class, to always take your blankie with you when going to seep."
He then lied down on the desk and put the blanket over him and began sleeping.
"Jason! Jason!" Percy said. "Put your thumb in your mouth and start sucking it just to complete the picture."
Jason began sucking his thumb.
Half of the class was in tears. Someone said, "Dude, this is a class on talking like a baby, and the professor just told us we should sleep sixteen hours a day, and now this is happening! This is the greatest class ever!"
"I think we need to bring it down a notch," Percy said. "I think I'm going to collapse due to lack of oxygen if this continues being this funny."
"If you do," Leo said, "I am not going to be doing CPR on you. Because when I think about it, you're just not worth saving. And since it counts as a kiss, no way either."
In response to this Frank showed Leo the maid outfit photo from earlier where he was hugging Percy.
After a minute the music stopped playing and Jason woke up as the lights came back on.
"Great," Percy said. "Now say that another important aspect of being a baby is getting breast-fed and soiling your diaper."
"Now," Jason said, "another vewy impowtant pawt of being a baby is getting bweast-fed and soiling your diawper."
Several students sat bolt upright; surely the professor wasn't going to….
"But, tell them that we can skip those things and move on with the rest of the class," Leo said.
"But thankfully we can skip those things and move on to other things in this class," Jason said. There were several sighs of relief and more disappointed sighs.
"Now tell them that the class is almost over, but you'd like to read them a poem," Percy said.
"Well, the class is over but befowe you all go, I want to read you a poem," Jason said.
"Now make a bunch of noises that make no sense like a baby would," Leo said.
We're not really sure how to write down what Jason said, but it basically went along the lines of: "Boo-bah booh wah wah you wee boo –bah beeboo ehh oh babh ruu boo-bah."
That's the best we could do to translate the thing.
As Jason left, the entire class stood up and applauded.
Result: Jason scored 9.35/10.
"Whoa," Percy said. "Highest score ever!"
"How did he not get a ten?" Frank asked. "You're trying to tell me some people didn't like that? Everyone's a critic."
"Okay, but Jason's just lucky he got people who liked to laugh," Leo said. "I got the serious people actually expecting a class."
Frank was up next now, and the entire class had arrived, and the others hadn't told him his topic yet, claiming that it was necessary to keep it a secret.
"So, now tell the students that you know that most college lectures are on things that they'll never use in real life," Leo said.
"Good morning students," Frank said. "I know that most college lectures are on things that you'll probably never use in real life."
"Which is why you're going to tell them something that's going to be useful to them," Leo said.
"And so, I'm going to be teaching you something that will be useful to you," Frank said.
"Now, your topic is, 'How to Survive the Zombie Apocalypse' and now write it down on the board," Percy said.
"I will be teaching you on how to survive the zombie apocalypse," Frank said and wrote the topic down on the board. Several students looked amused, and the rest looked confused.
"Now, tell them the first thing they need to do is form a group," Jason said.
"The first thing to remember is that you need to form a group, because you'll never survive alone, no matter what you think," Frank said.
"Tell them that first of all, you need to recruit a fall guy who is there just to die first, because someone in the group is going to die so you might as well get one from before," Percy said.
"Now, of course, the first thing you need is a fall guy- you know, someone you keep just because they're useless and you know they're going to die first, because we all know that someone in the team is going to die," Frank said.
"Point to someone randomly and say, 'You know, like that guy,'" Jason said.
"You know, like that guy," Frank said, pointing to someone who looked offended.
Someone raised their hand. "Uh, professor, I sort of kind of think I'd be that person. What do I do then?"
"I think out of all of us, Frank would be that person," Leo said.
"Tell him that he should find someone who's lamer than he is," Percy said. "And once again, point to a random person in the class."
"Just find someone who's lamer than you are," Frank said. "You know, like that guy."
Another person looked slightly offended.
"So, is this our new plan?" Leo asked. "We make Frank do stuff that'll offend the students so he'll get a low score?"
"Pretty much," Percy said.
"Genius."
"Now, Frank remind them that most of them don't know what a real zombie looks like, despite the movies," Percy said.
"I'd just like to remind all of you that you don't know what a real zombie looks like, despite the movies," Frank said.
"So now you're going to show them an accurate photo of a zombie," Leo said.
"That's why I'm going to show you an accurate photo of a zombie," Frank said.
"Now look under the desk to see what we've kept there," Jason said.
Frank did, and sighed, holding the photo up.
You see, several weeks earlier Frank had to pull up an all-nighter for a Roman project, and while he had horrible hair he tripped and fell into a box of coal. The photo was of him afterwards.
There was of course, giggling, as they could all recognize that Frank was in the photo.
"Tell them, that as you can see, it is hideous and not someone you'd like to be around or be taught a class," Leo said.
"As you can see, this is hideous and not someone you'd like to be around or be taught a class by," Frank said. Again, this seemed to be a great joke with the class.
"I think they really hate you Frank," Leo said. "Do you wanna give up now?"
"If not, tell them that they need to start with information, and need to know when a zombie attack is going to happen. But before that, they need a plan," Percy said.
"Now, you need to start with information, and you need to know when a zombie attack is going to happen. But before that, you need to have a plan to default to when it does happen rather than making up things as you go along," Frank said.
"Tell them they need to secure a water source first, and they shouldn't drink their own urine even if it is sterile because it is completely gross," Jason said.
"Do remember to first of all secure a water source, and do not drink your own urine. Just because it is sterile doesn't mean that it isn't completely gross," Frank said.
"Also tell them that they should make sure to have a lot of bottled water with them in their homes," Jason said.
"So that is why you should make sure to have a lot of bottled water in your house," Frank said.
"Tell them if that runs out they can always drink their own urine because it is perfectly sterile," Percy said.
"If that happens to run out you can always drink your own urine because it is perfectly sterile," Frank said.
"Now you should move onto a talk about weapons and the right ones to use," Percy said.
"Of course, in the end, while you're going to try and make your priority to avoid the zombies, eventually you will end up fighting some of them. There are of course, your normal go-to weapons like guns, but the only downside is that they're expensive, and for that matter they'll run out and most of you probably don't have that much practice anyway. A lot of you will want to use a bow and arrow just because you've watched The Hunger Games one time too many but you'll run out of arrows. And knives really aren't ideal either," Frank said.
"Wow, you basically just said that nothing works," Percy said.
"But don't you have a better weapon?" Leo asked. "Just look under where you got that picture."
There was indeed something there, a Nerf dart blaster.
"Show the class what your favorite zombie-fighting weapon is, Frank," Jason said.
Frank held up the blaster for the whole class to see.
"And now you're going to demonstrate how to use it," Percy said. "Open the drawer next to it."
Frank opened it to see a small Winnie the Pooh Bear doll.
"Great, now show the class how to use the blaster using the doll as your target," Jason said.
And so, the entire class was forced to watch their professor shoot a Winnie the Pooh Bear doll from across the room using a Nerf dart blaster all the while shouting, "Die zombie! Die!"
Result: Frank got a 5.8/10.
A/N: And so, Frank and Leo took a loss this round, making both of them have negative points and Percy and Jason are completely in the clear. I hope you liked it, and pleas review if you did.
By the way, who do you think would die first if there was a zombie apocalypse? I would bet on Percy, not because he's weak, but rather because he'd probably let himself die trying to save the others.
Also, I have some bad news. I wanted to update this fic once a week, and that's worked, but we'll be going on a hiatus which is unavoidable with things going on which shouldn't be longer than one week. See you guys in two weeks.