AN: Here's the next chapter. Some warning first - there's some foul language and mentions of rape. If this bothers you, please skip. I didn't go into details, it's just a quick mention. Also there's mention of Albus bashing, so if you don't like this either please don't read.

I'm wishing I had the imagination to come up with Harry Potter and the whole wizarding world but I didn't, so I don't own it. Ugh.

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Matters of the Heart

Chapter 9

They didn't talk about anything else after that. They sat quietly finishing their drinks and watching the fire.

Harry? Do you think his hair is soft? Do you think what they say about big feet is true?

Harry giggled at that and mentally chided his inner Vampire.

"What's so funny?" Severus asked.

"Nothing. I always seem to giggle when I've had enough liquor. Not one of my better traits but well...I've always had a sensitive stomach. My friends would always make fun of me when we go out and I drink too much. That's how I learned to drink water periodically during the night so it's not so bad." Harry said, smiling in remembrance.

"Oh, do you do this sort of thing often, Harry?" Severus teases.

His Vampire gasped.

Harry chuckled out his reply, "No. I like to drink whiskey, but I'm not one to drink to get drunk or to use liquor to meet people."

"Because of who you are, people just flock to you…" Severus says before he realizes what he is saying and immediately follows with, "Oh, I didn't mean to say that, well I did, but not like that." He flounders and fidgets with his glass.

Harry knows he didn't mean it maliciously so he decided to help the man out. "Severus, it's all right. I understood what you meant. And to answer your question...I don't really look like I did back then plus I keep this scar covered up for the most part." Pointing to his forehead, "So, I can have normal interactions with people without them realizing who I am."

Severus nodded in understanding. Harry definitely doesn't look how he did during the war. He sat back and sipped from his glass before setting it on the table. He watched the young man across from him. Something about what he said earlier is bothering him. "Why do you have a sensitive stomach, Harry? I never heard the Mediwitch mention it or anyone else for that matter." Nor has he ever noticed your eating habits, he thought to himself. He raised an eyebrow waiting for an answer.

Harry sighed, "You're good. I'll give you that." He smiled and got more comfortable, placing his glass on the table. "Growing up I didn't…" He looked away for a minute deciding how best to word his answer. "...I mean, my home life before Hogwarts…" he ran a hand through his hair and blew out his breath. Severus watched curiously, what has the confidant man in front of him so flustered?

Just tell him the truth. You had shite guardians and a shite life until you found me ...but you won't tell him all that, so be as honest as you can while telling him about your-oh-so-loving-family.

As if gaining confidence to speak, Harry squared his shoulders and plowed on. "Growing up I didn't eat on a regular basis like most people did." This got the older man's attention and he sat up. "I mean, I ate, yes, but not very much. Mostly whatever was leftover from their meals, which if you saw my cousin and Uncle you would know that wasn't much. Sometimes I went days without food; punishments for not completing my chore list or just being in the way." Harry paused here lost in thought. The silence carries on for over five minutes before Severus speaks.

"They starved you? Did Albus know?" Because if the old man knew….

"I don't know if the Headmaster knew about that. After my first year I asked to stay at Hogwarts for the summer but he refused saying it just wasn't possible."

"Did you tell him they were starving you? Harry, did they abuse you? Hit you?" The stoic man was trying not to get angry for something that happened over twenty years ago but this goes against everything Albus ever said about the boy. If Albus knew and told him lies, which fueled most of the vile he spewed at the boy, then what does that say about the former Headmaster? Oh Merlin.

"No. I never came out and said I didn't get enough to eat. I didn't want to go back to them because there I was nothing but a burden kept in a cupboard away from prying eyes and nosy neighbors, but here I was just a boy with magic and magic was awesome to my eleven year old self. I was...am embarrassed about it. Ashamed even that I allowed them to treat me that way up until I left at seventeen." He said that last part softly.

Don't go there. You and I are strong and we're past all that now. Look at our Other, he's handsome and strong and smart and all ours. Let's focus on that, okay. Think about shagging him senseless.

Harry sat there quietly listening to his inner Vampire pondering his past and his future. He suddenly laughed out loud and his face tinged a soft pink. He looked down at his hands. His Vampire is so barny sometimes.

Severus sat stunned looking at Harry in a new way. 'Cupboard? Chore list? Starved?' This man was abused for seventeen years and no one helped him? Severus felt sick. And he didn't help any with his mean and ugly words. Even though he didn't really hate the boy, if he'd known about the abuse he would have made an effort in some way to let the child know he had him as a confidant or friend. Well, he would like to think he would have been there but there was a war going on and the Dark Lord was connected to the boys mind. Honestly, Severus doesn't know what he would have done and that thought scares him more now than he ever thought it should.

He's still watching Harry, lost in thought, when the boy starts laughing. He can see some pink on the boy's cheek and he wonders what's gotten into him. "Harry, are you all right?"

Harry looked toward Severus and smiled brightly. A warm blanket-y feeling washing over him at the sight of his Mate. "Yeah, I'm okay. Sorry, I don't talk about my time at the Dursley's much because when I do, I usually get lost in the memories. They're not good memories for me, and someone once told me that when remembering tragic events the mind often lingers there to try and make sense of it all. I guess that's true."

"You didn't answer my question though. Did they abuse you? No, let me rephrase that, how bad did they abuse you?" Again the eyebrow goes up and Severus isn't sure if he really wants to hear the answer.

Swallowing, then wetting his lips, Harry glanced back to the fire. "I didn't wear long pants or long sleeve shirts for nothing."

Jumping to his feet, "Damn it Harry! Why didn't you say anything?! To anyone! Abuse of a magical child is not tolerated in our society! How bad did it get? I want to know right now and don't lie to me!" Severus was glaring at Harry. How could this have gone unnoticed for so many years? Why would he not say anything even when he was in his teens?

Harry jerked back from the venom in Severus' words. Taking him back to when Uncle Vernon would yell at him. He recoiled into his seat and stared at the floor.

Calm down. Your not there, we're with our Mate. He would never hurt us. He's not that man.

Seeing the younger man recoil, Severus spoke in a softer tone, "Harry, please..." he closed his eyes, "...tell me, there's nothing for it now but I would really like to know. Please tell me what role the Headmaster had in all this." Eyes still closed he stood there waiting to hear Harry's voice.

Harry was still looking to the floor. This is not how he envisioned this night going. What should he do? He wants to be honest, but at the same time he doesn't want to ruin the image Severus has of his friend. He won't like what Harry has to say. Aside from feeling lost and belittled, he's feeling scared and cowardly all of a sudden.

A whispered "Harry." Made Harry look up to see his Mate patiently waiting for an answer. "He knew about the abuse. And it got as bad as you can imagine." Harry barely spoke, but Severus heard him nonetheless.

"Fuck! Harry! How come I never knew? Surely you needed potions and the like?"

"Yes, at one point I was confined to my bed at Grimmauld Place for over a week. I think the Headmaster told everyone I had wizards flu."

Severus stared at the form on the chair. He remembered that time. The Headmaster had him brewing all kinds of potions, but he didn't know who they were for. Some of those potions, he knew were for healing internal injuries, sexual injuries and skull and brain injuries. "Oh shite, I did brew your potions, but he never told me who they were for and I didn't put two and two together. That bastard!" He clenched his hands into tight fists at his sides.

"Don't."

Severus was brought down emotionally with that one word. Confused, he looked to Harry.

"Don't do this to yourself, please. This is not something I enjoy talking about and like you said there's nothing for it now, but if we're being honest with each other then let's be honest. You didn't know or put it together because you didn't want to see it. To you, I had the perfect life and I never blamed you for not figuring it out. Trust me, that was the last thing I wanted. I was glad for the secrecy. The boy who lived who couldn't defend himself against muggles, yeah, no. I didn't want anyone to know, especially you and the Headmaster."

Harry paused for a breath, "The Headmaster would have never found out either, but he came to collect me early one summer and apparated directly into the Dursley's kitchen where I was...I was...fuck", he took in several lungfuls before calming down, "...I was being raped over the kitchen table by my Uncle." Harry closed his eyes and waited for the explosion.

Severus was speechless. Albus knew. Albus witnessed the unthinkable and didn't say anything. He…wait, "You were fifteen then, I remember your friends being upset about your confinement on your birthday. You said you were with them until you turned seventeen." He felt sick again as he watched Harry nod in confirmation.

"Are you fucking kidding me!? That man sent you back to that hellhole after what he saw, after what that man did to you!? Harry, please tell me I'm not understanding this right. Merlin, how could he do that? How could you…?"

"I didn't have a choice!" Harry finally screamed, jumping up to his feet and getting into the other man's face. "I was fifteen! I didn't have any fucking say in my life then! He made all the decisions for me! Where I lived! When I could leave! When I learned the truth about what happened to my parents! When I could send and receive mail! Everything that was important to me at that age, he had a hand in! What was I supposed to do? I didn't want anyone knowing and neither did he, so…" talking softer now and walking around his Other to face the wall of books, "The Headmaster went back there and performed some type of spell on them. It stopped all the physical abuse but not the verbal abuse. I still had to hear what a burden I was and how 'I'll amount to nothing' all the time but they didn't touch me after that." He didn't turn around but he knew Severus was staring daggers at his back. "I just had to stay with them until I turned seventeen. After that spell it wasn't so bad." He softly said more to appease himself then the man behind him.

Silence met his words.

Harry. Don't stay here, turn and look at the man. Let's get lost in those eyes. This was good that you told him this, but here and now we need him. We're strong, compassionate, forgiving, and powerful. We became this way because of the hardships we went through. Remember that and let's move on from the past. Look at him. Look forward - to our future.

"I'm sorry." He answered his Vampire but spoke out loud, not realizing this until Severus answered him.

"You have nothing to be 'sorry' for, Harry. I'm the one who's sorry. I should have noticed the signs. I deal with abuse everyday with my Slytherins. My point is, you should have never had to live like that. He should have taken better care of you. Why was living there so important that he couldn't find a more suitable home for you?" He whispered back.

"My mum sacrificed herself for me. Using some type of old magic and enacting a blood bond of some type. In order to stay protected and hidden from Death Eaters and the like, I had to stay with a blood relative. He put me with my mums sister and her family. Each year I had to go back and stay at least a month to strengthen the blood wards around the house." He finally turned to face the other man, looking into his eyes letting the feeling of peace and serenity fill his heart before he said, "The wards protected me as well as them. Death Eaters and eventually Voldemort couldn't harm them or find them to get to me."

Remembering what his Vampire said earlier, "That's in the past now, Severus, and as much as you're upset over learning about it now, I just want to leave it there and go forward. Believe it or not, I've had plenty of therapy regarding those years to fill up the Great Hall. That doesn't mean I can talk about it without getting emotional because I can't, but I've learned to deal with it better. Can we say that you know how fucked up my life was back then and be done with it?" Harry tilts his head to the side and flashes a bright smile. Not to-the-eyes smile but close enough. His allure pulling to let loose but he reigns it in.

Don't go too overboard with the charm. He won't let this go and eventually you will continue this conversation. But I have a feeling understands how we feel and will support us.

Severus stared at him, at a loss for words. There are so many questions he wants answers to but now is not the time. Harry looks like a cornered animal trying to persuade a predator not to pounce. Severus cannot be that person...not anymore. He wants their friendship to work.

"Okay, Harry. We'll stop. I'm not happy about it but for now we'll let it go. However, sometime in the future we will discuss this again." Severus said seriously. Knowing that that's the last thing Potter wanted to hear but something he needed to know. Hell, just hearing about what he went through is already changing his perspective of the boy. He already knew he was a confidant, strong and powerful man, and now he can add determined, courageous, selfless, and a puzzle to be figured out.

"You sound like my Healer." He chuckles, "Thank you."

He went back to his chair and grabbed his drink. The feeling from the burn of the whiskey is a relief to his nerves after spilling his worst secrets to his Other. His Mate. He can feel Severus watching him hoping he hasn't ruined anything that could have been. Harry wants to turn around and look into those black orbs, to search his face for any sign of disgust, but he's too much of a coward.

How is it that the man pulled this from him so easily? He feels like a less of a man at the moment, shook up that he told his worst experience to the man he wants to build a life with. Severus will not want damaged goods now. How is he supposed to bring his Mate home now that he knows how ugly he is, how used he is? Taking a deep breath, he waits for Severus to do the same.

They continue their night with small talk of past students and their antics to the professors. And as the night wore on, Harry notices there's no judging or disgust coming his way from Severus and secretly he's happy for it . He starts to relax more in Severus' company, feeling good about their camaraderie. Maybe it was good to get this out now.

The fire is burning slowly and it's comforting to Harry's soul and he feels the bond humming just under his skin. The magic coursing through his blood reminds Harry that Severus is his and he's Severus'. "Severus?" He says tentatively.

The man looks up. "Hmm"

"I feel I should go."

"It's early, Harry." He watched as Harry fidgeted in his seat and notices the confidence he expects to see in his face wavering. "Harry," sitting forward, "stay and relax. Classes start tomorrow and I can see you're still a bit leary from our conversation. Don't feel ashamed for something you had no control over. I feel privileged that you confided in me, thank you for trusting me enough to tell me. That couldn't have been easy."

"No, it wasn't but I'm actually glad I told you. I trust you, have since my fifth year."

Taken aback by the declaration of trust but happy for it, Severus said, "Well, there you go. Relax Harry, finish your drink. I'm quite enjoying having company to relax with." Harry smiled back in return and they continued in silence listening to the fire crackle.

Harry is happy and his inner Vampire more so.

This is comfortable. Isn't he just wonderful? I can feel the bond. How did we ever live without it? I'm proud of you, you faced your worst fears already and he's still here. I just want to lick him all over! Have you noticed his feet?

After an hour, Harry looks to Severus as he stands again putting his glass down. "I'd better call it a night." He arched his back in a slow stretch. "Don't want to over sleep tomorrow on my first day."

Severus also stands, "Of course." He says, "Harry…"

"This was nice. I hope we can do this again soon." Harry cuts him off as he headed for the door.

"Yes, It wasn't as tedious as I expected. I too had a 'nice' time and I'm not averse to repeating it." The older man explains as he followed Harry to the door.

"Thank you for telling me about my mum and..." Harry pulled the door open and stepped into the hallway turning back one last time to see Severus standing at the threshold.

Damn, he's so kissable. Is kissing him now too soon? Fuck. Just look at him. Man, you need to move this along!

"Harry…lets do this again on Friday after dinner. Pick up with different questions or we could just talk about the week. How about it?"

"That sounds nice. I would like that very much. I guess I still need to quench your curiosity of my doings for the last five years. Among other things." Harry smiles, "I'm glad we're doing this, Sir...I mean Severus. See you at breakfast. Good night."

Severus gives a half smile back and Harry starts to walk down the hallway. "Good night." he hears Severus say back.

I could just eat him up he's so cute. Can we forgo the 'get to know him-slow pace-driving me crazy phase and go right to claiming? No? You're going to pay for this in the shower tomorrow morning, dude. I promise you!

XxxX

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