Chapter 8

Vala lay still in her bed in the infirmary, staring up at the ceiling. Every few minutes, she glanced over at Daniel lying in the bed next to hers. His headache had gotten bad enough that Dr. Lam had given him a sedative. He slept now, but the expression on his face told her that he was still in pain.

For some reason, her headache hadn't gotten that bad yet. She accepted the pain medication, but refused the sedatives. Even though the pain refused to be dulled completely, she was determined to stay awake through this.

She had her own theory as to why Daniel was so much worse off than she was, but she knew he wouldn't want to hear it, and it wouldn't help to tell the others, so she kept her theory to herself.

Instead, she spent her time trying to unpack the memories that twisted together in her mind. At times, she felt that she could control it. She pulled at this strand or that one, watching memories that she knew she shouldn't have, but she was grateful for them; grateful that she had been given this glance at what a life with Daniel might look like.

Other times, the memories bombarded her, and she was overwhelmed and confused. Still other times, she struggled to be able to remember much of anything.

Daniel moaned as he struggled to open his eyes. The lights in the room were too bright, and whoever was using his head for a drum was really starting to annoy him. "Daniel? How are you feeling?" Vala's voice sounded faint, muffled. He squeezed his eyes shut, pressing the heels of his hands into them in a vain attempt to find relief from the headache. When that didn't work, he groaned again, let his hands drop and slowly opened his eyes.

Vala was standing over him, concern all over her face. "Daniel?" she asked, worriedly.

"Yup," he said shortly. "I'm here."

"How do you feel?" she repeated her earlier question.

"Like someone's been using a ribbon device on me for the past three days. You?"

She gave him a small smile. "Two days. So, not so bad then." He returned her smile with his own humorless one and pressed his head back into the pillow. "Shall I get Dr. Lam? I'm sure she'd give you another sedative if-"

"No, that's alright. I think I'll try being awake for a while. Have they made any progress?"

"Not that I've heard, sorry. They still haven't figured out what's causing this." She seemed to want to say more, but pressed her lips together as though to stop herself.

"I don't suppose there's any chance of us just getting better, is there?"

"Somehow, I doubt it."

"Yeah." Daniel stared at the ceiling as Vala found a chair and sat in it. They stayed like that in awkward silence for several minutes before Vala finally broke it.

"You know, this doesn't have to be so awkward."

"What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean. This thing, whatever it is. Whatever these memories are. Daniel, we've worked together for over two years. We're . . . friends. Nothing has to change."

"Hey, I'm not the one claiming to have visions of us . . . together."

Vala pursed her lips. "You saw them, too."

Daniel winced as another wave of pain hit him. "Look, Vala, I don't know what's going on. I don't know what's happening in my head. But I do know that you and I are not a couple; we have never been a couple; and we are never going to be a couple!"

The last statement came out a little more spiteful than he had meant it, and when he looked at Vala, he realized that it had hurt her. Her hand subtly brushed her cheek, and he wondered if she was wiping away a tear. "You can deny it all you want, Daniel, but it happened. Even Teal'c admits that."

"It doesn't matter." This time, Daniel saw the tear that ran down Vala's cheek, but the pain in his head was getting worse. He grunted and hitched forward, his head in his hands.

"Daniel?" Vala stood and put her hands on Daniel's shoulder. "Daniel, what's wrong?"

"I don't-" Then, suddenly, everything shifted. The pain was still there, but it wasn't pounding anymore. He looked up at Vala, who was still looking at him with concern. The tear was still tracing its way down her cheek. He reached up and brushed it away.

"Are you alright?" Vala asked uncertainly.

"I think so." Something seemed . . . off, and he wasn't quite sure what it was. Vala seemed torn between showing concern and wanting to start the argument again. She looked so hurt. Because of him. He was hurting her.

It was as though someone had flipped a switch in him. He pulled himself up into a sitting position and swung his legs over the side of the bed so he could face her. "Vala, I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what?"

"I'm sorry for all those things I said. I keep . . . I keep fighting this."

She looked at him skeptically. "Why?"

"Because I'm an idiot. You know that better than anyone."

"But why now?" She stood from her chair and started pacing the room. "You've seen what I've seen. You know what I know. How can you still fight this?"

"You know why."

"You're scared."

Daniel stood and looked at her from across the room. "Vala, I'm terrified."

"Of me?" Again, she looked so hurt. "What? Are you afraid that I'll leave you? That I'll just walk away? You don't trust me?"

"No! Vala, I'm . . . I'm scared of losing you." He crossed the room and faced her again. "I went through hell when I lost Sharé. I don't . . . I can't do that again. God, look at what we do for a living! We never know what can happen; if we'll ever get back."

"I suppose I can understand that, but why-"

"If I admit to myself that I care about you, then if anything happens, I have to face those feelings. If I can convince myself that you don't mean anything more to me than a friend, I can walk away."

"So why aren't you? Why don't you walk away?"

"Because I do remember. I keep fighting it, but I remember how happy I was, with you. I remember how much I loved you, and I . . . I couldn't let myself keep hurting you."

"So, I'm talking to the other you? The version of you from the Odyssey?"

"Sort of, I think. I don't know; this is confusing. We're both here, I guess. Both . . . versions of me. But yes, I guess the version of me that remembers the other timeline is in control now. I had to fight it, to stop myself from saying those things."

"But if you keep fighting-"

"I know." He winced even as he said it. "The headaches. That's why mine are worse than yours. You're not fighting it."

"But you are. Daniel, I appreciate your apology, but I'd rather you didn't kill yourself just to talk to me."

"It doesn't matter. Not really. He's still fighting me. He'll figure it out, eventually. I did." He touched her cheek, pulling her face closer to his. "But you shouldn't have to wait. I love you."

Tears ran down her cheeks again, but she was smiling this time. "I love you too, Darling." He moved to kiss her, but pain suddenly filled his head again. He tried to ignore it, but it pressed down on him, and he fell to his knees. Vala knelt next to him, and he thought he heard her voice, but the only thing he knew was pain.