12

A couple of weeks later, I hadn't seen Draco for several weeks. I ignored him in school. My birthday came up. May had come and I was turning seventeen. My friends had thrown me a surprise party. I remember doing my hair in Daphne's room in her manor (we were home for the weekend), believing we would just go out and have a few drinks with a few of my closest girlfriends, as we'd planned, when she left the room for a second. I just kept on getting ready, not thinking of it, and then she came back with a blindfold in her hands. And my mouth opened.

"No, what is that?" I started laughing. Daphne gave her loud laugh.

"Well, we're not really going out to have a few drinks with the girls, actually," she said happily. "Are you done with your makeup?"

"Well where are we going then!" I said, excited and surprised.

"You'll see," Daphne said with a glint in her eye. "Put this on when you're ready," she said casually and left it on the counter next to me. I just laughed a little.

"Okay I'm finished!" I shouted a few minutes later.

Daphne squealed. "Let's go!" she said excitedly and hurried to tie the blindfold around my head.

She led me out of the room and down a staircase – which took time when I didn't see anything. Then left – into her sitting room – and we Floo'd to a place of a town I hadn't heard the name of. I had no idea what she said or where we were going. When we stepped out of the fireplace at the other end of our trip, I said: "Daph, I'm getting nervous. Where are we?"

I only heard giggles and whispers. Seemed like there were other people here now too.

"You'll see soon enough!" said Daphne merrily, leading me.

"Where are we going?" I said extremely curious.

"You'll see!" singsonged Daphne

They took me to some kind of harbour; I knew that because when I got out of the building we had Floo'd to, I could smell the sea and hear the waves. Laughing, they led me onto something shaky and what felt like a small wooden deck. I was nervous. Suddenly someone ripped the blindfold off of my eyes and a shocking sight met me, about twenty or thirty people shouting "HAPPY BIRTHDAY" at me, and I jumped.

"Oh my gosh!" I said excitedly, and everyone laughed, I shook my head at Daphne, I couldn't believe it! I began greeting everyone: Tracey, Aurelia, Millicent, Mathilda, Scarlett, Felicia and Molly – my best girlfriends – Theo, Blaise, Crabbe, Goyle, Marcus, Montague, Pucey, Warrington, Bole, Derrick, Urquhart and Higgs – all the lads – a few of the older boys' Slytherin girlfriends – a couple of Ravenclaw boys who were Tracey's friends - Daphne's younger sister Astoria – and loads of other people, both from Hogwarts and who had finished. It was brilliant. I pushed back the small feeling inside me wondering where Draco was.

I hung out with everyone, it was brilliant, loads of fun, surprise birthday party on a boat - I mean can it get better?

And then Draco came. I was sitting so I saw the entrance, I saw him coming in, he had shaved his head, almost all of his blonde hair was gone, and was wearing a proper shirt. He was gorgeous, I couldn't keep my eyes away from him. I was surprised he would come, especially that he came late. I was sitting with my girlfriends at some sofas by a table, sipping on sparkling wine and I watched as all the lads greeted Draco. He was speaking with Theo and Blaise and they motioned towards me. I hastily looked down and sipped my drink. When I looked up, Draco was on his way over, giving me a cheeky glance. He was holding something in one hand, a small package.

"Draco, you came!" said Daphne and hugged him, he flashed his smile and greeted all the girls and came to me last. He didn't move in to hug me. I kept sitting down; he was standing in front of me.

"Happy birthday, you," he said and ruffled my hair. I couldn't help but to grin.

"Thank you," I said and raised an arm to make him hug me. He grinned and came down to hug me; I was suddenly pressed against his shoulder breathing in his scent. I tried to not enjoy it.

"I like your hair," I said. "Or lack of it."

"I know you do," he grinned. "Hope you haven't cut the cake yet," he went on. He was surprisingly pleasant and nice today.

I beamed. "No," was all I could come up with saying. He wiggled his eyebrows at me.

"What's that?" I asked, motioning towards the small package in his hand.

He waved it off, as Blaise, Warrington and Pucey came up behind him. "I'll give it to you later," he said.

"You coming out for a smoke mate?" Warrington said. Draco nodded and then ruffled my hair again.

"Seventeen, you're getting big," he said grinning. I raised my eyebrows, smiling slightly. I was breathless. "See you," he said and they went outside.

Draco made sure to cut the cake with me and to feed me a piece. Daphne was quick to take a picture. It was surprising and odd but I couldn't pretend like I didn't enjoy it. He joked and smiled and seemed so... nice... It was different. Everyone was watching us as I opened my presents. I received a big bunch of them; it took forever to open them all. While I ripped off the wrapping of a pair of earrings from Mathilda, I felt Draco place his hand on my lower back. It was warm and felt like a boyfriend's hand. It was difficult to not picture how everything would be like if we'd never broken up. It was difficult to not snuggle closer to him.

I kept being with my friends and dancing and talking to everybody, the party was wild and there were a lot of people I hadn't seen for a long time, everyone wanted to take a picture with me so I felt a little stressed almost; I couldn't just sit down and relax for one minute.

"Happy birthday love!" shouted Daphne and embraced me on the dance floor, kissing my head. "You're amazing!"
All my friends were unusually loving, it was fun! It made me realise they really appreciate me. I had the best friends ever, throwing me this. I made sure to tell them all the time.

I was getting slightly drunk. Everyone was dancing and it was brilliant. I kept dancing with my girlfriends for I dunno how long, it was so much fun. Best night in a long time. Then we were all getting hot and went out on deck for a cigarette. The boys were sitting outside.

"Hiya birthday girl" said Theo and everyone was happy to see me. Draco was just sitting smoking, talking to Montague. I sat down in Theo's lap; he's one of my oldest friends so it wasn't odd. We all lit our cigarettes and I blew out smoke, and hastily a conversation began.

When I was almost done with my cigarette, I got up and walked away slightly to get away from the noise and just breathe for a minute, standing by the rail inhaling the salt. I threw my cigarette in the water and looked out over the harbour. Just then, someone came and stood next to me, placing his arms with rolled up shirt sleeves on the rail. I turned to him. Finally.

Draco exhaled smoke and said: "Are you having a good birthday?"

He sounded so unusually sweet and kind. It was odd.

"Yes," I smiled and looked out over the water.

"You look very good today," he commented casually.

"Why are you so nice?" I blurted out.

He laughed. "Well it's your birthday, innit? And guess what'll make it even better?" he said confidently.

I turned to him, raising my eyebrows. "What?" I grinned. He pulled out the small package and handed it over to me. I didn't dare to look into his eyes. I removed the bow and opened the lid and inside I found a thin sparkling silver bracelet. I put my hand over my mouth.

"Oh, my gosh," I mumbled. Then I looked up at him. "You shouldn't have done that"

He was only smiling slightly, leaning slightly sideways on the rail, looking at me.

"You only turn seventeen once," he commented casually. I just shook my head as I took it out of the box and held it.

"No you really shouldn't have, though... Draco..." I looked up at him, couldn't believe it.

"Whatever," he waved it off. "I like to spoil you."

It sent a tingle to my stomach. He still cared for me after not being my boyfriend for a year.

"Thank you so much," I said and moved up to hug him. It was an awkward hug from my side although I didn't want it to end. It felt weird being close to him like that, and not in a pub while he was being a dick, or while we were having casual sex.

"You're cold.." he mumbled, stroking my arms. I pulled away.

"That's alright," I said hastily.

"So why have you been avoiding me and ignoring me?" he asked. I didn't dare to look at him.

"I don't know," I said quietly, frowning.

"I miss you," he blurted out. I turned away.

"We've been over this before Draco..."

"I know," he said, and turned to me. "I just don't know what to do about it."

I turned to look at him and he gave me a shrug as he backed away.

I just stood there for a few minutes, not knowing what to do. He left to sit with his friends, left me alone again and I couldn't stand it. I had to solve everything. I could not stand this back-and-forth, does-he-love-me-or-doesn't-he merry-go-round. I went after him firmly and approached him by his friends.

"Can I talk to you again?" I said, and my voice was about to break. I didn't care if his friends heard.

Adrenaline was pumping through me. This is it. He looked slightly surprised but got up and I turned around hastily and walked away, and he followed.

"What's up?" he asked. He wasn't in control this time, and that was different. He had no idea what I was about to do or say. He wasn't patronising or condescending or teasing me.

I turned to him and took a deep breath. "I avoided you because," I began and had to force my shaky voice to not be so loud. "I avoided you because maybe I can't just be friends with you."

I was breathing fast; he was just looking at me. "Or only have sex with you," I added and there was a slight blame in my tone. He looked away. Why wouldn't he say anything?

There was a huge lump in my throat.

"So what do you want to do?" he finally said, hoarse. I held up my hands and gave him a look as if to say I didn't have a clue.

"This just panned out," he said. "It wasn't supposed to be like this."

"Don't bullshit me, I know you."

He stared at me. Then he sighed. "It's weird for me too."

"Yeah?" I said, not believing him. "Well, I can't do this back and forth thing with you anymore." I was shaking, and so was my voice.

"Alright, yeah, I get that," he said, nodding hastily, as if he didn't want me to be angry with him, his voice was unusually soft and he seemed bothered.

"I mean..." tears welled up in my eyes, I couldn't hold it back anymore, "I was finally back in your arms, but it didn't feel right. It wasn't like I thought it would be..."

He started frowning and looked honestly sad. "Stop crying." He brought up his hands to my face to dry my tears. "Don't cry on your birthday."

"No," I said, "stop comforting me."

He sighed and pulled his hands away from my face, crossing his arms.

"It's weird for me as well. It's just feels weird when you're not my girlfriend. You'll always be my Pansy some way, and it's weird having to stop myself from hugging you and kissing you... I suppose I've always got this need to take care of you."

"Oh well, gosh, thank you, that's just what I want," I said bitterly sarcastic and wiped my eyes.

"I don't think I can be friends with you," he said then, ignoring me. My heart sank. "It's just so hard seeing you without being able to touch you or be with you properly."

"So what are you saying?" I asked, and my tone was going up to hysterics without me being able to stop it. I was shaking. "We should just stop seeing each other?"

He looked at me. "I dunno if that's what I want."

I angrily wiped my tears and said: "Well when you figure out, come let me know." And I turned on my heel, but he grabbed my arm and stopped me.

"What?!" I said, my voice louder. I couldn't help it. Tears were still pouring down my face. I felt desperate.

"I don't want to lose you," he said. He looked frightened, his eyes wide open. As if something was happening that he had to stop.

"You've chosen to lose me a hundred times," I accused him. He was taken aback.

This was actually happening. It was all ending.

He was tearing up too, but trying to hide it. "Stop it," he began. I shook my head. "Pansy." he sounded desperate, his voice was about to break.

"I can't do this anymore," I barely got the words out, whispered.

"But I don't want to lose you," he repeated.

"But you can't just be with me." I couldn't stop crying.

"Yes, I can," he said quickly, wiping a tear from his own eye. "I love you."

That was it. The happy ending everyone else wished for.