Summary: The first time they meet, Alex is on break from go-go night at a club called the Island, covered in glitter, trying to score free drinks off a too-hot stoic bartender in a dive bar. Jonas is behind the bar at the Kanaloa, less than thrilled to be flirted with by a manic pixie dream girl who screams entitled from a mile away. By the next morning Alex is 70% sure she has a guardian angel. First impressions (and second, and third) can be deceiving. [the Jonalex bartender AU]
Notes: Welcome to the bartender au! For clarification on setting: we're calling it modern day (June 2019 to start), and Alex and Jonas are in their mid-twenties. Placing what would've happened on Edwards Island in 2011. But it didn't happen. Or maybe it did. As far as Alex is aware, there was no night on horror island. And as far as Jonas is concerned, Camena is just a town on a map. In other words: Jonas stayed in North Valley. His mom still died. Michael still died. But even if there was a time loop, it ended before it could begin. Turner wrote for Alex, Hammie wrote for Jonas. Apologies for any inaccuracies, we do what we can.
CHAPTER ONE
It's half past 1 on a Saturday night. Technically, Alex should still be on shift at the Island. Instead, she's waiting outside a dive called the Kanaloa, phone in hand, combat-booted foot propped against the brick wall behind her. Somehow she gets away with not wearing heels to work. The waitresses have to wear them, but Alex is behind the bar and, therefore, no one sees her feet. Ergo, no heels required. (Or so she argued to her employers, and they accepted because no one really wants to face repercussions for a sexist dress code, and technically there may have also been some legal issues around appropriate footwear for dealing with breakable glass... Either way, she won.)
"Alex!"
Blue hair is blown out of her face with a little puff as she slips her cell into her pocket, grinning at the approaching duo before Ren already has his arms around her.
"Thought you were gonna go pink?" Her oldest friend tugs at a loose strand of hair, sharing her grin.
"Thought you were gonna go vegan?" She smirks, smacking him upside the head.
"Ow! And yeah, I did. Briefly."
Alex laughs and hugs his companion. "Hey, Nona."
"Hey Alex."
"So, Miss Night Owl finally managed to make some time for us, huh?" Ren is giving her a hard time again. Par for the course. She doesn't mind it.
"Look, when you guys are only free on the weekend and I'm working 8-4… Or if I'm picking up an extra half-day? I mean, no offense, but I'm not gonna wake up at 11 just so we can grab brunch," she scoffs.
"Oh, like you're so much better than brunch."
"Keep your avocado toast, hipster. If I ever get roped into brunching, it'll only be for bottomless Bloody Marys."
"Or mimosas," Nona pipes up, helpfully.
"Yes, exactly Nona. Mimosas will also do, thank you." Alex gestures to Ren's girlfriend, giving him a see, I told you, kind of look. He just snorts.
"So, why aren't we meeting at your place?" Ren is actually holding the door for her. Obviously, Nona has gradually trained him into manners. Good for her. Only took, what, eight, ten years of on-again off-again highschool sweetheartdom to get him there?
Nona goes in first, and as Alex passes she makes a gesture at Ren, mouthing 'whipped.' It's good for him, though. Nona's the calm anchor to his frenetic hyperactivity. And beneath all her jibes and smirking, Alex is really happy for him. They finally seem to be taking things seriously. Years of starting and stopping for school, of phone calls at 2am because there's a guy on her Instagram, are they dating? Is she dating someone? (You're not actually together right now, Ren. YEAH but I LOVE her!, etc) — finally, they're living in the same city again. And have actually moved in together. Or- well, that was actually probably a year ago, now. They'd settled in Seattle and Alex… has yet to make the trip. Whoops. But luckily they came here!
"It's called the Kanaloa! Like the thing on Edwards Island, right? A throwback to Camena! Besides, I wanted to spare you the herpes," she tosses the comment over her shoulder, overtaking Nona to lead the way to a booth in the corner. The place is a classic dive: dart boards, pool tables, smoke somehow always hanging in the air even though no one has smoked in a bar in… years. An actual honest-to-god jukebox. It's a shame the place is kinda dying out. Ah well, shit happens. Gotta keep with the times.
Nona snorts a laugh (ah yes, the training has gone both ways), and Ren smirks. "What a way to talk about your workplace, Al-"
"Oh shut up," she punches him in the arm. "I meant this." She gestures to the glitter clinging to her skin — her shoulders, her cheeks, her cleavage (because of course there's cleavage, she's a bartender at a club for god's sake, how else would she get tips? People like some skin and being given just enough of a hard time. She's not gonna deny them that if it pays her rent). "It's go-go night for the month, and they just love the stuff." She'd have it in her hair for at least three more days.
There's half a second's pause before she turns narrowed eyes on Ren again. "Wait, are you saying you think I wear this on a regular basis?" Admittedly, yes, the shirt is one of her favorites, but the pink and white PVC skirt? Yeah no. Never. It is reserved specifically for go-go night and only go-go night. She bought it as a joke at a thrift store and ended up using it in a Slutty Power Rangers Halloween costume (college, don't ask) and it sat in her closet for months before the Island became a gig, and go-go night became a thing, and… Well. The rest is history?
"I never see you," Ren whines. "And all your photos are of, like, cocktails and puns. How am I supposed to know?"
Alex rolls her eyes but - fair. "Well. You're here now. So let's have a drink and catch up, mkay? I'm technically supposed to be back on shift in like an hour, but Mick said she'd cover me and— well, if you want, I can probably sneak you guys in if you wanna crash some poor fuck's party on the floor. There's enough noise and flashing lights that you can just commando right in there." She already knows the answer. Ren, of course, is intrigued because he might have had that phase in college of going to raves and taking too much Molly and… yikes. Nona - ever reasonable - is already grimacing at the idea of a club at 2am.
Ren turns his bright-eyed hopeful look to Nona, then smiles ruefully. "We're probably gonna pass."
"Should you be drinking mid-shift?"
Alex scoffs. "I drink on shift. I'm running at like BAC .02 most of the night," she jokes.
Nona looks troubled, and Alex quickly walks it back. "Kidding. I don't drink much outside of work, okay? It's not— I'm not just spending all day drinking. It's just part of the job." And daytime is for sleeping, anyway. And laundry. And running Postmates. And checking Craigslist. You do things to make ends meet, right?
She doesn't like the look Ren and Nona are exchanging. It's that we need to talk about Alex look. She got that a lot at the end of senior year, when she was spending more time tagging along with anyone else than talking with her own family. She got that the first time she dropped out (for like one semester! One measly semester! She made up for it in a summer term, God, calm down). It makes her mouth sour, and she immediately tries to smooth it over.
"Look, I'm sorry you guys came all the way down here just for a couple hours. We can…" She grits her teeth and tries not to grimace. "We can get together tomorrow before my shift."
"For…" Ren has cast aside the worried look in favor of one more amused, watching her jaw tic.
"For…" It takes everything in her not to scoff. "...brunch," she grumbles. As soon as it's out of her, Ren is laughing out loud and she sticks out her tongue like it's covered in something disgusting. "Ugh, God, can't I just get you guys some drinks instead?"
Nona shoots another look at Ren, and it's another one she's seen too often. The do you make enough to be treating us, two full-time Adult Employed People, to drinks? look.
She huffs out a laugh. "Oh my God, calm down. I got this." She's got cash in a roll in her bra, and she tugs the front of her shirt a little lower before heading to the bar.
The bartender is cute, at least. Though it'd probably be easier to get free drinks out of someone less cute, to be honest. Someone a little more desperate. Regardless, she walks up to the bar grinning, head cocked a bit to the side, making a very obvious show of looking him over. "Hey." She hops up onto a stool, crossing her arms and leaning forward a bit, cause - well, when you got 'em, flaunt 'em, etc. There's a bit of cheek in her smile, eyes wide. "It's my friend's birthday," she jerks her head back toward Nona and Ren. "I'm trying to show them a good time in the city. Any chance you do something special for a celebration?" She makes a show of slipping the roll of cash smoothly from the deep-V of her shirt. Gotta spend money to save money. "I've got some extra cash in it for you." He comps a few drinks, he gets the tip. Win-win.
.
It's been a mostly slow night for him. Mostly. There were some teens who know his shifts, and of course they'd tried to get drinks, but Jonas is more of a hard ass and a hassle than most people bargain for. He's been working at the Kanaloa for - what, four or five years now? The locals know him, at least. And this random just walks up to him and asks for free drinks. She's not someone he's seen around, which sets off more than a few alarms in his head, but that isn't something to worry about right now.
At eleven, he'd switched with his boss - one big, burly guy known to most people as what his title was - though he was still hanging out in the back. Probably burning up his smoke break, if Jonas knew anything about him. Reggie was supposed to come in around four or five to actually close up, even if that never happened. Usually it's him. Which he isn't complaining about. Means he has the bar, and by proxy the drinks, to himself for a little while.
And now he has to focus back on the newcomer. It's kind of uncomfortable to be so overtly flirted with, though upon looking back to where she'd gestured, he gets whiplash almost instantly. Three friends, probably… what, a year or two younger than he is? And of course none of them look alike. The one at the bar looks like a unicorn has thrown up on her, bright blue hair and bright eyes. Her plus two contains some hipster-looking blondie with a head full of curls, and the one person who actually looks like they might come here on a Friday night for a few lazy drinks until they felt like going home.
That's an odd crowd. One of his eyebrows raises, and that's when someone else speaks up. "Are you seriously trying for drinks on Jonas, of all people?"
"Oh shut up, Pete! Don't make me spit in your draft!" It's good natured. They're a regular, and they've seen Jonas being a hardass to near everyone that passed by.
"Girlie, you'd have better luck prying a walnut open with your bare fuckin' hands than cracking him with a smile and some flashy outfit."
"Seriously, I will."
Pete scoffs a bit, laughing as they pull themselves away from the pool table to settle on a bar stool about two away from the odd, blue-haired woman. "Just gimme somethin' on tap, Jonas."
"Coming up." He tosses the towel he'd been using to clean off the bar over his shoulder, and then grabs a glass, turning away from his newest customer to fulfill the request. Tonight is going to be interesting. Probably not in a good way.
.
Alex's eyebrows shoot up with unanticipated delight as she's scolded for trying to score free drinks. No - not for trying to do it. For trying to do it from him. So this is a challenge, huh? What, not into girls? Just not into girls in low shirts? Fancies himself a classy man, working in a joint like this? It's enough to make her laugh a bit.
But she's a barfly. She knows people. She can adapt. Her posture slackens, relaxing back a bit, shrugging. "Was worth a shot," she grins to the man who warned her off her course of action, ignoring the so-called Jonas. Or maybe not quite ignoring, shooting him a sidelong glance before turning to face the patron.
"What about you, Pete? A girl gets all dolled up, and no one's even gonna buy her a drink?" It's not the same seductive innocent play she'd been going with. Not gonna fly here, apparently. Instead it's a much more standardly Alex crooked grin, well in on the joke. "You know how much rent in Portland is, Pete?" she asks conversationally, crossing her legs and leaning on an elbow. "Too damn much, I'll tell you that. You know how much my student loans are?" She lets out a long sigh, shaking her head and rolling her eyes melodramatically. They come to rest on Jonas. "And Jonas over here can't even comp a girl a drink on her friend's birthday," she shakes her head disappointedly.
.
Pete offers up a bit of a shrug, "And whatever the lady wants. Not like I ain't got some money on me."
Jonas nearly balks in the middle of topping off the cup. Really. This is actually happening tonight. Okay, well, he's not going to deny service to someone who's paying, especially not a regular. A regular who somewhat has a reputation for tipping well, depending on the drink. Though his eyes still roll at the older man's perspective on it, passing the drink over the counter before turning back to the glitter fairy. Seriously, what kind of getup is that? A go-go outfit or something?
"What can I get for you? Seeing as Pete's paying."
.
Alex gives her thanks and looks a bit too self-satisfied, though she shares her grin with the kindly patron before turning a not-quite-gloating look on Mr. Jonas.
"The hipster will take a Crux Half Hitch if you've got it, or whatever your most pretentious IPA is otherwise. Cool girl will go for a Russian River Belgian, but again - nothing too generic for these two, they're from out of town, so if not— top shelf whiskey for her, on the rocks. I'll take the next step down and make it a double, neat." The words roll off her tongue like she'd already had them planned. Her grin is a little sharp, maybe a tiny bit smug. "I'm not picky."
.
Jesus Christ she's pretentious. That just makes his night, doesn't it? Going under the bar for an IPA is easy, they keep the bottles chilling in the cooler, though her initial requests are more than a bit odd. So she's just showing off for the sake of showing off. At least she knows her drinks. There's a bit of a notch to Jonas's brow as he moves around behind the bar, silently pouring out of a bottle of High West on the rocks and another Bowmore for queen-of-the-pixies herself.
"You're gonna have to come up to the bar if you wanna drink, y'know. No servers after midnight." Jonas calls the words out to the two still sitting in their booth, settling the glasses and bottle onto the counter in front of both Pete and the mystery girl. "Now pay up, Pete, you said you would."
As he's shelling out cash, Jonas leans himself against the back wall, silently counting.
.
Alex cocks her head, biting her lip to keep from crowing, smiling at the bartender as he pours her drink. Winning his little challenge somehow makes him hotter? Or maybe just… more adorable? She kinda wants to pinch his cheeks. Mostly to see how he'll react. Before picking up her drinks, Alex hops down off the chair and goes over to Pete, giving him a one-armed hug. "You are a pillar of the community, Pete. A man of faith and charity. Bless you." She pecks him on the cheek.
Walking back to the prepared drinks, she pulls a couple fives from the roll of cash, slipping the rest back into her shirt. "You too, Jonas." She bats her eyelashes, sliding the bills onto the bar before picking up the glasses and bottle and heading back to her friends.
"I feel dirty." Ren whines, though he's half smirking. "Alex, why do I feel dirty?"
She very nearly cackles, slides the bottle across to him. "Drink up. Mamma worked hard for that drink, boy." They're both snorting.
"Thank you, Alex." Nona has the sense not to complain, but she's smiling as she drinks up as well.
.
The next thirty minutes or so pass without much incident. The manic woman and her friends are all drinking, and he's taken up conversation with one of the younger patrons, more than happy to be distracted from the group. Though it looks less like a group, and more like a couple and a third wheel. The hipster and the black-haired girl seem like a couple, and seem far better off than their odd companion. Then again, he isn't going to complain. Pete shelled out some big bucks for that, and plus the tip, it was better than his usual customers. Though he'd disappeared a few minutes back for the sake of 'getting home to the missus' as he put it. Still odd.
Jonas checks the clock, excuses himself to the back. His boss - Daniel - is stacking up crates, and beams at him upon entry. "Well, hey there. Smoke break soon, I'm guessing?"
"Yup. There are some fuckin' kooks in here today, I swear to God."
Daniel's eyebrows raise. "Kooks? You callin' some of our hard-working, paying patrons kooks Jonas? Cause-"
"No! No, no, there are some newbies or something." Wow he's rolling his eyes a lot tonight. "One of them's got electric blue hair. Managed to convince Pete to pay for drinks."
"Well. Looks like you have them entertained."
"I what?"
"You heard me!" He laughs, a full-bellied thing, and then hefts a box into its proper place on top of three others. Oh no. Jonas knows where this is going. "Get back out there, make some money. I'll let you smoke in another… hmm, hour and a half. Make yourself something, on the house."
God fucking damn it, okay. Well. Back to it, then. He brushes past to grab another bottle - the thing he'd originally needed - before stepping behind the bar again to make himself a rum and coke. Based on the company, he would probably need it, even if he never drank on the job. Okay, not often, at least. The woman near grins when she spots him making one for himself. So she's one of those people. Great. Perfect. Absolutely stellar.
.
Alex had been worried for a second. Hot bartender disappeared right as she was jonesing for another drink, and her mark - such a good mark, really, what a champ - had already left. For a minute she thought she might actually have to wait til going back on the clock to drink. Unacceptable, of course.
She practically skips back to the bar, even as Ren is stifling his laughter and Nona groaning into her hands. "Drinking on the job?" She tuts her tongue. "For shame." Hypocrite.
"Tell you what. Since my good friend Pete can't buy the next round, how about I take that - and a couple duplicates - off your hands for you?" She doesn't expect it to work. Unless he's so sick of her that he just wants her gone. Which— sad, but totally fair. But she's a generous tipper! A $10 tip on three drinks? That's a score, especially at a dive like this. Then again: he's hot. Probably gets a hefty tip all the time. She nearly snorts at that thought, but recovers quickly. "Whaddya say, Jojo?" She cocks her head again, in that mockery of flirtation. "My budget will forever appreciate you."
.
"Not usually..." Jonas mutters the words into his cup, and pointedly keeps away from her. Jojo. Seriously? This is insane. He's back out for what, two minutes, and she's already gaming him for free drinks. Tonight is going to be the absolute worst, he can tell. The other girl - Gretchen, he thinks, but she usually goes by Gigi - scowls at the newcomer. Uh-oh.
"Uhm, excuse me? We were talking. I was talking."
"Gigi, seriously, she's just trying to coax me into something that I'm sure as hell not gonna do. You decided on that next glass yet?" Instantly he's trying to redirect her, because he's fairly sure she thought the blue haired one was flirting with him while she was also flirting; this is a clusterfuck. Gigi glances back to him with a sugary sweet smile, and he thinks he can feel himself cringing at it, even if she doesn't notice. This is terrible. All of this is terrible.
"Oh, just go ahead and get me whatever you'd advise for a woman like myself." Yup. He can busy himself with that. Jonas only gives a nod before promptly turning around to go and mix her a drink. Out of the corner of his eyes, he can spot both the hipster and the other girl trying to get their friend to lay up a bit. At least some people still have their brains attached to their heads.
.
Upon hearing Jonas address her, Alex lets out a delighted gasp, an amazed whisper with eyes wide; "Oh my god, Jojo and Gigi — this is adorable."
She still feels the woman's glare, and Alex turns to her with that look of delight falling into a smirk, voice jarringly back in her usual register, and sardonic. "Look, hon. I'm not trying to steal your boyfriend." She shakes her head, tone more mocking than pacifying. "Just flirting. He's hot." Her eyes flick over him again for a second, before looking back to the woman. "And he's a bartender," she rolls her eyes; "it comes with the territory." Alex should know. She's constantly getting hit on. It doesn't always suck, but sometimes it does. Too bad. Just how the world works. Besides- "I'm not laying hands on him, okay?" She wiggles her fingers. "You can keep him all to yourself."
For a second, Alex turns away, prepared to just order a round and leave - apologize to the poor guy while she's at it - but then she hears the woman scoff.
Alex freezes.
Ren must be watching more closely than she's realized, cause she hears from behind, "Alex…"
Too late. The idea is already in her head.
When she turns back to Gigi, she has that fake sunny smile on again. "You up for a wager, Gigi? You win, I'll pay for your drink. An apology for sweet talkin' Jojo over here." She jerks her head toward the bartender, a motion at odds with her voice, but just about fitting with the glint in her eyes.
.
Wow. He has shit luck. Gigi opens her mouth to respond when Jonas slams his hand down onto the counter, followed by her drink. "Nope. My bar, my rules, and I'm shutting this the fuck down." The noise seems to surprise some of the other patrons, and Daniel pokes his head out of the back room only to give a wave motioning for Jonas to do what he wants. With a shrug, he allows it. Jonas isn't going to do anything stupid, and his boss has learned that by now. Which is good.
Besides. This needs to end before someone takes it way too far. "Three things. One: she's not my girlfriend, she's a person who ordered a drink and now needs to pay for it." Gigi looks sheepish, but she hands over the cash, along with a generous tip for the trouble.
.
Alex is half disappointed - cause she coulda whooped that girl in anything - but she graciously drops the fight. She glances down and away, biting her lip as she tries not to look impertinent (it is a struggle). She's more excited to see the other woman dressed down than she is herself. Maybe a little happy that he goes out of his way to point out she's not his girlfriend. She does not snicker, no matter how much she is tempted to.
.
"Two: if you're going to wager, bet, or bargain, either do it away from me or without involving me. I've got not horse in this race. And three-" He rounds on the pixie queen again, and he really needs a better name for her, but that doesn't really matter when Jonas leans over the bar and glowers at her. It's an intimidating stance. He's a pretty tall guy, not to mention being built well, and seeing that towering over you would not mean you were having a particularly good day. When he speaks again, his voice is low, nearly threatening. "Don't. Call me Jojo."
.
When he finally gets to her, Alex's eyes flick back to him and for once she isn't grinning. But only because she's got her lips sandwiched between her teeth, hardly hiding a small smile, 'cause she's too in on the drama. It's been a long day. And poking this poor guy has been just the entertainment she needed. She should really apologize for that. She's not sure if it's him or the bar itself, but something smells good. Kinda woody and kinda smokey, and just a bit of that familiar boozy scent. Her lips slip from between her teeth and she schools her face into an appropriately measured expression. No fake grins, no smirks, just that small quirk at the edge of her mouth that makes it clear his intimidation tactics - while, okay, kinda hot? - aren't what's making her choose to accept his demands.
Tilting her chin up at him, in a challenging gesture, she takes a deep breath— but lets it out. The Or what? carefully tucked away. She knows what: she'll get kicked out of the bar. And that would be a real shame. Instead of answering right away, she just meets his - oh, hello, intense - gaze, and stares him down.
"...Okay." For now. "In that case, Jonas. Three reasonably priced rum and cokes, please." She hasn't moved a muscle since he decided to confront her. Not stepping back, not shrinking away, not backing down, though very carefully meeting his demands.
.
Reasonably priced. He nearly scoffs. After all the shit she just pulled? They'd be the most expensive drinks he mixes tonight, if not for the fact that his boss might kill him. Those aren't exactly pricey, depending on what rum he uses. But Jonas can meet those demands. Even if he really doesn't want to deal with this any longer. Slowly, he pulls himself back, only giving a paced kind of nod before turning around to fill up three glasses. He thinks he hears her friends shooting her whispers, trying to placate her, and really he'd appreciate the gesture if they weren't affiliated.
But they are. And he's serving them anyways. Because both he and the Kanaloa need money, and his boss will kill him if he doesn't, and some other reason that he can't think up right now. If he just keeps giving himself reasons, Jonas might manage not to pop a gasket. Which would really not be good on working hours.
"Here." He passes the three glasses over the bar, and then settles against the wall again, taking out a pack of cigarettes to flick them open and shut. No smoking inside. Doesn't mean he can't work the lid a little bit to get rid of his need to be yelling at something. Really, he thought he was past this stage. Then again, the whole intimidation tactic had been for the point of mediating… Ah, he can grumble over details later. For now he just needs to get his pay before going outside and calming his nerves. Easy.
.
Alex pulls out her cash. "Thank you, Jonas." It's not quite a sing-song, but close, as she drops several bills on the bar. She always leaves a good tip. Always. And he is more than deserving of it.
When she finally makes it back to Ren and Nona, Ren's eyes are wide with a kind of shocked and giddy expression, and Nona looks worried.
"Ohmigod, I feel like we just narrowly averted a bar fight!" He's more excited than he should be. Alex snorts.
"Alex, seriously, that could've gone so badly-"
"Ugh, calm down. I'm like… the easy-going-est person ever." Ren nearly chokes on his drink, but Alex continues anyway. "We would've settled it with a little wager, she would've lost her cool and stormed out. Maybe before paying up, maybe not. That's how these things work."
"That is definitely not how these things work," Nona mutters.
"Hey, I got us one round for free, right? That's something?"
"You…" Ren looks at her, a little perplexed. "You… paid for these?"
Alex bursts out laughing. "Yeah I paid for these, Christ Ren, I'm not in college, we're not shoplifting beer."
"Rum and cokes," Nona corrects absently.
"It was beer," Ren corrects his girlfriend. "It was beer and it was from a Mexican supermarket over spring break."
Yes, before her dad stopped paying her tuition and Cancun became a distant dream. "Besides, the poor bartender was about to have a heart attack," she muses, glancing back to the bar. He's standing, glaring at nothing, brooding. All tall, dark, and-
"Oh god, he's just your type."
Alex grins. Yes. Yes he is.
Notes: Eyy! First chapter! Welcome to the highly self-indulgent bartender au. We have fun. Thanks to sassy on tumblr for helping us make a half-assed attempt at accuracy for the first few chapters, and to the Jonalex server for sharing our enthusiasm xD