Chapter 2
Harry didn't know when he had felt more miserable. Well, no, that wasn't exactly true, he could, of course, think of loads of times when life had given him worse things to deal with. He just didn't really care about those times, because this - this whatever it was he was feeling for Ginny, was far more nerve-wracking, anxiety-inducing and stranger than anything Voldemort could throw at him. It was ironic, he reckoned, that he had faced the Dark Lord many times in his life but now since Ginny had rebuffed him, he felt about as big as one of Hagrid's flobberworms. They'd had little to no contact in the last few days and Harry got the distinct impression that Ginny was avoiding him. He couldn't blame her. He'd gone ahead and almost ruined their friendship by trying to kiss her. She'd run away and rightfully so. He reckoned he was just doomed to foul things up with girls. Maybe he could be celibate the rest of his life, however long that may be. At that point, Harry pushed the thought of the prophecy out of his mind and looked at his room.
He'd finished painting it, alone. Although Ron and Hermione, after getting caught in an embarrassing situation by Mrs. Weasley and therefore ordered not to be alone in any rooms together, had offered to help, he'd opted to just do it by himself. Harry reckoned he should get used to being alone.
The colour Ginny had picked out had proved a wise choice. It was a nice sky blue and went well with the gold mouldings she'd cleaned off. The room felt bigger and more comfortable now. He'd rearranged the furniture a bit and had to admit that it at least looked lived in.
Not bad for monk's quarters, is it? he thought to himself glumly.
Harry was just contemplating life as a celibate when there was a short knock at the door. Before he could answer it, Ginny opened it and came in. Harry was so shocked he stood up from the bed awkwardly and stared at her. She offered him a kind smile.
"Hi, Harry," she said nervously. Her eyes swept around the room. It was the first time she'd seen it since he'd finished.
"Er... Ginny," Harry said and he stopped, not sure what else he could say. He wisely decided to let her tell him why she had suddenly decided to start talking to him again. He sat back down on the bed.
"It looks nice," she said quietly, nodding towards the room. Harry just shrugged, not trusting his voice.
When Ginny saw that he wasn't going to speak, she sighed and closed the door behind her. She looked at the spot on the bed beside him and then sat in the chair at his desk instead. Harry watched as she absentmindedly pulled at the loose hair that had fallen from her ponytail. She looked up and met his eyes.
"I wanted to apologize...for...well, for being stupid, these last few days. You deserve more than that."
Harry shook his head. "No, I'm the one who should apologize. I...I was being a prat and then you were yelling at me and you were right, you know. And I...that is, I almost...well, I almost made a stupid mistake. And you deserve more than that," Harry said softly, looking away from her.
You deserve more than me, at any rate, he thought to himself.
When Ginny didn't say anything he chanced a look at her and was surprised to see a look of anger on her face.
"You think trying to kiss me was a stupid mistake?" she said, her voice even despite the look Harry now saw in her eyes.
"Well, yeah, I mean, you obviously didn't want to be kissed by me, did you?"
"You just surprised me, Harry. I didn't know you...felt that way about me."
"I didn't either."
Harry knew immediately it had been the wrong thing to say. Ginny stood up angrily from her chair and walked over to him.
"Why? Am I so repulsive that you had no idea that it might be a good thing to do before now?"
Harry stared up at her in disbelief. "What? What do you mean? I don't find you repulsive! Now you're yelling at me about not kissing you? Make up your mind, Ginny," he said, standing up. He didn't like her looming over him.
Another tendril of Ginny's hair had come loose and Harry had an insane impulse to tuck it back for her, but her eyes blazed at him and he didn't think she'd take too kindly to it. She seemed hacked off about something and for the life of him, he couldn't think of what he had done. Hadn't this been about apologizing?
"For your information, Harry Potter, a lot of boys have wanted to snog me. And not just because I happened to be the only female in the room either. A lot of boys fancy me, you know. I don't know why I even bothered coming in here to talk to you!"
Ginny turned as if to go, but Harry stopped her by pulling on her arm.
"Ginny, what is going on? This isn't like you. I didn't want to snog you because you were the only girl in the room. I...I wanted to kiss you because you're you. I...find you attractive...I...I think you're funny and smart and despite the current situation, I think you're kind too. You're my friend, Ginny..."
Harry realized he had been pleading with her to understand. He released her arm reluctantly and she turned her head to look at him. There was a strange expression on her face.
"Do you really think all those things, Harry?" she asked him quietly.
"What? Of course. Don't you know I consider you a friend?"
"Do you normally want to snog your friends?"
"No."
Ginny tilted her head and looked at him. "Then how can I be your friend? What if I don't want you to kiss me?"
"I...you are. I...I don't have to..." Harry faltered, not sure of what he was even trying to say.
"You don't have to what, Harry?"
Harry looked at her expression. Merlin, she was relentless.
"I don't have to...kiss you if you don't want me to, I can just be your friend."
Ginny stared at him a moment longer and then nodded.
"Good," she said quietly. "Then that's settled."
Harry didn't think anything had been settled and felt more confused now than ever. He was sorry that the idea of him kissing her had caused her to have such...a strong reaction. She obviously didn't want anything to do with him.
"Sit down on the bed, Harry," Ginny said suddenly, and she pushed him so that he fell backwards. Harry was so surprised by the order that he didn't fight it. He was even more surprised when Ginny sat down next to him. Her shoulder rubbed his and her hand landed on the inside of his leg.
She looked at him then, her face dangerously close to his and Harry suddenly felt that same feeling he'd felt before. Oh not now, not here, please. Harry wondered if he could somehow get the pillow over his lap...
Harry realized suddenly that Ginny was watching him. And furthermore her eyes were not looking up. He felt so embarrassed that he knew that he was turning as bright as her hair. She finally looked up from his lap, her face slightly flushed.
"You really do like me, Harry." It wasn't a question.
Harry just wanted to disappear right then and there. It was obvious now to both of them what the close proximity of Ginny was doing to him. He released his breath in an angry rush, and before he could say anything, Ginny kissed him.
Harry was so surprised that at first, he just stopped moving. The feeling of her lips on him was such a new sensation that it was as if his body didn't know how to respond. Ginny moved closer to him and he felt her press up against him. It was the only thing he needed to cause him to move. He didn't push her away like the voice in his head warned him to, but found himself wrapping his arms around her. This was a thousand times better than the kiss with Cho. Ginny suddenly opened her mouth and he felt her tongue trying to get into his mouth. Harry pulled away, suddenly very aware of what they were doing. Ginny looked at him, a question on her face.
"Haven't you ever done that before, Harry?"
"No. And you know I've only kissed one girl before."
"Open your mouth when you feel my tongue," she said quietly and moved her mouth close to his again.
"Er, Ginny, what - " Harry's question was lost as she kissed him again, and this time he did not pull away when he felt her tongue. Harry was shocked at the way the kiss seemed to grow deeper. Ginny's tongue explored his mouth, her lips opening wider, as though she wanted him to do the same to her. Harry tentatively moved his tongue forward, rubbing it along her teeth. Ginny made a sound at the back of her throat as though to encourage him. Harry felt his whole body respond to it and moved forward with more confidence. They kissed that way for quite awhile, each exploring the other's mouth. Ginny was the first to pull away; her breath coming in short gasps.
"You learn fast, Harry," she said softly.
"Ginny," he said, his voice also soft. "What are we doing? You just said you didn't want me to kiss you."
"No I didn't. I said, what if? I never said I didn't want to at least try it."
Ginny's hand had strayed to his lap again, getting dangerously close to something that Harry wasn't sure he wanted her hands to be by. He took hold of her wrist and then looked into her eyes.
"What is going on? Weren't we just having a row?"
Ginny moved her head closer to his and started kissing his neck. Harry felt as though his skin was on fire. She whispered into his ear as she passed it with her mouth.
"We can go back to having a row or we can continue on with this, which is it, Harry?"
Harry closed his eyes and lost himself to the sensations her mouth was causing. She nibbled at his ears and worked her hand around through his hair. Harry leaned back further onto the bed and found Ginny tumbling into his arms again. He had lost all track of time and coherent thought. But when Ginny's hand snaked it's way under his shirt he sat up again, half in fear and half in shock.
"Ginny! We...would you stop? For just a moment?"
Ginny sighed and pulled herself away from him. She gave him an odd look, and then went back to the chair she'd started out in. Her skin was flushed and her lips were the most incredible shade...Harry tried to get his mind to focus. He didn't understand what was going on.
"Ginny, I know you're more experienced than I am at these things, but er...well, is it normal to tell a bloke off for trying to kiss you, ignore him for a week, and then basically attack him when you come to apologize?"
"No, and I'm sorry Harry...I didn't come in here to 'attack you', as you so sagely put it," Ginny said, making a face at him. "I honestly did come in here to explain why I didn't want you to kiss me, but then...oh I don't know. I don't even know myself what is going on. Why did you have to go ahead and have feelings for me, Harry? Why couldn't just continue to ignore me and be done with it?"
Harry blinked back at Ginny and saw the hurt look in her eyes. He didn't understand why she was so upset at him for this. The confusion must have shown on his face, because Ginny sighed and shook her head. He heard her mutter something that sounded remarkably like the word 'boys' under her breath.
"Do you know how long I waited for you to notice me, Harry? Do you know how many times I gave up on you? I'm perfectly fine in the role of friend and best mate's little sister now. I don't know if I want it to change, to be perfectly honest with you. But..." Ginny shook her head and gave him a rueful look. "When I saw how much you...really did...like me, I couldn't resist kissing you. I'm sorry. I know you don't understand any of this."
Harry said the first thing that popped into his head. "Well, why don't you try to explain it then?"
Ginny gave him a pitying look and then ran a hand through her hair. Remembering how soft it had felt in his own hands made Harry suddenly realize he was still at a certain point of arousal. He glanced down at himself and tried to nonchalantly reach for one of his pillows. When he turned back to Ginny he thought he saw a touch of amusement in her eyes, but she pulled her eyes away from his. Her skin turned a slight pink colour and Harry never realized before how much he had missed her blushing.
"I reckon you're worth it," she said suddenly, quite softly, and Harry tried to give her what he hoped was an encouraging smile. Ginny sighed again and then looked down at her nails. She didn't say anything for so long that Harry thought she had decided not to explain a thing to him. He stared at a spot just beyond the top of her head and decided to practice one of the relaxation techniques Lupin had been teaching him. When Ginny spoke next, he almost jumped out of the bed, so intent he was on his breathing.
"You know I fancied you for a long time, right?"
Harry nodded. Something in her voice made it clear that it wasn't his turn to speak now.
Ginny looked around the room for a moment and then brought her eyes back to his.
"Right. Well, look, you know I went out with Michael back in your fifth year, and I suppose you thought I had moved on or what not. Bet you were quite relieved actually, come to think of it," Ginny said absentmindedly, remembering. "You had other things to contend with at the time, though, so I don't blame you for not noticing - "
Harry felt compelled to set her straight. "No, you're wrong. I did notice. I mean, I noticed you were talking around me more. You were...you were different."
Ginny gave him a sad smile. "No, I wasn't. Not really. I was just being myself around you for probably the first time. But it doesn't really matter, I reckon. I had convinced myself to give you up, I knew you liked Cho."
Harry nodded again. He didn't want to add that he thought his infatuation with Cho was something to be embarrassed about. They'd been so wrong for each other; what had he been thinking? A stirring between his legs reminded him he hadn't been thinking at all, at least not with his brain. Cho's beauty had always disarmed him.
"Well, anyway, then you seemed to not care about her and again, I can hardly blame you. What with Sirius passing and...everything else," Ginny gave him another sad smile and her eyes were full of compassion. "And we grew closer, didn't we? And I thought...wow, you know, Harry's...well, Harry's great, isn't he? Even when you were sulking and quiet, it never bothered me. I knew you had a huge burden on your shoulders. I didn't know how much, of course, until you told us about the Prophecy, but...you handled it very bravely, Harry."
Harry felt his own skin heat up. "No, I didn't," he said gruffly. "I handled it like a prat. It's only been recently that I've been able to work things out inside - "
"You handled it better than anyone I know. True, you were a prat at times, but it was to be expected. I honestly don't know how you handle half the stuff you do without going stark raving mad all the time. Your inner strength amazes me," Ginny smiled at him and her eyes were full of admiration. Harry looked away, embarrassed.
"Anyway," Ginny continued on, seeming to recognize that he was embarrassed by her praise, "I started thinking about you again. You know, as more than a friend and...I kicked myself for it. I knew you didn't have time to worry about girls or friends or...well, I knew you didn't have time to worry about me. Ron's little sister. So I went out with other people, trying to put the thought of you out of my heart."
Harry was touched that she had cared that much for him. He realized he'd been in his own head much of last year, but...why hadn't he noticed Ginny developing feelings for him again? Was he really that blind?
Harry thought back throughout his 6th year and flashed on all the talks they'd shared and the laughter. When he thought of any bright spots after Sirius's death, they all contained Ginny. Merlin, Potter, you're an idiot, he thought to himself. He shook his head at Ginny.
"I'm sorry I never noticed," he said simply, hoping that she would know how much he truly meant it.
Ginny gave him a rueful smile. "I don't really blame you Harry, but...for pity's sake, why couldn't you have at least...I don't know, become jealous? Not that that was what I was trying to do, mind you...but...I don't know. I gave up on you before, but after last year...I finally got over you."
Harry gave her a mournful look. "I'm sorry, Ginny...for never noticing. I don't know why all of the sudden I can't seem to get the thought of you out of my mind...I...I reckon I just have terrible timing. I understand why you don't want anything to do with me. I've...I've hurt you too much by being a thick-headed idiot. And here I thought Ron was always going to win the prize for that..."
Ginny snorted at him and chuckled. He watched as she grew sombre again. She gave him a long look and then glanced down again. She swallowed hard as though she needed to convince herself of something.
"So you understand why I can't...I can't let anything more happen between us, then? I can't...I can't give you my heart again, Harry," she said softly as she stared at the floor.
Harry closed his eyes. He'd known it was coming, but it still didn't make it any easier. He didn't know what his feelings for Ginny were exactly. This new attraction had simply thrown a kneazle's tail into the fire, it looked like. Why had he chosen this time to notice her? He knew he liked her as a friend...but he didn't understand what it meant when you suddenly wanted to snog the daylights out of someone you considered a close confidant. Was this what Ron had felt for Hermione? Harry didn't know, and he reckoned he should ask his friend, except of course Ron would want to know why Harry was asking, which would lead to questions about Ginny...
Ginny cleared her throat and Harry realized he'd been daydreaming. He opened his eyes and gave her a small smile.
"So where does that leave things now then? Are we going to just pretend nothing happened or...?" he asked, already knowing the answer. Ginny obviously didn't want to continue exploring anything with him. She was too afraid he'd just hurt her again, and she was probably right.
Ginny took a deep breath. "Yeah, I reckon we have to sort of...forget it. Forget I indulged myself, that is - "
"I wasn't exactly a non-willing partner, Ginny - "
"Yes, but...you're a seventeen year old boy and...you've been cooped up in this house too much."
"Like I said, I didn't want to kiss you just because you're the first female thing I've seen under the age of twenty-five. I wanted to kiss you because...because it was you," Harry finished lamely, already feeling that emotion of uncertainty inside of him. Maybe Ginny did have a point...maybe it did have something to do with the fact that she was an attractive female body and he was, after all, at that age when anything female would do. It troubled him that she knew him better than he knew himself. It troubled him even more to think that her thoughts about his newfound attraction to her were spot on. He really was a prat.
Ginny watched him for a moment, an odd look in her eyes. She shook her head and then stood up from her chair. She smiled at him.
"Then we'll just go on as before. Friends, right? I'll try not to...ah...be so provocative around you," she said, laughing suddenly.
Harry nodded and stood up, his need for hiding his attraction long since passing. He wanted to give her a hug, but didn't trust himself to touch her.
"Friends, then. Friends is better than - "
"It's better than anything, Harry," Ginny said earnestly and he could tell she truly meant it. He smiled at her and nodded.
"Well, come on then, friend," Ginny said as she opened his door. "I challenge you to a game of chess!"
Harry raised his eyebrow. "Chess? You play about as well as I do, Ginny."
"Ah ha. So much you know, Potter. Ron's been giving me special lessons. He calls it his 'How to beat Harry Potter in five minutes or less' lecture. It's quite fascinating. You're lucky he's on our side, Voldemort could learn a thing or two from him."
Harry laughed at the glint of mischief in her eyes, and he suddenly knew that they would be all right as friends again. Reminding himself not to watch the way she walked in front of him was just a small inconvenience for now, wasn't it?
The weeks seemed to fly by for Harry, after that odd moment between Ginny and himself. They settled into the same routine as before - they would make fun of Ron and Hermione, play tricks on the two them whenever possible, and spend their evenings playing chess and Exploding Snap! Before he knew it, it was the night before his birthday and he, Ginny, Ron and Hermione were all sitting in the downstairs library, talking about what they wanted to do in Diagon Alley the next day. The twins were coming to 'chaperone' the group, as well as Remus and Tonks. The evening was to be capped off with a nice dinner back at Grimmauld Place, with members of the Order invited to help celebrate Harry's journey into 'manhood'. At least that is what Mr Weasley had said. Harry had no idea what he'd meant. He didn't feel like a man, really. He just felt like Harry.
Harry watched his friends, feeling very content. He knew he'd been feeling alone and lost at the start of summer, but now he recognized how good he had it. He had his two best mates in the form of Ron and Hermione (thankfully, not fighting all the time now) and of course, he had Ginny. He watched her now as she was laughing at something Ron was saying, and for the first time since they'd had 'the talk' he felt a little sad that it hadn't turned out differently. He thought he'd quite like to have Ginny as his girlfriend for his birthday. She was so loving and generous as a friend, he could only imagine what she was like as a girlfriend. She noticed him watching her and smiled slightly at him from the chair she was sitting in. Harry looked away after a moment, his mind suddenly returning to that moment they'd spent on his bed. He wondered if she was remembering it too...
No, she's not even thinking about you in that way, you git. You heard her. She doesn't want to get hurt by you again.
"Hello? Earth to Harry?" Ginny asked him, her voice light.
Harry glanced up and realized Ron and Hermione had said goodnight and were heading up the stairs. He wondered how long he'd been daydreaming. He glanced at Ginny, who had a sly smile on her face. Obviously, he'd been out of it for awhile.
"What?" he asked her.
Her smile widened and she moved to sit next to him on the couch, pushing his feet out of the way. Harry moaned at having his restful position disturbed, but quickly changed his mind when Ginny leaned in towards him.
"You looked like you were a million miles away. Worried about what the twins said?"
Harry stared at her hair for a moment and then tried to focus his mind on what she was saying. Then he remembered that George and Fred had said they had a special present for him tomorrow. Something that would help him on his way to 'manhood'. Harry shook his head and gave Ginny a sheepish grin.
"No, I wasn't really, but that sly smile on your face makes me think I should be."
Ginny laughed and sat back against the cushions. She kept her eyes on his and just shook her head. "Well, I know a little something about what they're planning, but not the whole thing. I think you'll be pleased though."
"Oh great, then I'm doomed, if you think it sounds like a good idea." Harry said as he rolled his eyes. He had moved his feet back onto the couch, much to Ginny's annoyance. As they were speaking, he'd move his feet to her lap and she'd dutifully swat them away. They continued talking as if nothing was going on...which struck Harry as rather odd. It was as though their bodies were independent of their minds. Well, Harry thought to himself, I already knew that about my own, what's her excuse?
"You're not doomed," Ginny was saying as she finally gave into his feet settling on her lap again. "I think you'll have a good time. In fact I think the correct phrase would be 'a very good time'." Her voice dropped suggestively and she raised an eyebrow at him. Harry just stared at her. What on earth did she mean by that?
"Er...Gin, maybe you should like...you know, warn me about whatever it is those two have planned. So I know what to wear."
Ginny giggled and shook her head. Her hand had settled on his leg and Harry suddenly had a hard time concentrating. Ginny was smiling to herself, her hand now absentmindedly moving up his body. Harry didn't say anything and merely watched her. This was the closest she'd been to him since the incident in his room and he didn't feel like drawing her attention to the fact that she was touching him in an intimate way. In fact, he'd didn't want to disturb a thing about the entire situation. He realized that sitting with Ginny was one of the most comfortable things he'd ever experienced. How had he thought that he didn't have any feelings for her, when just being able to be next to her was sending him into something that felt like bliss?
Ginny glanced at him and then looked back again, the smile fading from her face. Her hand stopped moving suddenly and Harry cursed inwardly at her finally realizing what she'd been doing. But Ginny didn't pull her hand back and she didn't look away like he'd expected. He didn't know how long they sat there, looking at each other. But she spoke suddenly, and the moment was gone.
"Well, I reckon I should get to bed as well. Big day tomorrow with the birthday boy," she said casually, her voice sounding strange. She moved and pushed his legs off of her one more time and stood up. Harry acted without thinking and grabbed her hand. He knew she'd felt something too by the way she didn't look down at him.
"Ginny," he said softly, his voice sounding thick to his ears. He tugged on her arm and she sat back down, this time closer to him than before. If he wanted to he could just reach out and...
Ginny sat perfectly still, her head facing downwards. She didn't say anything and Harry recklessly reached out and tucked her hair behind her ear. She startled when he pulled his hand away and she finally looked at him. There was a strange look in her eyes that Harry didn't think he'd ever understand. It was so many things at once: emotional, tender, fearful and maybe even hopeful too. Before he could think about the implications of his actions, he moved his head in towards her. At the last moment before he closed his eyes, he saw Ginny bite her lip and then tilt her head towards his.
Just like before, she opened her mouth to him, and Harry greedily deepened the kiss with his tongue. He wrapped a hand through her hair, pulling her closer to him. He had no coherent thought except one: this was how it was meant to be.
When they pulled apart to breathe, Harry kept his eyes closed. He was afraid of what he would see when he did - Ginny looking angry, Ginny looking put off, or worse, maybe Ginny looking like she had enjoyed that as much as he had. The longer his eyes remained closed, the longer he could pretend he was still kissing her.
He heard Ginny sigh quietly and then was surprised when her felt her move closer to him. Her hand rested on his cheek and he reluctantly opened up his eyes. Ginny met his gaze, that same strange look on her face. She kissed him again, but it was short and tender.
"Happy birthday, Harry," she said sadly and she pulled away from him. Harry felt her hand slip out of his and knew he should stop her, ask her to stay with him, but he couldn't. He watched her leave the room. She never once looked back at him, and she closed the door softly behind her.
Of all the presents Harry had ever received he somehow thought that this last one had cost the most. But he wasn't sure if he was thinking about the cost to himself or to Ginny.
The next morning, the sun rose bright and early and for the first time in a very long time Harry wasn't sitting morosely in the bedroom at the Dursley's feeling sorry for himself. Instead he was being awakened by a pair of rather boisterous Weasleys.
"Get up, mate!" said Fred loudly in his ear, waking him from his sleep.
"Oi! Wakey-wakey!" George said as he poked him with what Harry hoped was George's wand. He winked one eye open and grabbed his glasses.
"What are you two doing in here?" he asked the twins, as he yawned at them. "And what bloody time is it? Shouldn't a bloke get to actually sleep in on his birthday?"
Fred and George exchanged a look. "Oh ho ho, look who's Mr Grumpy-Pants. Reckon we're just going to have to take drastic measures, Fred, don't you agree?" George asked his brother.
Fred nodded and smiled deviously at Harry. Ginny's words from last night reminded him that he should probably stay on the twin's good side. If there was one. Harry held up his hand in apology.
"Okay, okay. Sorry. Just...give a bloke some warning, next time, okay?"
George laughed. "Why Harry? Spend your mornings doing something other than sleeping? Afraid we might have caught you?"
Harry frowned and made a face George. Fred was already into Harry's wardrobe, throwing clothes at him as he found items that made up an outfit.
"Do you two mind telling me why we're up before everyone else? We're not heading to Diagon Alley until after lunch, I thought." Harry said as he pulled his robe on and took the clothes Fred offered him. George started to push him through the door.
"They're not," George said, indicating the rest of the house, "but you, Mr. Potter have a special appointment to keep this morning."
Harry stopped and looked at him. His mind was finally waking up to the fact that the twins really did have something planned for him. Harry felt anxious at what it could be.
"A-a-appointment?" he asked them, his voice stuttering.
Fred and George shared another look and Harry wished they would stop doing that. They had reached the lavatory at the end of the hall. Fred and George pushed him inside and grabbed the door.
"Yeah, Harry. An appointment," said Fred simply, his eyes glinting strangely.
"An appointment that every young male wizard must keep," added George, his face trying hard to not to smile and losing famously.
"Every...young male wizard? What about female wizards? What are you two up to?"
Fred and George laughed at the scared expression he knew must be on his face and Harry scowled.
George started closing the door. "Just remember to wash everywhere Harry, she can be awfully thorough at times."
Harry heard the twins erupt into laughter and walk away from the door. His mind was reeling. 'She can be awfully thorough'? What exactly did that mean? And who was the 'she' they were referring to? Harry got his first glance of himself in the mirror as a seventeen-year-old. He didn't look or feel any different...but something was telling him that by the time this day was over, he would.
Ginny heard the twins dragging Harry to the loo and laughing at him as they tried to scare him. She, herself, had been up since daybreak, just staring at the ceiling and having a war with herself.
It was a war she'd had as long as she could remember. Well, ever since she was 11 and Harry was 12. It was the war of losing herself to someone who couldn't ever love her back. It was the war of throwing herself at a boy who didn't know the difference between a crush and real feelings. It was a war she constantly waged within herself, and it was getting worse with each passing day.
Ever since she'd kissed Harry she couldn't get him out of her head; she knew what she had said to him about being unable to give him her heart and how she didn't think she could let herself get hurt by him again. She knew those words had come out of her mouth. What she hadn't known at the time was that it was already too late. Harry had her, by the hair, by the eyes, and by the heart. Everything in her screamed to jump into his arms and tell him that she didn't care he just fancied her because she was around. She didn't care that he just fancied her because she was a soft female body under the age of fifty...
Ginny groaned and rolled over, now stuck staring at the wall instead. She had thought (and now she saw that it had been rather foolish) that after their little talk had occurred and they had slipped back into their role of friends and long-suffering members of the Ron and Hermione show, that the rough patch had been passed. So she'd kissed him, so what? So he'd almost driven her to the point of no return with one simple kiss...so what? It didn't mean anything. Harry was confused about his feelings for her and she couldn't blame him; locked in a house with nothing but herself to keep her company she'd probably fancy the first male in her presence as well.
Ginny knew that Harry couldn't possibly feel for her what she felt for him. What she had always felt for him.
But then last night, when they had been sitting together talking she'd looked at him, and his desire was so apparent in his eyes that it made her breath catch in her throat. She realized they were sitting rather intimately and it had felt so right that she hadn't even noticed herself giving in to her need to be next to him. She'd been terrified to move after that; afraid to break the connection between them and afraid of continuing it. But in the end, she had tried at least. If only Harry hadn't grabbed a hold of her hand. The minute he'd touched her she felt her whole body respond as though he had brought her into a hot, scolding fire. She sat down, numb and incoherent. When he startled her and tucked her hair behind her ear it was as though another person was acting through her. She'd let him kiss her, had lost herself into it. When they had finally pulled apart, she had watched him, his eyes closed and his face so relaxed and so...at peace...that she just had to move closer to him. To touch him again...to keep that expression on his face.
It was getting to the point where she didn't think she'd be able to deny him anything.
The fact that Harry didn't realize this, the fact that Harry just didn't understand how weak he made her feel, was just another nail in Ginny's coffin. If he were arrogant or even a tiny part aware of what he did to her, she'd be able to get angry enough to tell him to sod off. But it was Harry. Harry who couldn't understand why anyone would fight for him, let alone love him. Harry who couldn't imagine a future with anyone because he thought he was going to die. Harry who looked at her with such longing in his eyes that it made her want to fall down at his feet and offer herself to him.
Ginny's crush on Harry had never been a proud thing. Before she could chalk it up to age or to hero worship, but the truth of the matter was, she had it worse now than she'd ever had it before. Harry was a hero but that wasn't why she loved him. She loved him for all the things that he thought made him weak. She loved his temper and his thickness, his need to save people and his darkness. But she also loved his humour and his kindness; she loved the generous heart he still showed to the world even though the world had done nothing but try to break it. She loved the fact that even though he thought he was meant to die, he still got out of bed in the morning. He still tried to fight. It was as though something in him refused to give up, even though every other part of him was telling him to. Ginny loved that about him most of all. It reminded her so much of herself.
Ginny hated being this miserable. She didn't like it, despite what some people may think. She didn't like being masochistic where Harry was concerned, because she knew in her heart, that she didn't deserve it. She deserved to be happy - she'd had her share of heartbreak and pain, thank you very much, in second year. She was better than this. She was better than being the Girl That Loved Harry Potter. She was Ginny Bleeding Weasley and she was strong and she was forceful, damn it. If Harry couldn't seem to pull his head out his arse long enough to realize he was being an idiot, then so be it...
That argument never got her far, though. In truth, while she knew her rational mind was right, she also knew her heart would always win. One look from those eyes of his and Ginny would forget to be forceful and she would forget to be stubborn. It didn't help any that besides not having a clue about how he affected her; he also didn't have a clue about how he affected anyone that was female. Oh, he wasn't traditionally handsome - not like Cedric Diggory had been or Roger Davies was. He was still short for his age and still a bit too thin, really, but over all, Harry was dream-inducing and fantasy-worthy. Maybe it was his complete lack of awareness about himself that did it, Ginny didn't know. Maybe it was the combination of that wonderfully messy hair with those incredible eyes. Maybe it was those unbelievable lips of his that made her toes curl in her shoes...
Ginny rolled over again, frustrated beyond belief. It wasn't fair. It just wasn't. But what else could she do? She had some modicum of pride left, somewhere, didn't she? Her eyes strayed to the present sitting on her desk. What would Harry do if instead of the Quidditch gloves she'd gotten him, she simply wrapped herself up in his bed? Giggling at the thought, Ginny finally sat up and got out of bed. She stole a glance at Hermione's sleeping form and decided to start getting ready for the day. Harry was probably out of the shower by now and the twins would be taking him out for his 'present' soon. She wouldn't have to see him until lunchtime and by then everyone would be talking and laughing and she wouldn't have to really talk to him at all.
You know he'll be watching you though, don't you? After that kiss and all...
"It was his birthday kiss, that's all." Ginny said to herself out loud and Hermione stirred at the sound of her voice.
"Who's kiss?" Hermione said as she struggled to wake up. Ginny cursed at herself in her head and went to her wardrobe, to find some clothes.
"No one's, Hermione. You must have been dreaming about Ron giving you a snog in the hallway again." Ginny said playfully, keeping her voice at that right level of mischievousness.
Hermione opened her eyes and looked at her, a small blush creeping along her skin. Ginny laughed.
"Honestly, Hermione, how you can stand my brother to do that..." Ginny shook her head and turned to the door.
"He's a natural at it, I'm afraid. I'm hopelessly addicted." Hermione said as she sat up too, shaking her head.
Ginny looked back at her and rolled her eyes. "Whatever you say, Hermione."
"Oh, and Ginny..." Hermione called out, before Ginny could get the door closed. "Do tell me about Harry's kiss when you get back."
Ginny froze, but didn't turn around. Frowning, she closed the door securely behind her.
Great, thought Ginny miserably. Another person to avoid.
Harry took longer in the shower than was necessary. Mostly to wind up the twins and mostly because ever since he'd grown accustomed to noticing Ginny everywhere she went, parts of him had been waking up before the rest of him. Usually Harry just did his best to ignore it; he felt a bit dirty doing that while thinking of Ginny. But this morning, feeling as though this was going to be the last moment of peace before the storm, Harry gave himself a very much-needed birthday present.
He'd turned off the water and was just enjoying the after-effects of the steam on his skin when he heard the door open. Harry froze and realized he'd never locked the door after the twins had gone away, assuming no one else would be up. He held his breath hoping they would realize there was someone already in the shower. As his body painfully reminded him of what he'd been doing, he suddenly realized what his profile must look like to whomever it was who had walked in on him. Harry dropped his hand and let his head fall backward against the tile.
"Oh!" he heard someone say and he didn't even have to look to know it was the one person he didn't want to see him like this. It was the one person he'd just been thinking of...
Cursing his very existence, Harry stuck his head around the shower door and squinted at what he could only assume was a very shocked looking Ginny Weasley.
"Sort of busy in here, Gin..." he said after what felt like the longest moment in his life. They just stared at each other and Harry could see her blush even without his glasses. He suddenly realized why Ginny wasn't moving and his eyes almost popped out of his head. Without realizing it, his hand stumbled for his glasses and he slipped them on before she could come to her senses. What Harry saw was enough to fuel his fantasies for the rest of his young life. Ginny was naked.
She just stared at him, well, that is, Harry saw that she was staring at parts of him. Her robe was at her feet, her nightgown already in her hand. She brought her eyes back to his face, saw the glasses and then squeaked as she scrambled to cover herself. Harry knew then that the Ginny in his wretched fantasy had nothing on the Ginny in his reality. She looked amazing.
Ginny left the loo, her face redder than he had ever seen it. He couldn't be sure but he thought maybe that she was crying too. Unfortunately with the state he was in, he couldn't do anything about that. Harry stared at the door, his mind full of what he'd just seen.
"Oh gods," Harry muttered to himself, trying to burn the image of what he'd seen of her out of his head.
This turning seventeen just kept getting better and better...
After his shower (he'd taken a quick second one, to clean up after the first), Harry looked down the hallway, wondering where she had gone to. He knew the twins were waiting for him, but he had to make sure Ginny was okay. He didn't want her to hide away out of embarrassment on his birthday because he was a berk who couldn't help staring at her and thinking about her while having a wank.Merlin! What she must think of him?
Harry went to her bedroom door and paused, trying to listen. He didn't hear any sobs coming from behind it, so he knocked. Hermione said 'Come in', obviously expecting Ron, because she quickly covered herself when saw that it was Harry.
"Harry!"
"Hermione!" he said, imitating her. His eyes strayed to Ginny's side of the room and saw that it was empty.
"Where's Ginny," he asked and Hermione frowned at him.
"She went to take a shower, why?"
"Er...okay, never mind." Harry muttered, closing the door again. Hermione called out for him to stop.
"Harry! Let me wish you happy birthday, at least." Hermione grabbed her robe from the floor and threw it over her nightgown. She smiled at him and pulled him into a hug.
"How does it feel to be seventeen, then?" she asked him, her eyes shining brightly.
Harry felt like telling her that so far it had been just brilliant - he'd just had the best wank of his young life thanks to seeing his best mate's sister naked. Somehow he didn't think Hermione would find that humorous.
"It feels...the same as sixteen, actually," he said, returning her hug.
"Oh," Hermione said, disappointed. "Well, I expect Fred and George will change that." She winked at him and started to grab her things from the wardrobe. Harry wanted to demand what Fred and George had planned, because Hermione obviously knew, but his mind strayed back to Ginny. He needed to find her.
"Right well, if you see Ginny, tell her I need to talk to her, okay?"
Hermione gave him a strange look but nodded her head, and he closed the door. He looked up and down the hallway again. Now if you were semi-clad girl on the run from the sex-pervert you'd seen in the shower, where would you go?
Right then. How about the room at the end of the hall?
Harry's eyes strayed to the room that they used for storage. The room that always had its door open but now, for some reason, had it closed. Harry steeled himself and went to find her.
Oh Merlin...oh Merlin...Ginny couldn't seem to stop thinking that. She couldn't believe what had just happened. She'd caught Harry doing...that. She sat with her back up against the wall, in the farthest corner of the storage room, and pulled her robe around her.
Ginny was a girl in a house of six brothers, so she wasn't a stranger to the workings of the male body. But somehow...the fact that Harry...oh! she thought to herself, feeling herself blush. And Harry had seen her too. He'd stood there, pulled on his glasses, and stared at her. Like...like a pervert...or a dirty old man...or...a seventeen year old boy? a voice whispered in her head. Hadn't some part of her liked it then? Hadn't some part of her brain been slow to react because maybe a part of her liked Harry getting an eyeful of her...assets?
Ginny shook her head. She was a scarlet woman. She was...she was...well, Ginny didn't know what else she was. It wasn't lost on her that Harry hadn't exactly come running out of the shower after her to see if she were okay. No, he'd finished his business, hadn't he?
That thought didn't cause Ginny to have a flush of shame like she expected it to. In fact, it made her feel sort of...powerful.
Maybe it was because she'd waited for so long for Harry to notice she was more than just Ron's little sister, but now that he obviously knew she wasn't a little girl anymore...well, she had to admit some part of that felt good. In fact, it felt really good.
I wonder what he was thinking of...while he was...Ginny felt herself blush at the thought. She'd gotten more than an eyeful herself as she'd looked at his silhouette through the shower door. She didn't think she'd be losing that memory for a very long time.
She jumped when the door to the storage room opened and she saw two feet come into the room. She knew it was him. She could hear him breathing, could just picture him trying to find her in amongst all of the junk they'd stored up here. She wondered if she could face him.
"I'm over here, Harry," she said after a long moment and the feet moved towards the sound of her voice. He stopped a few feet from where she was and she reached out her hand, patting his foot. Harry jumped down and then peered in at her.
"Hi," he said, his voice sound strange. Ginny blinked at him and then used her wand to move the boxes out of the way, creating a space for him to move into. After a moment, he climbed in and sat down next to her, his shoulders touching hers. Ginny realized suddenly that while he was fully dressed, she was still partly naked under her robe. Her skin flushed at the thought.
"Er...Ginny...um...about...the loo...look, I'm sorry...I er..."
"You didn't mean to stare at me like a perve?" she asked quietly, and Harry turned sharply to look at her, trying to read her expression.
Ginny laughed suddenly, and after a moment Harry did too. She wouldn't have been able to explain why she was laughing exactly, but it was the only thing that felt right. What else could you do in the circumstances?
After a moment of silence passed, Ginny glanced at Harry and found him watching her, his face a strange mask of wonder and...yeah, something new...lust. Ginny met his gaze and she wasn't surprised when neither of them turned away this time.
"Actually, what I was going to say," Harry said, his voice sounding deeper all of sudden, "was that I was sorry I was an idiot and didn't lock the door. I didn't think anyone else would be up."
Ginny's eyes widened, and the response of 'well, all of you certainly seemed to be up' stayed at the tip of her tongue. For some reason she didn't feel like being flippant.
"So you're not sorry for staring at me?" she asked quietly, her voice sounding strangely shallow to her ears.
"Are you sorry for staring at me?" Harry asked, equally as quiet, his skin suddenly turning pink.
Ginny marvelled at a blushing Harry Potter and shook her head, afraid to answer - afraid of the need she would hear in her voice. Harry reached out and touched her cheek, his hand shaking. Ginny closed her eyes and smiled to herself.
"You're...you're beautiful, Ginny." Harry said softly as his thumb stroked her skin and she knew that he wasn't just talking about her face. A warm flush worked its way up through her body.
"So are you, Harry," Ginny said truthfully, opening her eyes to gage his reaction. He stared at her with a slightly perplexed look on his face, as though not understanding how she could consider him beautiful. His eyes travelled downwards and Ginny didn't bother to cover herself up. Harry pulled his eyes from her chest and licked his lips.
"I..." he paused, as though struggling with what to say. He moved in closer to her and she knew he was going to kiss her. His hand held her face steady and he looked in her eyes. "I'm nothing compared to you," he finished.
For the fifth time that summer, Ginny kissed Harry. But this time it was different. This time it was more than just tenderness and discovery - this time there was heat and when Harry's hand slipped from cupping her cheek to cupping something else on her body, Ginny didn't even mind.
"Oh," Harry said, as he pulled his mouth away from hers, his voice a mixture of wonder and need. Ginny closed her eyes and titled her head so that he could move in closer.
"This is...wow...Ginny...have you felt these?" Harry said quietly and Ginny giggled, watching him as he gazed at his hand and what it was doing.
"Yes, Harry," she said softly and he brought his eyes back up to hers. He stroked her through her nightgown, causing her skin to grow tight with desire.
"Can I?" Harry asked and then stopped, a bright red blush creeping through his skin. Ginny smiled gently and let her robe fall away. She moved Harry's hand and placed it under her nightgown, her skin burning.
Harry's eyes had grown as wide as saucers. Ginny noticed that their colour had changed from bright green to dark, as though his desire for her was a new force inside of him. His hand lay against her bare skin and then he moved his thumb across her nipple and she shuddered.
"Does that...feel...I reckon...I don't know..." Harry sounded uncertain of himself and Ginny used her other hand to pull him closer to her. She kissed him, capturing his lips with her own, loving the sweet taste of him. He moved his hand again and pulled at her breast, as though testing its weight. She let him move his head down to her neck, his breath hot against her skin. Ginny knew this was wrong, in fact every rational part of her brain was screaming at her to make it stop, that they weren't ready for this, but it didn't matter.
Harry had pulled her nightgown down even further, his eyes hungry for the rest of her, and Ginny allowed him to do it. She rested a hand in his hair and loved the silky feel of it under her fingers. When Harry's mouth finally found what it had been looking for, she pushed forward slightly, her response surprising her. Harry held her tightly in his arms as he nipped at her skin with his mouth. Ginny heard a sound that could only be coming from her as he teased her with his teeth. Harry pulled back, letting her nipple fall slowly out of his mouth and looked up at her, a feral sort of wantonness shining from his eyes.
He pulled her from the wall and lay back on the dusty floor as she settled on top of him. She felt him between her legs then and felt herself begin to melt.
"Why are you so beautiful? And why are you letting me do this?" Harry asked her, his hands sweeping her hair away from her face.
"Because I..." Ginny paused, uncertain suddenly. She had almost said, 'Because I love you,' but had stopped herself. She could give Harry her body, but she didn't know if she could throw her heart along for the bargain. He watched her face and saw the uncertainty there and his brow creased. He opened his mouth to speak when they suddenly heard noises coming from out in the hall.
"Oi! Harry! Where'd you go?!"
It was George and he didn't sound too happy. Ginny looked down at Harry as he was looking towards the door, a scowl on his face. Common sense seemed to come back to her then and she pulled herself out of his arms, covering herself up. Harry watched her for a second and then sat up as well. He studied her face, as though he were looking for an answer there. Ginny didn't know what to tell him or even, what to show him. She looked away, feeling the tinge of her blush warming her skin again.
"I'd better go," Harry said, softly.
Ginny nodded her head. When she continued to look away from him, Harry finally sighed and stood up. He offered her his hand and pulled her up as well.
"Ginny, I..."
"It's okay, Harry. Go, or George and Fred will have you eaten alive." She forced herself to meet his eyes and sighed when she realized they were returning to their natural shade. He gave her a strange smile and then nodded.
He opened the hallway door and looked out, to see if the coast was clear. He paused before exiting. He didn't face her when he spoke to her.
"Ginny, I was wondering...after dinner tonight...would you come to my room? So...we can talk about all of this?"
Ginny watched his profile, her heart suddenly feeling as though it had been thrown off the side of the Astronomy Tower.
"Of course, Harry. I'm always here for you, you know that."
She saw him nod and then he was gone, the door closing shut behind him. Ginny banged her head against the wall, her body still burning from where he had touched her. Nothing was ever going to be the same again between them, she could tell. Harry now knew that he could have her for nothing, and that she wouldn't even care.