And that's exactly what he did do, he drank way into the early hours of the morning before he could even pluck up the courage to go back; nothing like a bit of Dutch courage. He slammed his car door shut and staggered his way over to the motel room door which he banged hard on, with no courtesy for the time and the fact his brother or the neighbouring rooms may be sleeping, "Sammy! Open up, it's me!" He shouted smacking his fist against the door over and over.
Sam opened the door and Dean stumbled into the room but managed to balance himself before he fell completely to the ground.
"How was the beer run huh?" Sam spoke out sarcastically as he closed the door and watched over his very drunken brother who didn't reply, "Dean I called you" Sam muttered angrily.
"I know, I ignored you" Dean slurred as he opened up the fridge.
"I was worried something had happened to you" Sam told him.
Dean groaned angrily as he slammed the fridge door shut, "Ugh! Why's there no freakin' beer?!" He roared.
"Because you left to go on a beer run!" Sam roared back matching his tone.
"Oh yeah" Dean laughed slightly. He did have every intention of going on a beer run but was distracted by a bar that had a sign outside that said 'happy hour' which was ironic considering he felt anything but happy at the time but he sure did take advantage of the two for one drinks.
"Thanks for leaving me to clean up this mess alone by the way" Sam started, Dean frowned up at him, "I had to get rid of the shifter's bodies, I had to deal with Cas Dean he's in a bad way, I did the best I could to patch up his face and his head, he's in a lot of pain, I'm pretty sure he's got a broken cheek bone, you know I actually considered taking him to the hospital but you took baby on the 'beer run'" he told him, "did you drive her back in this state?" He asked as he looked out the window to find the Impala was outside and surprisingly in one piece but very poorly parked, "How much did you have to drink Dean?" Sam spat out.
Dean shrugged leaning back against the sink next to the empty fridge, "I dunno, I bought like five beers" he told his younger brother who looked at him in disbelief, Dean had had five beers before just to get ready for a hunt there was no way he was this drunk off five beers, "but it was happy hour" Dean added and everything made sense, "I had a few games of quarters with the hot bartender's hot sister"
Sam nodded, "I'm guessing she had a good aim?" He asked.
"Yeah, well luckily her boyfriend didn't, he pulled a gun out when he saw me drinking with her" Dean told Sam, "for the record I thought she was single" he added holding up his hands.
"What? He shot at you? What happened?" Sam's anger suddenly changed to concern.
"I left" Dean shrugged Sam rolled his eyes at how unfazed his older brother was. Dean looked at Sam's laptop that was on the table which had over twenty tabs open, "What's all this?" He asked leaning down to have a look.
"Research" Sam replied.
"You found a case?" Dean asked standing back up.
"Research on getting Cas' grace back Dean" Sam told him.
Dean shook his head, "It's his own fault, you know I warned him about him losing his grace, I told him being human is shitty, he should've just gone back up to heaven when he had the chance the stupid son of a b-" Dean was cut off as Cas walked out of the bathroom drying his hair with a towel. He'd showered to clean off his blood that had dried on his face, he had a cut in his eyebrow above his right eye which was swollen right down to his cheek bone which shined red like an apple, it was so bad he squinted barely able to see through it, he had a slit on the bridge of his nose and his bottom lip was fat and already bruised. He still had his blood stained shirt on but it was open which showed some more bruising around his ribs. He had his suit pants on and no shoes, his trench coat, blazer and tie were thrown on one of the two beds.
Dean's anger dropped when he saw the state of Cas, "How are you doing?" He asked. He felt sobriety hit him hard.
"Fine" Cas replied, humans were strange in the fact they would often say something contradictory to how they clearly looked and felt in order to keep the conversation from falling awkward.
"Good" Dean nodded as he looked back at Sam, "does he need to go to hospital?" He asked. Sam looked back at Cas as he considered it. Dean walked towards him to get a better look at his friend's busted up face but Cas held up his hand as he reached him.
"That won't be necessary, I'm sure this looks worse than it is" he announced as threw the towel over his shoulder and allowed it to hang, he slowly walked past the brothers to the sink, poured himself a glass of water and leaned himself back against the counter as he downed his glass, the brothers watched him almost mesmerised. There was something different about Cas, something ironically human about him, even the way he moved was so much more normal not that he was noticeably not normal when he was an angel but his movements seemed much more natural than they ever were before. Angel Cas barely ever leaned.
"What, did Laila take the stick from up your ass as well as your grace?" Dean asked causing Sam to smirk.
Cas frowned at him in confusion, "I didn't have a-"
"It's a joke Cas" Sam told him.
"So, you're human again. Do we call you Steve, or Clarence this time?" Dean asked, this time Cas picked up on his joking tone.
"Cas is fine" he replied. He looked up at Dean and rolled his eyes, "Go on Dean, hit me with the 'I told you so' I know you must have the urge" he sighed looking down at his bare feet.
"I'm not gonna do that Cas" Dean told him catching the graceless angel by surprise, he looked up at Dean, "I'm glad you're still with us. I'm just sorry that we couldn't be there to kick Laila's ass and kill those shifters for beating you up so bad, you know I never thought I'd say these words but I'm glad Crowley showed up to save your ass"
"Perhaps you were a little hard on him" Cas suggested.
"I wouldn't go that far" Dean disagreed.
"Well, you're right Dean. I don't know whether it's my agonisingly sore body or some deeper meaning but I do wish Laila had taken me back to Heaven" Cas told the brothers, "I was just blinded by the thought of never seeing you two again…now I've come to the realisation that this could be my form for the rest of my life which giving the age of my vessel is statistically only about forty to fifty years from now and I-" Cas cut himself off, "I suppose I'm going to have to get used to it aren't I?" He shrugged hoping to seem optimistic.
"Here Cas" Sam handed him some pills, "for the pain" he added having seen Cas tilt his head in confusion.
"Thanks" he accepted them gratefully.
Dean was still taken aback by how beat up Cas was, silently kicking himself for allowing this to happen it made him sick to his stomach. He didn't know who to take his anger out on; Laila? He could hunt her down and stick an angel blade through her heart but what good would that do? She was just doing her stupid job given to her by stupid heaven, maybe Crowley? Well he's away in the dust and heck at least he was there to save Cas' ass...unlike him. He'd found the root of his anger, it was for himself...some friend he was.
"Cas..." Dean started as he watched the graceless angel down his painkillers. He froze, not knowing where to go from there, both his younger brother and Cas watched on waiting for him to continue.
"...yes?" Cas replied haven gulped his second pill.
"Look man I, I'm just sorry this all happened." Dean started.
"It wasn't your fault Dean" Cas told him, "I shouldn't have overcomplicated things, it was my own fault, this was the fate I was destined to since the moment Laila found me" He explained.
"Whatever Cas, look I'm just sorry for not having your back, we sent two monsters in there to put up a fake fight with you in front of an angel who also had it out for you and basically just stood back and watched-" Cas cut him off with a sigh.
"Dean-" but Dean butted in.
"Let me finish. This, seeing what they did to you" he pointed to his beat up face, "I'll never forgive myself for, you're family Cas, we should've had your back whether it blew our cover or not and I'm just so glad it stopped before it got any worse" Dean told him sincerely, Cas smiled and looked towards the ground awkwardly, "that dint in the wall there, that's from the back of your head?" Dean asked seeing the dry blood in his friends hair, Cas nodded sheepishly, "lemme see Cas it might need stitches" Dean stepped towards him but Cas stepped away.
"I'm fine" he told him shooting a glance over at Sam too. Although he was outnumbered in the fight he was still slightly embarrassed by how badly he lost, "I'm fine, it's almost stopped bleeding now and I've took my pills, I'm just-" he stopped as he let out a yawn, "I think I'm tired" he forgot humans needed sleep. He rubbed his one good eye and then ran his hand through his hair; he felt exhausted. He remembered feeling this for the first time the last time he lost his grace.
"Being human is gonna take some getting used to again Cas but it's not so bad, and you've got us yeah?" Sam smiled reminding him that he most definitely wasn't alone in this. Cas returned the smile but his was clearly more forced. He made his way over to the couch, sat down and began to puff up the cushions.
"What are you doing?" Dean asked.
"It's late, I should sleep" Cas replied still puffing the coushins.
"Cas take one of the beds I'll have the couch" Dean made his way over to him to shoo him away.
"I'll be fine Dean" Cas replied looking up at him.
"Look man, you think your body hurts now? Try sleeping on a crappy motel couch for the night" Dean told him.
Cas thought of how uncomfortable the couch was just to sit on, never mind lay on all night long, especially with how sore his ribs were.
"Cas, your stuff is already on this bed you've basically claimed it, take this one" Sam pointed to Cas' trench.
Cas eased himself to his feet, "But…Dean-" the older Winchester cut him off.
"I can sleep anywhere Cas, now take the bed before I bust your other eye" Dean threatened but Cas knew by now he was joking, he smiled at him gratefully and walked over to the bed as Sam and Dean got ready to sleep.
Cas picked up his blazer and tie and lay them over a chair beside the bathroom. He then picked up his trench coat and examined it, there was still some blood on it from his earlier battering, it was slightly creased from where it had been laying on the bed. He brushed the creases out with the palm of his hand, with a sigh he made his way over to the wardrobe beside his bed and placed the coat on a hanger. He gave it one more look before he shut the wardrobe door and carefully lay himself down on the bed. Dean had already fallen asleep laying across the couch whereas Sam was in the bathroom brushing his teeth.
Cas stared up at the ceiling taking steady sharp breaths; the weight of him laying down really took its toll on his surely broken ribs and the newly dried cuts on the back of his head from Laila bashing it into the wall didn't care much for the pillow he rested on. He couldn't help but wish he still had his grace, he'd actually never wanted anything more. He rethought what had happened earlier on in the day over and over again, each with a different ending; each with a better ending…He sighed deeply, he didn't know the feeling of what it was like to tear up but he guessed this was it. Hearing Sam finishing up in the bathroom snapped him from his thoughts. He closed his eyes as Sam entered room - to stop himself from shedding a tear- Sam switched off the light in the bathroom as he noticed his snoring brother. Sam knew Dean could always fall asleep fast, and even faster when he'd had a drink as most do, but Cas hadn't had a drink.
"Cas?" Sam called quietly, Cas decided not to respond to him, it had been a long day for all three of them and the Winchester's could do with some rest, "Cas, you awake?" He called again, at little louder this time. Cas didn't respond. Sam turned off the light and got himself into bed figuring Cas must have fallen asleep.
Once he was confident Sam was settled in the bed beside his, Cas opened up his eyes and again stared at the ceiling, this time in the dark. It was going to be a long night.