100 Dates With Ryuunosuke
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Ann.: Slight DGS 1 and DGS 2 spoilers. Concerning Asougi.
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When they asked you to take care of the new transfer student you felt punished. Rumors had it that he wasn't very social nor liked to talk about his time abroad. The first wave of interest in him had died away pretty soon after his arrival because what would you talk about to a person who was not ready to talk casually? Also you of all people had to have been assigned to help him out – you, the shy and silent student with mediocre grades and a close but small group of friends. Why did the teacher and student council not ask the popular girl with friends in every grade, or the glasses nerd with best grades to approach the new student instead? Not to mention that this transfer student wasn't in your but the parallel class so wouldn't anyone else be more fitting to take care of him instead of you?
Whatever the case, you gave in to the request after all. You were instructed to meet with him today, so you collected your notes after school and walked toward the school library, where the transfer student was supposed to wait for you. You were a bit too early, the school bell had not rung yet, so you stopped in front of the library's entrance, put down your back next to you, took out a book and started reading, throwing short glances around to see if somebody was approaching you.
The school bell rang out and students filled the hallways. It was afternoon, everybody was heading home while you were waiting in front of the library - but the longer you waited the more you doubted that anybody would come. It made you uneasy.
„Did I misunderstand something?", you asked nobody in particular, picked up your stuff and walked toward the faculty rooms, honestly annoyed. You did not ask for this extra chore. And it was even worse that the guy did not bother to show up.
„You did not meet Naruhodou-kun?" Your homeroom teacher looked genuinely surprised. She checked her notes and shook her head. „I can't explain that. I will have to talk about it to him tomorrow then."
„Can't you assign someone from his class to him?", you asked. „Someone closer to him might be more suited to help him." Why did you have to pick me?, you wanted to ask but that was hardly an appropriate question to a teacher. You did not like stirring up trouble.
„We have given it much thought … considering the reports from his time abroad it might be better to give him some space, you know? That's why we tried avoiding picking a classmate."
„Did something bad happen?", you asked out of an impulse but of course the teacher shook her head. She picked up a paper and held it out to you.
„This is not something I can disclose to you, sorry. It's confidential after all. But see, let me give you his phone number so that you can contact him -"
And that's not confidential?, you wondered but did not ask aloud.
-x-
You decided against calling him. It would be strange to do so, after all he should be the one to call you in the first place after missing your appointment so blatantly. The next morning in school you felt slightly uneasy for not following the teacher's request but your best friend only backed you up after you told the whole story about how the new transfer student left you standing alone - "He can't be serious about that! I wouldn't have bothered running after him either, such an ass!"
You half expected your homeroom teacher to ask you about your progress with the transfer student during third period but thank goodness she did not. And as such, you walked home with your friends like always, spent your time with your best friend after completing your homework, and only noticed the short message on your phone in the evening, before going to sleep. It said: "Hey, Naruhodou here, can we meet up in front of Yuumei's sports grounds today?"
Your eyes widened. Naruhodou? The transfer student …?
You checked the time when you received the message and with rising guilt confirmed that it was right after school ended – what should you do now? Ignore the text? Call him? What exactly was appropriate in a situation like this?
"What if he actually waited for me today?", you wondered. You threw yourself onto your bed, arms stretched out over your head, staring at Naruhodou's message. It would be impolite to not answer at all, wouldn't it? Also what had to be done had to be done at some point. There was no use in postponing a meeting even more, the teachers might just get mad …
You opened the reply box and decided to answer genuinely: "Hey, I'm sorry I didn't see the message. When's good for you?" You read it again, sighed, pressed Send. As you put your phone down it buzzed to your great surprise, and another short message said "How does tmrw sound, 3 pm?" on the screen. Okay, so Naruhodou was on his phone.
"Sure. School gate?", you texted back. As answer you immediately got an emoji, a thumbs up. "You better come and don't leave me standing alone", you added into the empty room, frowning at your screen.
-x-
"So, today is the fateful day, huh?" Your best friend had that annoying habit of turning even tiny details of your life into some big matter, sometimes to the point where you went red of embarrassment and uncontrolled laughter.
"It's just a formality", you defended yourself but it sounded hollow even in your ears. The truth was, you weren't eager on wasting your afternoon.
"Uh-huh. A formality. You better scold him for ditching you."
"That goes without saying. I do not tolerate being treated like that." You chewed on your lower lip. You would never confess it out loud but you did feel nervous about this meeting too. What if the rumors about the transfer student – Naruhodou – were true? Then you wouldn't know what to say and there would be awkward silence between you after the usual things were said … What could you possibly ask him about in that case?
"Oho, there he is." You two stopped at the entrance and your best friend pointed to the school gate but you could not make out where Naruhodou was standing. There were too many people walking out the school, all kind of colors mixed together, a moving mass and you were supposed to find one person among them? "There, next to Scorch."
"Oh." You couldn't say what you expected to see, or what you expected Naruhodou would look like. The way people had talked about him had made you picture a shy looking guy, a nerd of some kind, or maybe a geek but not this good-looking tall guy, who was standing next to Scorch (one of Yuumei's statues at the school gate).
"Well well, if he doesn't look sexy as hell ..." Your best friend whistled, put a hand on your shoulder and grinned auspiciously. "Time to fish some men, huh?" You felt the heat rising to your cheeks, and you slapped away the hand on your shoulder with a snarky comment, Something along the lines that this was just a teacher's appointment. Your best friend laughed, and added: "Go get 'em, Tiger!"
With burning cheeks you turned away, grabbed your bag tighter and pressed it to your side, bracing yourself against what inevitably would happen. You stepped outside, walked with the stream of people and stopped in front of your destination.
"Naruhodou-san?", you asked and hated how squeaky your voice sounded. You usually didn't sound like that. Why now of all times?!
He turned his head, "Oh, you must be …?", and you nodded, dropped into a bow and introduced yourself hastily. "Ah, I see! Pleased to meet you! My name is Ryuunosuke Naruhodou, I'm the transfer student!" He raised a hand behind his head and laughed lightly – to your surprise he seemed to feel awkward.
Of course he would feel awkward! It's because you're behaving so strangely! You're supposed to be the one to take care of him!
"Um ..." You blinked, and remembered that there was something you wanted to say. Just, this intense gaze from his warm brown eyes made it hard to be angry with him – but angry you must be after all. "You didn't come to the first appointment."
That was weak. It was not anywhere close to the indignation you had felt when he hadn't come to the library as he had been supposed to. You shook your head, hit a fist against your flat hand, averting your gaze from him and steeling your voice. "That was not okay", you added, a lot more convincing this time.
He didn't answer at first. You buried your nails in your bag's straps, clenching your teeth, still not looking at his face because what you also didn't like was when others were starting to make up excuses why they couldn't have met up with you or why they needed you to do something for them what they weren't able to do right now and so on …
"You … weren't there." He sounded reluctant.
"Huh?" You looked up out of reflex and your eyes widened. Of all reactions you hadn't expected this mixture of guilt, hurt and a trace of anger in his face, his jaws tense. "What?", you blurted.
"Well, I was waiting for some time. After school. But you didn't come." He crossed his arms in front of his chest. "My teacher gave me your contact number and I texted you the next day. I thought that maybe … maybe you didn't want to, you know?" It was his turn to look to the side. He brushed over his chin, along his jaw and met your eyes again, more distanced than before.
"I was .. waiting in front of the library that day", you answered sheepishly.
"In front of the library?", he repeated. You were looking at each other breathlessly, then he threw his head back and started laughing so loudly that some people that were walking by turned around to look, bewildered. "That is unbelievable! How stupid to miss each other like that! I was waiting in the library!"
"Oh." This sound was the best you could manage.
"And to think – to think it's even possible! Ahaha … nobody would believe me if I told them about this! It's so ... stupid!" Even after Naruhodou's impulsive laugh quieted down there were still lingering traces of it around his eyes and in the corners of his mouth – all you could do was watch him in silent admiration, the way you would watch art in a gallery, trying to figure out how the artist had put down every stroke and what he had wanted to convey to the spectator. The details in a human face were most impressive, a subtle muscle twitch could tell so much about a person's inner world, and the way people were able to express themselves …
"Are we going to get going?"
You hadn't noticed how your thoughts had drifted away. All this time you had been staring at Naruhodou without a word. "O-oh, of course!", you startled, feeling how you turned red again. Hopefully that wouldn't become a habit in front of him, he shouldn't remember you as tomato when he thought of you …
Wait what, thought of me? Why would he think of me? You pinched yourself. This is a professional appointment! He may look good, above average good - no actually, really good, but you have a job!
"So. You are from here?", Naruhodou asked. He was a swift walker but not too fast for comfort. You adapted his walking pace easily and you must say it was pleasant to walk like this on such a nice clear autumn afternoon like today.
"Yes. I was born here and went to school here. It's actually a bit strange though, for someone my age. We're not far away from Tokyo so at some point all my friends from elementary school went there to graduate and I kinda stayed here like a country bumpkin. People expect you to move to Tokyo because they say we're young and we're supposed to chase the adventure in the big unknown city and the like. But -" You clapped your hand over your mouth. "Oh god, I'm so sorry, I'm just rambling here. Please feel free to interrupt me if -!"
At the same time Naruhodou, who had been smiling at you, raised his hand in a reassuring gesture and protested: "No no, I don't mind, please, talk to your heart's content!"
Since you were talking over each other you both fell silent at the same time. You dropped your gaze, unable to take the kindness in his eyes, and cleared your throat. Say something. Just say something to not have silence! "Do you like it here?", you asked the most standard question you could ask someone who moved here only recently. Fuck.
You bit your lower lip and looked up to see that Naruhodou held a hand against his chin, thinking. "Hm, I can't say yet. It's all so different from what I'm used to. The company is very pleasant though. I'm glad about it."
Huh?
You thought you heard something in his tone but it was hard to pinpoint what he meant with that last remark. Was he mocking you, teasing, or was it your imagination playing tricks on an overly active mind?
You two stopped at a traffic light and you still tried to figure out the meaning of his words when Naruhodou pointed across the street into an alley that was enclosed with trees whose leafs were burning in bright autumn colors. Truly beautiful.
"I discovered a nice cafe there by accident yesterday. I'm wondering if you want to go there with me to discuss everything over a cup of tea? Only if you don't mind, of course." He smiled at you with that sweet grin that you have seen so often by now despite not having spent much time together, a smile partly hidden in his eyes and partly openly displayed on his face. It took you several seconds to formulate a response: "Uh … sure."
Which cafe was he talking about? This was your hometown, shouldn't you be familiar with at least the area around school? This was on your way home but you couldn't recall seeing a cafe in that street …
-x-
Several things turned out to be true: The cafe had opened recently and was a secret meeting place for a selected few people … who loved cats. When Naruhodou opened the door and let you enter first you already had a black cat with white ears rub against your legs, purring in delight. A warm voice welcomed and asked you to take a seat.
"I didn't know we had a place like this", you remarked while seating yourself. Not only were there a couple of different looking cats of all colors everywhere around you but the whole ambiance in general resembled an English cafe. Clockwork and pieces of clockwork decorated the walls and blended in with scratch trees and long pipes, silvery and golden and bronze. "They're surely unique."
"I love it here." You noticed a forlorn expression on Naruhodou's face for a split-second but it immediately yielded to a thoughtful smile. "So, you're going to give me a complete run-through of things that I need to know for my last school year?"
"Yes, that was my intention." To your surprise you noticed that it didn't bother you to fulfill your teacher's task anymore – who would have thought this would actually turn out to be fun?
You ordered something from the menu and started explaining several things about Yuumei while also petting cats that walked up and curled into little fur balls next to you. They especially loved to be around Naruhodou so that he soon was surrounded by softly meowing cats.
"Do you have cats at home?", you asked curiously, tearing a bite off your multigrain bread. Naruhodou's hand froze mid-movement and he dropped it to his side. He shook his head and asked instead: "What about clubs? You're supposed to join a club at school, aren't you?" His gaze was fixed on the table's surface. You felt as if your bread was stuck in your throat and grabbed your tea to wash it down, your mind racing – you had said something wrong just now, hadn't you? He was definitely offended.
Should you …?
You cleared your throat. "Well", you croaked, trying to cough away the dryness in your throat, succeeding moderately. "It's not supposed to. It's just highly recommended."
"So basically, you're meant to do it after all." You had never viewed it that way and it took you several moments to see things from his viewpoint. His opinion, or rather the way he worded his thoughts, made you uncomfortable for some reason, and you decided to voice your thoughts even though you usually didn't like egging on other people's opinions: "The clubs are cool though, and Yuumei is really proud of the activities that its students can take part in. It's … rare that people do not find a place to belong. And we're technically not forced to."
"Hm. I might simply have exaggerated. Just … I sometimes still doubt authority." Doubt authority?
You put down your tea cup and inspected the young man sitting across of you, trying to read him. Honestly, what did you know about him? There were rumors, yes. But were those rumors really true, considering that they had painted Ryuunosuke Naruhodou in a completely different light than you saw him right here, in front of you?
… Probably not. And to your surprise you noticed that you wanted to know more about him. About what he liked, what his disliked, what had happened in his past and what his thoughts about the present and future were. How did moving back here feel, after being abroad for so long? What did he think about his classmates, the school, the atmosphere in general? Would he prefer it in Tokyo rather than out here, a nothing compared to the big cities, like London was one?
You cleared your throat. "Well, most guys want to join the sports clubs. We have tennis, track and field, archery, basketball, volleyball, -" You counted all clubs down on your fingers. Naruhodou watched you attentively.
"What club are you in?", he wanted to know when you ran out of clubs to list. He had finished eating already and put his fork and knife orderly on the right side of his nearly clean plate before taking the napkin that was next to it.
"Art", you murmured.
"Art? So you're … drawing?"
"Obviously." You averted your gaze, feeling excitement running down your spine. For some reason you felt light-headed, and you weren't sure if that was a good feeling or not. It was slightly sickening and yet … it felt good. Like drinking a little bit too much alcohol. Liberty, joy, but also the notion of upcoming headache, and all in one. Was there something in the food or was it the atmosphere?
"I didn't mean to ask something so stupid." He laughed and you joined it, covering your laugh with one hand.
"You'd never say anything stupid", you asserted. His eyes widened, and your breath caught in your throat. "Oh nono, I didn't mean to sound so cheesy!"
"You'd never say anything cheesy!" This time he laughed so hard that his eyes started tearing, and your own stomach was hurting from laughter. The cats ran away into safety distance, and it took you a minute to stop snickering and find back to composure.
"Let's pay and leave", you said as serious as possible to not start anew again.
-x-
Were you indebted when somebody payed the bill for you? What would your best friend say about that, and why couldn't you think of an appropriate way of reacting to this situation?
Mental note to google: What does it mean when a man pays your bill? You shook your head. No, it probably doesn't mean anything. I should return the favor though. I think.
"Where do you live?" Naruhodou put his head back and looked up into the sky. It was growing dark already, and soon the street lamps would be turned on. You had noticed Naruhodou's little quirk during your meal together in the cafe: He always squinnied his eyes a little bit when he was concentrated on something, and you didn't think he even noticed. Maybe he needed glasses? It was cute though.
"Not far from here. I can walk." You put a hand against your chin. "I think I told you everything there was to tell about school life. If you have any questions left, you have my number. Just text me, and I'll make sure to answer as soon as possible."
"I'll walk you." Naruhodou made a vague gesture. You blinked a few times - you had not expected this proposal - opened your mouth, searching for a reason to tell him not to. But something inside you whispered: You want him to accompany you, don't you?
"Okay." You smiled. "But don't blame me if you don't find your way back anymore."
"Objection!" The way he said it made you stop again. It had been simply said and yet there had been a strength in this word – a strength in Naruhodou's voice that you couldn't explain. Meaning, you had a gut feeling you couldn't confirm. And you weren't sure if your mind was playing tricks on you, if you were overthinking, or if you should make a joke about it-
But before you dwelt any longer on whether you should or shouldn't ask, Naruhodou continued: "There were a lot of alleyways and backstreets in London. I'm used to not getting lost. Or finding myself again." He brushed the side of his neck and the look in his eyes changed. He seemed sad, reminiscent. You could guess that this was a tricky topic for him, and even though you wanted to ask, really wanted to know, you kept silent, and you two started walking down the alley silently, enjoying the upcoming evening.
There were surprisingly many people outside today. Your city's streets were never overly crowded, especially not on school days, only during festivals maybe. However, this day seemed to be an exception, and you had to walk closely to Naruhodou to be able to walk alongside him. One time your hand brushed his by accident and you immediately pulled back with a squeak, pressing your hand against your chest with wide eyes. But either Naruhodou hadn't noticed or he didn't mind because he gave no reaction, only threw glances at you from time to time while you two were walking home. It didn't feel forced. Or bad. Not bad at all.
"This is it." You stopped at your house, and you pointed to your room's window. From the outside one could see the little star stickers that you had glued to the windowpane and that would glow when it was dark enough. "That's my room's window."
"Star stickers?" Naruhodou put a hand against his brows to shadow his eyes from the street lamp's light right next to your house. You moved the tip of your shoe up and down the earth, scratching the ground, your hands crossed together behind your back. "They're beautiful. I wish I had some too."
"Oh, it was a present. From my best friend. When we were kids. Long time ago." You took in the sight Naruhodou was under the light of the street lamp, looking up to your window, and felt how captivated your heart was by the beauty. How could someone with such refined cheekbones and spiky hair, broad shoulders and this height seem so soft, even vulnerable? The composition of light and shadow, the vivid colors of autumn and his plain clothing style in contrast to it ..
Would you be able to capture this sight on a canvas in your room, with your brushes, even though you hadn't been able to draw for weeks …?
"I should get going." Naruhodou turned to you, and the warm in his eyes unexpectedly send another shiver down your spine. "It was a very pleasant day. Very informative. Thank you very much." He bowed his head.
"The pleasure was mine", you answered quietly, not trusting your voice not to shake if you spoke up now.
"Can I … hug you good-bye?" Naruhodou extended his arms hesitantly. All your alarm systems went off at once. There was this certain problem when it came to hugging strangers: Everybody hugged differently, and things could turn awkward really fast when you misjudged the way they'd hug. Left shoulder, or right shoulder, and should you just brush their back or hug tightly?!
You closed your arms around him, tip-toeing, while he bent over a bit. His hug was like his personality – strong and yet pleasant, and warm. And heavens, he smelled so good?
Also you're making too much of a fuss about small things like this. Talk about a best friend's influence on yourself!
"Good night. I'll see you at school." He let go, smiled one last time, and then walked away.
You opened the door to your home, walked up the stairs like a robot, went up to your room without saying Hi to your parents, threw yourself onto your bed and screamed your feelings into your cushion to muffle them, kicking with your feet.
-x-
The next morning your best friend wanted to know all the details. Of course. And you knew each other long enough to both know that there was a lot to talk about. But for some reason you were hesitant to answer all of the questions, because they were so many and some were so personal …
"So, he turned out to be a hot angel, payed your bill and walked you home, and you're single." Your best friend demonstratively raised both eyebrows. You groaned and covered your face with the palms of your hands.
"It doesn't mean anything!", you defended yourself. You had spent more than half of the night to think it all over again. Truly, nothing unusual had happened between Naruhodou and you. Yes, your afternoon had been very pleasant. But if you placed any other student on his stead it would have been the same. So it had been nothing special and nothing to raise your hopes up about. Really!
"He texted you." You walked onto school grounds, past Scorch, and blended in with the masses of other pupils that were headed into the school's main building. You shook your head.
"He didn't."
"But he will."
"He won't." You didn't sound as sure as you'd wanted to. Why did your best friend not understand that the hype was over nothing?
"He will. About clubs. Because Naru-hot-ou would want the information about them."
"I don't know though. He would contact the club leaders. And don't call him Naru-hot-ou." You frowned.
The rest of school day went by uneventfully. You checked your phone during lunch break and noticed piqued that you had expected to see a message from him. Honestly, what the hell … You had already ascertained that it had been a normal meeting between a student and transfer student, of course he wouldn't text you. It was dumb to hope for it!
After lunch break you walked to your club room, opened the door and greeted the other members with a mumble. You put down your bag, prepared your stand and took a canvas to put it on it. Usually you loved art club. There were no hard requirements of art club members because creativity had to flow – except for twice a school year when the principal and faculty office would ask clubs to present a shared activity, then you'd pick a common topic and draw for display. So art club was YOUR place.
The problem was, you couldn't draw.
It wasn't a matter of not knowing how to. It was the matter of not being able to. Whenever you looked at the white canvas your mind went blank and you didn't know what exactly you wanted to picture, what you wanted to express. When you moved your brush you felt dissatisfied with the results so you'd start over with a new canvas, staring at the white paper for minutes again. Yesterday had actually been the first time you had felt inspired to capture a special moment on screen again but the sketches you had drawn in the evening looked terrible today and there was no way you'd be able to reproduce the feelings from yesterday evening.
You leaned your forehead against the canvas with a sigh. Because of the way things had been lately you had even considered changing clubs. But deep inside you knew you didn't want to leave art club just because of art block. It wasn't worth it.
Also you wanted to study art in Tokyo some months ago. What if this happened during studies? Would you stop studying and come back home with your tail between your legs?
The doors to the classroom opened. You closed your eyes and listened to yourself, feeling the uproar inside your chest. How could you possibly put down your thoughts onto paper? Maybe you should try drawing abstractly?
"You want to join our club?" This sentence caught your attention. You lifted your head and looked past your canvas, and your breath caught in your throat.
"Please. Take good care of me." Naruhodou bowed his head to the club president, who seemed overwhelmed with the situation and looked around for help. You didn't hold it against her, nobody wanted to join art club nowadays and you knew all of the club's members since day one.
"I'll do!" You jumped up and lifted a hand, thinking after doing this. Immediately you put down your hand, laughed nervously and walked past your canvas. "I mean, I can help!" Thank goodness the club president seemed relieved and not as embarrassed as you felt that moment.
"I'd be delighted." Naruhodou grinned. "Art club seemed very attractive to me. I thought I might give it a try considering that you don't have a law club here."
"Law club …?", the club president echoed, voicing your confusion.
"Oh! It's nothing, ha ha." Naruhodou waved his hand in the air. "I'm talking again. Now, let's get started right away, no?"
"Have you ever drawn?" The club president explained your club's procedures. Naruhodou listened attentively and concluded the lesson with getting a canvas for himself and putting it up next to yours.
And now he sees that you don't draw. Your initial excitement died down. What would he think of you?
You folded your hands in your lap and fixed your gaze onto the blank canvas. Okay, then you would just draw. Where was the problem, you would pick up the brush and draw yesterday's ... - Oh no. This was the worse matter. Worse than not drawing anything would be starting drawing yesterday's scene with Naruhodou right next to you.
As happy and troubling and exciting it was that he had decided to join art club, how would you possibly work now?
You exhaled. Okay, no reason to panic. You hadn't panicked weeks ago when you had noticed that you weren't able to draw anymore. And you would manage this time too. Somehow.
"I can draw whatever I want?" Naruhodou picked up a brush and pursed his lips. There, he did it again, he squinnied his eyes as he looked at the canvas. "Okay, here I go." You watched him move his brush diligently over the paper.
"Most artists start with a sketch. And line art. At least here. With a pencil."
"Oh." Naruhodou's brush stopped shortly- "Well, too late." -and continued moving over the canvas swiftly. "It's not like anything depends on it."
"Depends." You leaned back in your chair and crossed your arms in front of your chest. There was something cathartic in watching Naruhodou's movements. Painting, that was expressing the language of your soul on paper, talking your individual language for the world to see. It was important to listen to yourself, to know yourself and your wishes to be able to paint- and there was no way in the world you'd say those thoughts out loud. Naruhodou had said nothing you'd say would ever sound cheesy but he hadn't heard the really cheesy things yet.
And you don't want him to think ill of you.
"I never really painted. My friend was a lot better than me, you know?" His friend? Wait ... friends ...
You felt something inside of you freeze slowly when the thought seeped into your mind like poison: Who had ever said that Naruhodou was single? He hadn't mentioned a girlfriend until now but you knew him for one day. "She does calligraphy. It's not art in the sense you'd describe art", Naruhodou made a horizontal circle with the back tip of his brush, meaning the art club, "but it's its own sense of art. I loved watching her. She'd sit there in the attic in the evening and practice her brushes, in big format and in small format, and then she'd hang the papers to dry. They were everywhere. But I was the messy one." He cocked his head with a smile. "Susato always got mad when I let my things everywhere. She said a room is supposed to be clean, even if just out of respect for roommates. Because a room represents its owner's soul."
So Naruhodou was sharing a room with a woman? … Susato. You gulped. She .. she must be important to him.
You picked up the brush and moved your hand but there was nothing you wanted to say on canvas. You just needed to do something to distract yourself, to hold back the poisonous thoughts. What did it matter anyways? Why did it make you so sad and angry that Naruhodou might be in a relationship with someone else? You met him literally yesterday.
"What are you drawing?"
You shook your head lightly to bring yourself back to reality and to wake from those evil thoughts. The pattern on canvas was hardly a drawing. It was a mess of different colors and forms, there was no pattern nor beauty in it. You jumped up from your chair, grabbed the canvas and turned it away so that Naruhodou wouldn't look at it. Your eyes were burning.
"It's nothing. I should have started with a sketch first." The lump in your throat grew larger. But you didn't allow yourself to cry. What nonsense would that be, to break out in tears for no reason. To cry at all. What was wrong with you and why?
You couldn't explain it.
"Hey, are you alright? I-" He reached out for your hand and you forced yourself to shake your head and practically ran out the club room with your canvas under your arm, hot tears running down your cheek.
You hated that you cried.
-x-
Skipping art classes was something you hadn't done for years. You never skipped classes in the first place. But there was no way of going back in there and facing whatever there was to face. Naruhodou had sent you a text after club ended and asked if he could be of any help and you hadn't heard of him since then. One week had passed (which were three club session that you had missed) and the second time you had decided to skip spontaneously you had taken a sketch book with you and had scribbled under the cherry trees behind your school.
Since it was autumn all of the trees looked the same and you took it as practice to put down individual leafs in black and white, your back against a tree trunk. You then walked home shortly before club session ended to not have to meet anyone from your club, and you apologized to the club president after your third skipping personally the next day.
Your best friend tried to talk to you about it but for some reason you weren't able to formulate your fears and feelings into coherent thoughts and almost cried again so your best friend soon dropped the topic and moved on to something else.
The forth time you skipped art club proceeded differently than the other times.
"Please listen."
Suddenly Naruhodou stood between the cherry trees, some steps away from you. You twirled the pencil in your hands, looking back at him. Your chest hurt. And you felt stupid.
"I can't help but feel that I did something wrong. If I hurt you with anything I said or did I'm sincerely sorry. If I can help or if you want to talk I'm free. I'm willing." He extended his arms to both sides, then let them drop.
You chewed on your lower lip. With his words the feelings of guilt caught up to you hot. What in the world was wrong with you, to treat Naruhodou like this all of a sudden? This was so unlike you and it hurt you to think that this had been going on for a week.
"I should be the one to apologize to you." You put down your sketch book and got to your feet. You had to put your head back to look up to Naruhodou, to reciprocate his gaze. He seemed unsure of himself and you wanted to extend your hands and hug him but you held yourself with iron grip not to. He was a friend at best. An acquaintance at worst. "I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm so ... I should have just told you."
"Told me what?" He sounded so despondent. Or did you just imagine it …?
"God, I can't believe myself. I'm so sorry, Naruhodou. It's my own fault, really." Your hand rubbed over your jacket where your collarbone was and you had a hard time looking into Naruhodou's eyes now. Hopefully you wouldn't cry now, you thought.
"For not texting me back?" He breathed out. "Yes. I was worried."
"N-no. That too. But I meant-" What did you mean? It was embarrassing but you were highly unsure what you wanted to say. What hurt you. What this was about.
You shook your head and put both hands against your cheeks, fighting with yourself. Yes, it had been your own thoughts about how he possibly was in a relationship - so what? It was no reason to get worked up over. Maybe if you mustered up the courage to just ask him about it ... but how would he think about a question like that? Might he think that you were creepy? God, anything but that ..!
"Hey ..." You felt Naruhodou's hand on your shoulder and your walls melted, and all the piled up frustration from a week broke free: You threw yourself into his arms following an impulse and felt a sob coming out of your throat. He tensed up for a second but immediately closed his arms around you in a tight hug. "Hey, it's okay, psht ..." While you were crying he gently caressed your hair and waited patiently until you were ready to let go off him again. Then he reached into his school bag and pulled out a handkerchief to give it to you, and he was so sweet and caring that your heart ached even more.
"I don't know what's wrong", you mumbled, trying to hide your tear-swollen eyes behind your hair, searching for your old composure, from before you met Naruhodou. "It's just, I'm not feeling well. And it's so easy to feel good around you and I guess it all just comes up and I'm so sorry you have to see me like this, I swear -"
"Never be sorry."
"... What?", you squeaked. Now you looked at him despite your swollen eyes. Naruhodou had his hands balled into fists and he looked angry, a calm seething anger that wasn't directed at you. He closed the distance between him and you again and put both hands on your shoulder's sides, looking resolutely into your widened eyes.
"Never be sorry for not feeling well. You are human and it's your right to doubt. You can allow yourself weakness. And you have friends. We will help you in dark times, just never apologize for being yourself." His hands wandered from your shoulders to your fists and he took them into his big hands. "Promise me."
You drew in a shaky breath. "Promised." The ice shard inside of you was still there because the thought that such a perfect man like Ryuunosuke Naruhodou was in a relationship hurt, it hurt so much, and yet you felt better than before.
Your laugh was shaky too.
"So, I heard you can't draw?" Naruhodou let go of your hands and took a step back. He picked up your sketch book and looked at the lines that depicted the cherry blossoms. Your heart skipped a beat.
"Who told you?"
"The other members." He looked up, one hand against his chin. "This looks good though." He turned your sketch book so that you could see your own drawing. It did indeed look good. You still disliked it. But getting a praise by Naruhodou felt pleasing despite that. "Want to talk about it?"
The way he posed the question wasn't your usual standard question of 'If you need help I'm here but only because it's polite to say so'. The way Naruhodou said it was sincere, a proposal made a person who knew what he was talking about and who wanted to help from the bottom of his heart. And you trusted him. You trusted to be in good hands, and looking at the burning emotions in his eyes made you want to talk freely and made him trust you as well.
You couldn't bear reciprocating his gaze so you looked to the ground at the tip of your shoes.
If somebody had told you two weeks ago that you were missing a crucial feeling in your life you would have laughed and put it off. Now you couldn't imagine how you managed all those years without it.
"But I don't know how", you answered in a tone that you hoped would reflect his sincerity.
"We can figure it out." Naruhodou picked up your bag as well as his, shouldered both and gave you your sketch book back. You were glad about something to hold onto, something more stable than the handkerchief that was shredded to bits by now.
-x-
Since you as students weren't allowed to leave school grounds during club activities except for a good reason Naruhodou and you returned into the school building and ended up in an left open but empty classroom.
"I haven't been feeling well for the longest time myself", Naruhodou said. His tone had changed to a deep version of his voice that you hadn't heard before but the unhappiness in it and the grief hurt you on several levels of emotion. "I … I still can't talk about it." Naruhodou stepped to the window and crossed his arms behind his back. You noticed how tightly he had his hand closed around his fist and how tensely he stood there. But you also felt that there was nothing you could do to help him right now, so you pulled back a chair and sat down. You felt miserable.
"Your time in London?", you asked. You weren't sure if it was okay to ask though. If Naruhodou was okay with sharing.
"I told you about Susato a while ago, do you remember?" He turned his head and looked at you from the corners of his eyes but without turning around. You closed your eyes, exhaled and confirmed it. "Susato was my legal assistant. She still would be if I would continue being a lawyer."
A lawyer?
"Oh yes, I am not supposed to go to school anymore, age-wise." Naruhodou turned around and leaned against the windowpane, and rubbed a hand against the back of his neck. "This is just between you and me ... Some years ago I acted impulsively and dropped out of school. It was so dumb if you look back at it. It shouldn't have worked. But it did. And suddenly I was part of an exchange program to London that my best friend was supposed to do but eh … it's complicated."
"It sounds complicated." If you didn't know Naruhodou better by now you would have thought he was telling a lie. But even if not, why would someone possibly come up with such a ridiculous story that seemed so obviously fictional if one could fabricate stories that were more believable? It must be the truth then. And it interested you. "You don't have to tell me about it." You put your arms around yourself.
"No. I want to tell you. I want to prove that you can trust me as well." You tilted your head. But you already did, why prove? He leaned his head against his hand and started knitting the spot between his brows. "The exchange was for my best friend Kazuma and Susato, his legal assistant. But Kazuma died on the way."
You made a noise that made Naruhodou look up. He lifted his hand with the palm turned to you and continued immediately: "No no, that's just what I thought! He wasn't actually dead, as stupid as that sounds. But I didn't know at that time. And the loss made me think a lot about him, and I realized so many things that you start thinking about when you lose the opportunity to do them. Things to say, things to do, details to notice and the like. And the British are so racist." He laughed but you didn't understand the joke. If that had been a joke. Being confronted with racism wasn't funny at all.
"Kazuma is a smart-ass. He skipped one year of school and was best in his year in university so they gladly sent him over to Great Britain for the exchange. But then he 'died' and I had to take over his place in his stead. I had to learn everything he knew in the course of several weeks and I haven't done anything with law before that. We went by train for the most part", he explained.
"And you managed?"
"Susato helped. And well, since then I have been doing law work long enough to have a certain standard. They just won't let me continue studies here in Japan until I've completed school. You know, bureaucracy." He shrugged. A thought occurred to you.
"Wait, how old are you then?" It never struck you as possibility before that Naruhodou might be a lot older than you. But thankfully your fears were unjustified. And then the topic shifted to your own problems.
You had a lengthy talk with Naruhodou and it was freeing to have somebody to talk with about things from your life. You knew he wouldn't judge you – not after he had told you about his own life situation which had definitely been hard for him (both his life and talking about it) – so it was different from how you would talk to your best friend. And maybe it was more effective.
"Drawing is very important to you, isn't it." It wasn't a question. Naruhodou had moved closer to you in the course of talking and now sat directly next to you, your knees almost touching. You held your leg turned tensely toward yourself to not touch him by accident.
You nodded. "Then let us make a deal", Naruhodou continued. "I will help you to find back to drawing. We will sort things out together." Your heart started beating faster at those words while you urged it to stay calm. "And in exchange you allow me to be there for you. I won't allow past to repeat itself."
He would do that for everyone, you told yourself. If it wasn't you he would do it for someone else instead. Stop beating faster, heart, stop trembling, hands, stop sweating, back.
You lifted your hands and hit your cheeks several times with little claps. Despite everything, you were very happy in that moment.
-x-
Naruhodou's plan was way more difficult to follow than you expected. It wasn't his fault at all.
There, for once, was the problem of other students talking behind your backs because of course everybody would notice how much time you two were spending together. Your best friend had a good share of talking as well, and the thing was that you were actively hearing it. Other's talk you could ignore or let Naruhodou tell you that it didn't matter anyways.
Then there were your own feelings. The initial idea had been to make Naruhodou the living model for your drawing practice, and he couldn't be more ideal for it. He was the perfect subject for every painting, but the problem lied with you because you couldn't concentrate on drawing when he was posing and then you couldn't capture the beauty you saw with your eyes on canvas. And so you settled on choosing motifs with Naruhodou instead, and while you were drawing he was telling you stories about his time in London, bit for bit. Some of the topics seemed hard for him and sometimes he stopped mid-sentence and talked about something else instead. You mostly enjoyed listening and asking some questions from time to time but sometimes he'd make you tell something about yourself instead.
Your life wasn't as exciting as his was. But with his comments and how seriously he listened he gave you the feeling that it was okay and that a quiet life without problems was something to be glad about. Something to value.
You still talked to your best friend on a regular basis. You walked to school together and phoned each other on free afternoons. You went out together or just crashed each other's places. It was only special afternoons that you spent with Naruhodou, your phone turned off to not be disturbed. Being with him gave you a feeling you couldn't exactly put into words. You cherished those moments with him from the bottom of your heart, and your fears seemed so small when he was with you.
While Naruhodou saw everything you sketched and painted over the course of three months there was one project he didn't know about. It was THE moment, how you secretly had started calling it. You only had the sketches you made that evening back then left as reference, Naruhodou with the crowded street in the background in your empty street under the street light, looking up to your window at the star stickers, but you tried your best to bring the moment onto canvas. This was a step by step project as well, and it came along neatly. Just, you didn't want anyone to see it … and you weren't sure you would ever want to.
-x-
During winter break you and your best friend went to hot springs like every year. Two weeks of relaxing in the spa and taking care of yourself, that was the year's peak and were glad about the change of pace.
"My grades haven't been the greatest", your best friend complained with a sigh and stretched out on the sauna bench, a hand theatrically against the forehead. "It's because someone isn't learning with me anymore. Hooooow will I be able to pass midterms at this rate?"
"Learn." You drew your legs to your body and rested your chin on your knees, enjoying the sauna's warmth. "It's like Naruhodou says, progressing things step by step is the most effective."
"You still call him that?"
"Huh?"
"Well, you're seeing each other for months now. Shouldn't you be calling each other by your first names by now?" Your best friend sat up. You raised your hands: "Woah, we're not seeing each other, it's nowhere like that! He may be in a relationship after all ..." You felt the lingering touch of regret inside of you.
Your best friend raised one eyebrow. "Uhu. He's in a relationship alright. With you. Nobody would hang with someone who is unimportant to one like he does with you. Fuck, girl, open your eyes? Everybody knows you're dating."
"But we're not!" You got to your feet and clapped your hands against your cheeks. Keep your focus! "I swear we're not! He's just helping me so that I can get over my art block! I thought you of all people would understand that!"
"Uhu, and I'm Japan's empress. Listen." Your best friend stood up as well, put both hands on your shoulder and looked deep into your eyes, like your mother might do, or an elder sibling. "I want you to stop doubting yourself and confess to him. Look at you girl, you're head over heels into him. By the way he acts he must be too. It's painful to watch you pine when you just have to reach out and grab the opportunity."
You chewed on your lower lip. But it's not like that, wasn't really a fit answer. You put both hands on your hips and exhaled. "Okay. Maybe on Valentine's day."
"Not maybe. Do it. That's in two months!"
For some reason the rest of a relaxing trip turned into making a suitable battle plan (how your best friend called it) for Valentine's day and how you would tackle "the Naruhodou problem". Even after your return home your best friend would constantly remind you about it, and thankfully midterms were coming up to distract both of you from this matter.
-x-
"Are we going to learn together?" It was the last school day before midterms and you could feel the change in atmosphere in school. The tension was immense and everybody seemed to have fever, some because of their fear and some because they wanted to win the "exam competition" (aka rank highest on the score board). It was hard not to fall into panic too.
"I wouldn't advice you learn with me", you answered Naruhodou honestly. There was no need in paying attention to how you would phrase your sentences anymore because he was sure to understand what you meant.
"I hate learning by myself."
"Oh." You put a hand on his arm to comfort him and he turned his head to look at you. "Just a bit then. I can manage." He nodded. "After school?"
"Let's." He looked as if he wanted to add something but you two were interrupted by someone who approached you. It was a beautiful woman with voluminous hair and a neat clothing style, and of course you knew her because who wouldn't know the school's popular girl? Even now she was in company of her two lackeys, who tried to copy her appearance but were nothing compared to her. What business did she have here? It wasn't like you two were of any interest to a girl like her.
"Naruhodou-kyun!" Oh. You had forgotten how terribly sweet her voice was. She put hand against her chin and smiled and you thought you would have to throw up at her feet. The popular girl had never showed any interest in you, it had always been like this because you were in the other class and you never stood out. And thank goodness for that.
"Can I help you?" You could tell by the shift in Naruhodou's voice that he, despite being friendly, wasn't familiar with her yet. Right, nobody from his class was really close to him … They truly missed out on a great personality.
"I wondered if you wanted to join the study circle? We are going to meet and repeat our English assignments for midteeeerms~." She tilted her hip from side to side. "It's everyone from our class and I thought I should invite you too since you are one of us." Her deadly gaze at you spoke volumes. You clenched your jaws but to your relief Naruhodou crossed his arms in front of his chest and shook his head.
"I fear I can't. I already have a study partner."
"She's bad though." The popular girl pointed a finger at you. "And she's not from your grade. What could be better than studying with your classmates?"
"Studying with friends." Naruhodou lifted his chin. "Good luck, however. We will need it for upcoming exams." With that he turned around, motioned you to follow him and went ahead. You hurried up to close up to him. You wanted to throw your arms around him and squeak in excitement but contained yourself.
"Is it okay?", you asked. Naruhodou bumped into your side playfully (which made you lose tact for a step) and smiled.
"Of course it's okay. I explicitly wanted to study with you, didn't I say so?" After all he was right.
Studying together with Naruhodou was pleasant and effective, and you tried helping him out with social studies, geography and biology at the same time because he was lacking in specific knowledge about those subjects. He on the other hand managed to explain new knacks about English language to you, and some advice for Japanese and maths – all in all midterms passed well but you were throughoutly done with life after you handed in the last question paper.
"God I forgot how it feels to live", you complained to your best friend in the afternoon. You two were on your way back home and you were looking forward to continuing on your drawing of THE moment. The weather had grown pleasant, and it had gotten warmer – there was no snow on the streets anymore and the first green buds started showing in brown muddy earth.
"You know what it means. It's time to tackle the Naruhodou problem." Your best friend leaned against you in a good-bye hug since it was time to part ways. "One more week til Valentine's. I'm counting on you."
"I'll need your help for the chocolates." You returned the hug.
"Don't worry. I'll be there."
-x-
It wasn't your first Valentine's chocolate. These just were your first ones for your crush and not for a friend. Yes, there was no other description fitting for Naruhodou anymore – you just wondered if you should give him the chocolate as friend's chocolate or if that counted as friendzoning because maybe he wanted a relationship and you just weren't aware. And the last thing you'd want to do was friendzone Naruhodou. But what if he – no, no that was a thought you had to fight against. It was Naruhodou you were talking about after all. And if he wanted you as friend you could live with that … probably.
"Dare or die trying", your best friend said enthusiastically when you shared your apprehension. You wished you could share this mindset but you were way to jittery and it got worse the closer the destined date approached.
"I should give it to him … personally?" You almost choked at the thought. You thought you would just put the box with a short message into his locker and be done with it. He would see the chocolate and could think about the message, and then he would probably call you like he did on regular basis. "I – I don't think I can- can do that!" Your hands started to get sweaty.
"It's Naruhodou." Your best friend's tone wasn't enough to calm you down. You felt like hyperventilating.
"What if he doesn't like it?" What if he secretly likes somebody else or is not interested in you? By now you had discarded the idea that Susato might be Naruhodou's girlfriend (partially because of all the stories he had told you about her) and he didn't strike you as the type to neglect his partner should he really be in a relationship. You hadn't asked him about it directly either though. So what if he indeed liked a girl and you weren't aware of it? Even if it was Naruhodou – or especially because it was Naruhodou – it would be the peak of embarrassment. You'd probably not be able to leave your house after something like that happening. Confessing and getting rejected, you meant. But what this really about confessing?
What a mess ...
You pressed the violet box with the ribbon and chocolate inside against your forehead and listened to your own breathing. Could you do it?
"Listen. You're the most precious, beautiful, considerate and best person in this world. If you fear getting rejected then he will be the one to lose in the end. Everybody loses when they don't get what an amazing person you are." Your best friend tugged you into an embrace but you couldn't stop from shaking. It was uncontrollable, and your heart felt like bursting. At the same time you needed, just had to, must go to Naruhodou and give him the chocolate. You made it yourself. Should it turn out to go the wrong way you could just put it off as friendship chocolate.
Yes, that sounded like a good plan.
You waited until lunch break, barely able to concentrate on lessons. Other students from your class had already gotten their presents and chocolates and you glanced at the violet box from time to time, picturing every possible scenario in your head. What could go wrong? What could go right? What would you say if he reacted that way, and how would Naruhodou react?
And then, at lunch break, you texted him quickly before you could rethink your decision. He was a fast typer, answered you where he was immediately and you packed your things with super shaky hands and went to the school entrance to the lockers. Ironic that you would give Naruhodou the chocolate at the lockers when you had planned to just put it in there before that.
"Naruhodou-kyun!"
The voice made you freeze. What ...
From where you were standing you could see Naruhodou standing at the lockers, surrounded by them. The popular girl, dressed all in pink, had a big pink heart-shaped box in her hands and extended her hands to Naruhodou. You immediately understood the meaning of the scene and you forgot how to breathe, how to move, how to exist. You stood there and watched the scene evolve, worse than any nightmare that you could have imagined. Why her?
"I made those chocies for you myself and I hoped you would go to school dance with me! That's in two weeks if you forgooot!"
"School dance with you …?"
You thought you would throw up. You doubled over and your world almost turned black behind your eyes. You couldn't see or hear very well. You had to put your hand against the wall and blink several times. Surely Naruhodou would say no?! Or was your fear justified, and he actually liked a different girl?
"Please please please say yes, you are the most amazing and handsome guy I know and I'm in love with you since I first set eyes on you, Naruhodou-kyun!"
"Well … I-" The hesitation in Naruhodou's voice shook you deeply. You looked up, desperate, but it were the next words that made you feel like on your public execution and they hit you like a bullet. Worse than a bullet. "I'm already with someone for school dance. Unfortunately, I can't take your chocolates either, please understand!" Naruhodou pushed down the popular girl's hands and reluctantly lifted his hand on the back of his neck.
Her facial expression shifted 180 degrees. She threw the heart-shaped box to the floor with a scream, cursed and looked as if she would hit Naruhodou for a moment. She ran past you without looking at you, and you watched her, still breathing heavily. Only the wall in your back kept supporting you, else your knees would give in and you would fall to the floor.
Naruhodou was interested in a different girl. He was going to go to the school dance with her. He rejected a chocolate because of someone who wasn't you.
Your phone buzzed. You threw a hand against your mouth to not scream in agony but Naruhodou must have heard you nevertheless because suddenly he was there, and the moment he saw you he was by your side, his arms holding you tightly. But you were apathetic, shaking without control, your own hands pressed against your chest and you weren't able to think anything else.
Naruhodou already was with someone for school dance. You had been right all along. There was someone important in his life and you were just a friend, and it had been so foolish to keep your hopes up. You had thought it wouldn't matter much but you were hurting all over, and the tears were hot on your skin.
"You could have told me", you whispered and your voice sounded dead, deeply husky. Naruhodou pressed you against the wall, holding you by your wrists, and he seemed furious and confused at the same time – his breath brushed over your face, shaky and unsteady. He extended a hand to touch your cheek but his fingers froze before they could touch your skin and he looked so pained, just as pained as you felt inside. "I'm in your way." Your voice broke off.
"No. No. Never." His pressed his forehead against yours, and his hands finally took your face into his hands. You let it happen but he shouldn't be doing this. He should not.
"You should have told me that you're seeing someone." You thought it wouldn't bother you.
It bothered you more than anything else in the world.
"But-" Something inside you broke again when you saw Naruhodou cry too. Why was he crying? He shouldn't feel guilty, you never said you wanted to be in a relationship with him out loud.
You lifted a hand and wiped away the tear, his forehead against yours but his eyes pressed together and more tears running over his cheeks. You grasped his hands on your cheeks, brought enough distance between your two faces to look at him and wondered if you could let go. Would you just fall to the ground if he didn't hold you anymore? "You are the only one for me", he whispered, and his thumb moved over your cheek, under your hand.
"What?" You misheard him. He made a noise between cough and laugh. "I'm– I don't know how you- why you think that I'm seeing anyone- but you are the only one in my life. You have been my only one for so long, you are everywhere, in my thoughts, in my heart, in my dreams, in the air I breathe and the light I see. I would never! Never! Want anyone else, and I'm begging you from the bottom of my heart for your forgiveness for not telling you sooner, my love, my angel!" Naruhodou was laughing through his tears, and you stared at him wide-eyed. Love?
"But- you have someone to go to school dance", you objected nearly inaudibly.
"No! No! NO!" He pressed his forehead against yours again in an impulsive reaction, let go of your face and grabbed your hands, pressed them against his chest, and shouted: "I wanted to ask you! I would never go with any other girl anywhere, ever! And if you said no I wouldn't have gone at all! Please believe me!"
"Naruhodou ..." You couldn't help yourself, you started laughing through your tears as well. "You – I – I love you too!" A sob escaped your throat and you let go off Naruhodou's hands to wipe away your tears. Your shoulders were shaking from laughter and from crying and there were so many strong emotions inside your chest, they all welled up at once, and you didn't know which one would come out on top.
Then you noticed students staring at you and realized that you were still at school, and that Naruhodou was still holding you against a wall, and since you were at the school's entrance there were a lot of people who had just witnessed his confession.
You couldn't care less.
"I love you too", you repeated, "I love you so much, Naruhodou, I loved you for so long." You remembered something. You picked up your chocolate box from the ground (it must have slipped out of your hands) and handed it to Naruhodou with a sniff. "I made those for you. I hope you like them."
"Thank you, my Valentine." His hands closed around yours while you were still holding the box. He lifted them up and pressed a gentle kiss on top of your fingers. He was shaking too. "We're … we're fine?"
"Yes. Yes, I think so." Your face was really hot. Naruhodou wasn't your first boyfriend, no no – just, this was the first time you felt like this. The fierceness of emotion. The emotional battle of feelings in your chest. The excitement and despair and the joy.
"I'm glad. I'm so glad." He smiled brightly and finally took your box. "Let's call each other by our first names. We should have done so long ago."
"Yes. Let's." You laughed. "This is so stupid. We are so stupid. Thank you, Ryuunosuke." You leaned your head against his shoulder, tasting how his name sounded on your tongue. It was perfect.
That evening – you had spent the day with Ryuunosuke in the cat cafe in the side alley where you two had your first date – when you came home you took out the canvas with the half finished drawing of your boyfriend. You couldn't help but feel proud at the thought. Boyfriend had such a good ring to it.
You took your brush into your hand and started painting. Minutes turned into hours and time flew by unnoticed. You fell asleep from exhaustion at some point and when you woke up in the morning the first thing you realized was that the painting was finished. And it looked exactly how you had pictured it in your head …
-x-
-x-
Roughly two weeks later (bonus scene)
-x-
It was a beautiful night, the sky was clear and you could see the stars shining brightly. You turned off the car's motor and took a minute to appreciate the silence and darkness. You were smiling and at the same time full of anticipation. Dance night …
You hadn't been at your school's dance night last year because nobody had asked you out and going there with your best friend didn't feel like a good thing to do. You two had spent the night on the couch, watching some show about lovers trying to find each other but struggling and ending up together anyways. This year however you had not only been asked out but the young man was also your boyfriend!
You giggled and checked in the rearview mirror if your makeup was still good. Your lipstick had the perfect color to your dress and nobody should ever know how many hours you had spent to find this color tone. As you exited the car you plucked at your dress to put it back into place, took your handbag to sling it around your shoulder and walked toward the party location.
The closer you got the more people came together. Dance night was a school-wide event and everyone was allowed to join as far as they bought a ticket beforehand. Many pupils were gathered in front of the location – an old castle, nonetheless –, mostly seniors who were smoking, phoning or waiting for their partners.
Ryuunosuke was nowhere to be spotted. You thought he would wait somewhere at the entrance, at least that was what he had texted you an hour ago. Maybe he was running late?
You walked up to the entrance and wondered if you should go inside because despite the clear weather it still was early March and quite cold in a dress that only went up to close above your knees. First you pulled out your phone and checked for new messages (there were none) and just had decided to go in when two strong arms closed around your waist and somebody pressed their face against the back of your neck. You laughed and cringed, trying to escape his arms playfully, and Ryuunosuke allowed you to turn around in his embrace and pressed a light kiss on top of your lips.
"I missed you, lovely angel", he whispered against your cheekbone.
"I missed you too, starlight." You slid your arm under his but he looked you up and down with a smile and complimented your dress in that low voice of his that would make you flustered. Ryuunosuke looked sexy in his suit but then again, when did he not?
You two walked inside and you immediately were in awe when you saw the castle's interiors. It was just like in historical movies, fancy with banners and candlelight, and then there was the castle's own flair, the Gothic construction and colorful glass and the high ceiling. It was unbelievable that a live orchestra sat at the end of a gigantic hall on a stage, preparing their instruments.
"The atmosphere is incredible! Have you ever seen anything like this?", you asked. "We even get live music!"
Ryuunosuke bent down a bit and said in hushed voice: "Back in London a lot of buildings were held in a similar style. I wish you could have felt the Chief Justice minister's office, or the Reaper's office, those were truly intimidating." You turned your head and gasped but Ryuunosuke winked.
"Hey you two, fancy meeeeeting you heeere!" Your best friend waved at you and you almost rolled with your eyes because obviously you would be here when you bought your tickets together. "Ryuunosuke, treat her well in my stead. I won't be able to take care of her cause there's", your best friend leaned forward as if telling a secret, "booze here. Illegally."
"Of course there would be some. Don't drink too much", you warned. Your best friend waved with a hand.
"When did I ever overdo things? HA! Also saw the live band? They're going to play classical music. So lame."
"Classical? As in, orchestra music?", you wondered. Your best friend nodded and went off with some last words. "Well, that's new", you added to Ryuunosuke. He shrugged.
"I don't mind. Want to check out the venue in whole? I think I read there's a pond behind the castle."
He took your hand and lead the way and you swayed gently through the masses. Since Ryuunosuke was so tall people instinctively made way, you only had to follow behind his back, holding tightly onto his hand. Like a boat, parting the waves.
You were so proud of him.
Outside indeed was a pond, its shore blocked off by a handrail that reached up to your chest. You stepped up and Ryuunosuke put a hand around your shoulders, sharing his warmth with you and keeping the cold away from your blank skin. You watched the silent water and enjoyed standing with Ryuunosuke.
"I got a letter." He kept his gaze fixed onto the dark water, where the moonlight reflected both black and blue. You turned your head to look at him –
"From?" He seemed down.
"The royal prosecutor himself." He stressed every word individually and you could tell how much of his energy this letter must have consumed from him.
"Did you read it?" You put a hand on his hand around your shoulder, and Ryuunosuke finally reciprocated your gaze.
"I have hoped I could with you by my side. I'm scared of what Asougi wrote."
Why?
"Sure. Let's read it later …?" His fear was infectious and you didn't want to think about any letters right now. You came here to have fun with your boyfriend. "We should go inside."
Your best friend had been correct about the live music. Violinists, cellists, flutes, trumpets, drums and some other instruments started playing classical music several minutes after you and Ryuunosuke entered the hall. It must have been the teachers' idea; none of the students were fired up about the type of music they were playing. Everyone sat around the dance floor, hesitant to be the first ones to rock the dance floor.
You watched the orchestra. Artistic passion was always nice to watch and every art was their own expression and habits – there was a charismatic flow in this music and you felt it reverberate in your body, in your lungs.
"Want to dance?", Ryuunosuke asked you out of the blue. You stopped humming.
"Dance?" You laughed nervously. "I don't know how to. Sorry, Ryuu, I don't think that's a good-" While you were talking he got to his feet, turned to face you, bowed and extended his hand in a prompting gesture. His smile was otherworldly, inviting you to give in and sink into his arms. The notion was almost enough to persuade you. Almost.
"Trust me, my little angel", he asked of you.
You took his hand after another breath of hesitation and let him lead you to the dance floor but it had been no exaggeration, you really didn't know how to dance. Ryuunosuke took your hand gently and directed it onto his shoulder, and enclosed your other hand in his, placing his other on your hip. He leaned in until his mouth was at your ear and he whispered loud enough so that you could understand him but low enough to make your circuits go crazy: "It's a simple pattern, just listen to the music and follow my lead. Da-damm-damm, da-damm-damm, can you hear it? Step back, side, close, forward, side, close, ..."
You concentrated on not stepping onto his feet but the longer you were following his lead the better you got at waltzing. And suddenly it was fun. Instead of having to look down and focus on your steps you could now lift your head and look at Ryuunosuke, and his proud smile warmed your heart better than a fire could warm cold hands in winter.
"Where did you learn to dance like this?", you laughed. The music changed (still waltz but faster), and Ryuunosuke whirled you around. He caught you in your movement and bend you over his arm, your faces inches away from each other.
"I had very good teachers in London", he explained shortly, pressed a kiss onto your lips and moved you back up again, continuing the dance.
"Teachers?", you repeated. "I can't imagine you would need to learn anything."
"Ahaha, don't say this. I stepped a lot on their feet. Honestly speaking, I might have stepped more on two prosecutor's feet than on the detective's because he wasn't so mean about me being clumsy. But the training pays off."
The music died down, Ryuunosuke let go off you, stepped back and bowed. You grabbed the sides of your dress and curtsied, then took his hand and let him lead you off the dance floor. Both of you were quite out of breath. Who would have thought that dancing could be so energy-consuming?
"I'll get some drinks, be right back."
"Damn, that was freakishly amazing!" Your best friend jumped onto Ryuu's seat as soon as he was gone, screaming like a fan. You were taken aback by this reaction, especially when your best friend showed you a video of you two dancing.
"You filmed us?!"
Your first impression was that you two gave off a cute couple. No, a good-looking couple. It baffled you how obviously your love for this man was written all over your face (you never noticed before!) and you had to watch the video twice to take in all the details. During the second run-through Ryuunosuke came back with the drinks and joined in the conversation between you three.
Due to a request by the majority of students (and maybe because nobody else wanted to dance to classical music) the orchestra finished their performance after an hour and was seen off with a great round of applause. From somewhere someone brought a stereo box and people found a music playlist fitting for this evening, and it didn't take long until the dance floor was crowded with teens who were rocking to their favorite music. You tapped with your feet and nodded along, and afterwards joined the crowd to dance with Ryuunosuke. Not that being pressed between bodies could be really called dancing but it was still a lot of fun, maybe the most fun you ever had during school dance festivals.
And surely, another hundred dates with Ryuunosuke would follow after this one! ;)