A/N: Thanks to ArtemisOwl910, Kthekoolone, Thrawn13, GoldenRacehorse (sorry if I didn't explain it all very well), Guest (I really haven't thought about ti. I just assume that it exists some time after),
"Oh, here comes the burrito right now," Percy said as Leo walked in.
"Oh yeah, what do you identify as?" Leo asked.
"Maple syrup," Percy said.
"A taco," Jason said.
"French fries," Frank said. "And Percy, you can't identify as maple syrup, it isn't technically a food. It's something you put on food."
"Shut up Frank," Percy said. "I am who I am."
"Leaving that, who's next here?" Leo asked. "Percy or Jason?"
"I'll go," Jason said and made a peace sign as he left.
Jason had decided to wear his glasses for this given that people who wear glasses always look smarter.
And so, the question round began.
The first question, ironically, being, "I don't need to wear my glasses all the time, but people say that they make me look smarter. Is that true?"
"Huh, let's see," Leo said. "Lands on heads, say yes, Jason."
"Yes," Jason said. "I mean- it is something that most people don't want to say and isn't always true. But wearing glasses does that. Case in point." He shifted his glasses.
"That's not very good advice," one of the judges said. "Not really what we're trying to promote here."
"It was just the truth," Jason muttered, but not loudly enough so that the judges could hear.
"Well it sure ain't working for you," Percy said.
"And here's the next question," the judge said. "'I think my roommate keeps cleaning the toilet using my toothbrush. How do I get to know if he's doing it without asking him directly?'"
Jason scratched his chin for a moment. Now that was a question that gave far too little information and at the same time far too much at the very same time. But how to answer it?
"Hmm, I guess the way that I'd play it is that if you're really that concerned and don't want your roommate to know about this, and you don't feel like asking him, then just get a new toothbrush and hide it somewhere only you know," Jason said. "Or you could try to go and brush your teeth somewhere outside your apartment."
"That isn't the sort of answer we're looking for," the judge said.
"Yeah, but there isn't much info in that question for me to answer," Jason said. "One option would be to just confront the guy- or gal, and tell him or her to stop but the asker says that he doesn't want to ask about it so I'm guessing that's not an option and it would be pretty hard to discover if he is doing it unless you were to put a camera in the bathroom or something and that's just not something you wanna do."
"Why are you two looking at me like that?" Leo asked. "I will just say this again- I have not bugged anyone's bathroom. Ever!"
No one seemed to really believe him.
"Well, then, here's the next question- no, it's just someone asking 'What does the fox say?' again- there are strangely enough a lot of those," the judge said. "Oh, here's one: 'I've been cleaning the toilet with my roommate's toothbrush and I think that he's beginning to suspect what I'm doing. What should I do?'"
"Uh, just tell him the truth," Jason said.
"You can't handle the truth!" Leo said.
"You know, we're usually here all ready for 'the truth is everything' and all just like it," the judge said. "But this seems like something where one should keep quiet. I mean, do you really want to admit that, even if it is true?"
Jason shrugged.
"Here's another one," the judge said. "'Should I add milk to my cereal first or put milk in the bowl first?'"
"Wait- let me flip a coin," Percy said. "Okay, tails. Add the milk first."
"No one adds the milk first," Frank said.
"I do," Leo said.
"I meant nobody who doesn't identify themselves as a burrito," Frank said.
"Why?"
"Uh… because…." Jason said, unsure of what to say. "Um, if you add the milk first it ensures that your cereal's still crunchy. No one likes mushy cereal."
No one seemed impressed by this answer.
"So, someone wants to ask, 'Who would win a fight? A lion or a tiger?'"
"I've always wondered that," Leo said. "Hey Frank, we should go find a tiger and make you turn into a lion and fight it."
"Right, right," Percy said. "And then we'll make him turn into a tiger and then fight a lion."
"Or," Leo said. "We could clone Frank and then make one turn into a tiger and the other turn into a lion and then we'll have them fight. You know, Frank's pretty smart so we have to rule that out too."
"Are the two of you going to flip a coin or do I have to do it?" Frank asked.
"Well, it isn't gonna flip itself now is it cupcake?" Leo asked.
"What makes you think that I would fight a lion and/or tiger?" Frank said.
Percy suddenly got a brainwave. "I know, we can have that be his punishment!"
"Percy, that qualifies as animal cruelty," Frank said. "And I know that you can't steal a tiger. Grover won't help you do that. Plus, in case you guys have forgotten, I've never been punished before. So you can keep dreaming about that."
"Yeah he hasn't lost even once," Leo and Percy both said sourly.
"I bet he's cheating," Leo said.
"Nah, you guys just need to git gud n00bs," Frank said.
"Um… are you going to give an answer?" the judge asked.
"Uh, yeah, let me think," Jason said.
Problem was that he couldn't say anything until he was told yes or no by the other three, and they were really taking their time on this one with them continuously discussing something not even vaguely related to what they were doing.
"Okay, the coin lands on tails so I guess the tiger," Frank said.
"Oh, on a lot of reflection I'd guess it would be the tiger," Jason said. He was honestly seriously wondering what this question was even doing in the pile- sure there were a lot of stupid questions in there but this wasn't really a question about teen life just a hypothetical one. "I'd say that because tigers on average are larger and weigh more."
He didn't actually know if this was true or not, but he assumed that neither would any of the judges.
He wasn't wrong in that regard.
"This one seems a tad more relevant, 'I have an odd habit of trying to eat staplers. Is that weird?'"
"Okay, I put in that one," Leo said. "And it lands on tails- say no Jason!"
"No," Jason said. "I mean, I once tried it when I was two, and that is of course unhealthy, but y'know, eh?" He shrugged.
"That was the best you could do?" Frank said. "Watching this is just watching you shrug half the time Jason. Even Leo did better."
"Yeah," Leo said. "Wait-what do you mean by 'even Leo?'"
"Nothing, little burrito," Frank said. "Hey, here's another idea for our when you get punished- we'll make you dress up as a burrito. And then we'll make you eat a burrito. It would look so stupid."
"And here's one, 'So I'm pretty good friends with someone for a long time, but he's gotten really annoying lately and I don't exactly want to end our friendship but I don't see how it can continue like this either. What should I do?'"
"Ah, sadly Jason won't be able to answer that effectively," Leo said. "Because of course, he doesn't know what it's like to have a best friend, as he has always had me. Of course, it may apply to me, but don't worry Jason- I like you just as you are."
"Well, this is a bit hard," Jason said. "I mean- people change all the time, so maybe he is a different person now. But if you don't want to completely break ties with him then what you can do is go and widen your circle of friends. Spend less time with him, but don't cut him out completely though. It may be that you might never be friends ever again like you were once, but it doesn't mean that you can't have some of it left over."
"Here's a bit of a long one, 'So, a few months ago with three of my friends, I started a web series in which we made some pranks on some other people and then recorded them and we did a lot of weird stuff and I think some people enjoyed it. It was really fun, and whoever lost the most challenges had to go through a punishment- and it was really funny as an experience overall. The only problem is that I'm the guy who records the show, and we also showed it to some of our friends, but the thing is that somehow footage of it leaked away and now I believe the FBI and the NSA are on our tails because we shot video in some inappropriate circumstances- basically I believe I somehow managed to accidentally film some sort of secretive spy mission and they want to take all of my footage but I refused, and now I'm afraid that the CIA or someone else will come and arrest all of us. What should I do?'"
Something of that seemed to sound off to Jason, but then the door of the room burst open and a bunch of people in uniform with guns and masks on surrounded them.
"CIA!" they shouted. "All of you are under arrest!"
"What? On what charges?" the judge asked, wondering what one earth was going on.
"Oh wait," the guy said. "Sorry, wrong room. Please continue."
And then they left.
"How'd you like that Jason?" Leo asked. "It was Frank's idea, and Frank's question for that matter."
"Well, I've heard enough," the judge said, looking quite ruffled. "I'm sorry, but I don't think that your answers are exactly what we need."
Result: Jason failed.
"Okay, I have one question," Jason said. "Who were those people with the guns?"
"Oh, they were some of the campers," Frank said. "You'll see their names in the closing credits."
"Which closing credits?" Jason asked.
"For when we finally go ahead and host this as a show," Leo said.
"And if you're done arguing, I'll be going next now," Percy said.
Percy felt nervous. This kind of felt more like a test than a real challenge- and if he had learned anything it was that tests could smell fear.
"Well, it's been a crazy day," the judge said. "But let's start with this question, 'I really like reading about Greek and Roman mythology and I want to go ahead and study about it in college. But everyone tells me that both of these things are useless in the real word. Are they right?'"
"And, ironically, it lands on heads, meaning yes," Frank said.
"Yeah, sadly they kind of are," Percy said. "Yeah, don't get me wrong, the Greek and Roman stories are great to read about but do you really want to go ahead and make a career on them? I mean, with college costing so much it'll probably just mean that you're stuck in a low paying job at Starbucks while you try to chip away at your huge student loan amount. So no, it doesn't have any use in real life."
"Unless you're a demigod," Leo said.
"And wow Percy, way to go and ruin someone's aspirations," Jason said.
"That was rather crude," the judge said.
"I like to be to the point," Percy said.
"See, the thing is that it's weird since Percy is like the last person you'd want to take advice from," Jason said.
"Yeah," Frank said. "No, I mean, his choices are usually just, do everything for your friends or something. But Leo's probably worse at this."
"Hey," Leo said. "I got selected and Jason didn't. I think that is enough to prove that I am not the worst out of the four of us at this game."
"Another question is, 'I want to go to college but it'll mean going into a lotta debt. But my friends tell me that sooner or later there's going to be a program to wipe out everyone's student loan debt eventually. Should I believe them?'"
"Right, a yes or no question, let's flip a coin," Leo said. "I'm getting a no."
"By the way, why are we getting asked these questions?" Frank asked. "I was expecting some sort of stupid teen angst questions or something like that but whey are we being asked to comment on government policy?"
"No," Percy said. "I don't think so that they'll ever give out a blanket amnesty for the loans, and even if they do, we don't know when it'll be or if you individually will be covered. And you'd be miserable if you didn't get a job during that time if it doesn't pan out."
"A very realistic- but I think an appropriate answer to that," the judge said. "The next question is, 'Why is the ocean so salty?'"
"Awww, come on, no fair," Leo said. "That isn't right- even Percy'll know that!"
To their surprise though, Percy didn't reply immediately.
"Oh, I think he doesn't know it," Leo said.
"If I'm not wrong, the only knowledge that Percy has regarding marine life is by watching Spongebob Squarepants," Frank said.
"Uh, well, you see it get salty because it has fish," Percy said. "And fish, uh, pee and that's salty so all of that accumulates and it makes it salty."
"That is just plain wrong," the judge said. "Sorry. But then again, that really isn't a question that you'd actually be asked. Here's another one, 'A few years ago, I was at a party and one of my friends wanted me to get him a drink. I went to go get it, but you see, at the time, I had a really bad cold and then I sneezed and some of the snot or whatever got into the drinks. I was going to throw it away, but then he came and took the drink and I didn't know what to say and he drank it! What should I do- I mean, I feel so guilty about all of this and I don't know how to tell him.'"
"Uh…" Percy said. "Well, in that case you could choose just not to tell him. I mean, it sounds like something that he'd get upset about, and ignorance is bliss and all-"
"Yeah, Percy really knows that," Leo said and the three of them guffawed.
"-so that means that it'll hurt him more if he knows."
"I see," the judge said. "Now, there's another one, 'I liked the Star Wars prequels better than the sequels. Should I tell anyone?'"
"No, go see a therapist," Percy said. "Next question."
"Hey! I wrote that!" Jason said.
"Go see a therapist then," Leo said.
"'I was doing a test once and then I didn't know the answer to a question. Someone I know saw that I hadn't answered the question and then told me the answer which I wrote down. Now, I got a perfect score thanks to that that one time, and due to that I was shifted into honors. I don't think I would have if I hadn't gotten a perfect score at that time. Now it's been three years since then, and I feel like I hadn't earned it. I've done well in the honors class, but I still feel really bad about the whole thing.'"
"Uh, I guess in that case the best thing again would be to keep quiet," Percy said. "I mean, it doesn't hurt anyone right now, and he'll eventually live with it. It would just be a can of worms to open up right now."
"Huh… are you sure?" the judge asked. "It's one thing regarding the drink but something regarding an academic matter?"
"No one'll know, so I guess in this case it doesn't matter," Percy said.
"Alright then, 'I lent money to a pal of mine a few months back and he returned it, but the thing is that I forgot how much I gave him and I think he's honest enough to give back the whole thing, but I'm not really sure. What should I do?'"
"Well, if you don't know, you really shouldn't bother doubting, I guess," Percy said. "Let it go."
And of course, Leo started singing, "Let it go! Let it go! Can't hold it back anymore…"
""Is it true that chocolate milk comes from chocolate cows?'"
"I flipped a coin and it landed on head- say yes Percy!"
"Yes," Percy said. "As a matter of fact, chocolate milk can come from any cow. They just add chocolate or flavoring to it later. So technically, yes, that is true."
"'Which is better, Marvel or DC?'" the guy asked.
"I'm getting tails- DC Percy," Leo said.
"DC," Percy said.
"What?" the judge asked. "How can you like them over Marvel? I'm sorry, but this interview is over. Send the next contestant in."
The other three just couldn't stop giggling.
"Wait, this makes me better than Percy," Leo said. "Take that, Frank!"
A/N: With all that, all four of our jokers are tied at two negative points each.