Shizuo and Izaya blinked in surprise, the reality of what they'd done seeping into theirs. Shinra had seen them, and neither one expected to feel this guilty. Before Izaya could say something, Shizuo beat him to it.

"Shinra!" Shizuo was up and out of the room before Izaya could even lift his hand to stop him.

Loud footsteps echoed across the corridor, followed by another set close behind: through the waiting room, past the reception, and into the setting sun. "Shinra, please wait!" Shizuo said again, and this time, he was surprised to find Shinra did. The two slowed down until they stopped a few feet away. Shizuo expected him to turn and scream at him, shout, curse. All the things the blond knew he deserved. He wouldn't say something cliché like – "We didn't want you to find out this way," because while it was true, Shinra deserved better. This was a boy who confessed his feelings without a single fear. No, they weren't just feelings, were they? Shizuo knew Shinra had fallen in love with Izaya, and the boy confessed, only to be rejected. Shizuo felt like he'd driven another wedge between them.

Shizuo chewed his lip.

They had kept their relationship a secret for four months. Not even Kadota knew. Izaya wanted to make sure Shinra's feelings subsided before he found out, but they really hadn't meant for Shinra to find out like this, and now their fun secret was out. It had been fun to hide their relationship, exciting even. Subtle touches under the table at school, hidden make-out sessions on the roof. Now that was over.

Shizuo felt a knot within his chest when he thought that maybe Izaya was fond of the secrecy rather than what was between them. Was their relationship merely a physical one? Thinking about all those times Izaya would use his advances to silence him, had they even once held a conversation without him turning it into a kissing frenzy? Shizuo shook his head, now was not the time to feel insecure about his and Izaya's relationship like some teenage girl. This was about Shinra and how he might be feeling now, hoping there was a way to salvage their friendship. Shizuo didn't care if Shinra hated him now, as long as he and Izaya's friendship remained.

"I knew." Shizuo blinked. What did he just say? "I don't know how, but I knew. Not right away, but I had a strong feeling about you and Izaya. I mean, one minute you were fighting and not even talking to each other, and the next, you were fine, better then fine. I had a feeling that one day you would – be like this."

Shizuo didn't know what to say, Shinra was calmer than he expected, but whether that was a good thing, he didn't know. "It – we haven't been together like this for long," Shizuo told him.

Shinra finally turned to him, and he looked betrayed, but a sad smile graced his features. "But long enough, right?"

Shizuo sighed, rubbing the back of his head. "Four months."

"Do you care about him?"

Shizuo snorted. "Of course I do." Shizuo didn't even hesitate.

"Does he care about you?"

"He said he does." That was true. Back in the van, Izaya had said that, hadn't he? Suddenly all fears of their relationship were squashed down and locked away.

Shinra looked at him with a somewhat frown on his face. "Do you love him?"

Shizuo could have choked if he wasn't so surprised by the question. That was bold. They weren't ready for something like that. Shizuo wouldn't even recognize the feeling if it even came up. Izaya was his first relationship, and he was pretty certain he was Izaya's too. Who's to say this wasn't just a simple high school romance. Too much. Too fast. "We're not there yet. It's not like that right now. We care about each other, and that's enough."

Shinra nodded and shifted awkwardly. "What about – have you, erm…."

Shizuo's eyes widened. Jesus fucking Christ! "No! God no! Why would you even ask me that!" Shizuo was shouting because he was sure that he would die of embarrassment at any moment.

"Well, that was rather aggressive," a voice interrupted them. "I'm not sure whether I should feel offended by that."

Both Shizuo and Shinra turned around to see Izaya.

"Izaya! What the hell," Shizuo said as he approached, followed by Shinra. "You're not supposed to be out of bed. More importantly, how did you even get past all the nurses?" The blond worried about him way too much, but he didn't hate it. Izaya chuckled and leaned back against the wall of flowerbeds because he wasn't sure he could remain standing much longer at the moment. Damn, he felt a little lightheaded. The stupidity of his spontaneous actions caught up to him way too fast. Shizuo was by his side, concern etching its way onto his face when he noticed how pale Izaya was. Izaya's hand ran over Shizuo's arm, latching onto it as though it was his only support barrier. "Idiot." Shizuo frowned at him and lifted him, wrapping his arm around Izaya's waist to support him.

Izaya looked at Shinra, trying to ignore the pain, and he also didn't have the heart to tell Shizuo his hand was brushing against his stitches and was extremely uncomfortable. Because if Shizuo removed his hand, Izaya was sure he'd just fall over. "I'm sorry," he said, locking eyes with Shinra.

Shinra blinked at him, and he suddenly felt guilty for reacting the way he did. He huffed a laugh. The way Shizuo held Izaya so protectively made him rather happy. Shinra knew Izaya could freak out occasionally, so he hoped their feelings were on mutual par. Shinra stepped to the other side of his friend, clasping his elbow. "I'm sorry I freaked. It really was kind of a shock."

Izaya felt relief wash over him, or it was the beginning of a fever. Izaya chuckled. "Couldn't have been that shocked if you already had a feeling about us."

Both Shinra and Shizuo looked at him in surprise. Shizuo almost blushed and said, "How long were you even standing there?"

Izaya looked at him with a grin. "Long enough." Shizuo tensed. "Relax, I think you described our relationship quite well. It's good to know we're on the same level, Shizu-chan."

Shizuo glanced away, relieved Izaya felt the same way.

"Oh, and Shinra?" Izaya spoke again, causing the bespectacled boy to look at him. "The day Shizu-chan and I decide to – go all the way, let it be known that you will not be told." Izaya grinned at him when Shinra blushed. "Honestly, why would you really even want to know that? Or is it something for you to think about while you're alone~"

Shizuo's eyes widened. "Alright! That's it, we're getting you back inside. Damn it."

Izaya chuckled. "Aww. Shizu-chan is embarrassed!"

Shizuo gritted his teeth. He and Shinra led the fever-stricken raven back into the hospital, ignoring his continued rambles on where their physical relationship was currently. In all honesty, Shizuo preferred it when Izaya was stubborn while having a fever, like when they were at the orphanage, and not this talkative - letting out secrets - kind of fever.

….

Three weeks later.

Shizuo shifted in the tangle of covers. Warmth spread throughout his body, and it wasn't because of the gleaming sun bouncing off the window behind him. Opening his eyes, he tried to sit up but realized something weighed against his legs. Frowning, he looked to his left – no Izaya. Remembering he was in the raven's bedroom after sneaking in last night through his window, there was only one logical explanation that would explain his absence and the weight between himself. Slowly, Shizuo pulled back the covers and almost gasped at the sight. Izaya grinned up at him then, noticing Shizuo was awake and that his ministrations had been effective. Shizuo felt his throat close up, unsure that what he saw was what he really thought. "Um…. Izaya?" his voice was almost a whisper.

Izaya looked at him with the most innocent expression he could muster and didn't that just make the situation worse. "Yes, Shizu-chan?"

Damn it. Shizuo tensed under that expression Izaya. He was all too aware of the raven's position and just where his mouth hovered, along with his fingers. "What are you doing?"

Izaya grinned again, innocent expression entirely gone from his face. "Waking you up."

Shizuo raised an eyebrow. "I can see that. Were the other ways just not that effective?" He tried so hard not to think about what Izaya had been doing before he woke up, but damn it, his body was remembered and clearly craved more.

"Oh, I didn't try. This proved very effective." Shizuo's whole body stiffened at the words, and he wasn't sure if this was right. Sure, they had been more intimate since their friends knew about them now, but this was not in the mix. They had only just started to get comfortable enough to wake up together with a little less clothing on – but they hadn't gone this far, and Izaya was just -

"Izaya, this is dangerous territory here." Shizuo cringed. Dangerous territory? Who the hell says that!

Izaya chuckled and obviously found it more amusing than Shizuo expected. "Don't worry~ I've a pretty good idea what I'm doing."

Shizuo gaped at him; that was not what he meant! Was Izaya going to – and in his own fucking bedroom while his parents and sisters were in the house?

"Relax. No one is home. I checked. My parent's are at work, and my sisters are at a friend's house."

Shizuo chewed his lip, unsure if that made him feel any better about this. "Izaya – are you sure we should-" A groan suddenly escaped his mouth, cutting off the sentence when Izaya's fingers slowly trailed up his length. "Shit."

Izaya chuckled. "Well, that was a complimented reaction. It's much better when I can hear you voice your pleasure, rather than just see it."

Shizuo frowned at him and then laughed. "That didn't exactly sound good you know."

Izaya laughed too. "I know. Realized that after I said it. Heh." Izaya moved his hand again slowly, testing Shizuo's reaction, wondering if he didn't want this. Izaya wouldn't continue if the blond was too uncomfortable or too embarrassed. A moan was all he received, and Izaya grinned. "I guess that answers my thoughts."

Shizuo opened his eyes and looked at him. "What?"

Izaya's grin widened. "You want it."

Shizuo blushed, wondering where the hell Izaya got his confidence from. "Shut up."

Izaya chuckled and gently moved his short nails up the shaft. Shizuo bucked slightly. "That's not a very nice thing to say to someone about to take care of your morning predicament, Shizu-chan~" Now Izaya was making jokes. How could he be so damn collected, especially when he was about to – Shizuo groaned when he felt fingers wrap around him - do that. Izaya moved his hand up and down. Not too quick, yet not agonizingly slow.

"Izaya," Shizuo breathed out.

Izaya caressed him, trailing his fingers over the head and dipping his finger just a little bit into the hole. Shizuo moaned appreciatively, bucking again and clenching his fists around the covers. This only spurred Izaya's bold actions. Seeing that reaction, Izaya wanted to explore more to see what he could do to cause Shizuo to become a begging mess. Licking his lips, he brought his mouth down over the head of his cock and sucked. Shizuo froze when he felt warmth spread over him. The impulse of Izaya's moves was not a failure, and the blond almost thrust. Izaya grinned around his cock, and his tongue darted out to swirl around him, pushing against the head before his mouth slid further down. Shizuo moaned loudly when Izaya took him further. Izaya pulled back and took a breath before going down on him again. He sucked, licked, and gave a hum, sending the vibrations straight through Shizuo. Izaya's other hand started to caress his balls, fingertips kneading them and ghosting up his shaft as his mouth continued to move up and down on him. "Shizu-chan," Izaya managed to say, and god…. he was hard himself. His erection throbbed each time he took Shizuo in. Damn.

Shizuo groaned when Izaya slowed his mouth to ghost over his head, letting his tongue flick across. Shizuo suddenly thrust, and Izaya almost pulled back completely. "…Sorry," the blond mumbled quickly, and Izaya relaxed with a chuckle. Izaya wrapped his hand around his length and took him faster, more daring, sucking harder. "Shit…" Izaya could feel him tense, knowing Shizuo was close.

Shizuo moaned loudly and said, "Izaya…. I – I'm coming…." Shizuo gripped the sheets when Izaya pulled back a little and prepared himself. He couldn't help but grind against Shizuo's leg when he heard the blond's voice. "Coming!" Shizuo released himself, bucking and writhing, and Izaya swallowed and pulled back when the rest of Shizuo's orgasm hit his chin and chest. Izaya released a gasp of surprise, and for a second, Shizuo thought it was because of the unexpected – he had warned him, right? Then he saw Izaya's face and blinked in surprise. Izaya gritted his teeth, panted for breath, and collapsed against him. Shizuo's head hit the pillow, still catching his own breath, unsure of what happened and not ready to question it. "Fuck…"

Shizuo caught his breath, sitting up slightly when Izaya moved over him, wiping his mouth. Shizuo's hand moved between them. "Shall I-" Izaya laughed nervously, batting Shizuo's hand away from him.

"No need. I came already…."

Shizuo's mouth fell into an O, and the realization of Izaya's expression just now – sucking him off had brought Izaya to climax. Huh. "Well….. We've never done that before."

Izaya laughed louder, looking up at him with a slightly dazed expression. "Hm… how was it for you?"

Shizuo almost rolled his eyes because he didn't need to inflate Izaya's ego anymore. "Hot." He couldn't lie. What they had done certainly wasn't what Shizuo would call clean, but it definitely was hot.

"Why, thank you." Izaya grinned and brought his lips down on Shizuo's before he could protest about where his mouth had been. Shizuo pushed against him, but something of a moan came out instead of the annoying grunt he hoped for.

Shizuo looked at him when he pulled away, arms coming up to caress Izaya's arms. "Good morning."

Izaya smiled. "Good morning indeed~."

…

Two months later.

Shinra and Kadota shared a worried glance. Shizuo glanced up at Izaya, while the raven simply avoided his gaze altogether, picking at his sushi as he leaned up against the wall opposite. "Something going on?" Shinra asked, and this caused Shizuo and Izaya to tense. "Guys?

Kadota raised an eyebrow when neither one replied. Shizuo was frowning and stabbing a piece of salmon like he wanted to murder it. Izaya looked like he wanted to bolt.

"It's nothing," Izaya said, finding his voice.

Shizuo glared at him, the poor salmon once again feeling his rage. "Oh, right, I forgot, of course, it's nothing."

Shinra and Kadota wondered what the hell had gotten into them. Usually, the two had disappeared to do who knows what, or Izaya was napping with his head comfortable on Shizuo's lap. Now, they weren't even sitting next to one another. Izaya sighed in annoyance. "Now is not the time, Shizuo." The raven was hostile. Hearing Shizuo's correct name, they knew whatever had happened was serious.

Shizuo snapped the chopstick between his fingers. "Was there ever gonna be a right time?"

Izaya's eyes narrowed, and he stood up. "What is that supposed to mean?"

Shizuo followed, clenching his fists. "A real relationship is physical and emotional, and I'm only now starting to realize you only wanted the former."

Izaya's eyes widened for a second, and he frowned. "You form one relationship and suddenly you're an expert?"

Shizuo glared at him. "I wasn't the one to bolt after hearing three fucking words!"

Izaya flinched. Shizuo said it like it was no big deal, but it clearly was in Shizuo's eyes. "Tsk. Firstly, it was two words and a letter, but someone as simple minded as you wouldn't notice that. Secondly, I didn't bolt, you did."

Shizuo gritted his teeth. "That's because you told me to! You're so afraid of your own feelings that you run away at the first sign of something true!"

Izaya narrowed his eyes and did just that – he ran.

The other two watched him run off and disappear from the roof. Shizuo sighed with a slump of his shoulders and around only to meet the surprised expressions of his friends. "You don't need to say it. I know I fucked up."

Shinra tilted his head, expressing sympathy. "What happened?"

Kadota knew exactly what had happened. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but you said something that freaked him out, didn't you?"

Shizuo blinked at him. "Yes. I don't know why I said it, but it just felt right. I looked at him and – that's when I felt something I've never felt before, and it was the only explanation I could think of."

Shinra's eyes widened. "You told Izaya you loved him!"

Shizuo frowned. Why was that such a bad thing? They'd been together almost eight months, known each other for over a year – why was everyone acting like it was horrible? Shizuo nodded.

"Why did you say that?"

Shizuo was even more confused. "What do you mean, 'why did I say that,' I said it because it's true!" Shizuo almost blushed; it felt weird to admit it to his friends.

Shinra sighed. "Izaya is a flight risk. Seriously, you probably freaked him out. Stuff like this worries him."

Shizuo inclined his head up, rubbing the back of his neck. "I guess I should know that. I mean, he did run off the first time I kissed him."

Shinra smiled. "Then you got together, right?" The blond nodded. "so don't get discouraged or anything. Maybe you said it too soon."

Shizuo chewed his lip and glanced down at the ground. "Or maybe he just doesn't feel the same way." The blond left them without another word.

Kadota watched him leave and turned to Shinra. "That was a little unexpected. To be honest, I didn't think either of them would say something like that."

Shinra shook his head. When he found out about them at the hospital, Shinra could see it in Shizuo's eyes and knew what Shizuo had said was a lie because he knew what it looked like. Shinra had often looked at Izaya with the same look as Shizuo gave him. Shinra smiled. "Neither did I," he lied. He had tried to give Shizuo a hint when he'd asked him whether or not he loved him. After hearing the reply, despite being untrue, he was sure Shizuo wouldn't say anything.

….

Waiting until the students and their teacher were gone from the classroom, Shizuo grabbed Izaya's hand, stopping him from leaving. "Izaya, can we talk?" At first, Shizuo thought the raven would run again after letting his hand go, but Izaya sighed and turned around, meeting the blond's gaze. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said it, I guess."

Izaya placed his hands in his pockets. "It's not that you said it, it's the fact you were ready. I – Shizu-chan, you sounded so sure, and I panicked."

Shizuo stepped forward and reached for Izaya's hand. "But it's true. Izaya, I lov-"

Izaya yanked his hand back. "No! Stop that! Shizuo, I am not ready for this, and it's not fair that you can say it, and I can't!"

Shizuo frowned, his hand falling to his side. "What do you mean? That you're not ready to say it, you don't feel that way, or what."

"I don't know! I - maybe it's both. I don't know how I feel…." Izaya averted his gaze.

Shizuo nodded. "Okay, I'm sorry. I take it back or something, and we can just go back to how it was before."

Izaya shook his head. "No, we can't. I - don't know if I will ever feel that way – and you said it, and now I'm left with this pressure that I don't want to hurt you, so-"

Shizuo's eyes widened. "What does that mean?"

Izaya looked up at him, and Shizuo didn't miss the sparkle of tears in the raven's eyes. "You deserve better. I'm sorry…." Before Shizuo could stop him, Izaya ran out of the classroom.

Shizuo clenched his fists, glaring at the floor, but his vision clouded. Kadota chose that moment to walk into the classroom.

"Hey, ready to go?" Kadota asked. He frowned. "Something wrong? Where's Izaya, did he leave already?"

"Yes."

"Did he go home?"

Shizuo didn't look at him and just clenched his fists tighter. "I think we just broke up."

Kadota gaped at him and stepped forward. "Oh, damn. Shizuo, I'm sorry, man."

Shizuo sighed. "He said he wasn't ready and that he might not ever feel the same, and that I deserved better. Then he apologized and - and then he left."

Kadota didn't know what to say. "I didn't expect that."

Shizuo huffed a laugh, but Kadota could tell he was hurting. "Neither did I."

"Listen, why don't you come over to mine and we can talk or play games-"

Shizuo smiled but shook his head. "S'fine. I just wanna be alone, but thanks."

Kadota nodded, and Shizuo walked out of the classroom.

….

Izaya opened the front door of his house, immediately wiping away the tears he didn't want anybody to see. "I'm home," he sang, masking his hurt with a cheerful voice. His sisters came bounding into the corridor, and he smiled at them, but they froze. Izaya held his arms out, waiting for them to throw themselves at him. "Mairu, Kururi?"

Mairu tilted her head and said in a low voice, "What's wrong, Iza-nii?"

Izaya gave her a small laugh. "What do you mean? Nothing's wrong."

Kururi nodded. "Iza-nii sad…."

Izaya smiled. "Am I?"

Mairu and Kururi looked at one another and ran toward him, hugging him tightly. "It'll be okay, Nissan."

Izaya knelt down, wrapping his arms around them. "Nothing gets past you two, does it?" Izaya swallowed, his eyes glistening slightly as he held them both tighter. They couldn't know what was wrong, but they knew he was sad; he could never hide that from them. The twins might be young, but they weren't stupid. The two pulled away, and Izaya smiled. "Thank you, I needed that."

Just then, his mother poked her head out of the living room. He looked up and stood, hoping she hadn't noticed his sad expression, and smiled. "Sorry I'm a little late," he told her, and from the way she looked at him, he sensed he was in trouble. "Something wrong?"

Kyouko shook her head and waved him into the living room. "Your father and I want to talk to you about something."

Izaya tilted his head; that didn't sound good. "Alright…" He turned to his sisters and said, "When I've finished, we'll play pretend, okay?" Their smiles brightened, and they ran off up the stairs. Izaya followed his mother into the room where his dad was seated on the couch. Shirou smiled and gestured for Izaya to sit on the armchair opposite him. Izaya did so, and Kyouko took her seat next to her husband.

"Izaya, we need to tell you something."

Izaya raised an eyebrow. "Are you going to tell me I'm adopted or something?" He huffed a laugh, but his smile faded when they didn't respond right away. "Am I?" His eyes widened in panic.

Kyouko shuffled off the couch quickly and took his hands. "No! Sweetie no! You're our son. That's not it at all."

Izaya sighed in relief, but now he felt silly for saying it. "Alright, then what is it? I'm starting to worry." Kyouko looked back at her husband, and Izaya followed her sight. "Father?"

Shirou rubbed his face and sighed. "We want you to stop taking those paranormal jobs."

Izaya frowned; how did they know about that? "What do you mean?"

Kyouko smiled. "We're not mad. We sort of figured it out when you were in the hospital. Sweetie, it's too dangerous and-"

Izaya sat back a little. "I know it is, but we're serious, and it's turning into a business. We have camera's now, and-"

"It's not just the danger. We're proud of you for wanting to start your own business, but I really must protest. We feel you should stop."

Izaya frowned. "Is this because I almost got stabbed? Because that doesn't happen usually-" he cringed; that probably wasn't the best way to convince them. "Besides, Shizu-chan was-" Izaya closed his mouth, chewing his lip when the mention of the blond's name sent a stabbing pain to his heart. He didn't even know what they would do now that he and Shizuo were broken up. Would the blond still want to continue to be part of it? Would he still be able to rely on Shizuo's protection against the spirits? Would Shizuo even want to protect him? "He was there," Izaya said, feeling an emptiness inside his chest. "He's always there…." Izaya clenched a fist, trying his hardest not to show his emotions.

"I know. You've gotten some great friends, Izaya, but it's still too dangerous. There's - there's a reason that might make you reconsider."

Izaya tensed. "Okay?"

Shirou sighed. "Remember when you told us about the time you used a Ouija board?" Izaya gulped and nodded. "There was a reason why we weren't too angry with you."

Izaya raised an eyebrow and chuckled. "I thought it was because you were just cool parents."

Kyouko shook her head but rolled her eyes. "Don't get smart. We're trying to be serious here." She looked back at Shirou. "Continue, dear."

Shirou nodded. "Izaya, before we found out we were expecting you, we did Ouija boarding."

Izaya's eyes widened a fraction. "What?"

"It's true. We were young and wanted to see what all the fuss was about. We asked a bunch of odd questions, and then the planchette started to move on its own."

Izaya rolled his eyes. "That's not-"

But they weren't done with their story. "It spelt a word out - pregnant. Four days later, your mother found out she was already two months along."

Izaya stilled. They had - they had used a Ouija board - while she was already pregnant with him. Did that mean that him seeing spirits wasn't because he messed with a board himself? "I - are you kidding me?" Izaya frowned, standing up, hands balled into fists. "You used a fucking Ouija board while pregnant!"

Shirou frowned. "Watch that language, Izaya!"

"Fuck no! You - you just-" Izaya laughed sardonically. "I can't believe it. Well, it's no wonder all the spirits and demons are attracted to me! I believed I could see them because I used one, but now, now this makes a lot more sense." Izaya was pacing now; he was angry, no, he was fuming.

"Izaya, I know you're mad and I understand that, but - wait, did you say spirits are attracted to you?"

Izaya laughed again. "Yes, I can see them, and they like me. Thanks to you, I've been shoved down the stairs, suffocated inside a coffin, almost drowned, mauled by a demonic dog, and lastly, I almost burnt to death! That's right, there's the danger right there! The fucking cold reality to what you caused me! I might have gotten myself into trouble at the same time, but the fact that the spirits attack me is on you!" Izaya couldn't stop himself; he was so distraught, and now the tears fell from his face, and he didn't even care.

Kyouko stared at him, her expression hurt, having no idea what they'd done had caused Izaya any misfortune. "Izaya - I'm so sorry, sweetheart-"

Izaya gritted his teeth. "You had me thinking all of this was because of what I did! Only now to tell me that part of it was your fault! How could you keep something like this from me?"

Shirou knew his son was angry, but he wouldn't tolerate Izaya's yelling like this. "Izaya! Calm down right now!"

Izaya spun around, eyes glaring. "Don't you think I have a right to be angry! Is that what you're worried about? Am I not acting like the good son you think I am?" Izaya laughed. "Well, sorry, but you're not the parents I thought you were either!"

Kyouko stood up to reach out for him. "Please - Izaya, I'm so sorry."

Izaya chewed his lip and choked back a sob before a sardonic smile came over his face. "Oh! By the way, Shizuo and I were in a relationship. He told me he loved me, and I pushed him away. We broke up just now! We broke up, and then you tell me I've been cursed by a board! Perfect fucking timing!"

Kyouko and Shirou were shocked. His mother tried to reach for him again, and he backed away, eyes still watering. "Izaya-"

Izaya's breathing was heavy; he wasn't sure he could be this angry. His parents had always been there for him - and now….

He broke up with Shizuo.

And he didn't even think he could confide in Shinra this time.

For the first time in a long while, Izaya was alone. "I have to get out of here." Kyouko and Shirou moved to stop him, but Izaya had already run up the stairs.

Izaya was shoving items in a rucksack when his little sisters padded into the room. He spared them a glance and continued his task.

"Iza-nii? What are you doing?" Mairu asked.

Izaya frowned and grabbed his wallet off the side. "Leaving," he simply said and shouldered the bag stuffed with clothes and travel cosmetics.

"But - you can't leave, we'll miss you too much."

Izaya stopped for a second, glancing back at them. "You're better off without me." He pulled open his window harshly.

"No!" Mairu and Kururi ran over to him, grasping at his legs. "Don't go, Iza-nii!"

Izaya sighed and pried their hands off him. "It's for the best. I need to be alone right now. Be good, okay?" Izaya climbed onto the window ledge and smiled at his sisters before making his way down the trellis.

"We're supposed to play pretend!" Mairu shouted as tears streamed down her face, Kururi sobbing next to her.

…..

Shinra walked into the school, his friends by their lockers - at least two of them were. He sighed and walked toward them, turning to open his own locker. "No sign of him?"

Kadota shook his head. "No, it's been two days already. I asked around, and no one has seen him at all."

Shizuo slammed the door of his locker and stormed off up the stairs.

"What a mess," Shinra said and looked back at Kadota. "I don't think Izaya would skip school like this just because of what happened between him and Shizuo."

Kadota frowned. "Do you think something else happened?"

Shinra nodded. "We should go over to his house. If he's not answering our texts or avoiding us by not coming to school, then we'll just go over there and pry it out of him."

Kadota blinked at the harshness. "You think that's going to work?"

"He responds a lot better to persistence."

"If you say so."

…

Shinra, Kadota, and Shizuo stared in shock at the woman on the doorstep. They had decided to go to Izaya's house after school ended because they were worried about him. Shizuo didn't know if he should have, but he needed to know if Izaya was okay. He had sent him a few messages and tried to call him, but he hadn't gotten any replies.

He was even more worried than before.

Izaya had run away from home.

Kyouko swallowed back her tears and gave them a smile. "He got extremely angry after we discussed a few things and left two days ago. Even though I know he's mad, I know he's okay. Izaya still sends me a text every day. Nothing warming, just enough to reassure me." Kyouko showed them her phone.

'I'm okay.'

"I think it's to reassure his sisters more than us, but I'm grateful anyway."

Shinra glanced at his friends and back to Kyouko. "Please let us know if you hear anything. I'll search for him in the meantime."

Kyouko nodded. "I will do. You have been such good friend's to him, and I have to thank you for that." Shinra smiled and walked away, his friends following. "Shizuo?" she called. Shizuo turned around. "Him running away isn't your fault."

Shizuo blinked in surprise. "Um…. I don't-"

Kyouko gave him a sad smile. "I know you told Izaya you love him, but him running away isn't because of that." Shizuo paled. Had Izaya really just told his parents about them? "I'm just sorry my son is so stubborn. You're a good kid, Shizuo, and I appreciate you looking out for him all this time."

Shizuo didn't know how to react and merely nodded before quickly walking away.

Shinra jogged up next to him. "Shizuo? Are you okay?"

Shizuo didn't reply and kept on walking. Before Shinra could follow any further, Kadota grabbed his arm. "Leave him. I think he wants to be alone."

Shinra sighed.

Four days later.

Shinra, Kadota, and Shizuo walked out of the school gates. Shizuo was quiet, and he had been for some time because the missing member of their group was still missing. They had no idea where he was or if he really was okay.

It sounded like Izaya and his parents had a massive argument, but Shizuo would bet he was the cause of it. How had it gone so wrong so fast? He hadn't said I love you just casually; he truly meant it, but Izaya didn't reciprocate, and Shizuo felt like an idiot for ruining the best thing that had happened to him since he arrived at the school.

Shinra frowned. He was Izaya's best friend, and he needed to be there for him, but he didn't know where the hell he was! He glanced over at the abandoned building, their first ghost hunting experience. It seemed like a lifetime ago since they were there. It had been only the three of them back then: him, Kadota, and Izaya. Why did it feel like things were simpler back then? Everything was so complicated, but he supposed they were just growing up, experiencing situations other than their interest in the paranormal. There would be a lot more to come later on in their lives.

His eyes widened. Shinra wasn't sure, but an instinctive feeling came over him. He looked over at his friends. "Um. I just," he started to call, and they turned around. "I remembered I left my book back in class. You guys go ahead, and I'll see you tomorrow."

Kadota shrugged. "We'll wait for you."

Shinra vigorously shook his head. "No! I mean, no, it's fine. I'll catch you at school tomorrow." He laughed nervously and ran back toward the school.

Shizuo and Kadota stared after him, and the blond turned to continue walking. "Well, that was odd," Kadota said as he followed.

"He is odd," Shizuo replied.

Shinra peeked around the corner, having ducked behind the fence, waiting for them to turn the corner down the street before running back down the pathway and stopping at the familiar wired fence. Taking a deep breath, Shinra climbed.

The building still sent a chill up his spine, and he wondered why the hell Izaya would choose this of all places to hideout.

Shinra stepped into the building, flinching when the floorboards creaked with every other step. "Izaya?" Shinra whispered and walked through the first corridor, peering into the rooms.

"How did you know I was here?"

The voice startled him.

Shinra spun around and gasped in fright. "Izaya! You scared the crap of me!"

Izaya didn't respond and frowned, waiting for Shinra to reply.

Shinra ran over and wrapped his arms around him. "Izaya! Thank god!"

Izaya sighed in annoyance and shoved him off. "Shinra, what are you doing here? How did you know I was even here? I didn't tell anyone."

Shinra's grip tightened on Izaya's arms. "Izaya, I've been worried sick about you. I was walking home just now and - I don't why, but I just felt like this was where you were. I'm sorry, but I had to know you were really okay."

Izaya looked at his friend, biting his lower lip. "Shinra, I-"

Shinra could see so much hurt in his friend's eyes and frowned. "What happened?"

Izaya huffed a laugh. "You really want to know?"

Shinra nodded. "I do, tell me, Izaya."

…..

Shinra had listened to his friend tell him about what he'd been told when he got home, and Izaya told him about his breakup with Shizuo.

They were sitting on the bed Izaya had been using to sleep in. Shinra glanced over at the raven, watching him as he held his head in his hands. "What do I do now, Shinra? How am I supposed to go home and face them?"

Shinra frowned. "Izaya, you didn't do anything wrong."

Izaya lifted his head, looking at the far wall. "You don't think I overreacted?"

"No way. You had every right to be as angry as you were." Shinra sighed and tightened his grip on the mattress. "I just - I wish you came to me. I really was worried that something had happened to you."

Izaya smiled, and his expression became sad, eyes glistening as he said, "What about Shizu-chan, did I mess that up?"

Shinra shook his head. "Shizuo is a good person, and a great friend, but if you really didn't feel the same, or if you weren't ready for that yet, then I don't think you were wrong to break up with him." Izaya looked at him, and Shinra smiled. "What?"

Izaya's breath quickened, and he leaned forward so quickly that Shinra didn't have time to stop him. Izaya pressed his lips to Shinra's in a desperate kiss.

Shinra's eyes widened, and he pushed against Izaya's shoulders. "Izaya, wait - what are you doing?"

Izaya pushed against him so that Shinra lay across the bed. "Isn't this what you wanted?" he said and leaned down to kiss him again. Shinra hummed a yes and then pushed him back.

"Izaya, no - not like this. I know you're hurting right now, and I want to be here for you, but not like this, It's not fair to either of us."

Izaya sat up as though Shinra had burned him. "Shit. Shinra - I'm sorry."

Shinra reached out to him. "Izaya, it's okay."

Izaya pulled away. "No, it's not. Just go, please."

Shinra frowned and shuffled over to him. "I'm not leaving you."

Izaya looked at him, tears of anger catching Shinra off guard. "It – fucking – hurts. Shinra, I-" Izaya turned his head and ran over to the draw, grabbed his flick blade, and placed it against his wrist.

Shinra had never moved so quickly. He reached Izaya and grabbed his hand. "Izaya, no!"

Izaya's breathing was heavy, tears running down his face. "It hurts! I don't know what to do anymore!" Shinra wrapped his arms around him, and Izaya collapsed to the floor, taking Shinra with him. "Shinra…" Izaya grasped his arm and sobbed into his chest. "Please…make it stop hurting…."

Shinra's heart broke for his friend, and he shook with the fear of what might have happened if he hadn't come here. "I'm here. I'm here, Izaya."

Izaya lifted his head, his cheeks stained with tears, and slowly pressed his lips against Shinra's. "Stay with me, Shinra."

Shinra frowned. "Don't do anything you'll regret, Izaya."

Izaya swallowed and smiled, pressing his lips hard against Shinra's. "We won't go all the way then, I guess."

Shinra nodded, and Izaya pushed him to the floor. Shinra knew whatever they did from here would be a mistake anyway. Izaya was vulnerable, hurting, and not thinking straight, but Shinra didn't want to leave him alone. Shinra gasped when Izaya nipped and kissed his neck, jaw, and then lips, removing l their clothing in less than a minute. Izaya's actions were fast, and his hands were everywhere. Izaya's mouth kissed down his chest, and Shinra moaned when a tongue licked across his nipples. Izaya ground against him and panted at the friction, pulling Shinra up and shoving him on the bed. Izaya gasped when Shinra's hand reached out and touched him, wrapping around him. "Ngh…Shinra." Izaya's back hit the wall, and Shinra straddled him, leaning down to kiss him. He stroked Izaya fast, and the raven threw his head back in pleasure. "Not yet," Izaya suddenly said and shoved Shinra backward, pressing his body to him. "Come with me." Izaya moved against him, causing them both to gasp.

"Izaya….Oh…that feels good…."

Izaya grinned and pushed against him, grinding their bodies with hard movements. Izaya moaned and lifted himself with his elbows. Shinra gasped and groaned when Izaya continued thrusting against his hard cock. The friction created breathless pants, and sweat poured from their face from their repetitive actions. Izaya didn't slow down, desperate for release, and - he wrapped his hand around Shinra's cock, stroking him fast.

"Izaya! I'm – I'm gonna come…. oh god, yessss!" Izaya grinned and let go. Shinra groaned at the prevention, but Izaya leaned over him again, kissing him, sucking his neck as he ground hard against him. "Izaya….I need to come…now."

Izaya thrust against him and gritted his teeth when he tensed. "Shinra…. I'm - coming…." Izaya cried out as he came, panting hard.

Shinra arched up and released his own orgasm, and they both collapsed. Shinra's hand came up and stroked Izaya's back. "You okay?" he asked.

Izaya panted heavily, turning his head away, laying on Shinra's chest with a face full of guilt. Izaya chewed his lip and just nodded a reply.

What have I done?