She had heard of 'post coital bliss' before, but this. This.
This was something entirely new.
It had been her motivation to hold off on any type of activity until after they were able to talk but really, she was kidding herself to think that they would be able to keep their hands off each other long enough for that to happen.
Blessed with the knowledge that they had just entered the infant hours of Saturday and wouldn't have to get up to work, they were lazily sprawled out in his bed, neither making a move to get up anytime soon.
Her hair was splayed out against the pillow, damp with sweat and knotted in places from where his hands had tangled themselves in it. The comforter was draped partially over the two of them and he was tracing lazy circles along her upper back. It made her sigh in contentment more times than she could count.
The motion would most likely lull her to sleep though, and there was still a real conversation to be had between the two of them, and so she rolled herself over to fully face him, a soft smile on her lips as she does.
"Hi."
He laughs lightly, "Hi."
She brings a hand up and rubs her fingers against his jawline, the beginnings of stubble scratching against her finger tips.
"If we're going to do this," She tells him, "It can't be like last time."
He's quiet for a moment before responding, "I never asked before," he says, "Why you left, I mean."
She almost laughs at the absurdity that a three letter word can throw her for such a loop. Why. Why. Why.
"I didn't know then Jethro," she finally settles on as she removes her hand from him and tucks it under her, "you were still married, chaotic as that relationship was, and you never said it back, and I wanted the job. I didn't know how much you really cared about me. Not then."
"Jenny-"
"No," she cuts him off, because she needs to get it off of her chest before she looses her nerve, "I know you aren't the best at talking about your feelings. God knows I'm not really either, but I told you I loved you and I didn't know if you loved me back. I had a five point plan, and there wasn't room for someone who didn't want to be with me fully. And back then? You wouldn't have been, and we'd be kidding ourselves to believe otherwise."
He's quiet for a bit, and she thinks for a moment that perhaps she's said too much at once. But then again, he did ask. There wasn't much room for anything other than honesty this time.
"Wasn't ever good at the whole talking thing," he says after a bit, "I thought you knew. But I wasn't the only one holding back."
In any other scenario she would have taken it as more of an accusation than anything. But he was right. There were parts of her that she never showed to him, just like there were things he never said. They both had skeletons in their closets that they didn't want the other to see. She should have known that one day it was going to come back around and bite them.
"I know. God Jethro, we really were a disaster from start to finish back then."
"And now?" He asks, twirling a lock of red hair around his finger. There's an intimacy to this that they didn't have the last time; an adoration in his eyes that's all completely new to her.
"I want to do this for real. I can't handle having this and then not having it. I thought I could go back to however it was before that night weeks ago, but I can't. I want to figure out how we can make this work, how I can make this worth. My willpower around you isn't that strong."
He chuckles a bit, "Feeling is mutual, Jen."
She smiles softly at him.
"I love you," she whispers, because she does and she can't pretend like she doesn't, "I wish I didn't some days, but I can't help it. You're it for me. I knew it then and I know it now. I've never met anyone who comes close to you for me."
She waits for a response, but when he gives her nothing other than an adoring look she continues, "I know Shannon was the love of your life, and I never want to take that from you. But I need to know this time that you feel the same way; that you want this as much as I do."
She worries that the mention of his first wife would cause him to retreat from her. That maybe bringing Shannon's name into the picture was going to far, but all he does is smile at her.
"Didn't think I'd be able to have that again after I lost her," he says after a bit, "But didn't expect to meet you either. I have that again, you gave me that."
She's sure she's smiling like an idiot at this point, but she doesn't care.
"It's not going to be easy. I'm still Director and you're still my agent. We're going to have to learn how to separate our jobs and this, and there are things we're going to have to work through, and we're both stubborn, but I'm willing to figure it out this time. No more running."
He nods, soft smirk playing at his lips and it occurs to her that she's never seen him so gentle with another human, "No more running."
With a smile and a contented sigh, she rolls over onto her side again, facing away from him as a wave of exhaustion hits her. He pulls the covers fully up over them, his hand reclaiming its place on her back in he process. He glides his fingertips up and down her spinal column in soft motions, soothing her slowly into a state of utter bliss.
She's on the brink of sleep when she hears him.
"Love you too, Jen."