The next weekend...

On Saturday night we decided to have another party as we would soon return to Hogwarts for our seventh and final year. So the whole gang went over to Draco's manor in Wiltshire, his parents were away on business.

My girlfriends went outside for a cigarette and so I sat down in the sofa next to Draco and we began chatting.

After a while, he said. "So what about Miles, eh?" sending me a teasing glance and wiggling his eyebrows. I rolled my eyes and told him a bit.

Draco just listened quietly and then he gave out a loud laugh, slightly shaking his head.

"Yeah?" Draco said slightly teasingly "Polite? Does he pull your chair out?"

"Yes, perfect gentleman actually," I said defiantly.

Draco just laughed again. "Are you trying to make me jealous?"

"Yes, Draco, everything is about you.. I'm still not over you, because you're such a lovley person…"

Draco laughed again. I went on sarcastically: "I just can't stop thinking about you. In fact I'm only even seeing Miles to make you jealous..."

Draco rolled his eyes, laughing, "Actually, just because I'm not a lovely person doesn't mean you don't like that about me, you slag..."

I rolled my eyes: "Pig"

"Would love to hang out with the old chap."

I started laughing. "I'm not letting you near him!"

Draco laughed as well. "Why?" he said.

"Because... you'll infect him."

Draco started laughing even louder. "Touche"

He went up to get us some drinks. He high fived Montague and then he came back and sat down next to me again.

"Draco, can I ask you something?" I said. He was looking away, listening into a joke the boys were telling in the kitchen, and just said unfocusedly: "Yeah"

My heart was beating fast. "Just wondering," I said. "did you ever cheat on me when we were together?"

Draco turned to me, surprised. Then he chuckled a little, sipped his Butterbeer and looked at something else but me. "Where did that come from?"

"No I was just thinking about it..."

Draco didn't answer. So I said: "Just tell me, I just want to know. It doesn't matter now anyway." I kept my tone as light as possible. I really did just want to know.

Draco laughed: "Exactly! It doesn't matter now."

I frowned. "So you did?"

Draco rolled his eyes and put his bottle down. "Which time? I mean..."

"Like the first time we were together."

Draco looked away, with a small (nervous?) smile on his face.

"Draco!" I said, smiling slightly, wanting him to tell.

"Well, yeah, you knew I did."

I looked at him silently, I bit my lip and nodded. Draco then seemed almost nervous (very unusual for him). He turned round to look at me. "It's not like you didn't know," he said then.

I shrugged. "I don't... I dunno, I don't think I did, or I mean... I didn't want to believe that, I think."

Draco looked away.

I sipped my drink, not looking at him. "Like how many times?"

He didn't answer at first, seemingly thinking.

"Well a couple of times... yeah..."

There was a silence for a while, and then Draco said: "I mean, not at first. Like you know how I was only all about you even months before we even started being like that, like when we were just friends and all that."

"Yeah, I know."

"Like I wouldn't even look at another girl because I only wanted you."

"Yeah and when you got me, then you got bored..." I couldn't help that it slipped out.

Draco sighed, "Pans..." he said, making eyecontact with me. "You know it wasn't like that. I wouldn't even have been able to be with anyone else, only you, if that doesn't make you special I dunno what does."

I was quiet, I didn't answer, I just stirred my drink with the straw.

"Mate why did you bring that up even?" Draco said, trying to laugh a little probably to ease up the mood. I rolled my eyes, laughing a bit too, and said: "I dunno, sorry, that was stupid."

"Come on," Draco said and got up "let's dance!"

It still felt odd. hearing it so casually now. I wouldn't say that it hurt. Well maybe a little. But mostly, I was ashamed of the person I was when I was with him. And for not seeing that he did this when it mattered.

I got up and followed him.

I didn't realise that he hadn't even apologised.

How do I feel this good sober?

Sunday night we all went out again. Me, all the girls and all the boys. In the middle of it, I just sat there, drink in hand, watching everyone durnk around me and I just thought, "Is this is? Am I supposed to be happy now?"

I just dont know what it is, but sometimes I wonder if I can ever be happy.

I kind of mentioned this to Daphne, and she said "No way! Your life is perfect."

I realised how untrue that was when I heard it. I don't know why but I've just been home alone all day crying today. I don't even know why I'm never happy.

I met up with the girls and we went around the pub where Daphne and her new boy Terrence Higgs were. It was the first time us girls met him. We ordered our drinks and then went to sit with them. It was a little awkward for me, knowing he was very disapproving of Draco. Daphne had set this up so that Terrence could meet her friends, but it was slightly awkward at least for me. But Tracey and the others got on well with him. they smalltalked about who was coming tonight etc, and the guy said something like: "I'd love it if that bloke Draco comes round. I'd like to talk to him."

Tracey said: "I think he is coming actually..."

"Yeah, just," Terrence went on "Tell him to back off and just say like, I hate you"
Daphne giggled contently, but me and Tracey shared an awkward look. I sipped my drink and looked away. What was I supposed to say, he was talking about my best bloke friend... sort of awkward.

We continued sipping our drinks and smalltalking for a while, and then the boys came round, Draco Crabbe Goyle Theo and Blaise. They ordered their drinks at the bar first and then came to greet us and then they sat down with us. Draco hugged me and sat down next to me and sipped his beer and said: "All right?"

"Yeah, you?"

"Good yeah, what've you done today then?"

We smalltalked a little and then Draco said to me: "Thought that tosser wanted to say something to me..."

"Just let it go," I said, looking sternly at him. "They're cute together, we don't want any fighting in here all right?"

Draco just laughed: "I could do it outside if you like."

"Draco, stop it..."

"Well do you reckon he's all that if he's talking about how he's going to tell me off, and now that I'm here he doesn't do fuck all."

"Yeah well whatever, I just dont want any fighting" I said shortly.

Draco sipped his ber and sent Terrence a look and sneered. "Wanker. Let's just see how hard he is when he walks up to me."

It was a bit awkward, the other boys had shook hands with Terrence saying hello, but not Draco (why should he?), and everyone kept smalltalking but it was an awkward feeling like it usually wasnt in our group..

"I'm properly in the mood for a drink tonight" Draco said then to me, grinning, as we were walking to the bar to order the next round. I laughed a little: "Yeah me too."

Unfortunately, I had a bit too much to drink and I've got a big memory gap of the rest of the night... Draco was well sweet, such a good mate, taking care of me so I wouldn't fall down or anything, holding my hair up when I vomited... So embarassing.I just remember thinking I couldn't understand why he was so nice to me, not teasing me or trying to take advantage of how drunk I was... I was so embarassing.. Merlin.

He followed me round my house, holding me up. I could barely walk, I kept stumbling and falling, and when we came to my house, he grabbed me because I almost fell over, and then I came closer and hugged him.

"All right," Draco said and tried to make me stand up so I could go inside and go to bed. "Go in and have a big glass of water and then go to bed immediately. Yeah?"

I stumbled again, "I can't."

"What do you mean you can't?" Draco said, smiling a little, probably finding my drunkenness entertaining. "You don't think you can manage?"

"No.." I said

"Well... you're just gonna have to aren't you," Draco said.

"Don't you want to come inside?" I asked.

Draco grinned. "No I don't."

"Why?" I asked, still swaying about very close to him.

"Because you're drunk. How did you get so drunk anyway?" he said and began leading me towards the door.

"I dunno..."

We came to the door. He grabbed my keys from my bag and gave them to me. "You'll be all right," he said. "I'll talk to you in the morning, Send me and owl when you wake up."

"Yeah all right" I said a little slurry, but he was already on his way (without giving me a hug goodbye).

I sighed as I unlocked the door and went inside. His sweet side is the best thing in the world. He's an angel and a devil balancing on my shoulders, making a choice impossible. I couldn't let go of him because of his sweet side but I couldnt get with him because of his mean side, so I was left inbetween.

That's all I remember thinking before crashing in bed.

The next day I woke up well hungover, and I felt so embarassed for trying to make Draco come home with me... That day us girls went shopping and then had a jacuzzi and movie night round Daphne's, we all really needed that, well nice. And I sent Draco and owl saying "Sorry about last night, and thanks for helping me", and he just replied "No problem mate" which made me feel even more ashamed.

And Daphne apparently had slept with BLaise last night... so her bloke Terrence had broken up with her.. but she was excited about Blaise and didn't think twice about Terrence really, even though I really thought Terrence he was good for her. Anyway, and the girls kept asking me about Draco, like if there was something going on with us and I just said: "I'll be friends with him, but nothing more than that."

Tracey said: "Really?" sounding and looking like she wasn't really sure if she could believe me.

"Yeah, really," I said "I've got no interest in him that way, or even to hang out with him much."

Tracey said: "Promise?"

"Yeah, promise!" I said.

And then on Sunday I woke up and mother overseeing as a House Elf was cooking a full english so while we ate she talked to me, and she said she was glad I'd find a good bloke who treats me well and doesn't hit on other girls even though he can if he wants to he doesn't, and who inspires me to do well instead of Draco who made me start smoking and made me skip lessons all the time. Not that Mother doesn't love Draco but she said she was happy to see me happy with such a good bloke.

And then she said: "You and Draco won't ever have a proper relationship again.. I don't think. It's just back and forth with him."

And I said hastily: "Gosh I don't want that"

Mother looked at me. "I think you'll always think you want him because you've never really had a proper finish."

"I suppose it's a little like that, but right now I don't feel like I want him at all. I can barely be friends with him."

Then I met up with Miles in the morning and we hung out all day until dinner, and I switched to sweatpants and that and had dinner at home with mother and father and then I met up with Theo just to have a walk, smoking , but then he told me all the boys were at Malfoy Manor and wondered if I wanted to go. So we Apparated there. We walked up his garden path, rang the door, said hello to Narcissa, and went out to the Quidditch pitch where we always hung out.

There was Draco, Crabbe, Goyle and Blaise already in the middle of a Quidditch game. It felt so strangely familiar, felt like we were all fifteen again. We all said hello, and when the match was finished, me and Draco had a cigarette off pitch.

We small talked a bit, like we always do, as we smoked.

"What did you do today then?" Draco asked casually.
"Er, I was with Miles," I replied.

Draco just wiggled his eyebrows, and didn't answer. His behaviour confused me like always.

"You?" I asked.

He shrugged. "Nothing." He threw away his cigarette and went back to his broom, sending me a teasing smile. I frowned and looked down at my cigarette, it was only half finished, so I sat there alone until i was finished... Draco's so odd sometimes.

We played a few games and laughed about, I love being with the boys.

Then Draco started teasing me like always. "I want that t-shirt back," he commented to me. (I was wearing his old Quidditch t-shirt that he gave me when we were together)

I just rolled my eyes. "All right."

But Draco said, teasingly: "No I mean... I want it back... now."

I turned to him and gave him an irritated look, he knew I didn't have anything under it. He had that teasing, smug look in his eyes. I hated it.

"Ugh, you're such an arsehole, Draco!"

It irritated me even more because he really can be so nice, like friday night when he helped me home without teasing me or trying to get with me, and then he can suddenly be taunting and mean again like that. Then I went home.

Everything is so fucked up at the minute!

I never want to speak to Draco again and I HATE HIM!

Right so last night I brought Miles to dinner with everyone. Of course they have met before so I didn't think there would be an issue. Miles used to be good friends with everyone before he left Hogwarts which was only last year.

We all went out for dinner at a restaurant in Diagon Alley. Everything started off well except that Draco didn't say hello to me or Miles, which is weird because they used to be friends. He just sent me a teasing smirk which annoyed me but I reckoned he was just jealous - he always hated seeing me with other guys so I didn't think more of it.

Somehow he landed close to us, and when I said: "Is there any wine left in that bottle?" both he and Miles reached out for it, but Draco grabbed it and poured me a huge glass.

"Whhoa, thats enough, you trying to get me plastered?" I protested.

Draco just said teasingly: "I don't have to get you plastered , love" which was really inappropriate and awkward to say in front of Miles, and me and him both looked away.

And then we'd finally got through dinner, and everyone was going out to the Leaky Cauldron for drinks, but Daphne had earlier that day asked if we could have a double date because she didn't want to go out with everyone if Draco would be there (and he always is) - since she and Draco have never really got on.

So me, Miles, Dapne and Blaise went to another bar to have drinks and just talk, the four of us. And then all of a sudden, Blaise got up and said: "I have to go really, I can't stay here."

Daphne of course, freaked out and said "Why, what's going on?"

"I've got to go," Blaise said, "I've got to go to Draco."

"WHY?!" said Daphne, raising her voice.

"Because! I'm sorry all right, no offence to you mate," he turned to Miles, "cos we had fun yeah, but Draco's my best mate and you two have some sort of problem with each other, yeah..."

We all just gaped at him. Daphne was seething and Blaise stormed out. Daphne started talking shit about Draco and wanted to go to Leaky Cauldron to confront everyone.

"Blaise always puts Draco above me!" she said angrily.

When we got to the Leaky Cauldron, Blaise was sitting there with Theo, Draco, Crabbe and Goyle, Montague and Flint, and they were all surrounded by girls. Blaise was incidentally pouring a glass of champagne for the girl next to him as we approached.

"What the fuck are you doing?" shouted Daphne.

The boys all looked up. "All right?"

Everyone looked shocked including Blaise, but he hastily said "Come sit down, come have a drink."

"Why would I do that?" shouted Daphne, getting very aggravared. "Why would you leave a double date with me to go sit in a pub with a bunch of girls?"

"It didn't feel right, I felt disloyal to my best mate, I already explained that!" Blaise said.

"That's patethic!" Daphne accused.

"How is that patethic?" Theo hastily popped up while Crabbe asked if the girls who were surrounding them could just give them a minute, and the girls left. Me and Miles were still standing behind Daphne not sure what to do.

"Draco's my best friend, Daph," said Blaise, rolling his eyes, "and no offence to you mate, cos we had a nice night, but Draco's my best mate and he's the one I have to stay loyal to".

Miles didn't answer, but Daphne did.

"No that's bollocks!" she exclaimed.

That was when Draco joined the conversation by the lovely act of holding up his hand in her face, cutting her off: "Listen, yeah, he's done nothing wrong - can you see him flirting or doing anything with any of these girls? Just leave it, Daphne."

That just made Daphne angirer. "Yes I can! Rhat's exactly what you're all doing, he's sitting next to them, flirting, pouring drinks..."

Theo said: "Have you ever heard of being polite and being nice? Merlin!"

Draco started laughing, "Exactly" he said.

"Oh fuck off, I'm not even talking to you!"

"Daph," Blaise said hastily, "Come sit, I've done nothing wrong."

"Yes you have!" Daphne exclaimed, "You left a date with me and my friends to come sit with girls at a club, it's weird Blaise!"

"Yeah and I already explained why!" Blaise said "I had to leave... Draco was upset."

That's when Miles joined the conversation. He snorted: "Oh yeah he looks right upset."

Draco looked up, ready, like he'd been prepared all night, like he'd waited for it, I could see the adrenaline pump out into his veins and I knew how quickly Draco reacted so I wished Miles hadn't said anything.

"Mate, don't even start, if you know what's best for you."

Daphne continued yelling at Blaise: "What are you doing here with girls then?!"

But Miles continued to Draco: "Or what? what you going to do?"

Draco began shaking his head slightly, an evil little smile spreading on his face, hastily retorting: "And who the fuck are you?"

Draco: "You know right who I am mate."

"I'm not your fucking mate, who do you fucking think you are."

Theo and the rest were looking very serious, as if preparing to hold Draco back.

"What's your problem?" Miles said to Draco, who continued to smirk in his face.

"I ain't got a problem but it seems like you have," Draco nodded towards me, as if to indicate that Miles should have a problem with me.

"Leave it!" I said, trying to cut it off.

"Right, you said you could have Pansy in a second if you wanted, so go on have a go," said Miles, staring at Draco, motioning towards me. I felt so embarassed, had he really said that?

Draco just laughed. "I don't want her."

"Stop it!" I said.

"You're all talk, Draco, you're all talk," said Miles and that's when Draco got up in a split second - it was that exact second Draco lost it, I can always see it in him.

Crabbe and the rest said "Whoa!" and hurried up to hold Draco back. Dracocame close to him, angrily, and he was beginning to grow very angry. "Say that again will you!" he threathened, Crabbe and Goyle grabbed his arms.

Miles shrugged. "What are you going to do?" also threathingly. They continued arguing a bit like that, everyone of us tried to calm it down, and then Draco came close, smiling derisively and lowered his voice to Miles: "How does it fucking feel, knowing she'll never like you as much as a bloke she hangs out with daily..."

Miles' face screwed up in anger, and I shouted shocked: "Draco!" feeling so embarassed.

Miles just shook his head, and turned to leave, "You're patethic" he spat out before he turned to leave, I hurried after him to make him come back but he left. Draco shouted after him: "yeah go on , walk away!" laughing.

And I was so angry with Draco when I came back, he had made Miles leave me there, and when I came back Daphne and Blaise were still arguing and I was so angry with Draco I picked up one of the glasses from the table first thing I did and chucked the contents at him, splashing him with beer all over his lap.

He exclaimed in surprise and Draco quickly rose to try and brush it off.

"What the hell did you just do?" I yelled at him.

"What the hell did you just do?!" he yelled back.

"Both of you, stop it!" said Theodore, trying to calm me down. But I kept yelling at Draco not even caring where we were.

"Who do you think you are?"

"What's your problem?" shouted Draco.

"You're the one with the problem!" I shoutd back at him. Crabbe and Goyle led us outside as we yelled at each other, it was all a blur.

We were out on the cobblestoned street and I shouted, "You're fucked up Draco!"

"What's your problem?" he said again.

"You can't keep doing this!"

Draco gave a laugh and shouted "Doing fucking what?" He was playing innocent and clueless like he always did.

"I don't WANT YOU!" I shouted at him. Crabbe and the rest had turned away, giving us the decency of pretending like they weren't listening.

"Oh yeah? Didn't seem like it last weekend," Draco spat, bringing back the humiliating memory.

"No," I said "I was drunk, and you were there - bad habit. I don't want you anymore, and you don't want me either, you just think you do because you get jealous when you see me with someone else, but you DON'T WANT ME!"

"I just wanted to put him in his place" Draco shouted back. "He doesn't come to my group of friends, thinking he owns it, who does he think he is?"

"Draco, you don't own Hogwarts!" I shouted at him. "Leave me and him alone from now on!"

And then I stormed off home.