9

This autumn hasn't been a good one. My life nowadays makes me cringe.

This will be the end of my story, if you so will. The story of Draco and I has to end. Looking back, thinking back on when we first got together, what, two years ago now, it feels incredibly odd. I've changed so much. As has he, and the rest of our friends. Life has changed.

I can't believe how naive I was sometimes.
I can't believe it was years ago. Sometimes it still feels like last week. When we were together for the first time, when it was good. Before all the games began.

But we've really grown up. We're not those kids anymore, skiving school and smoking 'cos it was cool. I was so insecure, I was so sad at times. I thought Draco was God and that he treated me as a goddess.

I'll say it again. How naive I was.

Well. Draco had another girl on the hook and she seemed to really like him as well. It made me feel sick. I cursed myself for never being able to let go of him. I wanted out, but at the same time not. I had, irregardless, come back yet another time. How many was it this time? We had probably broken up and gotten together at least ten times already, without exaggerating.

As I mentioned, I distanced myself from that entire crowd for a couple of days, just not wanting to have anything to do with the boys. After that Friday I went out to have a few lagers with the girls – Daphne, Tracey, Aurelia, Millicent and a couple of girls from the year below us and the year above, named Mathilda Greenford, Scarlett Bishop, Molly Williams and Felicia Lympsham. Girls' night out. It was fun, it took my mind off Draco and his accusations and his new girl. It was obvious he didn't want me; he made that rather clear. But then again, said girl had told me that he just dumped her. I was incredibly confused. I was afraid to act, because everything that came from Draco himself showed me how much he despised me, but from everyone else's point of views - he loved me.

What to believe? I wondered. But fuck it. Nothing would happen anyway. It was over. How many times would I let him do this before I decided it was enough?
As I finished my lager and casually chatted on with the girls I tried to block it out from my mind.

But of course. The lads entered. There they all were, Theo, Blaise, Crabbe, Goyle, Marcus, Montague, Pucey, Warrington, Bole, Derrick, Urquhart and Higgs. And Draco. I had not seen the latter for days and the mere sight of him made my heart flutter. I hated that he had that affect on me. I could not help to think how good he looked, in a proper shirt and without a slag on his arm. The girls all called to greet the boys, and they came to sit with us. As I hugged all the others, I was afraid Draco would make another scene, embarrassing me and make it clear he felt disgusted by me. I didn't think I could handle another one of them.

Draco didn't say hello to me – unsurprisingly – but sat down, ordered a lager and pulled his hat down over his eyes. He seemed like he was in a bad mood. I decided to ignore him and be pretend like I didn't care that he was there, and just be with my friends and the other lads.

I went out for a fag with Daphne, Mathilda and Felicia. Daphne immediately started talking as we came outside and I lit my cigarette.

"You know that Draco's dumped that girl, yeah? And you know what Blaise told me, yes we've been hanging out more I think he actually likes me!" she giggled, but realised she was off topic and began again. "Anyway, yeah, he told me Draco really wants to get with you, and that he wants to stop playing this little 'game' or whatever it is you're doing!" She was almost choking when she was finished. She became too excited sometimes.

"Well," I said rolling my eyes. "That's just well sweet, but I'm done playing that game too, and you can tell Blaise that I don't intend to get off with Draco more than I intend to get off with Vincent."
Mathilda laughed loudly.

"Well, don't be so aggressive!" Daphne said, "Why not? He wants it now finally, you should be glad!"

I frowned at her. I shook my head and stomped on my cigarette and went for the door.
Was it that obvious? Did everyone know I still liked him? Bloody hell.

I passed Theo Blaise Montague Higgs and Draco on my way in, making sure not to make eye contact with anyone of them and just hurrying to sit back at the table. To think they used to be my best friends, I thought bitterly.

Me and Tracey ordered a couple of shots each and took them by the bar. Then we went back to sit down at the table. Daphne and the girls had now come back in.
I sat down in the sofa, and the boys came back in from smoking, Draco sat down in the sofa where I sat, but Theo sat down in-between us.
We just hang out for a while, the group, I just ignored Draco.

Then Theo went to order a few beers and to the loo, so Draco was suddenly next to me, leaned back and ignoring me.

We sat like that for a while, I just focused on drinking.

He sat next to me and hadn't talked to me. And then suddenly I heard his derisive voice. I was slightly surprised.

"Where's your boy?"

I turned to him and met his eyes, they were looking at me as if he didn't care. I said shortly, "one night thing... What happened to your girl?" I retorted quickly.

"Which one?" he countered.

That one stung. "The one you accused me of talking crap to."

"Right. Well I was over it."

By it, I supposed he meant what she had between her legs. I sighed inwardly.

"Right."

"What's that to you, then?"

I didn't answer. Then we ignored each other.

Theo came back but didn't take his place between me and Draco, which I cursed him for. I didn't want to sit next to Draco. I knew he would just keep on condescending me.

The group kept hanging out, drinking and joking.

About two hours later, around 1 am, we were all rather plastered I think, I was at least. Draco and I hadn't spoken for two hours. I'd just been up dancing with the girls, and when I sank back into the sofa again, sipping my drink and fanning myself with my hand, hot, Draco talked to me for the first time in hours.

"What do you want from me, Pansy?"

I turned to him, confused, and I only frowned at him. He rolled his eyes and sipped his lager. "Fucking hell, since I saw you that night for the first time since last year... you know a few weeks ago."

"Yeah?" I nodded. He seemed hostile but at the same time inviting.

"And I kissed some bird in front of you"

I frowned, "and you insulted me in front of everyone. And you spilled your beer all over me, and laughed."

Draco laughed loudly. "Yeah that night"

"What about it?" I said shortly, not feeling like laughing at all.

"I dissed that girl for you"

"Oh that was a big sacrifice, thanks mate"

"I'm not your fucking mate," he said, slapping me on the head. "And I was near you all the time, I played with your hair and I gave you a massage..."

"And then when I was leaving, you came up to me to say something, and I could barely make out the words 'are you leaving, thought we'd shag'" I said pointedly. It made him laugh loudly in that way again. It frustrated me.

"Bloody hell, you're dense."

"Well, you're a dick."

I turned my back to him and we didn't speak any more. We left soon after that. I was sick of him. He was going nowhere.