A/N: Thanks to my reviewers Cassy daughter of the moon (yeah, I've been getting it a lot that nothing seems to happen to Frank and it's turned into an inside joke even with me), FieryGirl101, Guest, Bunearybunny (lots of people do request me for things like 'kiss a random person' but the thing is that I don't see the four ever doing something along those lines so it's rather difficult to write. As for a random monster attacking, yeah, you're right, that should've happened to poor Percy by this time), GoldenRacehorse, maid outfit (ah, wonderful username), Ron Potter, and Annabeth and Percy Jackson.
"You're up now Jason," Leo said.
"Yeah, but we made a special costume just for you," Percy said. "So put it on first."
"Costume? Costume? You guys didn't wear anything funny!" Jason protested.
"Yeah, well, sucks to be you," Frank said.
"Yeah, Jason, you should be appreciating the extra effort we put towards making you a costume," Percy said. "I mean, even though you didn't put any effort into making one for us, we all pitched in just so that you'd look extra stupid in front of a large group of people."
Leo shook his head. "Some people just don't appreciate all the effort you put in for them…"
"What am I wearing? It better not be a giant baby outfit again…" Jason said. "Or a maid outfit…."
Leo grinned. "No, it isn't any of those, but the thing is that we want you to remain in character with the costume for as long as you're selling things."
As always a group of people were gathered in a small room. There were about forty of them and like the people before them they had been expecting nothing save for a slightly weirder auction than normal.
Poor them.
What walked out to greet them was Jason, dressed up as Thor and carrying a large hammer which Jason proceeded to bang on the wooden table. "Alright, mortals, it's time to Ragnarok and Roll. Today, I, Thor, stand before you, in order to auction off these treasures carried all the way from Asgard, for the glory of Odin!"
Sounds of barely restrained laughter could be heard in Jason's earpiece.
"We don't even need to script this- he'll just do it all by himself!" Percy said.
"Are you kidding me Perce? We're definitely chipping in to this," Leo said.
"Don't call me Perce."
"How about your other nickname then- Persissy?"
Jason could hear what vaguely sounded like noises of someone drowning coming from his earpiece, but he had bigger fish to fry.
However, it was clear that the people in the audience hadn't been expecting something quite like this and they were chatting constantly which made it hard for them to hear Jason.
"Jason, scream, 'By the hammer of Thor I command you to be silent!' and smash that hammer on the wooden desk," France said.
Jason sighed. Not for the first time, he was wondering just how it was that he and his friends got into these kinds of situations. "Alright then, quiet down mortals- by the hammer of Thor I command you to be silent!"
He then banged his hammer on the table, and just at that moment the lights turned off. But they came back on within a few seconds.
There was silence now.
"Right, so I stand before you here to auction off these rare treasures," Jason said. "Now, the rules stand as such: I will be here to auction off three items. Neither I nor you know what they are, but I have been given clues as to what they are. If no one bids, then I will offer more clues until either someone does or I've run out of them and we do not sell the item. So without further ado, let us begin with the auction."
"Okay, Jason, the first item is something would be great to travel on if it was big enough to ride," Leo said.
"The first glorious item in our selection is something that would be great to travel on if it were big enough to ride," Jason said.
"Betting starts at twenty dollars," Percy said.
"You may begin your offers at twenty dol-lars," Jason said, trying to stretch the last word out a bit.
There was some more general murmuring but no consensus and no concrete offers for that matter.
"Whack your hammer again!"
Jason struck his hammer against the podium for the lights to flicker again as he said, "Silence!"
"So…" someone from the audience said, "do the lights usually do that? Or should I go ahead and call the Ghostbusters?"
"Why… why didn't I think of that line?" Leo asked. "That was great!"
"No, fear not," Jason said. "It is merely the effect of my hammer." He banged his hammer again for the same effect to occur, but it was delayed by like five seconds this time.
"Leo, you're slow, give me the button that makes the lights flicker," Frank said.
"Never! I made the button and I'm keeping it!" Leo said.
Jason heard the vague sounds of scuffling as the three of them seemed to be arguing over the button.
"That's cool," the guy said. "Where can I get one of those?"
"Sadly, there is only one of Mjolnir," Jason said.
"Jason, you pronounced that wrong," Leo said. "It's pronounced me-yol-nur, not myoel-neer."
Frank shook his head. "You'd make a terrible Thor, Jason. We are all severely disappointed."
"That's not how you pronounce it though," the guy said. "It's actual-"
"Yes, yes, I'm well aware," Jason said. "But you mortals keep saying it wrong like that so I say it wrong too. And we don't have any more. But we do have small Pikachu key chains though if you're interested. Now, back to the auction, are there any bids?"
A hand went up for twenty dollars. And then another bid came in, followed by yet another one, until the item was sold for fifty dollars.
It turned out that it was a small parakeet, which seemed to be very happy with its new owner.
"Now, the second item is very small and made of cardboard," Percy said.
"Now, our second item is very small and made of something that you mortals call cardboard," Jason said.
A lady at the back raised her hand as if she wanted to ask a question.
"Jason, point to that lady who's raising her hand and say, 'Does that fair maiden over yonder have a question?'" Frank said.
"She's at least eighty years old!" Percy said. "That's just gross on so many levels."
"And that's what makes it funny," Frank said.
Jason shook his head and mentally prayed that Aphrodite wasn't going to smite him for betraying Piper like this… though it technically wasn't a betrayal and just a (sort of?) compliment but anywho, it all worried him somehow. He was already worried plenty on that front and considered backing out
"Does… does that fair maiden over yonder have a question for the mighty Thor?" Jason asked.
"When does Bingo start?" she asked.
"Bingo doesn't start in another five hours lady," Leo said.
"Uh… five hours," Jason said. "It starts here but you're around five hours early."
"Oh, I'll just wait then," she said and then fell asleep in her chair.
"Bidding starts at forty bucks," Percy said.
"Ah, yes, bidding starts at forty dollars," Jason said.
And the bids came in and it sold for sixty dollars. Turned out to be a rather old baseball card.
"Does… does anyone want to wake up the sleeping lady there?" Jason asked. "We can't just leave her like that."
"Don't worry," someone sitting next to her said. "I'm sure she'll be pretty low-key for the while…"
"Jason! Scream 'Loki! Where!' and start banging your hammer on that podium like crazy!" Frank said.
"Loki! Where is my half-brother?" Jason asked and began smacking his table against the wooden podium hard.
The lights just didn't flick on and off this time- brief sparks came out from the sides of the ventilation shafts for a minute.
"No, no, the phrase, low and key," the guy said. "Geez, you don't need to take your job so seriously man. There's something known as being too into character…"
Surprisingly, the whole commotion hadn't fazed the old lady at all, and she was still sleeping peacefully.
"On contrite, there's nothing know as taking your job too seriously," Leo said. "I, for example, take it upon myself to lighten up the lives of everyone around me through my classy wit."
"Well, you shouldn't give up on that, 'cuz you're not really good at it," Percy said.
"Now, onto the third item," Frank said.
"Well, with that over, let's move on with the final item on our list," Jason said.
"It's something that is large and is basically the opposite of a boat," Percy said.
"It's something large and is technically speaking the opposite of a boat," Jason said.
"What?" came a voice from the crowd.
"Tell them to imagine a ship, and then reverse the concept," Leo said.
"Imagine a ship, and then reverse the concept," Jason said. He had to admit that he was pretty fuzzy on what the thing in question was too.
There were confused stares but not much more.
"Bidding starts at four hundred dollars," Frank said.
"Bidding starts at four hundred dollars," Jason said.
There was some discussion but not a single bid.
"Okay, add that it's a piece of furniture normally found in a house," Frank said.
"It's also something that you normally find in a house," Jason said.
"Can't you tell us a bit more? Four hundred dollar's a lot."
"Forgive me, mortal, but even the mighty Thor knows not what the item in question is," Jason said.
"400!"
"420!"
"450!"
It ended up being sold for five hundred-and-twenty dollars. And it turned out to be a bathtub.
"Well then, mortals, it appears that this auction is over," Jason said.
"Tell them that half of the proceeds go towards raising the children of orphaned Frost Giants," Percy said.
"I will have you know that half of the profits from this auction go towards the children of orphaned Frost Giants," Jason said.
"Laugh and say that you're kidding- you and your father killed all the Frost Giants centuries ago. There are no orphans," Leo said.
Jason chuckled and said, "I'm just jesting. The Allfather Odin and I killed all of them centuries ago."
"Even the children," Frank said. "And the pregnant ones."
"Even the children," Jason said. "And the pregnant ones."
Result: Jason made one hundred-and-seventy dollars above his target. All the people in the audience now also think that he's a huge jerk thanks to his last joke.
"And here comes the mighty Thor, having defeated the vicious Jabberwocky and freeing Narnia," Leo said.
"Yeah, the mighty Thor does not need tips on being a superhero from Aqualad, El Diablo, and Mulan," Jason said.
"Aqualad? I'm at least Aquaman now," Percy said and puffed his chest.
Leo turned to Percy and said in a deep voice, "I hear you can talk to fish."
"Mulan? Why do the others get to be superheroes and you make me a Disney Princess?" Frank asked.
"Shut up Mulan," Leo said.
"Shut up Tinkerbell," Frank said.
"Doesn't matter, all of you are still lame compared to the mighty Thor!" Jason said. "Now, Leo, are you going?"
"Yes," Leo said.
Leo walked into the room. The old lady from before was still sleeping peacefully, but Leo decided to ignore her and instead focus his attention on everyone else. It was a mixed crowd like with the other three with people who looked like they came from everywhere.
"Leo, while you're explaining the rules of the auction, say 'asparagus' in-between every word," Frank said.
"So asparagus everyone asparagus I asparagus just asparagus wanted asparagus to asparagus say asparagus good asparagus morning asparagus and asparagus let asparagus me asparagus tell asparagus you asparagus the asparagus rules asparagus of asparagus this asparagus auction asparagus. We asparagus have asparagus three asparagus items asparagus for asparagus sale asparagus. Neither asparagus I asparagus nor asparagus you asparagus know asparagus the asparagus contents asparagus of asparagus the asparagus items asparagus. I asparagus will asparagus give asparagus you asparagus clues asparagus after asparagus I'll asparagus let asparagus each asparagus of asparagus you asparagus bid asparagus on asparagus the asparagus item asparagus until asparagus all asparagus three asparagus items asparagus are asparagus sold asparagus," Leo said.
"Wow," Frank said. "I think no one got that. Say it again but normally."
Leo took several deep breaths before repeating the lines normally.
"Now, the first item on your list is something that you wear," Percy said.
"The first item is something that you'd wear," Leo said.
"And we have twelve of them," Jason said. "Bidding starts at two hundred dollars."
"There are twelve of them, all included within item one of course," Leo said. "Bidding starts at two hundred dollars."
Leo got no response for now.
"It's a fashion accessory which is a coat, and it helps you float," Percy said.
"It's a fashion accessory which is a coat that helps you float," Leo said.
"Do you mean life jackets?" someone asked.
"I… I honestly don't know for sure what is item one myself. I only know what I tell you guys," Leo said. "Bidding starts at two hundred dollars."
There was a single offer for two hundred dollars and no one bothered to bid more than that. The item turned out to be, indeed, twelve life jackets.
"You're off to a rocky start, Leo," Jason said.
"I just realized something though," Frank said. "Even if Leo gets less than us, that means that in order for there to be two losers at least, that means that all of us get a negative point and then there's a tie with no overall loser for this whole arc. And if he wins, all three of us are losers. There's literally no downside for Leo here."
"Okay, Leo," Percy said. "Here's item number two coming up. There are two hundred of them, and they are also things you wear."
Leo said, "Item number two is also something that you wear, and there are two hundred of them."
"Bidding starts at a hundred and fifty dollars," Frank said.
"Bidding starts at a hundred and fifty dollars," Leo said.
No bids.
"They're basically gloves for your feet," Jason said.
"They're basically gloves for your feet," Leo said.
"You mean socks? I ain't paying that much for two hundred pairs of socks."
There were murmurs of assent.
"Uh… he was right about it being socks," Percy said. "I… I can't think of anything else!"
"Neither can I," Jason said.
"Hey Leo, if you can think of another way, you're free to come up with it on your own," Frank said.
Leo, however, just stared out at the crowd, looking lost.
"Alright, Leo, no bids," Percy said. "No problem, just play it off and say that you're going to the next item."
"Does… does this count as minus one hundred-and-fifty for Leo?" Jason asked.
"No, it's still just a zero actually," Frank said. "According to the rules at least."
"And onto the third and final item," Percy said. "It's basically a wristwatch but it doesn't have a clock on it."
"Well, with no bids it looks like we'll have to move on to our third and final item," Leo said. "The third item is essentially a wristwatch but it doesn't have a clock on it."
"Bidding starts at eight hundred dollars," Leo said.
"Bidding starts at eight hundred dollars," Leo said. Now he was pretty sure that there wouldn't be any bids, given the atmosphere up till now, especially for something that began so high.
"It's also made of actual gold," Percy said.
"The item in question is also made of gold," Leo said.
This raised a few eyebrows, and even did get one bid. One bid that was then rivaled by another for nine hundred dollars.
And then it was sold. It turned out to be an old decorative golden bracelet.
Result: Leo got one hundred dollars above his required goal.
End result, everyone gets a negative point as Leo got the lowest score and the three others have tied for the amount of money they made.
A/N: As everyone has three negative points, we are moving on towards a sudden death round to determine the winner- and far more importantly than that, the loser or losers. Stay tuned folks. And thanks for reading.