*Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of the characters in it. I simply borrow them for my own musings and fantasies and do not get paid for their use in said musings or fantasies. –Nira

Chapter 18

Kakashi hadn't been able to sleep and he was afraid to find out what he'd dream about if he drank the tea that Yuriko had given him, so he distracted himself in every way he could think of. His house was spotless, his beloved book lacked its usual appeal and failed to hold his attention, core and body weight exercises grew boring, a shower gave him too much time to think, and only a couple of hours had passed. Soon, even staying home was too much as he thought about the one time that Yuriko had stayed the night because he broke her door, so he left for the bar that his friends frequented in the hopes that someone- anyone- would be there. When he got to the bar, he sighed in relief to see Kurenai, Asuma, Guy and Genma hanging out around the fireplace outside. The group was surprised to see him but welcomed him anyway, Genma offering to buy him a drink which he gladly accepted.

"What brings you out tonight, Kakashi?" Asuma asked.

"Yeah, didn't you just get back from a long mission today? Kurenai added, just as curious.

"I just couldn't sleep," Kakashi sighed as he took a seat next to Genma.

"Is something on your mind?" Genma asked from beside him, taking a sip of his hot sake.

"Nothing in particular," Kakashi lied, wishing everyone would stop asking.

He came out looking for a distraction so he wouldn't think about his jealousy of Iruka's closeness with Yuriko or even why he was jealous. She was no longer his subordinate or teammate but still, he shouldn't be as emotionally invested in her as to be envious of another man spending time with her, he thought. They barely knew each other, in all honesty, so his feelings for her were misdirected and irrational… and yet, he still wanted her to be the first person to know that he'd given up his ANBU mask.

Nobody believed him but none of them really wanted to push the issue, so they went back to their conversation. Kakashi listened only enough to follow along while his mind traveled back to the cemetery and the two shinobi sitting in front of the Kyuubi memorial eating ramen together. A thought came back to the forefront of his mind and he furrowed his brow and took a shot of the hot sake that had been brought for him, hoping to block it out and enjoy his time with his friends, but still, it persisted.

'It should have been me.'

Yuriko's dreams were vivid. The colors were bright and warm and she swore she could feel the sun's rays on her face while she and Eiichi laid in the grass of a small field, basking in the summer sun, their hands clasped together and heads turned toward each other. His fingers laced with hers were warm, and his hands were bigger than hers, rough from playing and climbing whatever he could manage to pull his weight up or over.

"Yuriko, you know what?" Eiichi smiled after a while.

"No, what?" she asked back.

"One day when we're older, I'm gonna ask you to marry me."

A blush spread across Yuriko's face and she looked away. "No way. You're crazy."

In an instance, the bright, childish innocence of the dream disappeared and Yuriko's facial expression darkened with it, maturing several years. She was standing under a dark cloud, the greenery below her feet and surrounding her brown and wilted, and Eiichi was standing a few feet from her, everything still bright and cheerful and colorful around him.

"Don't say such ridiculous things," came Yuriko's current voice as she looked at the young red-headed boy. "You'll never ask me to marry you. You'll never get the chance," she stated.

Eiichi's face fell. "Why not?"

"Because you're going to die. You're going to be ripped away from me and I'll only ever see you again here in my dreams."

Yuriko had begun to cry and buried her face in her hands, bawling, and Eiichi's gaze was soft and tender as a sad smile spread across his face.

"You'll see me again. It just won't be me."

When Yuriko looked up in shock, her violet eyes were met with big, innocent blue eyes before she was thrust out of the dream and slowly awoke, the first thing she noticed being the brightness shining through her eyelids. She was warm and lying on something soft and downy and the smells of eggs, rice, fried fish, tea, and miso wafted through the air, accompanied by the muffled sounds of someone cooking.

Yuriko slowly opened her eyes to find herself in an unfamiliar bed, but the clean scent of freshly laundered sheets was familiar. She sat up and yawned, stretching and examining her surroundings. Looking around the room, she noticed the photographs on the bedside table and on the walls. Picking the frame up from the side table, she looked it over and instantly saw the orange outfit and bright blond hair of her favorite young ninja standing next to a tall man with freckles, a scar across his nose and cheeks, and his hair pulled into a high ponytail. The barely contained pride in the man's expression and the kind smile across his face brought a smile to Yuriko's lips and she knew exactly where she was, though she was sure she'd never been there before.

As her feet met the cold wooden floor, she shivered and stood, making her way into the hallway. The setup of this apartment was almost exactly the same as hers and Kakashi's except there were more personal effects and decorations throughout it. When she'd gotten to the end of the hallway, she could see into the kitchen where Iruka was setting the table in civilian clothes and an apron. He looked up, catching sight of her bare feet in the doorway and smiled wide.

"Good morning, Yuriko-san. How did you sleep?"

"Like the dead…" she grinned. "How did I get here?"

"You fell asleep on me and I didn't know what to do or where you live, so I just carried you here. I hope you don't mind."

He was blushing as he explained himself and looked away, the endearing sheepishness about him again, and Yuriko smiled. "Thank you, Iruka-san. I apologize for being such a burden to you. You should have woken me and sent me home."

"It's no trouble. I enjoy spending time with you. Besides, you'd just gotten back from a mission, so you needed the rest. And, I'm sure you didn't eat very well while you were away, so I thought I'd make breakfast."

Yuriko stiffened, suddenly remembering that she'd been in a situation like this once before at Kakashi's house. Kakashi hadn't been as kind about it all as Iruka was being, he hadn't cooked such an elaborate spread for breakfast, and the reason she'd been there was very different, but Yuriko remembered being much more guarded, so the fact that she was so much more at ease with Iruka made her nervous. At the realization, she instantly reached up to her face in search of her mask and Iruka's face fell, knowing what it meant for her to have done it. She was withdrawing again, putting her guard up and blocking herself off from not only him, but the rest of the world.

Her mask was securely in place and she wondered when it had happened since she didn't remember replacing it after their late night dinner in the cemetery. As instantly as she'd reached for the mask, seeing Iruka's crestfallen face she regretted having done it. For a very tense, seemingly endless moment, Yuriko struggled with herself. Everything she'd learned and experienced and been taught screamed for her to run. He was too close and knew too much- it was only time that stood between this moment and another heartbreak because she'd been weak and let someone in again… but there was that small, nearly nonexistent part that still had hope for the male gender of the species that told her to let it happen, and it was putting up a hell of a fight despite everything.

'Things take time,' she thought, and with a heavy sigh and trembling fingers, Yuriko pulled her mask down and took a seat at the table, consciously fighting the negative side of her mind telling her that it was a bad idea. 'Gods, please let this time be different.'

"It looks and smells delicious, Iruka-san," she smiled.

Iruka's smile wasn't as full as it could have been, knowing what it must've taken for her to have taken that step. He was glad she'd decided to stay, but he hadn't realized just how broken and pre-programmed against human interaction and intimacy she really was until then. It was sad, but he was patient. If she needed more time to be as comfortable around him as she was the night before, then he'd give her that time, he decided. She was worth it.

Yuriko was on her way to the training grounds to work off some of her anxiety after she'd left Iruka's house when she ran into Kurenai. Kurenai smiled wide, and waved to Yuriko as she walked over and Yuriko returned her smile, glad to see her.

"Welcome back, Yuriko-san. I heard that you got back yesterday," Kurenai started.

"Thank you. I'm glad to be back. How have you been? I feel like I haven't seen you in a long time."

"My team keeps me pretty busy. They're great kids, though, and they'll be taking the Chuunin exam soon, so I'll have more free time while they're doing that."

"How do you like being a Squad Leader?"

"I love it. It's really satisfying and fulfilling to watch your team grow from Genin straight from the academy to Chuunin going on more difficult missions and contributing to the village. Why do you ask?"

"Someone suggested to Hokage-sama that I'd be a good teacher, so he extended the offer."

"Yeah? Are you thinking about taking it?"

"I'm considering it… My missions have been… difficult, to say the least. It might be better for me in the long run."

"You should! I think you'd be a good teacher or Squad Leader. You seem more comfortable around children than you do around adults anyway."

"You've noticed?" Yuriko chuckled.

"It's kind of hard not to. I think you might be worse than Kakashi," she laughed. "Even he came out last night."

"Really?" Yuriko inquired, shocked and slightly concerned. Had he run out of tea and couldn't sleep?

"Yeah. He seemed to have something on his mind but he wouldn't tell anyone and hardly talked. We didn't want to push it, so we just let it go. Do you know what's going on with him?"

"I have no idea. I wasn't home last night."

"No?"

Yuriko shook her head "no," her concern growing more and more. Maybe she shouldn't have stayed out so late. They had just come back from a mission that was extremely mentally and emotionally taxing. Maybe it took a greater toll on Kakashi than he let on, but she'd been so involved in herself and her own mind that she hadn't even considered how Kakashi was faring.

"I couldn't stand to be in my apartment," Yuriko admitted. "It was cold and lifeless and didn't feel like home, so I left."

Surprised and genuinely curious, Kurenai inquired, "Where did you go for the whole night?"

"I went to the memorial in the center of the cemetery. Iruka-san came and kept me company for most of the night, but apparently I'd fallen asleep and… well…" Yuriko's cheeks blazed red, embarrassed to admit that she'd woken up in a man's house. "He didn't want to just leave me there or wake me up, so…"

Kurenai's eyes widened, realizing what she was trying to say. Genma and Kakashi had both mentioned that Yuriko hated men, and her social awkwardness made it difficult for her to be around people in general so it was a huge deal for her to have woken up in someone else's house, let alone a man's. It made sense, though, she thought. Iruka was kind and would never do anything to hurt anyone if he didn't have to, so that was probably the safest place she could have ended up, aside from in her own bed by her own two feet. Maybe she was trying to become more social and trusting of people. If that was her intention, Iruka was a good place to start.

"I'm glad that you're pushing your comfort zone and being more sociable, Yuriko-san," she smiled and Yuriko's cheeks flushed a deeper pink. "And I think you should take the Squad Leader position. It'll be a good experience for you and you can meet and watch the youth of the village grow into our replacements. There really is no better feeling."

"Thank you," Yuriko smiled, her cheeks still slightly flushed and eyes downcast. She was flattered that Kurenai cared so much about her wellbeing and social life. It was refreshing to know that she had at least one genuine friend in her.

"Don't mention it. We should catch up sometime soon. Maybe over lunch?"

"I'd like that."

The girls exchanged friendly smiles and waved good-bye before returning to their own activities, Yuriko actually making her way to the training grounds.