10
Only know you love her when you let her go. And you let her go
So Draco was being a proper dick and only wanted to have sex, or so it seemed.
But evenings went on and we ran into each other out at the pub several times, not to mention how we saw each other in classes all day long, but in Hogwarts he wasn't as talkative. And I could not help but to notice that he was flirting with me. He just wouldn't give up, I reckoned. I supposed he wanted one last shag with me, that it was some sort of mission of his. Seemed likely.
Easter holidays came along and we all left school. One night, the first night of holidays he sent me an express owl message while I was just having tea with mum. It all felt so odd. He hadn't sent me anything for a year. The only reason we'd seen each other lately was because our friends set it up. But now he contacted me willingly. He asked if I wanted to sneak outside with him for a smoke, meet up and have a walk. I just doubted that there was no other of his friends who could manage to squeeze in a five minute walk with him, so I reckoned there was something on his mind. It had to be. Before I worked up myself and got nervous, I told mum what it said and she seemed unfamiliarised with the idea of me going out on the first night home – we hadn't even had dinner together yet, but I sent Draco an answer back with the express owl. Yes.
I was shaking when I heard the doorbell. I hurried to open, and he was standing outside in the darkness. I acknowledged him with a "hiya", and then shouted: "Mum, I'm off out!"
I stepped outside and closed the door behind me. He gave me a short hug and said: "All right?"
"Yeah, you?" I asked as I lit my cigarette. He did the same.
"Yeah," he said. We began walking down the cobbled walk leading up to my house. I felt unsure of myself and found nothing to say. We walked round the area on the country road.
He kept talking, about school and friends and just casual things. I just answered and asked "you?"
It wasn't like those two years ago, when wherever you went out, you'd run into all of the boys just out wandering. Everyone had lives now.
We walked into the town closest to my manor, and strolled around there for a while, it was practically deserted except for noises down from the pub. I was careful not to even brush-up against him. I didn't want any physical contact because that would just make me want him.
On the way back towards my house again, I stopped to tie my shoelace. He took the opportunity to ruffle my hair.
"Stop doing that, I hate that," I laughed out blamingly.
"But I like it," he said.
"It's condescending" I said
"Exactly," he grinned. I rolled my eyes and cursed myself for never being able to keep that smile from my face. He drew it out of me. I got up and we kept walking.
"Are you cold?" he said then.
"A bit," I admitted.
"Want to warm up in my Jacuzzi?"
I didn't know what I'd gotten myself into – why couldn't I just say no? I wondered as I watched the water in the Jacuzzi heat up and begin to bubble. But I had him for myself and I didn't want it to end. We had walked back to the pub and used their fireplace to Floo to the Malfoys summer house in Torquay. His parents hadn't seen us, they probably weren't home anyway, conveniently. I was undergoing a mental dilemma - would I let something happen tonight or not? What would it mean if something did happen? Would he just not talk to me afterwards, again? Or did he really want me, and not just sexually?
"There you go." Draco came up behind me and tossed me a towel. On my head. Always so charming.
"Thanks," I replied slightly sarcastic. He stuck his hand in the water, but decided: "Not hot enough."
I was leaning against their outdoor table and he sat down in one of the chairs, lighting a cigarette. I decided to ease up a little, so I sat down and lit one too. The view is brilliant from up there, you can see the town and the beach and all the lights. It's like you're on top of the world. I watched this as I smoked.
"Long time since you were here," he commented.
"Not really..." I gave him a look and he remember the night on Christmas holidays when we'd all been round his drinking and going in the Jacuzzi. And he had said he hated it when I was around and that only his dick had feelings for me. Lovely memory.
He laughed. "Oh right, forgot about that night."
I rolled my eyes.
"I always say weird things when I'm drunk..." he commented.
"That's because you're a dick."
He laughed again. "Stop saying that! You say that all the time."
"Because it's true.." I mumbled.
"You kissed me that night," he said suddenly, slightly teasing.
I looked away, my cheeks hot and my heart beating fast. I could feel his eyes burning. "For a dare," I said pointedly.
He only laughed. "You're cute when you blush," he teased.
"Even if I am, you're not allowed to say that." I got up and went to feel the water. It was warm. Draco was still sitting by the table, and I pulled my jumper over my head. He watched me. I took of my jeans and climbed inside, saying: "Are you coming or not?"
He laughed again and unbuttoned his shirt and slacks, leaving him in boxers. I didn't look.
He came into the jacuzzi, groaning because of the heat.
"Feels so god," I mumbled, moving my arms in the water. Draco smirked.
His body hadn't been that close for a very long time, expect for last time we were in that Jacuzzi with everyone else a few weeks ago but then I hadn't seen him so close-up, and it hadn't been just us two. Although we were at opposite ends of the jacuzzi.
"D'you want a lager or something, by the way?" he asked and leaned over the top of the Jacuzzi to their big ice box next to it. I heard bottles clinking.
"Are you having one?" I asked
"Yeah," he said and before I'd answered he closed the ice box and picked up two bottles, and he opened them both with his teeth and handed me one of them.
"Thanks," I said.
"No problem." He gulped down half of his beer in a few seconds.
He put his arms up on the top of the jacuzzi, always that leaned-back self-assured way. We were sitting face to face, more than a meter in between us. I didn't dare to get too close.
"Remember," he said laughing, "When we were here, had a spliff and fucked all over the hot tub?"
My heart started beating. At least he broke the ice, I thought. I rolled my eyes as a reply.
He gave a questioning sort of look.
"No," I laughed out. "We're not having a spliff!"
"Whatever," he grinned, eyes closed and head leaned back. "You're so boring."
"Yeah, why did you want to hang out then..."
"I didn't, I just wanted to take a short walk. Then you were cold so I had to dragged you up here..."
"Oh that's how it is, is it?" I said, responding his quirky smile.
We were silent for a while. It was getting round 11 and mum would be wondering where I was. Yet I didn't want to leave.
"Why are you so far away?" he said then, with his cheeky smile.
My heart was beating fast because of the way he was looking at me. I didn't really have a cheeky answer so I just said: "I dunno..."
"Do you want a massage?" he said. I wasn't going to let him use his get-laid-tricks on me. I wasn't like those other girls.
"No, I'm all right," I smiled pointedly. He laughed.
"You're impossible," he said.
"Why is it so important to give me a massage?" I raised my eyebrows, teasing. That silenced him. He shook his head, grinning.
That night I used my head, and nothing happened. We stayed at two different ends of the Jacuzzi and had one beer each, and spoke a little about casual things like school and that. Then I got dried up, got dressed and hugged him goodbye, I assured him he didn't have to Floo with me and walk me home.
It was best that way.
But the next night, he Owled me again. We met up and had a short walk again. I wondered where all of this was going. Why was he doing this? We were talking casually just as friends and I wondered why. It was dark and cold outside. We went round the Malfoy Quidditch pitch, rusty hoops high up in the air. The sky was dark, dark blue.. We didn't just pass the bludger around a bit for fun, no we started playing a one on one match immediately, tackling and dribbling each other on our brooms. Until the sky was black and filled with stars and we were sweaty despite the cold. Draco scored a goal and pulled his shirt off, running in a circle with his arms up past the small stand as if it was filled with people and he had scored in the world cup.. It made me laugh. He came and picked me up and swung me around.
Then I sat down at a bench at the side of the field, and I started kicking the ball loosely, he kicked it back to me, and we kicked it back and forth while talking. It was such a brilliant evening, and I got reminded yet again why I like him so much. He bounced the ball on his knees back and forth, looking very focused and holding up his arm for balanced, like a Muggle football player, but he dropped it. I admired him so much. I was sitting on the bench tying my shoes but instead I just watched him.
Then we started walking away from there.
"Are you hungry?" he asked me.
"A bit," I said.
"Mum's making lots of food 'cos they're having some friends round. You can eat round my place if you want to."
"I mean, if you're having guests..."
"No it's not like that, we know them really well so it wouldn't be weird," he assured.
"Well, yeah, alright," I shrugged.
He kept on making excuses for me to come around his place, and I kept on accepting them. We went over the green to the Manor. We hung our robes in the hall and took off our shoes, and then walked out to the garden where they all were. Draco had his hands on my shoulders, it felt weird, he wasn't my boyfriend anymore, he wasn't allowed to be that sweet and touchy and as if he was proudly showing me off.
His dad, Lucius, was at the barbecue while the other adults were at the big, fancy table, Narcissa and a middle-aged couple. It was a good mood. His mum completely lit up when she saw me.
Narcissa hurried up embraced me. "How lovely to see you!"
She began asking me a bunch of questions, while Draco resumed his previous position - standing behind me with his arms around my neck, almost choking me, his body pressed up against mine. I both found it uncomfortable and extremely enjoyable. Like some sort of boyfriend.
"How are you? It's been so long! What have you been up to?"
Then I was introduced to the other couple, and shouted hello to his father who cheerfully replied from over at the grill. Me, Draco and his mum sat down at the table and the conversation kept on going. Narcissa passed him the bottle of white wine and he poured some for me and him.
His father came from the grill with a big plate of meet, sausages and grilled vegetables, looking delicious. We began eating and it was a really pleasant time. Draco was being so sweet, making sure I got everything, passing me salad and wine and everything all the time. Taking care of me.
Later, when the food was eaten, Draco poured himself and me another glass of wine and brought up his pack of cigarettes on the table, and pulled one out. "Can I?" he casually looked at his parents, while not waiting for an answer because he put it in his mouth right away. His mother gave him a stern look, but waved it off.
Draco noticed I had goosebumps and was slightly shaking from the chilliness in the air. With the cigarette in his mouth, he got out: "Oh, are you cold? Hang on," and he leaned over to pick up a blanket, and he wrapped it around my shoulders. He was so sweet. He ashed his cigarette as his mother spoke.
"It's so nice to see you two back together," his mother smiled, looking at me. Draco laughed.
"We're not," I said unsurely, feeling awkward. They all looked surprised. His mum tried to make eye contact with Draco as if to silently communicating to ask what was going on, but he ignored them all.
"Oh," his mum said and gave a laugh, and the conversation kept on going.
After dinner, the house-elves came out and brought in all the dishes and that to the kitchen. Me and Draco went inside, and all of a sudden he pinned me up against the wall in the hall. "Do you have to leave?" he asked, slightly pouting teasingly.
I couldn't tell him that yes, I had to leave. I just couldn't.
"Come on, I've got to show you something," he let me go and walked ahead of me towards the stairs down to the basement. I had no choice but to follow. We walked down the stairs into his "man cave" that I recall him calling it.
"Look at that beauty," he said, grinning, motioning towards a new big Muggle flat screen. "I just love it."
I nodded appreciatively. He went and put it on to "show me". I had no choice but to sit down in his sofa. There were old beer cans on the table and an old pizza box.
"You're such a pig, Draco."
He laughed. "Well, sorry about that. I'll throw it away in a minute I promise. Just see this."
He put on COD on his Xbox. I rolled my eyes. Lucius spoiled him way too much.
"See that definition, it's sick!" he bragged. He sat down on the sofa next to me and put his feet up on the table. He played one match, talking continuously about the definition and clearness of the screen and exclaiming because of the game.
"Whatever, I don't want to sit here watching you play COD, you idiot," I said, laughing and hitting him on the head. He dove from my hands while playing and shouting out. "Oh my God, did you see that!"
"No I didn't, I don't want to!" I protested.
He laughed. "Let me just finish." he looked very concentrated for a while. Then it was over and he put away the control and asked me: "What do you want to do then?"
"Not play COD," I teased.
"D'you want to put on some sappy romance film?" he raised his eyebrows, daring me.
"No!" I laughed. He put on the telly and zapped between the channels. We were closer in the sofa now, our arms against each other. He was leaning onto me, I felt it.
He picked up my legs and placed them up on his lap. "Comfy?" he asked.
"Yeah."
I think we watched the Inbetweeners (there was some marathon on) for about two hours. Draco was working himself and me up, by small things like playing with my hair and stroking my leg while watching. I couldn't tell if it was out of love or lust. By the end, I was hot.
"You're so pretty," he told me, playing with my hair.
"Thank you," I couldn't help but to smile.
"You make me mental," he mumbled. It sent a tingle through my body. I still didn't know in what way he meant it. I just kept on smiling.
"Don't smile like that or I'll eat you up," he laughed. He grabbed me and pulled me closer. "God, you make me mental," he repeated. He moved in to kiss me and I kissed him back, blissful and dizzy, it felt really sudden and odd. Surprising, but at the same time not because of how he'd been cosy with me all night. Finally I thought. The first time we kissed because we wanted to (not because I got dared and was angry and wanted to show everyone off) for a year.
His kiss was harsh, firm like he knew exactly where it was leading. He broke away, and kissed my cheeks and all over my face and my neck, while his hands were casually stroking my sides and back. He switched positions, pulled me down over him as he leaned back. We kept on kissing passionately, I couldn't keep away, I couldn't stop touching his neck and his chest, holding him tight while he had his hands on my hips.
"I want you," he mumbled. We kept kissing. My heart was pounding in my chest. "I want to see you," he mumbled in-between kisses. He pulled of my top and I giggled, I saw the look in his eyes, and he flipped me over harshly so I was on my back. I brought my leg up to make him come closer. I was getting excited, and I unbuttoned his shirt sloppily and quickly, and he threw it away. It felt weird lying in bra and jeans, so I unbuttoned my jeans and crawled out of them. We kept kissing and he was going mental, the only thing between us was my knickers and his jeans and boxers...
"I want to get inside you, now," he mumbled hoarsely, while kissing. He fumbled with my bra and got it off finally and just took one look down at me. He shook his head and grinned. He kissed my breasts and down my stomach and my thighs, teasing me. He placed a kiss right between my legs, and then tugged my knickers and I let him take them off and toss them aside. He licked me and it was like heaven. He had certainly gotten better since we were together, and I didn't want to think about why. I didn't care how dirty the sofa was or how many girls he'd been with, I wanted him right there and then and I couldn't wait anymore.