Chapter 32 : Being Realistic

Hailey is at a birthday party. Gideon knows because he was the one to drive her there. With his brand new used car he bought with the money he saved up.

It brings a smile to his face knowing his sister has friends at school. She won't go through what he did, being rejected, being shunned because of her species.

She won't see her mother get beaten by her dad, she won't try to have him taking it out on her to give her a break.

She won't avoid to get home in the evening, she won't take out her angers on other mammals.

The tod is lying on his bed, Judy's head on his chest, playing with the cream fur of his belly, staring at him.

He knows she's staring at him, and he's keeping his own eyes on the ceiling because of that. He feels like an asshole, because he wanted to talk to her, and now that they already had sex… Well, it feels hypocritical.

"Gid, you okay?" She asks, breaking the silence.

"Yeah, why?"

"You almost said nothing since I arrived."

"Erh..."

"In fact, since I started college, I…" The bunny trails off, trying to find the right words. "I don't know… Is everything okay? Is something happening?"

The tod shakes his head. "No, it's all good." He mutters, his expression saying otherwise.

"Gid… If there is something going on, you can tell me, you know?"

The tod seems like he's weighing it down, his gaze doing a weird little dance as he reflects upon it. "Ya know how I told ya ya deserved better than a selfish boyfriend?"

Judy's heart sinks. She heard her sisters talk about it, the weird sentences, the half assed excuses. It's going to be a 'it's not you, it's me' situation.

"I… Miss ya."

"I miss you too."

"No, ya… Ya don't get it. It's… It wos hard, bein' at my own school, without ya, but we could see eachother whenever… Now, yer just so far. And ya do stuff I don't get, and ya meet new people, I'm just… Here."

"There's nothing wrong with living in Bunnyburrow."

"Yeah but it's not where you are. And we're already lucky f we see each other once every three week..."

As the doe looks for her words, the tod sighs.

"It ain't the only thing… I can't leave cuz' Ma' and Hailey need me, and… Mr Leapers does too, and he's gonna sell me his bakery."

She straightens up in surprise. "He is?"

"Well, he told me so, I know he's been workin' on the paperwork stuff."

"That's fantastic, you're going to have your own business! I'm so-"

"And then, yer gonna be in Zootopia…"

Her smile falters. "Y-yeah… But, we'll figure something out." Judy protests, her voice wavering.

"I wanna… Have a wife and kids, and a home here…"

"M-maybe that Lionheart guy will never become mayor, and the MII will never pass." She says, both knowing that what she just said is If my dream fails, I'll settle for you. "Or, you know, I could stay..."

"Judy..."

"I love you!"

"I know. I love ya too. I really do."

"We can make this work. I know we can, we just have to-"

As she gazes into his eyes, her throat dries up.

"D'ya really believe it?" He softly asks.

"I… I can't think this far ahead…"

"Ya do wid' bein' a cop."

"It's different. It's… Not the same."

"Cause bein' a cop's yer dream…"

"Yes…"

"And I ain't."

Her chest hurts. She wishes he hadn't said it with such a loving smile. Not while brushing her cheek with his thumb. He should shout, or be angry, indignant.

"Gid-"

"S'okay."

"It's… It's not!" She replies hotly, her tears threatening to spill. "How can you… Are you going to give up on us like that?"

"I ain't givin' up. I'm just bein' realistic. You know it's gonna end. Ya already gave me so much. Ya changed my life, I wouldn't be where I am today without ya."

"Of course you would!"

"Woulda taken me a lot longer. Anyway, I ain't the topic. Ya gonna be a cop, and ya don't need me pullin' ya back. It's gonna be hard, and ya don't need me distractin' ya, do ya?"

"I could… I could stay."

"Judy… Ya'd be miserable here. Ya can barely stand house or farm work. Cookin's not yer thing either… Maybe you could… I dunno, be a Park Ranger or some shit, but even if ya don't become a cop, do ya think you'd be happy stayin' here?"

"I…"

"It'd be like me not bein' a baker and still workin' at the mill…" He mutters. "I'd… I dunno, I'd hate it."

"It doesn't mean I have to leave for Zootopia if becoming a cop doesn't pan out."

"Do ya wanna stay here? In Bunnyburrow?"

"I…" The doe hesitates.

"Do ya actually like it here? Sharla's gonna hafta leave if she ever wanna work on her space things, it ain't here Bobby's gonna find a future in music… And I know there's a reason why ya spend so much time outta yer home…"

"I love my family. I could… I don't know..."

"I know ya love them. Ya'd be here fer them if they needed ya. But yer not like 'em. Ya don't like farmin', ya don't like… Yer not like 'em, and they can't help remindin' ya of 'dat 'n make ya feel that it's wrong."

"So I should just leave?"

"I dunno what ya should do. Do what'll make ya the most happy. I know ya, livin' here… It ain't fer ya. You want to make the world better, but ya can't do it from here."

She knows he's right. Even if the MII doesn't pass, she will have to leave. If only because staying in Bunnyburrow would be the place where her dream died.

"How long have you been thinking on it?"

"Yer fifteenth birthday party. When I asked you about what'd happen after highschool. It was just there, in the back of my head."

"Three years… And it's been eating at you for that long."

"I wouldn't say eatin'… At least not 'til recently."

He strokes her ears as she silently sobs into his chest, and ends up losing his fight against his own tears. "I'm sorry… It's just… You know it ain't gonna-"

"Why aren't you asking me to stay?"

"Cuz you deserve better than that."

She crawls up to kiss him, and for a second, she fears he won't let her. But he does, and it feels so heartbreakingly final. "Do we have to break up?" She asks when their lips part, resting her head on his chest. "I know It's hard with college, and the fact that we can't see each other a lot, but I like being with you."

"I do too… I'm just… I'm content wid' dis. You'd never be… Dontchu think ya should try'n find someone who's more like ya?"

"I don't want to. I want to be with you."

At that, Gideon can't help but grin. "Me too. But I don't want ya to stay… Stuck to me or to here. I don't want ya to feel like ya owe me to stay cuz we're together. I'd rather see ya go and be happy, than stay and be miserable. But if I could choose, I'd have ya stay and be happy." He whispers, wrapping her into a tight hug as the first lights of morning light up the sky.