Author's Notes: I don't know what the heck hapened, but the past couple weeks I've been getting way more reviews, favorites, and follows for this story than usual. Thank you guys so much! I love hearing your feedback, and even the most mundane of details can help me. I'm not gonna lie, this chapter was a difficult one for me to write because I didn't quite know how seriously to take this part. I implemented a montage style to this chapter so I could mix up the mood, and I hope it doesn't feel too jarring. Now that this chapter is finished however, I now know where I want to go with this story and I'm hoping to get the next update out soon. Thank you all for reading :)

Chapter 7

Smoke Bombs

Gaz and Purple put away his groceries after they got back to his house from the store. Gaz couldn't believe how hard it was to shop for Purple. She never really observed Zim that closely when he was on earth, but after carefully making sure nothing they bought for Purple would poison him she was convinced Irkens had no business being on her planet. It was like living on a minefield made of liquid and dirt, and for some reason Zim spent five years here. Even if she had been banished, Gaz was pretty sure she would've given up after year two.

"Hey Purple, I just had a funny thought," Gaz said out of the blue while putting fudge pops in the fridge, "What if you tell Zim you got him a gift to bribe him or something, but then it was a jack-in-the-box that shot bologna and super glue? Heheheheh..."

"I don't think that would be enough to kill him," Purple remarked, "I think it would have to be quick-melting ice packs and super glue."

"Man, you are sick," Gaz commented approvingly, "Hope you can be that creative when the time comes to conquer earth."

"Oh I wouldn't worry about that," Purple smirked, "I think we're both pretty psychotic and ruthless. Where one fails the other will succeed."

"What are you talking about?" Gaz asked, "You gonna make me a royal advisor or something?"

"Better," Purple grinned, "I was thinking Co-Tallest. In fact, I might make it illegal for anyone to stand taller than you except me. Then it'll be official."

"I'm not that tall by earth standards," Gaz pointed out, "Wouldn't that go against your arbitrary cultural height fetish?"

"No," Purple replied casually, "I'll make 'em all crouch in the dirt like the pig smellies they are, and execute the ones that refuse. You and I will be the tallest sentient beings on earth, and you will rule by my side."

"Really?" Gaz asked skeptically, "And why would you do that for some human you haven't known for very long?"

"Because bossing people around is boring if there's no one around to laugh at their misery with you," Purple replied, "Besides, someone's gotta help me eat pizza and play video games when we're not working. Might as well be the one person I know that likes pizza, video games, and the downfall of the human species."

Gaz just shrugged, deciding that she might as well take him up on the offer. Gaz didn't really care about ruling a planet, but to be fair she had a feeling Purple didn't really care either. He was just trying to keep Zim from killing him. As Gaz thought about actually having power however she started to really consider what she would do with it. She would definitely give her dad a position in government and all the grant money he wanted for his lab. She would probably turn Dib into a dunking booth dummy or something.

"So, do you actually have a plan for attacking the UN?" Gaz asked, "We need to make sure they surrender quickly before anyone finds out your armada isn't coming. So, we need something scary that makes you look like a threat."

"Actually, I do have an idea," Purple told her confidently, "When I worked as an elite soldier for the armada I would oftentimes hang out with invaders and listen to their stories of conquest. One guy made two sets of weapons, a fake set and a real set. He used the real set to kill the aliens and he used the fake set to make it look like he couldn't be killed by weapons. It made the stupid natives think he was invincible. So, I think that's a good place to start."

"Hm...The real weapon should look Irken," Gaz pondered, "But I think the fake weapon should look like a semi-automatic rifle."

"An earth weapon? Why?" Purple asked critically.

"Because then I can run into the building and try to 'stop you', but when I shoot you the blanks will do nothing and you can make them think you're a bigger threat than you are," Gaz explained.

"Not necessary," Purple replied, "My PAK actually does shield me from projectiles like rocks, metal bits, and exploding powders. Only lasers can get through, and even at that my body heals incredibly well as long as the squeedlyspooch doesn't burst. As a Tallest I had access to the best PAK technology. I'll be fine."

Gaz just stared at him for a moment, realizing how little she understood Irken physiology and technology. To be fair though, she had never had an interest before because she had no reason to. Zim was just the annoying alien Dib wouldn't shut up about. Purple on the other hand was the fun alien that liked the same things she liked.

"So, if real guns can't hurt you, then why are we making a fake gun?" Gaz finally asked.

"We're making a dummy Irken sploot launcher," Purple explained, "You're going to fire a weapon that looks just like mine, but because it's just lights instead of real lasers it won't affect me. Hm...maybe I should conviniently 'drop' the fake gun so some random human can try to use it on me. Also, we need to make a really grand entrance! Something that makes everyone shut up and take notice!"

"Oh brother," Gaz muttered under her breath, "Lemme guess, you want fireworks or something."

"Nope, I want a smoke machine and lasers," Purple declared.

"Smoke and lasers?" Gaz asked dryly, "Isn't that a bit much?"

"Not for the future Tallests of earth," Purple replied as if her question was utter lunacy, "Smoke machines are incredible! They give off that feeling of mystery and suspense. When you see smoke, you know something big is going down."

"And the lasers?" Gaz inquired snidely.

"I, uh...I just want them, okay?!" Purple snapped.

"Okay, okay! Sheesh," Gaz dropped the subject.

Purple was glad Gaz didn't inquire further. He didn't think he could open that wound. Smoke and lasers had always been the eternal fight between Purple and Red. Red loved lasers and thought they were cool, and Purple always wanted smoke machines for their big entrances and announcements. Somehow Red always got his way, and somehow those stupid lasers always shot Purple in the eye. He hated those lasers, but now...it just felt right to use them.

The next day Dib went back to skool, and wa surprised to see that Purple wasn't there. Zim had never missed skool unless it was for the purpose of a world domination plan, so naturally Dib was concerned. He was sure that Purple missed skool because he was up to something, so he knew he had to go spy on Purple's house when the bell rang.

The skool day was long and boring, but Dib wasn't bored because his nerves were too frayed. He jumped at every noise coming from outside, afraid it could be an explosion or a machine come to rip Dib's skin from his bones or something. He knew Purple was unpredictable and dangerous, and he knew that after running away from him the Irken would want revenge. Dib knew he was going to be targeted, he just didn't know how.

After skool Dib waited on the steps of the foreboding building for Gaz to get out. He was determined to walk home with her to make sure she was safe from the clutches of the evil Irken menace. He waited and waited, but Gaz never came out.

Finally the last kid left, and Dib recognized him as a boy from Gaz's class. He quickly stopped the kid by grabbing his arm, and the kid screamed at being touched by the crazy UFO guy.

"AAAAHHH! GET AWAY FROM MEEEEEEE!" The kid screeched.

"Wait, could you just tell me where Gaz is?" Dib asked.

"Gaz? Oh, the gamer girl. She didn't show up today," The kid replied more calmly than before.

"Didn't show up?" Dib asked incredulously, "What do you mean? She isn't here?"

"Yeah, pretty much," The kid shrugged before walking away from Dib, but then turned back and shouted "DON'T FOLLOW MEEEEEE!"

Now Dib was going from worried to panic. He knew Gaz was generally apathetic about skool and life in general, but she never actually missed a day when she wasn't sick. Their dad expected his progeny to get good grades, and despite her bitterness she always did her best to please their father. If she wasn't there then something must have happened.

Dib's single-mindedness could allow for only one explanation. Purple had kidnapped Gaz and was probably using her for some evil alien experiment. Dib couldn't allow his baby sister to get hurt by that vile creature! He had to stop him!

Gaz and Purple stood in front of the UN building. Purple was wearing his standard invader uniform/disguise, and he kept scratching his eyeballs in nervousness. Gaz tried not to look since it was disturbing to see his fingers rake over what looked like a bare eye, but her morbid curiosity meant she kept sneaking peeks every now and then.

"Okay, so you know what to do, right?" Gaz asked for probably the fifth time to make sure.

"Uh-huh. You remember what I told you about flying the voot runner?" Purple asked her for confirmation.

"Yeah, sure. It's similar to that stupid ship my brother keeps in our garage," Gaz told him disinterestedly, "Just try to keep up, space boy."

"Hey, I've been invading planets for longer than you've been alive," Purple reminded her, "You keep up with me or I'll vaporize you."

"Yeah, right," Gaz rolled her eyes, not taking Purple's threats seriously for a second.

The duo got into position, Purple going through the fire escape door of the building where no one could see him and Gaz heading toward the bushes where the voot runner was waiting for her. When Gaz got inside the ship she looked around for the hologram device Purple had built earlier. It would hopefully make their bluff more convincing.

With everything in place Purple took out his hover disk, ready to literally take on the world.

Dib ran to Purple's house and rushed past the gnomes and flamingos shooting lasers at him. Security was on high alert. That meant Purple was definitely in evil scheme mode. Dib had to hurry if he was going to save Gaz from Purple's diabolical experiments.

He searched around the top part of the house but didn't see anyone home. Even now it was weird that Gir wasn't there to annoy Dib or "guard" Zim's house. Dib couldn't exactly say he missed the unpredictable robot, but he did miss the predictability of Zim being his nemesis. Purple being around reminded Dib of when he was 11 years old and Zim showed up for the first time. He remembered the fear, the hatred, the belief that everything he ever knew or loved hanged in the balance and only he could stop it all from being destroyed.

These feelings were back again in full force now that Dib had a new nemesis. Purple wasn't like Zim however. Zim was just as obsessed with killing Dib as Dib had been with killing Zim. Purple didn't care about Dib though. The boy was treated as a mere nuisance, an afterthought. That was what scared Dib the most about Purple. It wasn't that Purple was taller than Zim, or better, or smarter, no. The scariest part about Purple was that Dib couldn't draw his attention. When Purple was ready to destroy the earth, then Dib was sure there wouldn't be much he could do to stop him from accomplishing his task.

Dib went down to the lab to see if his poor sister Gaz was down there. Everything was dark, but there were many new components out that hadn't been there before. Dib was sure this meant he was right. Purple had been inventing or building a new earth-killing weapon. Maybe it was a mind control device, or a super bomb, or something to tilt the earth out of orbit, or a way to call the armada. Dib didn't know. He only knew it was evil.

Dib sighed as he tried to figure out what the stray wires and conduits could mean. He looked over at the still intact computer he couldn't destroy and wondered what Gaz would do if Purple actually threatened her. With Zim merely a glare from her would suffice to make the alien leave her alone. Purple wasn't Zim though, and he wasn't afraid of Gaz.

That was when Dib realized his lack of use to the earth wasn't the only thing bothering him. Dib was Gaz's big brother. It was his job to protect her. Their mom died when they were young, and their dad had no time for them. For as long as he could remember it had always just been the two of them. Sure, she hated the way he would prattle on about his paranormal studies and UFO hunting, but at the same time she listened when no one else would. Even if she didn't care, she believed him. All they had was each other, and if Purple killed her...

No. He couldn't let that happen. He had to find her.

There was a chorus of "Blah blah blah blah" as the big important yet boring officials from the various countries of the UN got together and discussed issues that would be ignored and stupid nonsense that would be obsessed over for weeks until they got tired of it and moved on to posturing and grandstanding.

Their blah-blah'ing was interrupted by a metal sphere crashing through the sunroof to hover in mid-air in the center of the room. Everyone stared at it like turkeys stare up at rain clouds, and then suddenly purple smoke and pinkish-red lasers came forth and filled the room with an otherworldly mixture of darkness and light.

"It's a terrorist attack from Terroristland!" One of the delegates shrieked.

"No, no! This is clearly the work of weather balloons," A fat delegate harrumphed.

"Maybe it's a malfunctioning disco ball," A woman guessed from the back row.

Suddenly a floating disk carrying a tall lanky figure whooshed into the room and flew over the officials' heads a few times before gracefully landing near the smoke and laser machine. The lanky man took off his hair and eyes to reveal a sinister looking alien bug monster.

"People of earth! I come in peace! And by peace I mean a one-sided war where you lose and cry like little girls," Purple announced cheekily, "Behold, for I am your new leader! Your new Tallest!"

"You've got to be kidding!" President Man barked at Purple, "Why should we surrender to the likes of you? Even if you are a weird alien...thing."

"Because I have weapons," Purple replied with a malicious grin, "And an armada. Look above you, earth losers."

The people looked up and saw a vast array of voot runners clouding the midday sky. Of course it was in truth only one voot runner with a hologram projector to make it look like more, but they didn't know that. The people were forced to turn their eyes away when Purple shot his laser gun and hit the wall right above President Man's head!

"I missed on purpose, but I won't miss again," Purple declared, "Ideally I would kill you all and install my own Irken soldiers as the new council of earth. I am a merciful tyrant though, and I offer you a chance to save your own lives. Give your planet and its people to me, and I will spare your species. Refuse, and I will order an organic sweep to destroy every human, plant, and animal on earth. Choose wisely, worm monkeys."

"We cannot surrender our world to this abomination!" The fat man from earlier proclaimed, "I, Prime Minister Man, challenge you to a fight to the death. If you lose, you die, and your people must leave this planet!"

"Fine," Purple yawned, "But if I win, you die, and I am free to take the earth."

"Well, what say you, my fellow humans?" Prime Minister Man asked, "Shall I do battle for the soul of our world itself?!"

"Bette you than me," President Man replied flippantly, "Give him one for earth! Wheee!"

Purple pulled out a second laser gun and threw it to Prime Minister Man, and both combatants aimed their futuristic laser rifles at each other.

"Alright you alien freak, draw!" Prime Minister Man ordered.

Prime Minister Man fired, and Purple clutched his chest and wailed as if the shot had rang true.

"Yes! Got him!" Prime Minister Man cheered.

"Oh, my organs!" Purple moaned dramatically, but then stood up straight again and said, "Just kidding."

Purple then shot his laser gun at the hapless human, and he was vaporized into a puff of smoke. Everyone gasped and stared for a moment, but after a pregnant pause they all started screaming and running around in a panic.

"We're all gonna DIE!" One man screamed.

Purple tried to get their attention again, but they were too busy running and flailing their arms around like morons. Finally, after getting fed up with waiting for them to calm down, Purple shot his gun at the wall again and everyone stopped and shut up so he wouldn't shoot them.

"Alright then, now that you understand I mean business," Purple said calmly yet firmly, "Earth is mine. That was the bargain. Uphold it or everyone ends up like that fool that challenged me. Nothing more than gun farts."

One guy snickered at that comment, and Purple shot him too. Everyone was terrified now. This was just one alien, one alien that couldn't even be killed with the weapons that would be used against the human race. If this was what one alien could do, then what could more than one of them do?

"Ladies and Fellas," President Man addressed the others, "What do you say we draft a big fancy document declaring the scary alien our new king?"

"Here here," The others agreed.

"Then it's settled," President Man declared, "We hereby name you, uh, alien, our new king!"

"First of all, my name is Purple," Purple told them, "And second, you will call me Tallest. I am your new Almighty Tallest, and as my first act as new Tallest, I make the human called Gaz Membrane my co-ruler. From now on we are your masters, you are our pawns, and you will do what we say. Now somebody go get me some snacks, now!"

Dib returned home in the evening when the sun was setting in the sky. It was a pretty sight, but Dib didn't even notice it. He had waited for hours at Zim's house for Gaz and/or Purple to show up, but they never did. Dib wished he knew where to look for them, or what to do next. His sister was missing, and she could be lying dead on an autopsy table right now because Dib wasn't vigilant enough.

Zim had done experiments on humans before. Dib remembered well that poor Nick kid. He had a giant probe in his head that forced him to be happy, and it drove him more and more insane every day. Dib never knew what happened to the boy, but he had disappeared one day never to be seen again. There was also what Zim had done to Keef. That poor kid still had red robotic eyes and an unhealthy affinity for wild squirrels.

Dib huddled into himself on the couch as he thought about Gaz's fate. She could be cut open, or probed, or have limbs removed. Anything could be possible. She could be tortured, or coerced into giving away earth's valuable secrets. Dib knew his sister was strong and could normally handle herself, but he didn't really know how weak or powerful Purple was. Maybe if Dib was lucky, Gaz had beat up Purple and was on her way home right now.

Trying to remove the specter of Purple from his mind, Dib turned on the TV to try to drown out his thoughts. Apparently a special news announcement was interrupting every channel, and when Dib saw what it was his jaw dropped.

"Today we welcome our new alien overlord Purple and his human proxy Gaz to the throne," The news lady said in a chipper voice that didn't reflect the situation at all, "Apparently earth has a throne now. Yeah, I was surprised too. Anyhoo, for all of you watching out there, be sure to buy some work gloves and aprons, because earth is now Irk's main source of exported chocolate. Yay! And now Phil will tell us about a cute kitten that got stuck in a sewer pipe. Back to you Phil."

Dib turned off the TV then, completely nonplussed. Purple had managed to conquer the earth in a single afternoon, and worst of all, Gaz helped him do it.