4

Each morning that entire week I woke up with a proper headache from crying.

On Friday evening us girls planned on going out again. We were all in the dormitory after dinner, doing our makeup while having a glass of elfmade wine that Daphne had smuggled in, before going out. The girls came upon the subject of me and Draco – a topic I'd rather have avoided.

"Well," emphasised Tracey very merrily. "D'you reckon you'll pull Draco tonight, then?"

The girls giggled in chorus. "No," I said defiantly.

"I think you've got to see it like this," began Daphne boldly. "Do you mind if anybody else gets off with him? Because if you do then I suppose you've got the answer right there, haven't you."

"No, I haven't, because even if I care if he hooks up with anybody else, that doesn't mean I should try to get back together with him. It doesn't mean we're meant to be."

Millicent and Tracey looked sad and understanding.

"I still think you should pull him," said Daphne, rolling her eyes.

"Why?" I asked slightly sad and frowning. Why would she want me to go through that? We would have sex and then he'd ignore me. I knew it. I reckoned Daphne could be rather insensitive sometimes, the only downside with my best friend. She just wants people to do things because it's fun for her to watch.

"Cos it's fun," she shrugged, a satisfied smile on her face. Isn't it odd behaviour, wanting to put your best friend through something like that?

I ignored her and went to the lavatory, slightly offended. Tracey understood that and hurried after me.

"Pansy…"

I looked up. I was standing over the sink, looking at myself in the mirror.

"Don't mind her, you knonw she can be a little too much sometimes," Tracey told me and reached up to stroke my arm a bit. "And do whatever you like about Draco. I mean… He clearly still likes you, I dunno to what extent though."

I nodded, looking away.

"I mean," she went on. "I don't know if he just wants to shag you or if he's prepared to commit to a proper relationship again. I suppose that's for you to decide – whether you want to dare take a chance or not."

"I suppose so," I mumbled.

"Keeping in mind that he's hurt you a few times earlier and that you probably shouldn't, but at the same time I know what your heart wants it so I can quite imagine how you'll reason, and I dont think there's anything wrong with it if you do choose to try and give him that chance. I know that if it works out you'll be happy and that would make me glad as well. But if it doesn't, and he fucks you over again, you'll be destroyed and broken... but I know you'll take everything in consideration and I trust you to make good descisions."

"Thanks Trace," I said genuinely.

Then it was go-time. We finished our drinks and our makeup and went out. We sneaked out of Hogwarts again and went down to the Three Broomsticks for a change. The boys weren't there yet. Daphne and Aurelia had talked to them about going out together and I was secretly excited about it while feeling ashamed of being excited.

About an hour later, the boys arrived. Draco looked so good – messy hair and a proper shirt. I was so used to seeing him in his school robes. It reminded me of when we were together, since that was probably last I'd seen him like that. I looked away and sipped my drink. The boys came up to us and said hello to everybody and sat down with us.

Draco waved at me childishly and sat down far away from me. It made me confused, he can be rather odd. And that stung a bit in my heart. But I tried not to care. What did it matter if he didnt say hello to me?

We all made ourselves comfortable and just hung out and kept drinking. It was all right but of course i couldn't focus - I just wanted to talk to him, wanted him to come sit next to me and give me all of his attention. Oh fuck…

About yet an hour later, when Daphne and I were making our way through the crowd towards the exit to have a smoke, Draco and Flint came up behind us and followed us out which we didn't notice until we came outside.

"All right lads?" said Daphne merrily. I just lit my cigarette and looked at a witch passing by on the street as I inhaled and blew out the smoke.

"Yeah, big party in here tonight, yeah?" Flint said and all of them lit their cigarettes.

"Well nice" said Daphne enthusiastically.

"Yeah loads of birds," said Draco harshly. Wanker. I took a deep breath, concentrating on not letting him bother me.

"Yeah, supposedly us lads will all get some, yeah?" laughed Marcus.

"Ugh, you're both such dickheads!" exclaimed Daphne, entertained but disgusted.

The boys laughed it off. Draco reached out and grabbed me by the back of my neck and sort of pulled me towards them, saying: "Why dont you join the lovely chat, Pansy?"

He was just odd and it disappointed me slightly even though I knew I shouldn't care.

"Don't you want us to get some tonight, yeah?" he said, smiling. He was evil.

I simply gave him an irritated look and stomped on my cigarette and went for the entrance.

"Pansy!" exclaimed Daphne, surprised.

Draco laughed. "let her go," I heard him say heartlessly in my opinion, as I walked inside just before the door closed behind me. Fuck.

I went to our table and sat down next to Aurelia, Tracey and Millicent who wondered how I was. I explained the situation and they comforted me and hugged me a bit.

"Fuck him," said Tracey honestly. I could always count on her to be upfront and frank. "He's behaving like a proper dickhead and you're worth better. Honestly, I reckon you should just kiss somebody else in front of him."

"Yeah, that'll shut him up!"

"And perhaps he'll realise that he really likes you then, and stop playing about."

Theodore threw himself down next to me, squeezed himself in and said: "Pansy, love. What is this I'm hearing?"

I sipped my drink and said. "Dunno what you're on about."

He gave me a stern look and said: "Don't play with him like that, snogging some other bloke. That'll just piss him off more and he'll just reckon you're a slut – sorry, but that's how he'll react. He's my best mate and I know him to bits."

"What does it matter to you anyway?" I snapped quietly.

"Sorry?"

I turned to look at him and said: "Yeah, why does it matter to you? I haven't mattered to you in, what, a year?"

He looked sad. "I'm... honestly... Pans... you know that whole break-up thing put me in a weird position, being both of yours' good mate. And I'm..."

"Yes, and you clearly had no problem choosing which one to stay loyal to."

"I'm very sorry. It just happened that way. Because whenever I said something about you, like 'I've got to talk to her, make sure she's all right', Draco was like 'fuck that, broes before hoes yeah' and… I dunno, it's shit of me and I'm sorry. Honest."

I didnt reply.

He stroked my hair and reached out for an embrace. I hugged him back. He used to be my best friend, I had lost both my boyfriend and a best friend.

Later, a few minutes before the pub was closing, there were only a few of us left – Daphne, Aurelia, Theodore, Draco, Blaise and me. Draco had finally landed in the sofa next to me.

I was rather drunk and shouldn't have wanted him but I did properly. So I might have behaved in a way I definitely wouldn't have sober. I feel quite ashamed of it, trying to get his attention, trying to get him to talk to me. I shouldn't have.

I somehow made the beginning of Theodore's name sound like "Draa..." calling out "Draa…odore" wanting Draco to react and think I was calling his name. Both of them turned to me immediately.

"Could you pass my lager?" I asked Theodore and Draco looked away.

I finished it and Daphne, who was drunk of her head honestly swaying while sitting down, said: "Aww, you two…" while pointing a swaey finger at me and Draco next to each other in the sofa. "You look… adorable… together…"

I gave her a stern look and said "stop it" as the others started oooh-ing and Draco smirked and placed his arm harshly around me, pressing me towards him in an awkward position and ruffled my hair mockingly.

Chelsea continued, more demandingly: "You should pull her now, Malfoy. Everyone knows you both want to." And with that, she fell face-down onto the table. The others cried out and helped her up while I just sank back into the sofa and thanked Merlin that the attention was turned to her instead of what she had said. I was silently thankful for it – and there was a chaos I wasn't a part of. I was hot in the face and my heart was pounding, I couldn't help but to think of leaning into him. He was sitting right next to me, warm and nice-smelling and inviting – I wanted him to hold me and kiss my ear and stroke my hair, and most of all I wanted to have sex with him.

The pub-owner, Lady Rosmerta, turned off the low music and started picking up our empty pints and casting us looks that meant that we should leave.

So we did. Well out on the street I lit a cigarette, while the others helped Daphne walk. There he was again, like an annoying fly that I wanted to smash as well as have sex and get cosy with. Even in my current state I realised it was a weird metaphor, but I was a drunk.

He placed an arm around my waist as if to help me, thinking I was too drunk. "Are you all right?"

"Leave it, Malfoy, I'm not even that drunk. Dont try to play the hero. You're a wanker." I pushed his arm away. That last might've slipped out a bit, but whatever – no fault in him hearing the truth.

He left, and I wished he would've stayed, kept his arm around me no matter what and convinced me of how much he loved and missed me. But nothing ever happens the way you want them too.

He walked next to Blaise instead, and Aurelia came up to me.

"Lads, continue this in our dorm?" Blaise said to the group.

"Defnitely, mate" and "Yeah man" came the boys' eager responses.

"You in, girls?" Theodore, supporting a half-unconscious Daphne, asked Aurelia and me as we were the only girls able to speak. Aurelia cast me a questioning glance.

"Yeah all right," I said.

"I think the lads has got a plan," whispered Aurelia to me as we were the last to enter the boys' dormitory. The familiar smell and sense of being in Draco's room made me feel like crying. It had been so long.

"What do you mean?"

"Didn't you see them grinning at each other when you said 'I'm in'?I think they're setting up for you and Draco to get off."

"Yeah?" came my unfocused reply. I was looking straight ahead at him opening a beer with his teeth on Theodore's bed. The lads cheered him on. They all clearly admired him.

Aurelia must've seen what was on my mind because she said a slow "oh."

When me and Aurelia entered the room, everyone had sat down onto the beds, it was full everywhere. Daphne was occupying one of her own – Blaises, while Blaise and Draco were on Draco's, Theodore was on his and Crabbe and Goyle were on Goyle's – Crabbe's was the only one left, but it was all the way over in the corner, away from the group.

"Oi, where should we sit?" said Aurelia offended. I was only satisfied, but didn't show it.

"You can come sit here if you want," smirked Theodore to her. I turned to Draco and went to sit in his lap, just like that. Everybody pretended not to notice, they didn't want to spoil our getting off. I saw Draco looking up at me, but I didn't look at him. He put his arms slightly around me, stroking my lower back.

As the conversation went on, I kept my side to Draco all the time , never looking him in the face, and we all hung out and had a great time, and Draco just sat there sipping his lager and didn't say anything.

The lot was getting rather tired, it was about 3 o clock by now and Draco had barely spoken since we had sat down. I didn't know what it was. But it didn't seem like he minded that I was sitting on his lap, so I stayed there.

"Loo, Ari?" I asked. And we went to the lavatory. I smiled as I imagined them starting to talk about us immediately after we'd left. Well inside the loo, Aurelia seemed like she had been dying to talk to me.

"PANSY! You're going to get off with him?"

I smiled cheerfully, sitting down peeing. "I dunno, yeah, perhaps".

She gaped cheerfully: "Aww…"

"Just don't let him get you that easily, yeah" she murmured as we went back to the boys. Coming back, I noticed Dracp raising his arms slightly so that his can of lager wouldn't be in the way, indicating for me to sit down again, but I didnt. I squeezed in in the bed next to Theodore, perhaps to tease Draco. And then I went out for a smoke on their balcony with Theodore. It's very unfair, because us girls don't have one.

"What's going on with you two?" he smiled, clearly glad about this.

"I dunno..." I shrugged, inhaling and blowing out the smoke.

"You know he's trying to pull you," Theodore claimed.

I rasied my eyebrows at him. "He hasn't said one word to me since we got here."

There was a slight silence, in which my heart started beating quick.

"He's a fuckwit..." I continued, more firm now. "He's not shy or anything like that, he always gets what he wants, so if he's not trying to get with me, then that's simply because he doesn't want to."

Theodore gave a small smile. "I honestly think he's afraid."

I didn't understand what Theodore meant by that, and I was interrupted before I got a chance to ask him about it. Draco and Blaise came outside for a smoke. I threw my cigarette and went inside.

"Whats up with you avoiding me?" Draco asked me a few moments later when we were both inside again, on the bed.

I raised my eyebrows, looking up at him. It felt like foreign territory looking at him straight in the face so close, I hadn't done that for a very long time.

"You started it." I dont know whether I meant he started it by dumping me and not talking to me for almost year, or by not talking for an hour just now when I was sitting in his lap. I reckon both. I think he got that as well.

"Well sorry..." he smiled teasingly. I couldn't helpt the smile that crept up on my own features. I turned my face away so that he wouldn't see, but in vain.

"Hah, I've still got that affect on you, havent I..." he said it quietly and with a sort of gentle voice but I made out the smugness in his voice. Fucker.

"You're a wanker, Draco."

He placed his arm around my neck and pulled me towards him so I lay uncomfortably on his collarbone and shoulder. I didn't fight it this time. He noticed that.

"Oh , now you want to get cosy?"

"What are you talking about, you pulled me towards you," I said with a small smile.

"But you stayed," he teased back. I didn't answer.

He stroked my arm and kissed the top of my head. That sent tingles all through my body and felt like I would pass out.

"Don't do that" I murmured just because, even though I didn't want him not to.

"Do what?"

"I'm not your girlfriend anymore..." Oh , it stung even to say it.

He laughed. "Oh, so, what, you can only kiss somebody on the head if they're your girlfriend?"

"You know what I mean..."

"Shut it," he retorted, laughing. "Its not like I'm asking you to marry me or anything." Mm. That one stung even more.

"No, because all this is for you is we're both drunk and haven't pulled in a while, yeah?"

"Fuck off..." he laughed, looking away.

"Whatever," I murmured and snuggled up closer to him. I don't know why I did it. I made myself get used but I didn't care at the time. I just wanted to be close to him.

We sat like that for a while, or well I half laid down in an uncomfortable position, making my back ache extremely. So finally I had to switch position. So I sat up straight, distancing myself from him. I still hadn't made up my mind what to do, but I think somewhere in the back of my head, I had.

At four o clock, Crabbe and Goyle were snoring, Blaise had fallen asleep next to Daphne, and it was only Draco, Theodore, Aurelia and I still up. We were sitting on the floor by now, finishing our last lagers. We were all getting really drunk by now, tired and almost hangover.

Aurelia and I went to the lavatory, and when we reemerged, Draco was heading in. As we met on the way, he put an arm on my back and mumbled: "stay here tonight, yeah?"

"Perhaps," I smiled teasingly, and we walked back to Theodore while he continued into the bathroom.

Of course I stayed. Aurelia fell asleep on the floor and Theodore jumped into bed straight after. Draco and I sat on the floor and kept talking quietly, surpressing our laughs, and he was touching my leg, and all of a sudden he was close, and kissed my neck. Suddenly, we started kissing like we hadn't for almost a year. I wanted it so much. The mood between us was very hot, that was all I remember feeling. He even started sweating, and we got our clothes off quickly and he pulled me closer to his bed and I pushed him down, and we had sex and it felt so good both physically and mentally. Finally.