Hope you enjoyed chapter one!
Ch. 2 Throwing Ashes In The Pixie Dust
"Uh, yeah I had this book to read and an article to write on the author. Sorry I missed your call, I stayed at the office late to get some work done. My phone died at my desk, I came home and put my phone on the charger, but I fell asleep. I hope I didn't worry you," I ramble an apology and hope he doesn't realize I'm sort of lying and holding back..
"No, I figured you were caught up in work, the way you get. How's Lucian?"
"Still at your parents, I lost track of time last night, I didn't call them and it's too early too call now. How was the game last night?"
"We won, and we're leaving for Anaheim tomorrow night."
"Anaheim? When's your next home game?"
"If we beat Anaheim then I'll be home next weekend."
"I'm sure you'll beat them, you're the best," I reply forcing a smile onto my lips, so that he'll hear it in my voice.
"I have to get ready, we have breakfast and practice soon. Video chat tonight?"
"Yeah, text me later. I love you," I tell Owen. I mean it, I love Owen with all my heart, what happened last night is something he can never know about.
"I love you too," Owen says and hangs up.
I feel suddenly sick, having spoken to my husband, heard his voice, heard him tell me he loves me, I feel nothing but guilt. I go into the washroom and turn on the shower, the warm water feels good, but does nothing to clear my head. Instead I start thinking about Owen, the times we've spent in this shower. Then, for whatever reason, my mind takes me back to last night and thinking about Eli. I get out of the shower quickly, turning off the water and wrapping a towel around me. I hear my cell phone ringing in the bedroom, I run in and pick it up. I didn't look at the caller ID, I thought it was Owen's parents.
"Hello?"
"Where'd you go?" Eli questions, his voice is laced with hurt and wanting at the same time. "I thought you were going to spend the day with me?" His voice is full of hope and yearning.
"I don't think that's a good idea Eli, I'm a happily married woman. Last night was…"
"Amazing," Eli says cutting me off.
"Well, yes b…"
"Spend the day with me Clare. Don't tell me you have to go into work, you're a journalist, tell them you have another story to work on. Tell them you need to interview me some more, whatever it takes. It's just the day, I'm not asking you to run off with me, just come spend the day."
I bite my lip rolling it between my teeth, considering his proposition. I know it's wrong, I know I shouldn't, but there's a part of me that very much wants to.
"I'll call you back in a moment," I tell Eli and hang up. A voice in the back of my mind, a voice that sounds very much like Owen, tells me not to call him back. To get dressed and go into work, and ignore Eli's calls. Even as this voice censures me I call his parents.
"Hello?"
"Hi Sherri, I didn't wake you did I?"
"No Dear, I was just getting up and about to put on coffee."
"Good, I'm sorry I didn't call last night I got very caught up in work. How's Lucian?"
"Wonderful, he had a great time yesterday. He's such a happy little boy, you know we love having him here. Did you get all your work done?"
"Actually no, I'm working on a feature. If it's not too much trouble could you keep him again?"
"Of course Honey, you get you're work done and don't worry at all about Lucian. We'll take good care of him, he wanted to go to the zoo today."
"Thanks, hug him for me, I'll come get him tonight, maybe tomorrow." I say goodbye to my mother-in-law and hang up, then immediately call Eli. "Where should I meet you?"
"Come to my place again."
"I'll be there in an hour," I reply and hang up.
I call the office and tell them I'm following a lead and I'm not sure when or if I'll be in. I follow leads a lot, sometimes for several days, and they don't always lead to a story. I simply have to check in with work a couple times so they know I'm alive. I get dressed and ready for anything, unsure of what Eli has planned. My mind must be compartmentalizing because I don't think of Owen or Lucian at all as I drive to Eli's place. I don't even have to buzz his apartment, Eli is waiting for me outside the apartment.
"Come," he says holding out his hand.
I take his hand, he puts his arm around me and we walk down the street. We spend all morning visiting these little art galleries, and then we go to this wonderful bookshop, filled with old books. There's a café attached and that's where we have lunch. We walk back through a park and then go up to his apartment. He makes us coffee and reads me some of his earliest writings. Some of them are very sad, like the poems and short stories he wrote just after Julia died. The last thing he reads me is quite different from everything else.
"That was a very scintillating poem, did you write it for Julia?" I ask as he sets the paper down.
"I wrote it for you, this morning," Eli tells me and I bite my lip. "I'm going to put you in my next story, if it's alright with you of course. I want you to be the love interest, a beautiful, sexy, brilliant writer."
"I thought you said that your characters were all bits and pieces of people you knew. That you never based a character on a single person before?"
"I never have before, but you're different Clare, you inspire me like no one ever has. I could write an entire book about you."
I blush and bite my lip, Eli leans forward brushing a curl behind my ear as his lips overtake mine. I release my lip with a breath as I relax into the kiss. I grip the back of his neck and he leans me back on the sofa. His tongue sliding in between my lips and his hand lifting up my shirt and caressing my skin gently. I quiver and my muscles tighten, his hand glides up my skin and under my bra. He squeezes my breast gently, I moan into the kiss and he pulls his hand away breaking the kiss.
"Let's move to the bed," Eli says standing up.
I just nod and follow him, there's no alarms in my head, no voices telling me this is a bad idea. If there are they are being silenced by my instinct and carnal desire. I follow Eli to his bed and he lies me down, he gets me undressed and then undresses himself. He gets on the bed, kissing up my leg as he gets into position. He thrusts right in, hard and commanding and I make a moaning whimper. We spend all afternoon in bed, he brings me to orgasm three times. By early evening I'm spent and exhausted, and also starving.
"Let's make some dinner, after that workout I should at least feed you," Eli smiles.
"Thanks I'm starving, but I'm not sure I can stand just yet," I reply.
"Take your time, I'll get things started, just come out naked," Eli says placing a soft kiss on my breast.
He gets up and goes into the kitchen naked. I lie in the bed a few more minutes before standing. We make chicken in a white wine sauce with green beans and rice. It's quite good, and we eat naked at the table.
"I'll help you clean," I offer taking my dishes to the sink.
"No, we can do that later, come back to bed, we have all night," Eli says turning me around to take my lips.
"Eli, I'm exhausted after that and I have to go pick up my son," I remind him.
"No, stay the night with me again, we belong together Clare."
"Eli I'm married, I have a son, you knew that. I have a life, one I can't drop after a tryst, fun and thrilling though it was, it was a mistake," I tell him firmly.
"A MISTAKE! HOW CAN YOU SAY IT WAS A MISTAKE! GET OUT," Eli screams and storms off to the washroom.
He slams the door and I hear noises. I can see his silhouette through the frosted glass, he seems to just be pacing around and ranting angrily. I grab my things, and dress quickly, deciding the best thing I can do now is leave.
"Wait," Eli says in a pleading voice just as I'm heading for the door. "I'm sorry for before, I just don't want you to leave. Can you blame me? I finally meet an amazing woman, one that enchants and excites me. It's my bad luck that she's already married. I'm sorry for yelling, can I ask one favor before you leave?"
"What is it?" I ask turning to look at him. He's still naked, but he's standing with his head down and his arms behind his back like he's repentant.
"One last kiss before you leave?"
"Okay," I nod walking over to him. I lean in for a kiss and he leans in, my eyes close. I feel his arms come around me and something wet and warm on my skin. I grab his hand and step back, seeing that he's sliced across his wrists with some kind of blade. "Eli," I gasp pulling him to the kitchen.
"You wanted to leave me, life without you isn't worth living," he says.
I see he's done the same to his other wrist, I get them both under the water to wash the cuts. Then I take a bunch of paper towels holding them on Eli's wrists. He slashed across and not down, either he didn't know what he was doing or he only meant to hurt himself and not kill himself.
"Eli, what did you use? I need to take you to the hospital."
"No, no hospitals I can't stand them. Just stay with me please, I'll be alright if you stay with me tonight," Eli begs.
"Alright, I'll stay, but if you continue bleeding or something I'm taking you into the hospital. Come into the washroom, you have first-aide supplies don't you?"
"In the medicine cabinet and under the sink," Eli tells me.
Keeping the paper towels firmly on his wrists I bring him into the washroom. I lift one hand from his wrist, the paper towel is partially soaked with blood and sticks to my hand a little. I have to get bandages on him and see how deep they are. Using the paper towel to wipe the blood I look at his wrist, it doesn't look like he cut very deep. He should be okay without going to the hospital, I see what he cut himself with. Looks like a small pocket knife, and I can't guarantee it's clean, but he refuses to go to the hospital.
With few options I find some gauze and tie it around his other wrist. I just need to keep the paper towel around his wrist while I bandage the other one. He's still bleeding, but it's slowing down, the blood is clotting. I'll have to watch it though, of course I already told him I'd stay with him tonight. I wipe away as much of the blood as I can, clean it with rubbing alcohol which makes Eli hiss. I slather it with anti-bacterial ointment, and then put a gauze pad on it and wrap it with gauze.
One wrist taken care of I do the same to the other wrist. His robe is in here, so I wrap him in it and bring him to the bed. I tuck him in and go to the kitchen to get him some water. He takes the water, drinks a few sips and sets the glass down.
"You'll stay with me all night right?" Eli questions.
"Yes, Eli, I'll stay all night. I'll be right back, I promise, I just need to call my mother-in-law and ask them to keep Lucian overnight again," I tell him.
He nods and I go out to the living room grabbing my purse from where I dropped it earlier. As the only semi-private place is the washroom I go in and shut the door. I call Sherri first and ask if they can take Lucian for the night again I lie and tell her that I'm not feeling well, she says it's no problem and to take care of myself. I have a missed call, video call, and text from Owen.
Owen: Sorry I missed you Babe. We'll try again tomorrow night.
Clare: Sorry Love, I think I ate something bad and I'm not feeling well. Tomorrow night, early so Lucian can talk too.
I put my phone back in my purse and set it on the sofa. I check on Eli, tell him to get some sleep, and that I'm going clean the kitchen. Eli turns on the TV and watches from his bed. I clean the kitchen and he's asleep when I'm done. I check the bandages, he's stopped bleeding. I think about leaving, but I worry what he'll do if he wakes up and I'm not here. So, I take a blanket and go to the sofa, setting an alarm for 4:30AM. It's pretty early, and it's been an exhausting day, but I can't seem to sleep. Eventually, I do fall asleep from sheer exhaustion, but it's restless and light. When my alarm goes off I don't feel rested, but I'm not going to sleep here. I start some coffee, get dressed and gather all my things. When the coffee is ready I pour a cup for Eli and go to his bed.
"Eli wake up," I say shaking him gently. He stirs a little and sits up a bit, I hand him the coffee. "How do you feel?"
"Better, I'm sorry about last night. I was afraid of losing you, I wasn't thinking," Eli apologizes before taking a sip of coffee.
"Eli I'm not yours to lose. I'm married, I have a son, and you knew that. If we had met before Owen and I did it might be different. I want you to see someone Eli, talk to a psychiatrist. You can't hurt yourself because you're afraid of losing someone Eli. Please Eli I'm worried about you," I plead with him.
"I'll talk to someone," Eli nods.
"Good, I have to go now. I have to go home and change and go get Lucian."
"Clare, can I ask a favor? If I talk to someone, could I get in touch with you sometime to let you know how I'm doing?"
"I guess that would be alright," I nod.
He smiles and I leave as fast as I can without just bolting out the door. I'm almost shaking, and all I want to do is hold my son, and be in Owen's arms. I can't be in Owen's arms at all, he's too far away, and it's too early to pick up Lucian. I go home, shower, get rid of my clothes with blood on them, and get dressed again. First thing I do is check in with Amber, I know she'll be awake, she's always up by 4.
"Hi Clare, how'd that lead go yesterday?"
"Still working on it, I have a bunch of phone calls to make and I've been days without Lucian. I'm gonna make the phone calls from home if that's okay?"
"Yeah, that's fine. If I have anything for you I'll call or e-mail. That article on Elijah Goldsworthy is fantastic, we're turning it into a three-part feature."
"Great, he was very talkative, there was a lot to write about. I'll check in later this afternoon, thanks Amber." I hang up with Amber and call Sherri. "Hi Sherri, I know it's early, but I'm going to be working from home today and I really miss Lucian."
"He's been missing you too. I'll get him up and get him ready, I know he'll be happy to see you."
"Thanks, I'll be there in twenty minutes," I tell her and hang up. I gab my purse and go out to my car, it's a nice easy drive to my in-laws at this hour. I ring the bell and I hear Lucian running for the door, my father-in-law opens it first.
"Hi Clare."
"Hi Gary," I smile hugging him.
"Mommy," Lucian grins running into my arms.
"Hi Sweetie, were you a good boy for Grandma and Grandpa?" I ask as he hugs me tightly.
"Yeah, we went to the zoo, and I saw pambas, an monkeys, an famingos, an…"
"You can tell Mommy all about it on the way home," Sherri interrupts him handing me his bag with his things in it. He's here so often he has clothes and the essentials here. We only pack his favorite toys and blanket, things like that.
"Thanks for keeping him for so long. Work was crazy and I think I had food poisoning yesterday," I tell them.
"It was our pleasure Honey, we love having him here. Are you sure you're feeling better Clare, you do seem a bit pale."
"Yes, I'm feeling much better, anyway I'll be working at home all day."
"Well, you call us if you need us Honey, we know how hard it is on you when Owen is gone."
I thank my in-laws, we hug them again and I get Lucian into my car. He spends the whole drive home telling me about every single animal he saw at the zoo. Possibly, every single animal he can remember the name of. I let him out of his car seat when we get home, and he runs straight for the front door. I unlock it with my phone so he can get in, he runs in and straight to his room. When I walk in with his bag he's saying hello to all of his toys.
"When Daddy be home?" He asks sitting on his bed to kick off his shoes.
"Soon, Daddy will be home soon," I assure my son with a smile. "He's going to video chat tonight so you can talk to him and see him. Why don't we make some pancakes for breakfast?"
"Yeah!" Lucian says excitedly.
He runs for the kitchen and we start making pancakes. After he eats I let him watch TV while I clean up. As I wasn't really chasing a lead yesterday I don't really have phone calls to make. I should probably get some work done though, so I get my laptop and sign into my work account. I work at the dining room table, so that I can keep an eye on Lucian.
I spend all day idly working, watching Lucian play. We make lunch together and he takes a nap after lunch. It's a pretty quiet day, but in the company of my son my affair and Eli slip to the back of my mind. So far back that I can almost forget about them. At least until Owen's picture pops up on my laptop as he video calls me. I click accept and just like that it all comes rushing in, I feel my cheeks get hot with shame, I hope Owen doesn't notice.
"Hey Gorgeous, I've missed you," Owen grins. As soon as Lucian hears his dad's voice he drops his blocks and comes running over.
"I've missed you too," I smile at my husband.
"Daddy," Lucian says happily as he tries to climb into my lap. I bend over to pick Lucian up and put him in my lap.
"Hey Buddy, are you looking out for Mommy?"
"Uhhuh," Lucian nods, "G'mama an Ganpa took me to the zoo." Lucian spends the next twenty minutes telling Owen everything about his time with his grandparents. I hold Lucian on my lap, and try not to look at Owen.
I'm mostly looking at the back Lucian's head, running my fingers through his hair. Owen is focused on Lucian and isn't paying much attention to me. At least, not at first, I feel him looking at me though, pinching his eyebrows together.
"Hey Buddy, why don't you go play for a few minutes and let me talk to Mommy before I have to leave," Owen requests.
"Okay Daddy, I love you buh-bye," Lucian says and blows a kiss to Owen. He then slides off my lap and runs back to his toys.
"Are you okay?" Owen asks.
"Yeah, fine, I just miss you. It seems like you're gone for longer and longer stretches," I comment.
"This is only temporary, I can't play hockey forever and you know that. I should be home in a few days," Owen says.
"For a few days, and then you're gone again until the season is over. When you can't play anymore you're going to coach, that still means being on the road."
"Clare, we talked about this. I was recruited long before we were married, what do you want me to do?"
"Nothing," I sigh, "it's just hard when you're gone. Sometimes it's so long, and we can't come with you. I know this is what I signed up for when I married you, it's just hard."
"I know, but the more I do now the better off we'll be for the future. Maybe, I can take a local coaching job at a university or even a high school. I should get going, I'll see you in a couple of days, I love you."
"I love you too," I reply back with as much of a smile as I can muster and close the video chat box.
Lucian is happily playing, but I'm in a funk now. My argument with Owen, my tryst with Eli it's all weighing on me. It's nearly dinner time, but I don't feel like cooking, I ask Lucian if he wants pizza for dinner, which of course he does. So, I place an order and then my phone rings, it's Eli and I hit decline and he calls right back. He'll just keep calling back, so I give in and answer, but walk into the kitchen as I do so.
"Hi Eli."
"I saw a therapist today," he tells me and sounds quite proud of himself.
"That's good Eli, I'm glad you did that, but you can't just be calling me, my son is here."
"I'm getting better, the therapist will work with me and I'll get better, no more hurting myself."
"That's great Eli, I'm proud of you, but what we did was a mistake, you c…"
"STOP CALLING IT A MISTAKE! WHAT WE HAVE IS AMAZING, ONCE IN A LIFETIME."
"We don't have anything Eli, I had an affair and it was a mistake. Goodbye Eli," I say firmly, even though I'm shaking, and hang up. As soon as I hang up I hear a noise outside, it could be a coincidence, a stray cat or neighborhood dog. I'm not taking the chance though, not after hanging up on Eli. I make sure the security lights outside are on, and make another phone call. "Can you come over?"
Update soon picking up from right here. Next story to be updated is "The Way She Smiles When She Sees Me".