I couldn't remember much of it – drunk sex is usually brilliant (or so you think), but I don't think we fell asleep before 5.30 anyway…

And we awoke aprubtly by Crabbe throwing most of his school books around with his wand and shouting about something being missing. He began arguing with Goyle and Nott, and Draco got up to see what it was all about.

I hid under the covers, suddenly feeling very exposed, even though the dark green covers was pulled out hiding me in his bed. What a bloody headache on top of that – I felt like I could throw up over Crabbe. I heard the boys leaving the dormitory for breakfast. Draco turned to me. He looked awkward, something he never usually did.

"Fuck, my head..." he muttered, grinning slightly at me.

"Yeah, me too," I replied.

"Fuck, it's only eight… we've probably slept like two hours..."

He moved back towards the bed and sat down at the end, I had to pull up my feet for him not to sit on them. Oh, so he didn't want to lay down beside me. I tried to breath evenly and control myself, but I felt a strong need creeping up of wanting to know what us having sex had meant. I sat up and yawned. Draco picked up my knickers and threw them in my face.

"There you go," he slightly grinned, satisfied.

"Oh thanks!" I said ironically and threw his boxers back at his face, but he quickly defended himself and avoided them. "Fuck you!" he exclaimed and attacked me, tickling me.

"Stop that," I whined, giggling and pushed him away. He sniggered awkwardly. As if he felt he had overstepped his boundaries... as if he reminded himself that it wasn't like before.

"We should probably get dressed before the lads come back, yeah," he murmured.
There was an awkwardness in the air, we didn't talk freely at all now in the clearness of the daylight. I had a big lump in my throat, didn't know why.

Sneaking back into my dormitory at 8 in the morning, my eyes teared up as soon as I had my back to his dormitory. It was a broken fairytale and I had been so fucking stupid. All I had was the feeling of having him wake up one last time on me, and still feeling his drool against my cheek. That was the best I had.

I went in and got dressed and then proceeded to breakfast and classes, and didn't say a word all day. I feared that if I would open my mouth I would start to cry and never stop. My friends seemed to understand that something was wrong, they probably even realised it was about Draco, and when Daphne asked what was wrong and what had happened and I didn't answer, she just pulled me close and held me hard.

After dinner when it had started growing dark, my friends were studying in the common room and I just sat beside them, silent, staring into nothingness. I went to bed at 9.30. I was empty and I just didn't want to do anything, I didn't want to exist without him.

The next day I kept my stoic mode all until evening after dinner when Tracey grabbed my arm in the dungeons on the way back to the common room with the girls.

"Pans," she began. The others kept walking, not noticing. I turned to her. "Please talk to me. You know I'm here for you."

I just stared at her. I couldn't form a word.

"Where're you lot going?" Daphne shouted from over at the entrance to the common room. She, Aurelia and Millicent were looking at us.

"We're going for a walk, see you later," Tracey said after a short pause, and turned and started walking back towards the stairs up to the Entrance Hall. I had no choice but to follow.

"Whatever," Daphne snorted and I heard the portrait closing behind them.

Tracey and I walked around for a long time, up the giant marble staircase, through the forth floor corridor, until we finally reached the Astronomy tower. Then we decided to stop. I walked outside and stood in the cold looking out on Hogwarts grounds, the Forbidden Forest, and the Black Lake. She came up behind me and placed her hand on my back.

"I'm sorry I fell asleep."

Shocked, I turned to her. That was not what I expected her to say at all. "What? No, Trace—" I began. My voice was hoarse, I hadn't spoken for almost two days.

She sighed, looking at me, concerned and looking regretful. "I suppose something happened with you and Draco, which is what you're so distraught about? And I just reckoned if I hadn't fallen asleep you and I would've slept in our own dorm and none of it would've happened! Well, what did happen? I'm sorry, Pans," she was talking quickly and I was shaking my head protesting all through it.

"You can't possibly blame my stupid actions on you, Trace," I said hastily. I turned and looked out over the view again. I was shaking, cold, but I felt numb. "How can I be so stupid?" I groaned, exasperated.

She stroked my arm. "It's not you, love," she said. "It's him. He's vile."

I put my face in my hands. How did I let this happen?

"Just stay clear of him in the future?" she said, well more asked, in an uncertain tone.

I didn't even fool myself when I said, "yeah."

The next morning in Charms, a note landed on my desk. "Pansy" it said. "Draco kissed a fifth year last night in the common room /Daph" and I looked up and saw her looking at me, looking sorry. I felt like I wanted to throw up. I was so fucking stupid.

After that we all went down to the Great Hall for lunch. I had to explain to the girls what had happened and I just said "we had sex" and nothing more and they started discussing it in low voices not wanting anyone to overhear, and Daphne told me about last night when he had kissed that girl, but I didnt answer anything and finally they gave up and just gave other looks.

Then all of a sudden Daphne and Aurelia opposed me looked up behind my back and I heard a voice.

"Pansy, can I have a word?"

I turned around. I'd have recognised that voice anywhere, and confirming my suspicions, there he stood.

"Why?" I muttered to Draco. My heart was beating hastily.

"Just talk," he shrugged. Of course I wanted to see him and talk to him and for everything to be fine. But I didn't know if I could. What if I started crying? And something made me feel like what he wanted to talk about wasn't positive. He looked dark.

I felt nervous, started shaking and I hoped he didn't see. I hastily got up. "Yeah, all right."

He turned and I followed, but not before sending a helpless glance at my friends who looked awkward and sorry, but could do nothing. Walking after him down the aisle between the Slytherin table and the Ravenclaw one, I became even more nervous. Anxiety spread, wondering what he would say – did I even want to know? I wanted to throw up again