Kill no man.
Does that include the nicest guy anyone knows? The one everybody likes, everybody agrees is a sweetheart?
Passive aggressive, it's an art-form, isn't it, Mr Wagner?
He needs security, everyone agrees on that at least.
Me, Gorgon, Lucas, Charles, the other members of The Council. Logan. Everyfrickin'one.
But when we suggest it, he blinks those pretty gold eyes and shakes his head.
"Nein, Scott, I don't want to put anyone out. I don't need a babysitter."
Nein to Jean too. Even to Ororo, and that takes balls, let me tell you.
Gorgon just goes ahead and assigns a security detail at this point.
Which works as well as you'd expect, when their charge can (and will) teleport away on a whim.
There are times when I think Pixie has more self-control. Certainly more self-preservation.
After the day when security spend eight hours outside his habitat, guarding an empty room, because he 'ported out in the morning and they don't realise until he saunters home in the evening, I send in the big gun, sit back and wait for the bang.
Logan slouches right up to him, takes him by the arm and frogmarches him out. Oops. Possibly I may have over-emphasised the problem?
I'd better keep half an eye on them, in case of blood.
They're in the atrium below, in a quiet corner.
There's clearly a 'discussion' going on, if they were cats, there'd be hissing. And flattened ears.
Then Logan reaches out and, ever so gently, cups Kurt's cheek with his hand. Can't hear them, but whatever he's saying, Kurt bows his head. Nods. Meek as a little lamb.
Easy as that. I'd love to know what he said, but Kurt doesn't give us any more trouble over having security.
We really don't want him eating in public cafeteria or using the public gym either.
They're security nightmares.
Thanks to Emma and Jean, he has the most spectacular psi-shields money can't buy. We deliberately used the pair of them, so if one of them is comprised, the others work should be intact. We used the same system on me, you can just never be too cautious.
For now, he's carrying on as normal, but we may have to have further Words.
His security team adore him. We have to rotate them out regularly, they're getting too attached. He's not their friend, he's their responsibility.
But I know it's hard, he's just so damn friendly.
Worst of it is, he's not deliberately difficult.
He's just not used to being Important.
Oh, he's important to us. Always has been. We're family and we take care of our own.
Ororo and Logan are his champions and would kill to protect him. Peter too. Peter especially.
But now he's Important important.
Important to people other than the family.
The Council is a mixed bag of characters. But they are all, with only one exception, Important.
Some of it's money, Emma and Shaw and Charles.
Kurt has no money. Not really interested in it. Charles payrolls the Team and the main expense with Kurt is custom gym kit, which is nothing compared to the cost of, oh, Hank's lab. Or a Blackbird or two?.
Some it's political. Charles, Eric, Emma again.
Kurt has zero interest in politics.
Physical power makes some of them important, like Jean and Ororo, Paris, Apocalypse.
Kurt isn't physically weak, watch him in the gym, you don't get to use the rings or the horse if you're weak. But he's not a powerhouse, not important in that way, he can just from A to B very, very fast. Okay, and with panache, got to give him that.
Then there's Sinister, our very own mad scientist who's important because of his DNA database, much as I wish we didn't need him.
And Mystique. Who is in a class of her own.
I really wish Kurt didn't have to sit on Council with that awful woman, but Charles insists.
So he stands out on The Council as being the one who's just not interested in power, not interested in being Important, in any form.
The Council are meeting with the Captains.
And there's no sign of Kurt.
Which is unusual, he can be a little... flakey but he's usually punctual.
His security detail, O'Donnell and Brooks, who should be outside his habitat? He's given them the day off. Of course he has. They don't answer to him, they answer to the Captains, and boy, are they gonna answer to us if anything has happened to him. Gorgon is seething.
Jean has Logan on psylink, he's on his way to Kurt's habitat.
I glance across at Illyana, it's so tempting to ask her to just pop us over there, but the poor guy deserves some privacy.
Jean's head jerks up. Trouble.
So much for his privacy.
Illyana ports us all over, me, Jean, Gorgon, Ororo.
Anymore and we'd be charging admission.
Hell of a mess.
Logan's on his knees in the bathroom, there's blood everywhere.
He's got a towel pressed to Kurt's temple.
He's sat on the toilet, looking like he went six rounds with The Juggernaut. He's stark naked and you can hear the wheeze of his breathing across the room.
Gorgon and 'Yana are in full combat mode. Ororo is only focused on getting to Kurt. I don't want her in there until we know what's going on, don't want any new casualties.
"Wolverine. Report." I snap.
He lifts his head and sees us all. "No threat. Stand down."
Looks like he slipped in the bathroom, cracked his head on the way down. He was probably cleaning his teeth hanging upside down from the ceiling, or some other dumb shit a grown adult shouldn't have been doing.
He's spent at least six hours on a cold tiled floor and Cecelia thinks he's got pneumonia. As well as the concussion and scalp laceration.
Brilliant result, Kurt, well done.
"I'm so... sorry." He's not got much voice and the hiss of the nebuliser is constant.
Ororo stokes his hair. "It's alright, beloved. Sleep now."
He glances over at me and Logan. It's really hard, when you don't know whether you want to hug someone or put them over your knee and spank them. Not that his watchdogs would let you, it's just theoretical. Besides, grown adult. But still, tempting.
"Please..." Pause for wheezy breath. "Please don't be cross with David and Phil." That's O'Donnell and Brooks, his security detail. Too late, Kurt, Gorgon has probably ripped them both a new one by now.
He tries to sit up, the dressing on his temple is ridiculously white against the blue. Ororo gently stops him but the docs have had enough of us, we're thrown out. Council or no, the doctors have the last say.
This time it's Charles who has The Conversation. In our habitat, where the invalid is convalescing. He doesn't really need to convalesce, The Healing Gardens are extremely good, but Jean has decreed that it's easier to keep an eye on him up there. And better for my blood pressure.
He does the eyes thing. And has Charles eating out of his hand. Damn.
Right, it's me and Logan. Gird our loins, this time it's gonna stick. No Jean or Ororo. Too soft on him, all the women are.
*******
So, David and Phil are back on guard duty, along with Philippa and Alice, Karl and Joe.
He can still use the cafeteria, and the gym.
David and Phil are due a written apology from Gorgon, for him being mean to them.
I suspect we may have been played.
But when those intense gold eyes focus on you...
And all those soft 'ja's' and 'nein's'.
Sigh.
Who knew 'nice' could be an offensive weapon?