3

Not long after that us girls left the pub. I said goodbye to Blaise, Theodore, Crabbe, Goyle, Marcus Flint, Montague, Pucey, Warrington, Bole, Derrick, Urquhart and Higgs – but not to Draco. But he approached me. He was drunk, swaying and stumbling around. His eyes wouldn't focus on me but he mumbled swinishly in my ear: "R' you leaving? Thought we'd shag."

I hastily pulled away and gave him a disgusted glare, my mouth open in shock. As I turned and walked away I shook my head in disbelief.

We left and I sobered up on the way home - a walk through a dark and abandoned Hogsmeade was precisely what I needed. I hung back a little, studied my friends as they waltzed around, loudly socialising with each other. A thought crept up inside me. Was I supposed to be happy now? My friends sure seemed like they were. So why couldn't I be?

I decided I was just a bit too sober to be happy.

When we finally had returned to the castle and I lay tucked in bed listening to Daphne's snores, Draco's face appeared in my mind. His scents, the feel of his hair, the sound of his voice. The words he'd spoken just before I left echoed in my head like vicious snakes that wouldn't let me go.

Fuck. Why had I even let him be near me? I knew it would just destroy me. I should've gone home the second I saw him at the pub. Fuck , fuck , fuck. I knew I'd fall right back into his traps. I'm so stupid.

For the first time, I felt like I was finished for real this time. Never him again, never.

All day after I tried to catch his eye. In the Great hall at breakfast (but he was occupied with his full English), in History of Magic (but he was sleeping with his head on the desk), on the way back down to the common room after dinner (but hhe was walking ahead speaking with Crabbe and Goyle).

Nothing.

I couldn't sleep that night either, and in the middle of the night, after lying sleepless for hours swishing about, something made me get up, put my robe on and silently make my way out of the dormitory and up the stairs to the common room. I imaged I would see my hero waiting outside like he used to back when we had fights. He wasn't there. With a lump in my throat, I realised things wasn't like it used to be. That we wouldn't get back together. This was not a fight we had for a couple of days that would just strengthen ourrelationship. No. It was over. My heart hurt. It had been over for a year. He wasn't mine anymore, he wasn't my soulmate and he wasn't my hero and I wasn't the only girl for him. It was a realisation that made me gasp for air and I had to sit down on one of the green armchairs in the common room.

When had it become like this?