So I snogged that boy, right by our table at the pub. I never once looked at Draco so he couldn't possibly know I only did it for him, but I saw his stares in the corner of my eyes and I got the reports from my friends.
Then I left the pub. I didn't want to be out anymore, but insisted that Daphne and the rest would stay. I took the Knight Bus home from the dark London back-alley – it took me to Hogsmeade, from where I sneaked back into the castle. However, for some reason, I did not make my way down to the dungeons, but up to the Astronomy tower where Tracey and I had had our chat the previous night. I sat down on the stone opening in the wall. It was dark and chilly, the hairs on my arms were upright. I shuddered. I couldn't see far in the dark over the grounds surrounding the school, except the dark Forbidden Forest. I sat there thinking about things before I went to bed down in the dungeons a while later. I was shaking.
"He looked mental," laughed Daphne loudly. "As if he could strangle something."
It was the morning after and us girls were all in the dormitory talking about last night.
"I think you've really affected him," said Tracey and continued: "perhaps he'll realise that and stop playing about. Just... be careful yeah."
"Careful to do what?" I asked her.
"To... well, I dunno, hurt him."
I looked up at her. "You mean like the way he's hurt me, dozens of times?"
Tracey looked like the point was taken. She half-shrugged and gave me a sort of sad look.
"Anywayyy," Daphne emphasised. "The most important thing! Happened quite a few things after you'd left last night, didn't it, girls?"
I looked up, my heart starting beating faster.
"Well, Theo left with that Brocklehurst, you know from Ravenclaw... proper slut, ugly as well, dunno just what he was thinking, but anyway..."
She continued babbling but it didn't interest me. I thought she would say something about Draco smashing up the guy I'd kissed. But I suppose not.
That Thursday we all left Hogwarts for Christmas holidays. On Friday, the boys had told us they were having a beer and Jacuzzi night – they'd invited us the night before we left school. Us girls were already doing our hair and makeup when Daphne told me it was at Draco's summer house in Torquay in Devon by the sea, apparently his mother detests the cold in midland England and refused to spend another winter in their cold Manor).
"Didn't I tell you that?" Daphne raised one eyebrow at me from crawled up on her bed, sipping a glass of elf-made wine out of one of her parents' expensive glasses. I sent her an irritated look through the mirror in front of me.
"No," I emphasised. "You didn't, Daph."
She knew bloody well she hadn't. She'd wanted to go for some reason – getting off with one particular bloke most probably – and whatever issues were going on between Draco and I wasn't going to stop her.
"But Draco sad it was all right you came," she went on quickly. Tracey, Aurelia and Millicent were looking back and forward from Daphne to me.
"Oh, how nice of him, really," I rolled my eyes. Daphne could be so incredibly self-centered, but goal-orientated, typically Slytherin of her.
Half an hour later we were flooing from the grand fireplace in Daphne's large sitting room on the ground floor of the manor. We arrived in the small Wizarding pub (one of few in England except the Three Broomsticks and Leaky Cauldron) down by the pier in the harbour town of Torquay. We exited, and the large pier and beach made a beautiful sight in the dark. Further ahead, the hills of Torquay towered up in the distance.
"Can't imagine the Malfoys owning a holiday house in a common Muggle village," Daphne muttered as we walked towards the town, towards Draco's house.
"It's really lovely, though," Millicent piped up.
"Yeah," Tracey agreed, "and it's supposed to be one of the most beautiful towns of the entire coast. It's the English Riviera, after all."
I was the only one who'd been there before. I'd spent parts of two summers there in fact. I was slightly shaking as we walked up the hill towards Draco's house, as flashes of memories of this appeared in my mind. I swallowed hard.
Big green lawns surrounded the great, white and modern house. It was beautiful, but nothing compared to their Wiltshire Manor size wise. We walked up and Theodore opened the door and let us in. We all took of our cloaks and I felt a lump in my throat and a stab in my heart at the smell, sight, and feeling of being in that house. I felt nervous being there, but at the same time excited, it being sort of forbidden. Thinking about everything I've done there... I'd practically lived there. Dinner with his family, night-fags out on his balcony, in his bed for hours... everything. I swallowed.
I didn't take my heels off since we were going out to the back where his Jacuzzi was, with its brilliant view down on Torquay and all the lights of the houses and the harbour. It was utterly beautiful.
We walked out there, and Theodore called out: "girls are here, party can start!" as we did so, which made the boys woo. Besides Theo, there was Draco, Crabbe, Goyle, Blaise, Montague, Miles Bletchley, Flint, Harper, Higgs, Warrington, Urquhart and Pucey.
Daphne started laughing loudly and entertaining everybody by some comment as we walked out, naturally. I noticed Draco looking at me from the corner of my eyes, I had kept my heels on since we were outside and I knew he loved me in heels, he reckoned it was the sexiest thing ever, and I didn't wear it very often... I didn't look back at him. I ignored him. That was what he wanted...
"Oh this is well lovely!" "Yeah beautiful!" came a few squeals from the girls at the sight of his deck with its amazing view.
"Ladies, refreshments at the table, up for grabs," Theo said and nodded toward the big dinner table Draco's family had out on the deck by the barbecue. The boys had stacked it up with beer and crisps basically. Cute.
We had wine with us so were only interested in the crisps. Everyone grabbed some and got glasses to pour wine.
The boys were all in the Jacuzzi still, passing a ball harshly and laughing about.
Aurelia and I stayed by the table and had crisps while starting on our first glass of wine, while the other girls started getting undressed and getting into their bikinis. There was a chaos for a moment while the girls , who hadn't put on their bikini underneath their clothes like I had, had to run back in for towels to cover themselves with etc. It amused the lads.
Ari and I sat there talking for a while, and the other girls finally joined the lads in the Jacuzzi. Pucey and Warrington were up and joined us by the table and we hung out a bit, just talking.
"Why aren't you lot in the Jacuzzi then?" Pucey asked. "It's well nice."
I smiled. "Just not ready yet."
"Is it cos of Draco?" asked Warrington.
"What about him?" I said.
About 30 minutes later, some of the girls had got up from the Jacuzzi and, with their towels around them, went to pour some more drinks. By then, Aurelia and I were in on our third glass of wine and still sitting by the table with Adrian and Cassius.
"Let's go in the jacuzzi, yeah?" said Adrian then, and finished his beer.
"Yeah, let's!" Aurelia said.
"Yeah, all right," I said.
We went to the jacuzzi, where now Theo, Draco, Blaise, Crabbe and Goyle were. Montague, Miles Bletchley, Flint, Harper, Higgs and Urquhart had all got up. Daphne had always detested Crabbe and Goyle, she reckoned they were both well ugly and fat.
"Wohoo, what's up lads?" Cassius greeted the lads again. "Is there any room for a few more in there?" he said cheerfully.
The lads encouraged us to get in and moved aside. Draco had been on his way up, but said something to the lads probably an excuse for sitting down again, and did just that. It made me smirk slightly, but I hid it. Meanwhile I pulled my short dress over my head and put it on a nearby chair, leaving me in bikini and high heels. Aurelia got undressed as well.
"Woo, Pans, yeah" laughed Montague, "do a little spin for us won't you?"
I turned to them and laughed, "fuck off!"
I hastily noticed Draco sipping his beer, distancing himself from what the other lads' attention was placed on.
I got in the jacuzzi with Aurelia and was sitting next to Miles with Aurelia on my other side.
"Oh it feels soo good," I laughed and moved my hands around in the water. The warmth that hit me was absolutely brilliant.
"Does, doesn't it?" and "yeah!" grinned the others.
"So what's up boys?" said Aurelia, steering up a conversation.
We all started talking and got into a conversation. Draco didn't say much. I love how I came along and took over, like talked to the boys and he got passive. Served him right. I hoped he was thinking about me and missing me and feeling sick from what I did last night.
"Where's my glass of wine gone?" I said and looked around, Adrian reached out and grabbed it on the chair where I'd put my clothes and gave it to me, "there you go love," he laughed.
"This needs a refill" I said and moved and added: "I'll be right back!" as I got out of the jacuzzi. I went up to the table where I'd put my wine and poured some more, and called: "Aurelia do you want a refill as well?" over to the jacuzzi. There were just small tricks that I did that made everyone's attention turn to me, to the benefit of Draco. If he were to play that game, so could I.
"Yeah, thanks!"
I brought the wine along to the jacuzzi and poured into her glass as well, then got into the jacuzzi with my glass and got back to my place between Aurelia and Miles. It got quiet as I came back.
"What's up?" I said, grinning. "Why's everyone so quiet?"
"Alright, then..." Blaise started. Everyone looked sort of sneaky, except for Draco who was only sipping his beer looking bored. "Last night, Pansy."
I laughed, "yeah, what?"
"Who was that?"
I laughed. "I dunno, he was nice." Inside I was extremely satisfied. Draco had no choice but to hear.
"Dirty girl," grinned Miles, and the others laughed.
"Well what about Theo?" I said teasingly and turned to Theo. "I heard something about Brocklehurst, yeah?"
Everybody laughed.
"Yeah, she was good. Nothing wrong with that," Theo said and sipped his drink.
The conversation went on.
"Do you want a sip?" Blaise asked and held up his beer.
"Yeah, thanks, you want wine?" I replied.
"No, you're all right," he laughed. "Fag. That's a bit too girly, isn't it."
I laughed, "I'm a girl though, Blaise!"
"Yeah that's what I meant, keep that to yourself, mate."
I laughed and gripped his beer and a had a sip.
He leaned in and whispered, "What's up with you and Draco?"
"Er... nothing, I suppose."
"Don't shit about. Don't be stupid," Blaise raised his eyebrows at me and slightly smiled.
I shook my head slightly. "Well, we got off a couple of days ago as I'm sure you know," I said lightly. "then he goes and says he's got to have his 'space' right now and 'chill'," I slightly mocked.
Blaise nodded. "And now he's not saying a word to me. So yeah... that's what's up." I finished.
"You're silly," Blaise grinned.
"Pardon?" I said.
"Probably irritated with Montague commenting you when you got undressed and the other lads looking at you, as well as frustrated for looking at you and thinking you look good," Miles claimed. "Perspective from a bloke, who's also best mates with this guy."
I rolled my eyes and sipped my wine. "Whatever."
A while later, I was up by the table, grabbing some crisps and getting a drink. I was getting a bit drunk and was feeling all right for once. Everyone gathered inside round the sofas to hang out, I sat down in Daphne's lap with a blanket wrapped around me, eating crisps from my hand.
Everyone decided that we should do a game, like I've never, or truth or dare.
"All right, let's vote then!" shouted Theo since nobody could decide.
First we voted I've never, and then the ones who wanted truth or dare put up their hand.
"You didn't even put up your hand!" Theo pointed accusingly at me and laughed.
"Well, I don't want to do either," I shrugged with a small smile.
"Oh come off it. Well truth or dare won," he announced. So..."
"Should we get like, a bottle to spin or somethin'?" said Tracey.
A moment later when everything was set, Theo spun the bottle and it stopped on himself.
"Well that's just not fair. Cant ask myself can i?"
A while later, I went outside for a smoke, not really enjoying the game, Miles came after me and lit one of his own.
"Feeling awkward?" he asked.
"Actually, I don't. I'm just a bit bored. And I don't want the bottle to stop at like me or Draco, and somebody saying like 'oo kiss Draco' or whatever and for everyone to like giggle and think that's really funny you know cos they've been together, ooo" I said with a mocking voice.
Miles laughed. "Well, why not? That's sort of fun."
I smiled and took a drag of my cigarette.
Draco and Theo came outside, laughing about something. The boys noticed me and Blaise, and lit their own cigarettes. I considered tossing my cigarette but I'd barely smoked half of it, so I stayed. How bad could it be?
"What are you lot laughing about, yeah?" said Miles to the pair.
"Daphne just sucked Cassius' face off," Theo informed us.
"Proper wet," Draco threw in, laughing.
"Dunno how you're friends with her," Theo said to me. "She's a horrible person."
I smiled. "You lot are friends with her too..."
"Proper attention whore," laughed Draco, ignoring me.
I finished my cigarette and went for the door, but Theo hastily said, "oi, hang on." I turned around. "How about we go in the jacuzzi?"
I hesitated. Draco and Blaise made agreeing sounds. I gave in. The boys got to the jacuzzi , threw their clothes off and jumped in, laughing and groaning of the warmth. I followed, carefully taking off my clothes and putting them on the chair. Swaying, I got in the jacuzzi and moaned: "fucking hell..." and grinned. "Feels so good." Everybody agreed. I sat down and emptied my glass of wine.
"So," said Theo. "Who will get off tonight, you reckon?" he looked from me to Draco, making me feel hot in the face.
Draco laughed boldly and swigged his beer.
"I reckoned Blaise and Daphne," said Miles, "He looked proper jealous when she sucked Cassius' face off."
Draco laughed again, sitting leaned back in the jacuzzi like a total dick.
"Yeah, there's something with old couples..." Theo said, winking at me.
It felt so set-up suddenly. I frowned. and couldn't help that I tiredly said: "What are you doing?"
Draco looked up.
Miles and Theo laughed, and I knew them so well I noticed that it looked like they were hiding something.
"What do you mean?" said Miles, while Theo said: "Nothing?"
"Yeah? Cos it seems like you're trying to do something," I said, not smiling anymore.
"Like what?"
"You know what," I said.
Theo cleared his throat.
Then Miles started laughing awkwardly.
"I just think... you know, my best friends together, what could go wrong?" said Miles then, kind of awkward-looking.
I looked at Draco. His face was unreadable, he just observed the scene.
"Yeah?" I said defiantly. "Well, just ask what your best mate thinks about that, yeah." And with that, I got up from the jacuzzi.
"Pansy," began Theo. "Don't -" said Miles.
But I already had my back to them, on my way towards the entrance, wrapped in a towel. Wankers.
I went to the loo and explained to Tracey who snorted and said. "Well before they try to wingman their best mate, why don't they pick a girl that he actually wants to get together with… or better yet, make him want to get together with anyone. He just wants to get off honestly. And he can do that with any other girl, so why insist on doing it with you, which he knows hurts you? He's a dick."
We went out of the loo and the boys just got in from outside and the jacuzzi, and I tried to avoid them but Miles hurried up to me as I poured another drink.
"Mate, that wasn't what we meant... you know , he had nothing to do with it."
"I don't want to hear, I don't care" I said hastily and held up my hands and tried to walk off, but he followed.
"No honestly, I'm sorry, all right, it was well dumb, it's just you know I love you both and I want..." he trailed off.
"Yeah exactly," I said. "You want."
I walked off and left him standing there.
Tracey and I joined the group at the sofas and sat down. I was slightly shaking.
The game of truth or dare was still going on – I sat watching for a while.
Then bottle stopped at Blaise. "Truth or dare mate?" Flint asked him. I sipped my drink, glad the bottle never stopped on me. "Dare," Blaise said.
"Give Pansy a dare," sniggered Flint. I looked up. Fucktards. Suppose everybody was in on it. What was this?
"Hmm," said Blaise. "Yeah, all right. Go up to Draco and kiss him."
I gave them a sarcastic look. And then, to everyone's surprise, I got up angrily and walked over to the drinks table where Draco, Miles and Theo were standing talking. I grabbed Draco by his neck and turned him to me and kissed him, with the whole room of our friends watching.
For a long time, I grabbed him and continued kissing him to his surprise and to everyone's surprise.
And then I stopped, poured in me the rest of my drink, gave Miles and Theo a look and raised my hands as in defeat, as in to say "you happy?" angrily. Then I turned on my heel and went out for a smoke.
Theo stepped outside. "I'm sorry, all right. Why did you kiss him for anyway?"
I didn't answer. I was shaking.
"You got dared I suppose? I'm sorry... it's just... you know we all want it."
I turned to him, and let it all out. "Since when did everything between me and Draco become your business? Since when did our non-existent relationship become between you lot? It's just so immature and childish and— argh! That you even do this. Just fucking leave it alone!"
"Okay, yeah, I get it," he said bitterly. "I'm sorry, Pansy."
Draco and Blaise came outside. Fuck. I looked away and took a drag of my cigarette.
Blaise gave an awkward laugh. "Okay, sorry, mate," he said to me. Luckily Draco understood why I kissed him, Blaise must've explained.
"It's just.. I know you've got feelings for her, mate," he said to Draco. My face felt hot.
"Merlin!" I exclaimed. "Leave it will you? This is embarrassing!"
Draco laughed boldly. "You're right, Blaise! Little Draco does!" he motioned towards his dick.
Blaise sniggered, and Theo snorted: "You're disgusting."
"Well, you know, he never really gets tired," Draco continued. He was drunk. "You know, he's been in there countless times but he's always up for more."
I gaped.
The boys grinned tiredly, knowing him too well and made him sit down in front of me.
I got up and stomped on my cigarette, I wasn't about to stay. "No, no, no, Pans, just sit down and talk to him!" said Theo and with hands on my shoulders, he led me back to my seat.
"Yeah, Pansy, stay," said Draco sarcastically and too drunk.
I felt like I could tear up.
"Now talk!" Blaise said and the two left.
It was silent for a while and he looked at me with dim eyes, he looked tired and too drunk.
I lit a cigarette and said straight out: "You're a dick."
He sniggered. "Weeell... you know me best."
I frowned at him.
"Yeah," he cleared. "So if you say so, then its probably true."
I sighed. "What are you doing?" I said.
"Right now, or...?" he grinned.
I gave him a look that silence him.
"Fuck do I know," he muttered. "I hate being with you," he suddenly whined.
I gaped.
"I hate it when you're around..." he finished. I got up and went for the door, feeling like I could vomit and trust me it wasn't alcohol-related. "No don't go..." he said then.
"You just told me you hate it when I'm there, so I'd think I'm making you a big favour right now," I said irritatedly, my hand on the door. I felt a lump in my throat threatening to explode into tears in my eyes.
"No," he whined. "That's not what I mean... You know what I mean..."
I looked at him and then he fell head forward straight into the surface of the table with his face. I sighed and went inside. Blaise and Theo and them were waiting just inside looking hopeful and I said bitterly: "He fell asleep."