Author's Notes: First of all, this fic is not going in the direction I had originally planned, but once you see the last part of this chapter you'll see why I just had to change it! This plot line feels organic, whereas my original unpublished idea felt forced. Second, I was lucky to get this chapter out at all. I've been so swamped with work that my poor stories have had to take a backseat. Fortunately this chapter was almost finished before the massive workload got dumped on me, so I found some time to finish it this week. I hope you all enjoy this chapter, and thank you for reading :)

Chapter 5

What To Do?

Dib was restrained on the floating table Purple had strapped him to, and that table was locked in a cage in Zim's (now Purple's) lab. Dib wasn't sure if it had been an entire day or merely several hours, but either way he was scared and needed to pee. Purple had left him there and gone back up to the main part of the house, and Dib had spent the entire time in vain trying to escape from his prison.

What was Purple's plan? Dib didn't know what he was being held for, but he was sure it would be bad. Would he be experimented on? Dissected? How smart was Purple compared to Zim? Zim was an idiot and yet had still managed to do a lot of damage to Dib physically and psychologically over the years. Dib had been turned into lunch meat, forced to live through an entire lifetime via virtual reality, had an alien invade his brain, got stuck to a chair, danced with a robot, and so many more crazy adventures that Dib was sure he could always escape from.

That was Zim's MO, to do crazy almost counter-productive things to try to hurt Dib and take over the world. When Dib was younger he had wanted to turn Zim in to the authorities and have him dissected. When it was obvious no one would listen to Dib the young man had to change his plans. Instead of turning Zim over to the government Dib's new strategy had been to become a metaphorical lightning rod for Zim's most evil impulses, thus saving the earth by being Zim's only target.

That plan might not work now though. Dib didn't know much about Purple, didn't even know if he was stupid or not, but he did understand one thing: Purple was more practical than Zim. Dib still remembered only a few hours prior when Purple told Dib just how fragile humans were. Dib had listed off several of Zim's zaniest achievements, but rather than see Dib as a threat Purple merely said he could stab Dib, scoop out his guts, or just leave him to starve if he wanted him dead.

Wait. Is that his plan? Dib thought fearfully. Did Purple leave me down here to starve? Am I going to be trapped in this technological dungeon for the rest of my life? No! I can't give up! Not while those Irken monsters are still trying to invade earth! I have to escape, have to stop Purple, even if I have to kill him myself. Wait, can I kill him? I mean, Irkens are soldiers, and their PAKs are filled with weapons and lasers and junk. Do I really have a chance against that bug-eyed bean pole?

Just as Dib's thoughts were going down an increasingly dark place he heard the elevator that was located near the giant computer console whoosh downward. He looked, and wasn't surprised to see Purple forcing his too-tall body out of the tube and into the lab. Dib glared at the alien fiend, but Purple didn't even notice Dib. He just walked over to sit in front of the big computer like it was nothing.

Purple turned on an alien reality show about who could eat the most cheese, and Dib sighed softly. He wanted to scream, wanted to yell and break something, but at the same time he didn't want to give Purple a reason to kill him. He was 16, he had his whole life ahead of him, and he needed to find a way to outsmart the alien rather than cave in to his base desire to get angry.

"Hey, Purple!" Dib called out, though more neutrally than he actually felt.

"Wah! Oh, Dib thing. I forgot all about you," Purple commented offhandedly before turning off the computer, "What do you want?"

"I should ask you the same thing," Dib replied, annoyed now at being left down here for so long, "Why did you lock me up in here? What are you going to do with me?"

"That's for me to know and you to find out, worm baby," Purple replied mockingly.

"Well then can I at least go to the bathroom?" Dib wheedled.

"Knock yourself out," Purple shrugged, but made no move to release Dib.

"Not on the table! I need a toilet," Dib explained impatiently, "Come on, Purple! It's been hours!"

"It's not my fault you've been holding it that long," Purple scoffed.

"You stink, Purple!" Dib griped.

"And you'll stink when your muscles can no longer hold it in," Purple retorted smugly, "Poor pitiful pig monkeys. Still using a primitive organic waste disposal system. We Irkens haven't had the need or ability to excrete waste for 7,000 years."

Great, I finally learn something interesting and it's during this awkward conversation. Dib thought sourly.

"Well, since I can't watch TV with you around I'll just have to find something else to do," Purple mused, "Maybe I'll go upstairs and call Gaz. Or I could get a head start on next week's skool work. Oh, I just remembered! I still have leftover pizza upstairs! Woo!"

Purple was about to leave, and Dib feared he would be left down there to die. He didn't want to do it, he really didn't want to do it, but he had no choice.

"Wait!" Dib cried out, and hated himself for even attempting to gain sympathy from an alien monster, "Just tell me what you're going to do with me. Why am I down here? Are you going to kill me? Let me live? What is your plan?"

"I don't divulge secret Irken stuff with humans, Dib," Purple smirked, "So get used to it!"

With those words Purple went back up the elevator shaft, leaving Dib alone.

As the elevator glided upwards within the tube, Purple couldn't help but feel pensive about that conversation. How long could he pretend like he knew what he was doing? Truth was he had no plan for Dib; only the fear of being discovered on an alien world with no protection beyond this crummy base and his own PAK.

Should he dissect Dib? Zim was expecting his first progress report in two weeks. If Purple gutted Zim's mortal enemy and showed it to him, would that put him in Zim's good graces or make Zim angry? If he didn't kill Dib, then what exactly would he do with the boy? He couldn't keep the teenager alive in his basement forever, could he? No, that seemed like a bad idea.

Purple sighed, realizing that he wasn't used to thinking for himself. He was used to being pampered by his servants and letting Red do all the thinking for him. He missed his old life of leisure and luxury. More than that though, he missed having a friend looking out for him.

"Hmph, no wonder I ended up here," Purple said bitterly as he looked at the ruined living room he never bothered to clean up, "I'm not good enough to be Tallest. I'm not even good enough to be an invader! Real soldiers can deal with prisoners as quickly as I scarf down snacks. Real soldiers don't have friends. Irkens don't need anyone."

Purple then plopped down on the couch and stared at the broken TV screen; his mind millions of light years from earth and that depressing little room.

"Did I do this?" Purple asked himself ruefully, "Did Red die because we were friends? Did our friendship make him too weak to defend himself, because he thought he could count on me? Maybe...maybe we weren't supposed to be tall. Tall Irkens are perfect. Tall Irkens are mighty and wise. I'm not wise, and Red and I were defeated by Zim of all things! Hm...Maybe our height was a fluke? A faulty program that was meant to go to worthier Irkens. Red would say that was preposterous and that we are perfect, but..."

Purple sighed heavily, unable to finish his thought. He hated admitting his friend was anything less than one of the greatest Tallests ever. Red was smart, Red was strong, Red was cool, Red was everything Purple wished he could be. Even as a co-Tallest he admired his friend's tenacity and cunning. Sure, Red was just as lazy as Purple, but they spent their entire lives crawling their way up from the bottom. They earned their right to be slothful.

"I need help," Purple admitted to himself, "Zim may be a defect and too short for the teacup ride at Floozshee World, but he still has the power to activate my self destruct button. He may be a false Tallest, but he rules my life now. I either have to appease him or find a way to take back my title. Oh, but the rest of the empire thinks I tried to kill Red. I'm banished. Killing Zim won't help me. The control brains will never take me back. Still, execution might be worth it if I at least outlived Zim. Maybe I could use a-"

Before Purple could answer that question however, his communication tablet started to buzz. He turned it on to see Gaz on the other end of the screen with that same dour expression she always had. He snickered, thinking it looked like that scowl was literally painted on her face.

"What's so funny, Purple?" Gaz snapped crossly.

"Uh, nothing," Purple simpered, "So, to what do I owe this call?"

"Dad called from the lab," Gaz shrugged, "He says Dib and I are invited to the unveiling of his latest greatest whatever machine. I just called to tell you that you can keep Dib for a few more days but he has to be back here, alive, by next week. If he's dead I'll hurt you, so be warned."

"This Dad guy must be really important if he can make you care about something," Purple chuckled lightheartedly.

"Oh, right, alien pod people don't have parents I guess," Gaz replied blandly, "Well, you're not missing much. So, you do any evil experiments on Dib yet? I want pics."

"No, not yet," Purple replied, "I don't actually know what I want to do with him. I was just gonna let him go, but then he tried to sneak more spy cameras into my lair and I panicked. I got so angry with him that I just captured him and locked him in the laboratory. Now I don't know what to do! If I let him go he'll turn me in, but if I kill him you'll probably rip out my squeedlyspooch."

"What are you even doing here?" Gaz suddenly asked, her tone snarky but her question sincere, "I mean, Zim always ranted about taking over the world and killing everything in it, but he was so bad at his job. Is that really what you want? Does your race have something against us or something, or are you just bored?"

"Honestly? When Zim was sent away we didn't even know there was a planet here," Purple confessed, "We were banishing him to deep space so he would stop bothering us. He found earth though, and by then we couldn't tell him it was a lie. I know this probably sounds stupid to you, but on Irk we were afraid of him. He killed two of our former leaders and nearly blew up our home planet, all by accident! We tried to get rid of him again and again, but nothing works! It's like he can't be killed. You have no idea how much I hate him. I want to strangle him, rip out his PAK, and then make him watch as I dismantle it piece by piece!"

"Okaaay," Gaz drew out the word awkwardly, "So, you have Zim issues. Congratulations, now you have something in common with my stupid brother. That doesn't explain everything though. I mean, Zim isn't here anymore, and you are. Why are you here? What do you want?"

"I...I don't know," Purple choked up as he spoke, finally realizing just how tired he felt, "My life is ruined. Everything's gone, and I can't get it back. If I die here though, then that puts the entire Irken race in danger. My body, my technology, everything...it could all be reverse-engineered by scientists. If I could at least rule this planet then the situation would at least be salvageable, but I don't even know where to begin."

"Pfft, just hold the UN hostage, dummy!" Gaz scoffed, "Going to skool isn't going to help you take over the world. Zim just went to skool because he was too stubborn to leave. Look, give me my brother back and I'll help you invade earth, okay?"

"Seriously? Why would you do that? They're your people!" Purple asked incredulously.

"You think I care? Everybody is stupid, miserable and greedy," Gaz snorted derisively, "Maybe you can do a better job, or destroy everything. Either way it'll be fun to watch. Just, you know, don't embarrass me. No mwahaha or screaming out 'I am Purple!'. Got it?"

"Got it," Purple nodded, "And hey! This'll look good on my first progress report! So, uh, should I just drop Dib off or..."

"I'll get him," Gaz replied flatly, "And you need to clean up your lair. We have a lot of work to do if you're going to be the human race's new overlord."

"Okay," Purple nodded compliantly, "See you soon."

Gaz hung up without saying goodbye, and Purple sighed in relief. He felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. Gaz would take care of the Dib beast, help him plot a coup against earth's governments, and thus keep him alive by impressing Zim. He wondered why Zim never told him that human teenagers were so smart and ruthless.