These are the last two chapters, I hope you enjoy them!
Ch. 3 Won't You Say You Love Me
"Thanks for coming," I smile hugging Adam when I open the door. He didn't even ask why I wanted him to come over, just dropped everything and rushed over.
"Of course, but you going to tell me what's wrong now? You sounded scared when you called," Adam comments. He only lives a few blocks away and it only took him ten minutes to get here. Despite not hearing any other noises in that ten minutes, I was still worried.
"Untle Adam's here," Lucian grins running over to hug him.
Adam picks up Lucian and hugs him tightly, setting him down just as the doorbell rings again. I tense up slightly at the sound of the doorbell, Lucian doesn't notice, but Adam does. Adam looks through the window at the top of the door, then opens it to reveal that our pizza has arrived.
"Oh good, you ordered dinner," Adam grins.
I release a breath I didn't know I was holding, and Adam signs the receipt. I take the pizza and breadsticks into the kitchen with Lucian following me. Just as I'm opening the boxes on the counter and getting down plates Adam comes into the kitchen.
"Did you lock the front door?" I question Adam handing him a plate.
"Yep, deadbolted and everything," he replies. His voice is even, and he doesn't ask in front of Lucian, but I know he will. I can see in his eyes that he knows something is wrong.
Lucian climbs into his chair, I put a slice of pizza and a breadstick on a plate for him. I get out some baby carrots and put those on the plate, and a juice box. Adam grabs a beer and helps himself to two slices and three breadsticks. I opt for wine, one slice and one breadstick to start. Lucian spends all of dinner once again recounting his trip to the zoo for Adam. After dinner Lucian gets a bath and gets ready for bed and then I read to him until he's asleep.
"Alright, talk," Adam demands handing me a glass of wine when I return to the living room.
I bite my lip and look down at my wine swirling it in the glass, "I had an affair," I exhale shamefully.
"Clare! You had sex with someone else? I never thought you'd do that! Who? When?"
"Did you read my last article?
"Yeah, about Eli Goldsworthy; up and coming author. Parts one and two anyway the final part comes out tomorrow in…" Adam stops, and his eyes go wide as he realizes what I'm trying to tell him. "Clare, you didn't?" He exclaims, but I can only bite my lip. "You did! You had sex with someone you were writing about?!"
"I didn't mean to, it just sort of happened," I reply. Even as I say the words they sound like a terrible rationalization.
"Better start from the beginning," Adam insists.
"I was assigned the article Wednesday; my editor gave me Eli's book and I came home and read it straight through. It was really good, very engaging, and when I was done reading, I called him to set up the interview. He said I could do it now and invited me to his apartment to do it. I went over and there was an instant attraction, a physical one, for both of us. His eyes are especially…" I pause and roll my lower lip between my teeth as I remember the first time I locked eyes with him. Then I remember Eli cutting his writs and shake off that image.
"Yeah?" Adam prompts when I don't continue.
"I stayed professional, he offered me coffee and I looked around his living room as he made the coffee. We sat on the sofa and I began the interview, after he answered my question he asked me one. I reminded him I was doing the interview and he laid on the flattery, we were sorting of interviewing each other. After a while my stomach growled, I hadn't eaten since breakfast, and he offered for us to continue at the restaurant downstairs. So, we went downstairs and continued the interview over dinner."
"I take it he was still interviewing you as well?" Adam inquires and I nod.
"We ate a slow dinner, had an entire bottle of wine, and after he paid for dinner we returned to his apartment. He kissed me almost as soon as we were inside. I just let instinct take over, I wasn't thinking at all. Maybe I wasn't letting myself because I didn't want to think. I fell asleep after and woke up very early the next morning, I slipped out of his bed and his apartment, and I was thinking again. I went home and started on the article, trying not to think about what I had done, trying not to be eaten by the guilt."
"Was that the end of it?" Adam questions.
"I really wish I could say yes. Eli called later that morning, he asked where I went. He thought I was going to spend the day with him. I must have agreed to it as I was falling asleep, or maybe he just assumed. I told him it wasn't a good idea, that I was a married woman and tried telling him that the night before had been a mistake, but he kept interrupting. He was begging me to spend the day with him, and I gave in. I knew it was wrong, but…" I pause with a heavy exhale wondering how to explain this to my closest friend why I chose to go with Eli. Why I ever let the affair happen to begin with?
"But?" Adam prompts.
"There was a part of me that really wanted to. A part of me that was stimulated by Eli's intelligence, and wanted more of the excitement and desire from the night before. I shouldn't have done so, I should have said no. I listened to that part that wanted to be with him again."
"So, you spent the day with him?"
"It was stupid, more than stupid. I knew I shouldn't have done it, but Eli stimulated my mind. It feels like Owen is gone for longer and longer stretches. I know it's a poor excuse, I never should have gone, I should have stood up to him and said no. I went, and what's worse I had a wonderful day. We went to art galleries and a bookshop, walked through the park. When we returned to his place he read me some of his poetry, including one he'd written for me that morning. We made love again, we spent the entire afternoon in his bed. When we could move again we made dinner. I had successfully compartmentalized all day, not thinking of Owen or Lucian. After dinner I said I'd help clean up and he wanted to return to the bed. I told him I was exhausted and that I had to pick up Lucian. He told me to stay the night again, that we belong together. I told him that I had a life, a family and I couldn't just drop that all after one night. A thrilling one, but it was still a mistake, and that's when he lost it."
"Lost it how?"
"When I called it a mistake he started yelling and told me to get out. He stormed off to the washroom, the only place in his apartment with a door. He slammed the door and I started to get dressed and gather my things as quickly as I could. I was almost at the door when he pleaded with me to wait, and I stopped but had my back to him. He apologized for yelling, said he'd finally met an amazing woman that stimulated him and he didn't want to lose me. That it was his bad luck that I was already married. He wanted one last favor before I walked out, one last kiss. I agreed and went to him, when his arms came around me I felt something wet and warm. I stepped back and looked at his wrists," I'm saying when Adam cuts me off.
"He cut himself."
"Yes, across and not down, I think he only meant to hurt himself. I was still worried and I couldn't leave him like that. I took him in the washroom and looked at his wrists, cleaned the cuts as best I could, I wanted him to go to the hospital but he refused. I did what I could, cleaned and bandaged his wrists and took him to his bed. I tried again to get him to go to the hospital, but he refused and begged me to stay with him. I couldn't leave him with his wrists bleeding, so I agreed to stay. I made sure Lucian could sleep at his grandparents again. Eli was calm now, he watched TV while I cleaned the kitchen and when I was done he was asleep. I checked his bandages and he had stopped bleeding, I considered leaving, but I worried what would happen if he woke up and I wasn't there."
"So, you stayed?"
"I slept on the sofa, though I didn't sleep very well, and I set an alarm for 4:30. I didn't want to stay any longer than I needed to. When the alarm went off I went to check on Eli, and wake him up to tell him I had to leave. He said he felt better and apologized for the night before. He said he was afraid to lose me, and I told him I was not his to lose. I beseeched him to speak to a psychiatrist, that I was worried about him. He said he would, and I told him I had to go, to get home to Lucian. He asked if he could get in touch with me sometime, after he talked to someone. To let me know how he was doing, and I said that would be okay. I thought I'd hear from him in a month or two."
"I take it he called you tonight?"
"Yes, just after I ordered pizza, he called and I declined and he called right back. I answered this time, going into the other room to keep Lucian from hearing. Eli said he saw a therapist today, I told him that was good, but he couldn't be calling me with my son there. He said the therapist would work with him and he wouldn't hurt himself any longer. I told him that was good, but what happened between us was a mistake. He yelled again, angry that I called it a mistake. He said what we had was once in a lifetime. I told him we had nothing, that I had an affair and said goodbye. After I hung up I heard a noise outside, it was probably nothing, a stray cat or something, but after my phone call will Eli I just didn't want to be alone."
"I'll stay as long as you need me to," Adam smiles hugging me.
"Thanks Adam, as I said I'm sure it was nothing, but with Eli's volatile behavior I just didn't want to take any chances."
"Better not to, especially alone in the house with Lucian. What about Owen?"
"I can't tell him, I can never tell him. It was a terrible mistake, one I let myself fall into."
Adam hugs me again, there's not much he can say or do aside from be here with me. We sip wine and Adam starts talking about Drew to distract me. When the bottle of wine is gone we go to bed, Adam sleeps in the guest room of course.
The night is quiet, no calls from Eli, no noises outside. Even so Adam stays all weekend, just to be safe, and because I'm worried. Owen and I talk by video chat each night. It's not at all unusual for Adam to stay over when Owen is out of town. So, Owen doesn't ask or worry about it. Thankfully I don't see or hear from Eli all weekend.
"I'll take Lucian to preschool, you get to the office," Adam says Monday morning.
"Thanks Adam," I smile kissing his cheek. "Be good for Uncle Adam, and I'll see you this afternoon," I tell Lucian kissing his forehead.
"Kay Mommy," Lucian smiles and looks at Adam. "Tan I has waffles Adam?"
"Waffles it is," Adam grins.
With my son in good hands I grab my purse and head to work. I have an e-mail from my editor about a new article assignment and I get to work. Adam send me a text after he's dropped off Lucian. I spend most of the day doing research for the article, I have to pick up Lucian by 5:30 but as long as most of the research is done I can write from home. By mid-afternoon I decide to take my research and pick up Lucian. I tell my editor I'm going to work from home and head to the elevator. When the elevator doors open I step in and look at my phone. The elevator doors begin to close when a hand reaches in and stops the doors. I look up and am horrifically surprised to see Eli enter the elevator.
"What are you doing here?" I demand as the elevator doors close.
"I had to see you," he replies hitting the emergency stop button.
"Eli I am married, I have a son. I never should have let anything happen with you it was a terrible mistake. Whatever you want to believe it was a mistake. You cannot just drop by my work Eli," I say with a strong and steady voice. While my voice remains strong inside I'm trembling, afraid of why he's here and what he might do. I move forward and manage to push the button to start the elevator again. As soon as the elevator is moving again Eli grabs my arm and shoves me to the wall.
"I will not lose you," he whispers ominously into my ear.
I'm frozen, too shocked and afraid to breathe let alone think. When the elevator dings having reached the lobby Eli steps away from me. He saunters out of the elevator as though nothing happened. When he's a few steps ahead I compose myself and leave the elevator. I consider going to the security desk, but what would I tell them? There's no cameras in the elevators and Eli is gone now.
I get in my car and call Sherri. I ask if they can pick up Lucian and take him for the night, telling her that I have a lot of work to do. Sherri says it's no problem, I thank her and tell them I'll pick Lucian up from preschool tomorrow. Then I start my car and begin driving, but not to home. I don't know where Eli is and I'm not taking the risk of him following me home. When I park outside of the apartment building I appear to be alone, still I hurry to the front door and enter the security code. Not wishing to wait for any other elevators I simply run up the three flights of stairs.
"What's wrong?" Adam asks when he opens his front door.
"Eli surprised me at work," I reply as I step into his apartment.
"You want to stay the night?"
"If it's alright?"
"Of course it is, Lucian must be with his grandparents."
"Yeah, for the night, I just wasn't sure if Eli would follow me."
"I'll call Drew, I'm sure he'd come have dinner with us."
"Thanks Adam," I smile just as my phone rings. Adam gets his phone to call Drew and I look at my phone to see that it's Owen calling. I take a deep breath and answer my phone, "Hi Honey."
"Hi Beautiful, we won our game, we fly home Thursday night and I'll be home all weekend."
"That's good, I miss you," I tell him as Adam starts talking to Drew.
"I miss you too, is Adam still over?"
"No, I'm at his place, I figured I owed him dinner since he spent the weekend with us."
"Are you okay? You sound worried or something," Owen says.
"I'm fine, just tired, I'll see you this weekend."
"I'll come straight from the airport, I can't wait to wrap you in my arms."
"Me either, I love you."
"I love you too," Owen says before hanging up.
"Drew's on his way over. I didn't tell him anything, just that you were having dinner here."
"Thanks Adam, I better start on my article."
I get out my laptop and begin working while Adam orders some dinner. Drew shows up and greets me, Drew and I were never particularly close friends, but he does get along with Owen very well. Adam puts on the TV and they watch while I work on my article. When dinner arrives I put away my laptop and eat with them. Drew goes home just after ten, I'm still sipping a glass of wine so Drew doesn't ask when I'm going home. I sleep in Adam's guest room, but after Eli's ambush I don't get much sleep.
Having finished my article last night and having a few options to research for a new one I opt to work from home Tuesday. My editor says it's fine, and after picking up Lucian from his grandparents I take him home with me rather than preschool. I'm only home a few minutes when my phone rings, it's Eli and I decline the call, he calls again and again and again. I block his number and we have a few hours of peace, until just after lunch when my phone rings again. It's not a number I recognize, but it's not odd for me to get calls from numbers I don't recognize.
"Clare Milligan," I answer.
"You can't ignore me," Eli seethes.
I hang up and turn off my phone. I grab Lucian and get him in the car, and drive us to the mall to get a new phone number. I get a new phone too, I'm not taking any chances that Eli somehow has mine tracked or cloned or something. Yes, I am now paranoid. To get a new number and phone, but transfer all my contacts and other things takes most of the afternoon. We don't return home until early evening, and I order pizza for dinner again. While waiting for pizza I start texting everyone important my new number.
My editor is first and I ask her not to give out this new number to anyone. I'm sure I'll be questioned about it tomorrow. I text my family the new number next, none of them ask about it, I have changed my number before. I text Owen's parents the new number next, they don't ask either just thank me for the new number. When I text it to Adam he texts back asking if he needs to come over. I call him back to tell him about Eli's phone calls, but that we're okay and I'll call him if I need him. The last one I text is Owen, and he immediately calls me back.
"What's wrong? Why'd you change your number?"
"It's nothing, I had an issue with someone calling, wanting me to do a story. Even after I blocked the number they called back. So, I had my number changed," I tell him. I hate lying to him, but I can't tell him the truth.
"Okay, I'll be home in a few days."
"I know, I can't wait to see you."
"I love you."
"I love you too."
I hang up with Owen and the pizza arrives a few minutes later. I can barely eat and I let Lucian eat while watching a movie. He watches a second movie and falls asleep during it. I put him to bed and wish that sleep would come as easily for me. I make sure the outside lights are on and the alarm is on, and I still cannot sleep. I stay awake with the lights and TV on, and barely sleep at all. So, I call in Wednesday morning to say that I'm working from home. I do get some sleep, after making Lucian breakfast and taking him to preschool I'm able to sleep. I go all day without seeing or hearing from Eli and that night I am able to sleep.
After taking Lucian to preschool I go into the office. After a goodnight's sleep and no sign or sight from Eli my head is clear. I've decided on my next article and I set to work on it. I work most of the day, hardly leaving my desk, I even have lunch delivered and eat at my desk. After finishing the article I stop and read e-mails, it's never good to read over an article just after finishing it. I look through several e-mails, most of them internal and things I don't particularly care about. One catches my attention, an e-mail with a video attachment. I get this sort of thing all the time as leads for stories. I still scan it with the virus and malware software to be safe. It comes back clean, so I open the video, for the first five seconds it's just black and silent. I'm starting to think it's a broken link when I hear Eli's voice.
"I will not lose you Clare. You and I belong together, you are mine and I will not stop until you see that. You will be mine by whatever means I must use to make you mine forever. You can't just claim my heart and ignore me, I will not allow that. I will not lose you Clare, I refuse to lose you."
The video ends and begins to replay, you never see Eli, he remains in darkness. I stop the video and get up from my desk, I start to go to my editor's office and stop myself. I don't know what I'd tell her. I return to my desk and send an e-mail to our IT department asking them to look at the video. It's a couple of hours before I get a reply, they can't trace the video, it's a dead end e-mail that's already been deleted. They recommend I go to the police and building security. I don't know what to do now, Eli's threats were menacing, but going to the police involves me telling them about the affair.
We have an alarm at the house, yet I don't feel safe going home right now. I call Sherri and ask her to keep Lucian overnight again. I talk to Lucian briefly, telling him I have a lot of work to do and I love him. He always gets spoiled at his grandparents, so I'm sure he'll have a good time. I consider calling Adam, but I've bothered him enough this last week, he does have a life of his own. I decide to stay at work as long as I can, maybe even sleep here. There's a few sofas around, and it happens a lot during elections or natural disasters. Maybe after a good night's sleep I'll be able to think and I'll know what to do about Eli's threats.
I should be getting a lot of work done, but I'm finding it hard to concentrate. As people begin leaving the building to go home it occurs to me that Eli's been here, he could get in. I'm not getting anything done, and I don't feel safe, when a hand clamps down on my shoulder I scream.
"Sorry, didn't mean to scare you, guess it is kind of spooky in here at night."
At the sound of my husband's voice I turn around and embrace him tightly. Biting back the tears that threaten to break free, even though I know I'm safe now.
"Guess you really did miss me," Owen laughs but tightens his embrace of me.
"Yes, very much," I agree without letting go or looking up at him.
Owen tips up my chin and sees my eyes anyway, "You look like you're about to cry, are you okay? Did I scare you that badly?"
"I'm okay, just distracted and I hadn't realized how many people had left to go home. Guess I did get a little spooked," I reply. It's only a half truth, I was afraid to go home, and I was terrified it was Eli grabbing me.
"What are you doing here so late? Usually you take the work home, don't you?"
"Yes, I just…lost track of time," I lie.
"Is Lucian at my parents?" Owen questions and I nod. "Is this work that can't wait until the morning?"
"It can wait, I was done, just lost track of time as I said."
"Good, because I'm finally home and I want to take my wife home and have a night alone with her," Owen grins.
I smile and kiss my husband, doing my best to push any thought or fear of Eli to the back of my mind. He stays with me while I gather my things and we walk out to the parking garage. He comes with me to my car, kissing me before I get in. He parked on a lower level, and I watch him walk toward the elevator as I start my car. I exit the garage and get about half a block before the car suddenly dies.
Go and read the conclusion it is now up.