A/N: Thanks as always to reviewers Guest, Verteller (that would've kind of been illegal- Leo wasn't getting punished after all, I mean, it would've been funny yeah, but the thing is that kind of goes against everything I've written before), Guest, 64Felicity, Sage Nicholson, Thrawn13 (well given that this is a parody, yeah, I'd guess that most people would say it was funny as against to being sad/romantic, but it's nice to see how many people do like it), Annabeth and Percy Jackson (that was what I was thinking as well, had it been Frank or Percy left on the cliff maybe Leo would've pushed them in but Jason is kind of a special case being good friends with Leo and all), Panemat (we'll see), and a-halfblood-with-attitude.
Overall, I guess it might have been funnier if Jason was pushed, but y'know, like I said maybe Leo was more incline to let Jason go.
So I'd just like to say a few things. Thanks for sticking by me through writing this fanfic- this is by far the most popular fanfic that I've ever written. In total this has over 91,000 views as of right now. My second most popular story has around 35,000 which is less than half of this despite being longer. And to be honest there were times during which I didn't feel like I could do it- or I felt like would either get bored, or wouldn't want to write more, or maybe I'd lose my readers. But none of those have happened and here we are standing at 50 chapters. Now, I know that all of those views aren't of unique visitors and the thing is that given with 50 chapters that's a bit less than 2,000 viewers so I'm going to assume a little over 1,000 frequent readers are there for this fanfic. Which again, is something that I had never imagined.
And so, to celebrate, I made this a fanfic based on something a lot of people have demanded, and I decided to super-size it and make much longer than a normal chapter. So you guys don't have to wait for the conclusion- I know how much you guys hate waiting!
Some things just never change. Some people never do either for that matter.
Now, it wouldn't exactly be either fair or accurate for that matter to say that Poseidon, Hades, and Zeus hadn't changed at all in the last couple of thousand years. But they still fought like crazy, and the topics of their fights hadn't changed by a bit.
So after a few hours of this, Poseidon grew bored until he had an idea.
"So, brothers, if you really want to 'get down' as the mortals call it, why don't we?" he asked.
"You want to fight? Actually fight?" Zeus and Hades asked.
"Oh, no, I wasn't thinking about real combat- we'd end up leveling half the earth, I meant a game," Poseidon said. "You know that one that our children were playing… you know, playing pranks on each other?"
"You mean the ones your children were playing," Hades said. "Clearly mine do not have time for such trivial pursuits."
"In other words, your children weren't- how do the mortals say it?- 'cool enough' to join them," Zeus said and yawned. "But what are you saying, that we should join in on them?"
"Not join them," Poseidon said. "A similar game. There are three of us, so each of us can name a round and a game. Whoever wins all three will be considered the best of us."
Hades scratched his chin. "Like this it'll all just end up in a tie. There are three of us, and we'd all chose contests that only we'd win. It would just end in a stalemate. There's no guarantee that we'll pick contests that are truly fair and unbiased."
"We can swear on the Styx for that," Poseidon said. There was a twinkle in his eyes.
"Oh yes, of course, because we all know how seriously the two of you take an oath on the Styx," Hades muttered. "But I do reserve the right to withdraw in case it ever seems like the two of you are rigging it."
"Fine, fine," Zeus said. "But before we do this… don't you think we should make it a little bit… interesting?"
"What do you mean?" Poseidon asked.
"I meant that there should be a prize involved for the victor," Zeus said. "Just to motivate ourselves."
"You mean aside from bragging rights of calling himself 'Greatest Olympian Deity?'" Hades asked.
"Yes, something asides from that," Zeus said. "But what…"
"You're going about this the wrong way," a voice said. The three of them turned to see that the throne room wasn't completely empty and there was Athena sitting there.
"Have you been eavesdropping on us?" Poseidon asked.
"Eavesdropping? Eavesdropping? I could hear you halfway across Mt. Olympus, if that's what you're asking. I've been here for the past forty minutes, but none of you seem to have noticed," Athena said. She was shuffling through some papers in her hand. "And for that matter, I was saying that the point of the game you're playing isn't to win, it's to not lose. Whoever loses should get punished, according to the other three people who are playing."
"You seem to have gotten your maths wrong," Hades said. "There would only be two people punishing the third."
"Oh no, I want in," Athena said. "I want in on this contest."
"Why? You think it's a brilliant idea?" Poseidon asked.
"No, it's extremely stupid, but at the same time if you're having a contest to see who's the 'Greatest Olympian Deity' and it happens to be a battle of wits, then I want in," Athena said. "So make it four rounds instead of three. And as a rule, before we get to start, we should make sure that everyone else has to approve of our idea for the contest."
"I don't know," Poseidon said. "Just why should we let you join us?"
"Oh, what's wrong? Are you scared about that time that I beat you in a contest?" Athena asked.
"Scared? No. And it's weird how you keep lording that over me when you lost a contest to Aphrodite," Poseidon said.
"That was rigged!" Athena snapped. "And no cheating this time! I think we can all agree on that?"
"Fine, fine," Hades said.
And Zeus agreed. "But instead of a punishment I have another idea for a reward… whoever wins gets to spend a day with their demigod children. No normal restrictions."
"Seriously?" Poseidon said. "You're normally the one who completely forbids us to have anything to do with our children barring certain days."
"And I'm the one saying whoever wins can spend an entire day with them," Zeus said.
"Well, I'm going to win then," Poseidon said.
"Well, this is going to take some time," Zeus realized. "Some weeks at the very least for us to come up with things and then gather around to execute them. Until then, let's start brainstorming ideas."
It wasn't as if the four gods didn't have any ideas for the game. It was just that the selection process for each of their ideas meant that whatever prank they thought of had to be rubber-stamped by the other three, and given that none of them really trusted each other, it was kind of getting hard for them to agree on one.
The first person's challenge to be accepted by the others was Athena's.
Athena's Task: Apollo is currently residing at Camp Jupiter in mortal form as his punishment. Now, while there are many mysteries in the world, Apollo's poems have to be on there. The name of the game is this: In mortal form, each of the gods have to approach Apollo and get him to recite a poem for them. And they then need to explain to Apollo what it means. If Apollo doesn't agree that they have deciphered one of his poem's meaning, they lose. And of course, there's no revealing their identities to Apollo.
Given that Athena had thought up of this task, she was going first.
"If we're going to do this, shouldn't we have some sort of video camera?" Poseidon asked.
"Eh, no, I just brought that pool I have that lets me see anywhere," Hades said.
"Huh, I forgot you had that," Zeus said. "But how do we communicate with each other?"
"Did you all forget that we can use telepathy?" Athena asked.
"Huh… so why don't we use it more often then?" Poseidon asked no one in particular.
Anyway, Apollo was busy eating when he noticed a girl slide over to the other corner of his table. His friends were busy at the moment, but the girl said, "Hey, Apollo, right?"
"Yeah," Apollo said.
"I was wondering… have you thought up of any new poetry today?" she asked.
"I don't usually do requests," Apollo said. "But now that I've come to think about, there is one haiku that I've made a while back. It goes like this:"
Grass frowns steadfastly
Earth cries untouchable lake
Dreams but chaos
"Is… is that supposed to be in English?" Hades asked as he squinted at the pool.
"Just look at Athena's face," Poseidon said. "She has virtually no clue as to what that's supposed to mean."
"Oh," Athena said. "That's uh, very nice then."
"You don't need to pretend to like it," Apollo said. "I've been told my poetry is terrible."
"Oh, no it isn't," Athena said and tried smiling.
"It cannot be clearer that that smile is forced," Zeus said.
"As a matter of fact, I think I know what it means," Athena said. "It's ah, a poem about how the grass and earth are sad because of um, environmental pollution and humans destroying the environment and it affects the lakes as well who dream of a world without chaos."
Apollo shook his head. "I'm afraid that you've only seen the superficial side of my haiku, girl. There is far deeper mystery that must be probed which you must contemplate."
"Oh, she soooo wants to transform back to Athena and smack the living daylights out of him," Poseidon muttered to himself.
The result? Athena lost her own challenge.
Now, Apollo didn't see that girl ever again, which made him wonder exactly who she was. But while he was out doing some random tasks for camp, a boy with sharp blue eyes walked up to him.
"Nice day, isn't it?" the boy said. "Makes you almost want to… write a poem."
"Oh, very subtle, Poseidon," Athena said.
"You're one to talk, you just walked up to him and asked for a poem," Hades said.
"Alright, so what do you want?" Apollo asked.
"Have you thought of any new poem yet? I've heard yours are great," the boy said.
Apollo frowned. "Well, there is another haiku that I've been working on:"
Purchase looks sluggish
oscillates, tortuous earth
tomorrow, vacant.
"It isn't just me, right?" Hades said. "His haikus really do make no sense at all to you all as well?"
"Huh, well it looks like the haiku is about shopping," Poseidon said. "But the earth is vacant so… y'know, I think it's about a farmer who can't buy stuff because his harvest isn't good."
"That's a good guess," Apollo said. "But sadly, a guess only. Come back when you've truly understood what I mean to say through my poetry."
The result? Poseidon loses this round as well.
Now, Apollo was used to people telling him to quit making poems, he received quite a few death threats regarding the matter regularly, but the thing was that for some reason he had had two people come up to him and ask him for poems. Now that was weird.
And even weirder was the fact that he had never seen those people before and they just seemed to vanish after.
He had a few crazy theories regarding it- maybe they were actually gods of Olympus come to visit him. Well, if that was true, they better be thinking of how to free him and help him with all that had happened and not be playing some stupid pointless game among themselves.
And the weirdest part was that they always seemed to drop by just when no one else was around.
Like this next time that happened the very next day when he was trying paint something.
"So, do you have any poem ideas for today?" the boy asked.
Apollo glanced at him. Yup, he had definitely not seen this kid ever before. But whatever, you know, he wasn't going to disappoint one of his fans, no matter how weird they were.
"So, I've thought of this one:"
Today is the day
OK is how it will go
En route to my heart
"This seems to make sense a little," Poseidon said.
"Yeah, but he keeps saying that there's a deeper meaning to all of his poems," Hades said.
"Uh," Zeus said as he thought of a response, "it seems that the poem is about the hope that someone will love you today?"
Apollo shook his head. "Don't take the words to mean literally what they mean…"
"That's what words are supposed to be for, you idiot!" Hades screamed.
Result? Zeus loses too.
And so finally up was Hades, but at this point he had basically given up on ever deciphering anything from Apollo's haikus.
Apollo however was getting rather paranoid. He had now come up with another theory- he was slowly going insane and imagining that people like his haikus! It was the only way to explain everything that was going on!
And so, when he was by a stream after having done his business and walked away to see a small kid asking him for a poem he said, "Be gone specter! I know you're not real!"
The kid pinched him and it hurt. Guess he was wrong. "Oh well, then, I suppose I could make yet another haiku:"
Thinks though thinking ground
Hillside purchases coolly
Arrogant air grasps.
Hades didn't even try anything, he just walked away.
"Wait! Aren't you going to tell me how you liked it?" Apollo asked. He received no reply at all.
Result? Hades lost.
And for that matter, so did everyone else.
"Man, was this terrible," Zeus said back at the throne room.
"Yeah, but it was all Athena's idea after all," Poseidon said.
"I don't even think that there was any deeper meaning," Athena said. "He was just spouting whatever nonsense came to his head."
"Well that ends this round," Hades said. "And that's Athena's turn over, so now we have to wait for someone else to come up with something."
And so the other three kept tossing around ideas until they finally agreed on something that they could do. And this one came from Hades.
Hades' Task: Given that Halloween is around the corner, this is what the task will involve. Each of the gods must go in mortal form and in a costume to visit one of their children and ask them to guess what they're dressed up as. Their children have to answer it correctly for them to win. As always, no cheating or hinting on who they really are. And as an additional twist, the costumes that they will be wearing will be decided by the other three.
Since this was Hades' idea, he was going first.
They had all placed their ideas for costumes in a small glass bowl filled with paper slips and there were about twenty in total. Hades put his hand into the bowl and drew out a small slip that said: Strawberry Shortcake
"What? That's a girl's costume!" Hades said.
"Yeah, so you're gonna need to turn into one," Poseidon said. "I mean, after all, we're all gods here, we can handle a little shapeshifting."
"By the way," Athena said. "I didn't put that costume idea in… so which one of you three watches Strawberry Shortcake?"
"Uh, I uh, mean, no, well, it's a sort of uh," Poseidon said. "Anyway, coming to the point, how many guesses do the kids get? Three? Four?"
"Three seems reasonable," Zeus said.
"Alright, I'll be going then," Hades said.
Nico was busy scurrying around. Okay, so it was Halloween, and so everyone just had to kind of assumed that it was his holiday and all. Now, don't get Nico wrong, he like helping out with the festivities but it could just get boring pretty quickly.
And so he had decided to take a stroll to take a break when someone behind him said,
"Hello there."
He whipped around. Nico couldn't believe it- someone had managed to sneak up on him?
And it was a girl. Maybe about seven years old.
Now, there's normally nothing frightening about a little girl… but Nico was getting the creepiest of vibes from this one. Like that girl from that movie, The Ring.
Well, she wasn't dressed like that, she was dressed in something pink with a strawberry cushion on top and a bow as well. It didn't look frightening, but Nico couldn't shake off the feeling that there was something wrong about the whole thing. Starting with the fact that there was no one else in the vicinity and that she had somehow managed to sneak up on someone like him, who was used to sulking in the shadows.
And the thing was that she looked upset. Not that he could see much of her face, her hat seemed to shield so far much more of her face in shadow than was normal.
"Uh, what's wrong little girl?" Nico asked, his voice being a bit higher-pitched than usual. He tried not letting on how weirded out he was by the whole thing.
"Oh, it's just been terrible," the girl pouted. "None of my friends can guess what I'm dressed up as, and I worked sooo hard for it. Can you tell me what I'm dressed up as?"
"Uh, a Barbie Doll?" Nico wildly guessed. He wasn't really used to the idea of costumes or the newer things that people were wearing.
The girl didn't say anything- she didn't even smile- as if her features were frozen on her face or something. Creepy. "How about another guess?"
Nico suddenly had the feeling that this wasn't a request- no, she was demanding that he guess again. And so he tried to calm down and get a good look at her costume. Hmm, a pink skirt, and there was that strawberry cushion on her hat. He thought he had heard of it somewhere.
He glanced around- he didn't see any of the other campers around. And strangely enough the night was silent- no bird cries or animal sounds. But then Nico began to feel better adjusted to the atmosphere, as he felt like he had been in such a place before.
"It started with Strawberry, right?" Nico asked. "I think one of the other girls had the same costume- Strawberry Shortcake!"
The girl burst into a smile, but that didn't make Nico calm down any more. "Oh, you're right. Thank you!" She then bounded off into the woods.
"Wait!" Nico called out after her. But when he ran towards where she had been, she was gone.
As if she had just melted into the shadows.
Now, Nico spent some time searching for her and asked around about her, but didn't see her again. No one seemed to know her at all. And Will seemed to find it funny that he was so terrified of a small girl.
And come to think of it, Nico realized, he didn't think that she ever meant him harm. Huh. It was weird how somehow, deep down, he knew that.
Back at Mt. Olympus, Hades was smiling. "One point for the God of Death."
"Goddess," Poseidon corrected after taking a picture of Hades. "That is definitely going in our family photo album. You make such an adorable little sister."
The next second, Hades had transformed back and was wrestling with Poseidon for the phone.
"Calm down, calm down," Athena said. But you could tell she wasn't very happy that Hades had managed to succeed.
Once Hades had deleted the image, Poseidon decided it was his turn to take a swing at it and took out a piece of paper that said: Zeus.
"What? I have dress up as Zeus?" Poseidon said. "Okay, who's idea was this?"
"As the mortals say, 'well duh?'" Zeus said.
"Of course it was you," Poseidon said. "And this should be easy dressing up as you given how I've spent five thousand years imitating you behind your back."
"Yeah well- wait what?" Zeus demanded. Poseidon then began saying, in a very high-pitched and whiny voice,
"Oh look everyone, I'm Zeus, I'm so cool and so awesome and I have a lighting bolt that does like +60,000 damage when I hold it and I go ahead and basically hook up with whoever I want and-" Poseidon stopped and got out of there before Zeus could get angrier.
Percy Jackson couldn't believe that he was this tired given that the Halloween party had just started. He sat down in a chair and just watched everyone else as someone tapped him lightly on the shoulder.
Percy turned around. It was a guy about fifteen dressed in a white toga and wearing a laurel wreath on his head. "Hey there. Enjoying the party?"
"Yeah," Percy said. "I guess. You?"
"Well, it's been nice," the guy said. "But you know what? How about we have a game here… can you guess who I'm dressed up as?"
Percy glanced at the guy and noticed that he was holding something made of tin foil in his left hand- a lightning bolt. "That's easy man- you're Zeus."
"Well, it must be very obvious if even that child can tell," Athena said.
Zeus snorted. "Yeah, well, he isn't a very good Zeus in my opinion. I'm far more handsome to begin with…"
"Well, hey, you're right," the guy said while smiling. Now…. where had Percy seen that kind of a smile before? "Now, I'd sure love to stick around Perseus, but I have to go."
"That's not how this works," Percy said as he noticed his friends in the other corner of the room. "You're supposed to guess what I am dressed up as t-"
He looked back at the sofa and noticed that the guy was gone. And he wasn't there anywhere else in the party. And why had he called him 'Perseus'- did Percy know that guy?
Back at Mt. Olympus, Poseidon had a wide grin on his face. "Well, it looks like I win."
Neither Zeus nor Athena were very pleased at this new development. "Well, I think I'll go next," Athena said and she drew a slip that said: Loki (the Marvel one).
"Well it could've been worse," she said to herself.
Annabeth hesitantly took a sip of the punch. You could never be too careful with the punch at a Halloween party. Never mind the obvious risk of it being spiked with alcohol or some other drug, there was always the fact that there were pranksters like Travis and Connor Stoll on the loose always mixing up stuff like ketchup in everything.
The party… was turning out to be not so great. It was getting crowded and rowdy and she could tell that Percy seemed to be tired of it too. The punch seemed fine, but she had hardly had a little taste. She wasn't entirely sure if it was safe to drink and whether or not she should bring some for Hazel, Piper and-
"If you're wondering about the punch, it looks great to me," a voice beside her said. She turned to see a woman with black hair falling to her shoulders take a glass of the punch and drink the entire thing. "See? Perfectly safe."
Now, it was these sorts of things that made Annabeth even more suspicious about the punch rather than the opposite.
And now that she looked more carefully, it seemed to be a man… or wait was it really a woman? It was a bit hard to tell… and she didn't want to offend whoever it was.
But she hadn't seen this person before- which was odd given how she knew almost everyone in both camps and she was sure she would have spotted someone who was transgender (at least she thought this person was transgender) before.
"Well, while we're here, why don't you try guessing who I am?" the person asked as he/she pulled out what looked like a curved staff.
"I'm not really in the mood for guessing games," Annabeth said. The person's voice definitely sounded feminine, so she guessed that she was a 'she.'
"Ah, but what if it's more than just a game?" he/she asked. "After all…there might be something in it for you, if not now then later."
"You're Loki I guess," Annabeth said, not even bothering to look up as she inspected the punch more carefully and decided to take a larger sip. "But I don't really- hey where'd she go?"
Annabeth looked around- she wasn't there anymore and that hadn't exactly been someone who would have been easy to miss.
Back on Mt. Olympus, Zeus was rummaging through the slips when he pulled one out.
"What is this supposed to be?" Zeus asked. It said: Kool-Aid on it.
"That's a drink," Hades said.
"But it's also the name of that cartoon, no?' Poseidon said. "The big red jug?"
Zeus shook his head. "I'm beginning to regret this already…" he muttered under his breath.
Jason looked out the window. The sun had set a few hours ago and despite it being Halloween, truth be told, he was waiting for when he could go home. It had been an exhausting day as he, Nico, Percy, and the others had helped put up the party in the first place and by now he was pretty tired. Not to mention that Piper wasn't here tonight- she had somewhere to go to with her dad. Not that he was complaining- it was great that she was finally getting some bonding time, but it did leave him alone.
And it kind of got him thinking about his own father. What exactly was Zeus doing today? It felt like their relationship was strained, sure he had saved the earth, but it always seemed like Zeus was trying to put on a tough guy act and just didn't want to show any emotion.
"Can I bother you for a minute?" a voice called out next to him. Jason turned to see a guy who was dressed up as a giant jug with a smiley face on it.
"Um, yes?" Jason asked.
"Well, nice party that you've organized here," the guy said.
"Thanks," Jason said and the frowned. "Do I know you from somewhere? You look familiar."
"Nope, never met before, you know, we're total strangers here and I've never seen you before but they were all saying you organized the party and I guess you're Jason because you know I hear all about Jason all the time," the guy said a little too quickly. "But hey, if you have some time, wanna guess what I'm dressed up as?"
"A punch bowl?" Jason asked. It was the first thing that came to his mind.
"Not exactly, I'm more of a specific character," the guy said.
Jason scratched his chin. He was sure he knew the answer to this… but honestly just couldn't put his finger on it. "Wait, you're that jug right, the um…. Mr. Kool-Aid?"
The guy smiled. "Why yes, you're right. And by the way, is that your friend Nico coming to talk to you?" He pointed out the window.
"Yeah, but wait how do you know Nico and me-" Jason said but then turned around to see that the guy was gone. But Jason didn't spend too much time worrying about him.
Because just then Nico came by him. He seemed out of breath. "The freakiest thing just happened to me. There was this lost little girl in the woods and the thing is…"
Jason listened to what Nico was saying, and the thing was that he couldn't get what the fuss was about. Now, he understood that if Nico of all people was acting frightened by something, there was probably something frightening going on, but nothing quite seemed to have happened.
"Did you see her? A little girl who was asking people what she was dressed like?" Nico asked.
"No," Jason said. "I mean, there was this guy who was asking about his costume… and it's funny 'cuz I also got the feeling that all he wanted was for me to guess his costume. I mean, it was a bit weird."
Now, Jason and Nico decided to investigate further but would uncover nothing else despite their best efforts and they decided to let it go.
Back on Mt. Olympus however, the gods were uncertain of what to do now.
"Well, that was fun," Zeus said. "But much like Athena's task, this has led us nowhere as we each have a single point in our favor now. We need a different type of task… we'll speak of it the next day however."
Poseidon's Task: The contestants will be sitting by a lake in mortal form trying to fish when another fisherman/fisherwoman sits by them and fishes up something. Now, it'll be designed so that the other person will get a lot of fish, but what the contestant will get will be something made by the other three and planted onto his or her hook. What the person then needs to do is try and convince the other person to trade it for a fish. If they can't, they lose.
In the spirit of how everything had went up till that point, Poseidon went first as this was his idea.
The others were currently beneath the lake that they were at.
"None of us are water gods," Zeus muttered. "This is stupid."
"Why didn't you think of that before agreeing to this?" Hades asked. "Anyway, this isn't so bad…"
"No it's worse," Athena said."You do realize that we are quite literally sitting in fish and human-" she shuddered and didn't say anything further. But she'd need a bath later.
So Poseidon sat down near the lake and sent out his reel when somebody else came.
"Oh, hello," Poseidon said.
"Hey," the guy, maybe in his fifties, said.
Aside from that it was pretty quiet until ten minutes later when the other guy got a fish. And then got another one. And another one. And yet another one.
"Wow, all the luck's with you today," Poseidon commented.
"Yeah, it's weird I've never caught this many so quickly today," the guy said.
"Yeah, the gods of fishing must be with you or something, am I right?" Poseidon said. "I mean, I can't get anything."
"Gods of fishing?" Athena asked.
"Maybe," the guy said.
Just then Poseidon felt a tug on his line. Okay- this meant that the others were giving him something to haul in. "Wait, wait, I've also got something!"
Poseidon made a big show about reeling it in, and out came a soggy old boot. It was ugly gray and kind of looked like someone had puked on it and the water hadn't washed all the stains away. Poseidon hoped it wasn't an actual person's boot- someone who had died and Hades decided to give it to him.
"It's a boot," Poseidon said.
"Have fun trading," Hades said.
"Say, would you mind if I asked you something?" Poseidon asked the guy.
"What?"
"Let's say that you and me have a trade," Poseidon said. "You know… my boot for a fish?"
The guy chuckled. "As tempting as that offer sounds… I'm kind of gonna have to say no."
"Aw come on," Poseidon said. "You see, I was always gonna say that I caught a fish while fishing here and I made this whole sort of promise to my friends and I kind of need one fish, but you know, I don't want to ask you for one for nothing, and hey, I did fish up this boot in the end."
"Seems sort of like cheatin' on what you told him," the guy said.
"Yeah, how is that not cheating?" Athena asked. "He shouldn't be allowed to put that sob story in there…"
"No, but I did catch something and I traded it for a fish so it seems about the same as catching a fish, right?" Poseidon said.
"Not really but tell you what… okay I'll trade you one for it," the guy said.
"No! No! I picked that boot off the River Styx- how is he just accepting it?" Hades asked.
"Well, but I'd appreciate if you throw out the boot for me rather than trade for it," the guy said.
"Alright, alright then," Poseidon said.
The result? Poseidon wins.
The next person to bat was Athena. A kid, maybe about five years old came near the spot she was fishing and Athena gave him a warm smile.
"My mommy says don't talk to strangers," the kid replied.
Poseidon's laughter could be heard which drowned out the laughs of the other two beneath the waves.
The kid was getting extremely lucky with the fish though and Athena was getting bored when she felt a tug on her line and pulled out something… which was a beat-up bicycle. It wasn't very big, and actually caused her fishing line to snap so she brought it in by hand.
"Was that also from the Styx?" Zeus asked.
"Yup," Hades said.
"Come on, that's gross," Poseidon complained.
"Gross? Gross? We're sitting here at the bottom of a lake and people probably dump their effluent pipe waste in here! We are literally swimming in-" Hades said.
"Whoa," the boy said. "You managed to get a bike from the water!"
"Well, if you want you can have it," Athena said. "Just give me one of your fish."
The boy looked at his fish closely and then finally said, "Agreed!"
Result? Athena also won this round.
Next up was Zeus. He was just sitting there by the water gently humming to himself as a father-son duo was fishing next to him.
Now, as was usual the two of them were getting extremely lucky somehow and had a lot of fish piled up right next to them.
It was only after half an hour that Zeus finally felt a tug and reeled it in to get…. a wedding dress.
"This is also from the River Styx isn't it?" Zeus asked.
"Yeah, see, the way I see it is that I can give you guys weird stuff and also clean up the Styx at the same time," Hades said. "It's a win-win situation and kills two birds with one stone."
Zeus replied back with his telepathy. "And none of you others want to be the ones to choose the items?"
Poseidon shrugged. "We had to live with Hades choosing, and now so do you."
"Hey there," Zeus said. "I see that the two of you gentlemen have a rather surplus of fish… and I do not have any but I managed to fish this wedding dress out of the water. Would you perhaps care to trade for a fish?"
The two of them burst out laughing.
"Ho-who threw a wedding dress into the water?" the son asked.
"Okay, it's weird, buddy, but I don't think that we'll be needing something like that," the father said.
"Really? It looks like your boy's coming of age soon. Given the rising cost of weddings, you could save on a dress for your daughter-in-law," Zeus said.
The kid laughed before saying, "I'm just sixteen right now man."
"He'd be married with two children back in my day," Hades said.
"Nonetheless, I mean, you have so many fish, certainly you can deal with losing out on just one," Zeus said. "And in exchange, even if you don't want this dress you could always sell it."
"I don't know, no one wants to buy… something like that usually…" the father said. "Sorry fella, but we're going to be getting out of this one."
"They just refused the god of the sky for a deal," Poseidon said.
"But remember Zeus, you promised- we all did- that we wouldn't go ahead and punish any mortals from this contest…" Hades said. "Not that I hold you to your promise or anything…"
Zeus however, simply calmly got up and left. "You think me so petty as to strike against mortals for something as simple as this? No, you merely got lucky brother to win this round. I will take the next one."
"How surprisingly mature of you," Hades said.
Hades was up next and was staring into the water when a guy in his thirties walked near to where he was. Hades waved hello but that was about all the interaction they did.
The guy, just like the others, got extremely lucky with fishing and soon found himself with a pile of fish at his feet.
Hades on the other hand just had to look out onto the water and sit glumly when his line suddenly felt a tug and he began reeling it in.
And boy was it big… and it was an actual fish. Stuffed animal, that is, a fish stuffed animal about the size of a small bike. It was bright and orange and kind of looked like one from that movie… what was it, Finding Nemo?
"That's something that's not from the River Styx," Poseidon said. "That's all from me."
"Look what I fished up," Hades remarked.
"What is that thing?" the guy asked.
"Oh, this, I've heard that there are schools of these things swimming below the lake," Hades said.
The guy laughed. "Yeah, in other words someone threw it out. Why would someone dump something like that into a lake though?"
"Don't know," Hades said. "Hey tell you what, you seem to have a large pile of fish there ready for ya, and I just have this plush doll. Wanna trade for one of your fish?"
"A trade?" the guy asked.
"Yeah, this entire stuffed animal for a single fish," Hades said.
"I don't know man," the guy said.
"C'mon, what're you even gonna do with all them fish?" Hades asked.
"What am I gonna do with a huge stuffed animal?" the guy asked.
"Point taken," Poseidon said. "By the way, that stuffed animal is mine so if you lose it and trade it away I'm charging you for it."
"So, whaddaya say?" Hades asked.
"Sorry man, but no," the guy said. "I'll keep my fish, and you can... keep yours I guess."
The result? Hades lost.
At the end of this round, Poseidon and Athena were in the lead with Hades and Zeus lagging behind by a point each.
Now this worried Zeus. There was only one round left, and the thing was that even if he won, the only thing that would happen would be that he would either tie with Athena or Poseidon, or he would be beaten by one of them.
As such though, he supposed a tie was way better than completely losing, so he waited before announcing which task he wanted. He tried to plan it carefully so that he would have the advantage. But it was turning out to be extremely difficult, any plan that was too much in his favor was rejected by the others. And he couldn't think of one worthy enough- he was the King of Gods, and his task should definitely be difficult…
Zeus' Task: Each of the contestants will present a letter to a stranger, in mortal form of course, and it will be a letter designed for their children. However, it will be written by the three others. And the contestant needs to be able to get the other person to say that the letter is fine for being sent. If they can't, they get a negative point. And the contestant will have never seen that letter before.
And given that no one writes letters anymore, rather than that, that has been changed to being an e-mail. (Amended by Athena.)
Well, Zeus, having been the one who thought of the task, was the first up.
He was just sitting in a diner and noticed that there was one guy who looked like he wasn't doing anything, so he decided to approach him.
"Hey there, you see I was wondering if I could have a moment of your time, you see, I'm writing this really important e-mail and I need to make sure it's just right, so could you just proofread it for me?" Zeus asked.
"Okay, sure," the guy said and began reading the letter:
Dear Jason,
This is your father writing. Now, I know that times are bad for you and so I should probably start at the beginning.
Now, Zeus found it weird that the letter was addressed to Jason given that they had made no real plan to address them to their actual children… just their children in general. Or even hypothetical made-up children.
"By the way, brother," Hades said. "We decided that we could've tried to make something crazy and ridiculous…. but then we realized that nothing could be crazier than the truth so we put that instead."
As you know, neither you nor your sister are my legitimate children, for the time that I was seeing your mother I was already married.
"Okay, so this is a pretty serious letter," the guy said. "And you were cheating on your wife?"
"Uh, well you know how it is," Zeus said. "I mean, me and my wife we've been married a long times, and sometimes I just can't help it."
And as you've also probably figured out by now, your mother wasn't the first women that I had cheated on with. And yes, there were lots of other women.
"Oh," the guy said. "Yeah… are you sure this bit's necessary...?"
"I just you know, wanted to be as honest as possible," Zeus said.
And for that matter some men as well.
"Have you considered getting yourself tested?" the guy asked. "For you know…"
"Yeah, yes I have," Zeus said.
"Yeah, not judging or anything, I'm just saying you should," the guy said.
"Oh, I'd love to see that," Hades said. "Zeus walks into a doctor's clinic and begins describing his 'history' to the doctor..."
And I've never been really good with relationships really. I never had a good one with my dad, and I know I'm a terrible husband and father, I think that's clear enough, but I've never been a very good brother either.
"That's right!" Poseidon and Hades said simultaneously.
But I don't think that's a very good excuse for abandoning your mother after your older sister was born, and then coming back again and then when you were born basically leaving your mom and then she had a mental breakdown and even though I never decided to take you in and left you both to fend for yourselves and didn't give a single penny of child support know that I still cared for you. And your sister.
"Yeah, I'm gonna start judging you now, I think," the man said.
"Well, mistakes have been made, I'll agree with you on that," Zeus said.
And to top it all off I haven't really met with you when you would have needed me, but I just want you to know, that you may be no Hercules, but you are definitely one of my favorite children.
"It's kind of unreasonable to expect your kid to be like Hercules, don't you think?" the guy asked. "Especially with you being a father like that… I mean no offense really, but what were you doing all this time?"
"Oh, I was uh, in the Air Force," Zeus said. "I was being sent all across the globe on various missions. Now, I would've like to visit a few times, but you know, with the schedule we had it was nearly impossible and I wasn't even sure initially where he was."
"And are you still married to the same wife?" the guy asked.
"Yeah, we've just been married this side of forever," Zeus said.
So don't think that I never loved you any less, Jason. And now with all of that over, I need to get to the point of my letter. You see, several years of alcoholism have done severe damage to my liver and now the doctors say that I'll need a transplant soon and I'm not exactly eligible for a donor being alcoholic, but given that I only need a small fraction of a liver I thought I'd ask you. Rest assured that you don't need to hand over to me your entire liver, just a small part of it. Do reply to me when you're ready for the operation.
With Love,
Your Father
"So allow me to get this straight," the guy said. "Not only did you father him from another woman, not support him in any way, but now the only time you're contacting him is when you need an organ to be transplanted?"
"About right," Zeus said.
"Man, you are one crazy person," the guy said.
"Well in my defense my father was much worse," Zeus said.
"I have trouble believing that," the guy said.
"Oh, you better believe it," Hades said.
"Anyway, what do you think, I mean, is it ready for me to hit 'send?'" Zeus asked.
"Well, I think you're going to get a 'no' for a reply but you know, yeah, I guess with what you've done this is the best you can do so you might as well send it," the guy said.
"Why thank you," Zeus said with a large smile on his face.
Result? Zeus wins a point!
Next up was Athena and she was seated in a college campus and was pretending to look at something on her laptop. She then spotted another student who didn't seem to be too busy and asked him, "Hey, I was writing an e-mail… it's a pretty important e-mail and I'd like for someone else to you know, just have a look at it and see if it's okay to send."
"Alright," the guy said. "So what does it say…"
Dear Annabeth,
Athena sighed. So this was going to be about one of her actual children?
I just recently got the news that you didn't get into Princeton. And let me just start by telling you how disappointed I am.
"You seem pretty mad," the guy said.
First of all, when you born, let me tell you that I was surprised that you had blonde hair. As a matter of fact, I had trouble believing that you were actually my daughter when you were born. I still don't believe that you are though for that matter.
"Wait a minute…" the guy said. "You doubt that you're the mother?"
"Yes, well, you see, I don't have blonde hair and she did and so that kind of raised a few alarm bells," Athena said.
"Did her dad have blonde hair?" the guy asked.
"Well, no," Athena said.
"And you're sure he's the father?" the guy asked. "I mean… I can get someone saying that they're not sure that they're the father but how are you snot sure that she's your daughter or not?"
"I think she might have been switched in the hospital or something," Athena said.
"Oh," the guy asked. "But I mean, the hair thing isn't really indicative… I mean maybe someone on your side of the family or his side had blonde hair or I don't know… but I mean if you were so sure that the hospital switched her you could just get a DNA test or something like that… but why wouldn't you raise up a point like that at the hospital?"
"Well, I was kind of disoriented after child birth and all you know," Athena said.
And I suppose all of that really explains why I never really liked you at all. And after the divorce I never even fought for custody of you and just left you with your father to take care of. And we know given your father that this was a pretty big mistake given that he tried to pawn you right back on off to me but I blatantly refused.
"I'm not sure you should use the word 'pawn' here, I mean, it makes it look like you thought of your daughter as an it," the guy said. "And you didn't even ask for custody?"
"Well, no, I was busy with my doctoral thesis at the time and I couldn't really you know, handle it," Athena said.
But that's just the start of the disappointment train for me, isn't it? So your father remarried and well I was fine with that but then you went around complaining all the time about how your stepmother was bad and your other siblings didn't like you… you know what I found when I went to see you? A very supportive stepmother and family… I don't get what you were whining about. And truly the worst part was your ridiculous aversion to spiders.
"Did it perhaps occur to you that she was right about her stepmother and maybe she was just pretending to be nice then?" the guy asked.
"I doubted it, she seemed like a good woman," Athena said.
"And lots of kids are scared of spiders I mean, is that really something you need to mention?"
"Yeah, well, she was completely terrified of them and told people how whenever people left there were spiders crawling all over her and of course that wasn't actually happening," Athena said.
"It looks like she was delusional or something," the guy said. "Did you ever have her checked by a doctor?"
"No," Athena said. "No, I bet she was just doing it for attention."
And then after that you went ahead and hooked up with a boy that you very well know whom I disapprove of and yet you still haven't broken up with him. I don't even understand what you see in him.
And now, the cherry on the cake, you've gone and been rejected from not only Princeton, but any other university of note. And with that, your list of failures seems to have finally completed and the train of disappointment has finally stopped at 'I don't even care anymore' station.
So I'd just like to let you know that this will be one of the last things you'll hear from me for a very long time.
Your Mother
"Okay, so you have a problem with her boyfriend?" the guy asked.
"Look, I know what it sounds like but that boy is really not for her," Athena said. "And I've slowly gotten used to it, but the university rejections really rattled me."
"You know it doesn't really matter right?" the guy asked.
"Well it did to me," Athena said. "And I work in academia so I know that's not entirely true… so what do you think? Is it ready to send now?"
"No," the guy said. "I mean, no offense lady but this is one of the most cruel and terrible letters I've seen, I mean, there is no way that you should send it. It is just bad, to be honest and I think you need to really assess your priorities in life too…"
The result? Athena doesn't get a point from this.
Up next was Hades who was sure that this round was also going to end up going terribly wrong. He found a woman who was alone and didn't seem to be doing anything so he asked her to look over his e-mail which went like this:
Dear Bianca,
Oh no, Hades thought. This was about Bianca. There was no way in Hades that this could end well. At least it wasn't to Hitler though…
The first thing that I need to tell you, sweetie, is that I tried to get that doll house that you wanted but the thing was that I can't give it to you.
Well, at least this starts off normal, Hades thought.
But it isn't as if I couldn't find one. I did find one, but the thing is that I needed to make sure that it was completely safe for my little girl so I tried playing in it and accidentally broke it and they're out of any more. So sorry there.
Well, that was normal while it lasted, Hades thought.
"Wait, what do you mean when you say that you had to make sure it was safe? It was just a dollhouse," the woman said.
"Well, you know, you can never be too safe with kids," Hades said. "So, yeah, I had to you know, try it out first..."
But to make it all better, I went and got you a pack of crayons. I can only hope that you won't start eating them again like last time.
"She eats crayons?" the woman asked.
"Yeah, the yellow ones are her favorite," Hades said.
I also hope that your brother is doing well. And once again I'd like to apologize for leaving the two of you in that hotel in Vegas.
"You left them in a hotel in Vegas?" the woman asked.
"Yeah, see, the thing was that it's a long story but it was kind of necessary," Hades said. "I mean I picked them up again right after… well I mean at least it felt like 'right after' to them but you know what I mean…"
"No, I kind of don't."
And another thing, that dog of yours that died, you know, the puppy you always loved so much it was like you guys were practically siblings… well it didn't exactly run away, Beatrice. I kind of forgot to feed it while you and your mother were away on vacation and I didn't want to tell you that.
"Ignoring the dog here for a second did you just forget your daughter's name?" she asked.
"Oh, no, it must have been autocorrect," Hades said. "You know how that is."
But the main reason that I'm writing this is to tell you that your mother and I are no longer going to stay together. I love someone else. And for that matter, I actually always have because I've actually been married to someone else this whole time. Of course your mother knew about this, but thing is that we assumed that I would eventually leave my wife but I've kind of changed my mind in that regard…
"Wait what?" the woman said. "That went from zero to a hundred real fast. Why are you sending this through e-mail?"
"Someone needs to tell her," Hades said.
"Yeah, but why through e-mail?" she asked. "I mean, if it were me, I'd want to be told this in person… and that's what you should do you know, invite your daughter somewhere nice for ice cream, and then very slowly explain it to her. How old is she?"
"Fourteen ye-months," Hades said, as he realized that no one who was fourteen years old would still eat crayons.
"Fourteen months? She can't read then!"
"No, no sorry, I mean four years old, yeah, not fourteen," Hades said.
"First you forget her name, then her age," Poseidon said. "You're not exactly being a shining beacon for parenting, Hades."
And also as a side note it turns out that I won't be able to make it home for Christmas, so you know, I'm sending you and your brother to live with your aunt.
"You really need to tell these things to her in person though," she said.
"Really? But I just remembered I can't go home and I can't relay this all until I do," Hades said.
"Well, I think it's best then to wait until you do get a chance to speak with her directly," she said. "Rather than sending an e-mail."
"So you don't think it's ready to send?"
"No."
The result? Hades lost this round.
And the last contestant up was Poseidon. Now, Poseidon wasn't overly worried because now no matter what happened, he would either win or tie with Zeus and Athena.
But boy did he want to win.
"Hello there- wanna stop for a moment and- no? Okay then," Poseidon said. He was having trouble finding someone to read over his letter.
Until he found some lost-looking guy who seemed to be willing to stop for ten minutes and read over what Poseidon had been give.
Dear Percy,
I know you've often asked me the story of what happened to you when you were seven years old. You don't seem to remember much of what happened.
Well, as you very well remember… or actually don't remember after your mother and your siblings were killed by that serial killer I decided to raise you in a secluded way and that may have resulted in you becoming socially awkward and I didn't send you to school until much later.
"You didn't send him to school?" the guy asked.
"Yeah, when he was around seven that's when I felt it was okay for him to be out of my sight," Poseidon said.
And so when it was finally your first day of school you went there and then your stupid friends somehow had an idea to sneak out of school and away from the path which for some reason you followed. It was then that you came upon a boat and because you were trying to prove that you were brave you decided to go and touch the boat and before I could get there some men took you on the boat and away. I tried following it but couldn't.
"Wait, your son was kidnapped?" the guy asked.
"It'll all be explained if you'll just read on," Poseidon said.
I tried calling the police but the only other person who had seen the boat was a psychiatric patient in a hospital… or at least she was but she was discharged and unable to remember anything for a long time. The police couldn't get anything out of her and gave up but I decided to take it up on myself and with her help set out to find you.
As for what happened to you during this time you were kept along with other kidnapped children and tried to make an escape one time but failed but then I managed to get to you in time and take you home. Sadly you were far too traumatized to remember any of the story later on, but given that you've been having nightmares and are older I thought it was better that you hear it from me.
Yours Truly,
Your Father
"Hmm," the guy said. "Wait a minute- isn't this the same exact plot of Finding Nemo? I mean you've changed a few things but…"
"I didn't think anyone would realize," Hades said, surprised.
"Neither did I," Athena said.
"No, I mean, if you want to morph it so it looks kind of like that that's another thing…" Poseidon said. "Do you think it's ready to send?"
"I think it's better if you'd say something like this in person," the guy said.
"Don't worry, I will eventually," Poseidon said. "But until I go back I know that he needs some sort of closure so I think this will help him and put his mind at ease for now. See, I can't go and visit him for a few weeks."
"Well, yeah, I guess it's good to send then," the guy said.
The result? Poseidon got a point for this round.
And back at Mt. Olympus, Poseidon was grinning. He was the winner.
"Of course though I knew I was going to win," Poseidon said. "I mean I have all the qualities of a winner… I'm smart, resourceful, just generally awesome…"
Athena rolled her eyes.
"… and for that matter I've forgotten my best quality- humility," Poseidon said.
"You were just lucky," Hades hissed.
"Yes! I demand a rematch!" Zeus said.
"No rematches for a while," Poseidon said. "The reigning champion needs a break. And for that matter, I'd like to say that while I'm going to go and give Perseus and Tyson a visit… I think that we all should. Sure, it was not in the original agreement we came to, but if I am there visiting my children for a day I think you all should come with me."
"Why would I want to spend a day with your children and you on top that?" Athena asked.
"What I meant was that you should visit your children," Poseidon said. "I mean, it was supposed to be the prize for the winner… but being crowned the best Olympian deity is really enough of a reward in and of itself. So we should pay each of our children a visit though… I know that Zeus here doesn't like us meddling with mortals, but we can make an exception for one day, right?"
"That is your prize, not ours," Zeus said.
"Oh come on," Poseidon said. "You guys can all come and hang out with your kids. It'll be fun! And we can set up a date when we'll all go together… how about mortal New Year?"
"Fine, fine, I'll allow it," Zeus said, though he was secretly pleased.
A/N: And that friends ends this chapter. We will return with our normal, regular, demigods later on. As for a chapter regarding when the gods visit their children I'll have to see when I can fit that in.
Now, for some interesting facts... those Haikus that Apollo read out are from the Neopets Haiku Generator, in other words they are all computer generated so don't bother looking for meaning in them. Even though some of them do seem to have meaning.
Also for that matter, that mirror that Hades has is something that I read about in mythology, he basically had a magical mirror/pond where he could spy on anyone in the overworld. It was how he spied on Persephone in the beginning, and it's never been mentioned by Rick Riordan but I decided to add it.
Also, I decided to do a little experiment and removed the horizontal rules from this story or at least most of them. I thought having close to sixteen of them would look untidy and I'd just try and do it without them. So tell me how you liked that and I might stop using them entirely.
Thanks for reading guys.