CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Days pass, no response. Not even a check in. He expected this, and life goes on. Of course Daniel notices how distracted he is, Theo does— hell, even his dad does, and that's just through phone calls. None of them know why. His father doesn't even know about Alex, and neither does Theo, and Daniel takes it as the fight putting a little more guilt on his shoulders. And it had. But not as much as her leaving. Alex was this bright, bombastic light, and without her everything feels dulled down. Like the world just lost its color. Jonas keeps thinking back to the night it all started changing, started breaking apart, even if in the end they'd pieced it back together. For a little while.
The rest of the world just hates fun.
"Yeah, Al." Jonas mutters the words into empty space, directed at no one, as he walks toward his bike. Post-work rides have become a regular practice since she'd left. It doesn't make him feel any better, but it gets his mind off of other things, onto the road. Onto something he's more used to than people. It's an endless thing, an odd kind of comfort, and it's always there. He can feel it through the thrum of the engine, the slow drift into a turn, skidding to a stop and scuffing up the only pair of boots he owns even further. Silence is all consuming, but he's okay with that. It leaves Jonas breathing room.
On more than one of these nights, he's found himself screaming at nothing in the middle of nowhere. That was okay, too.
It kinda hurt when he didn't respond. Scratch that, it hurt a lot, but she wasn't allowed to complain, because she did this to herself. A necessary evil, maybe.
Things are easier when Frankie's around. She feels like she made the right choice because, God; Frankie is the perfect distraction, and she was thrilled when Alex mumbled her decision. Maybe too thrilled, really, 'cause Alex was - is - still hurting over it, and some sympathy would've been nice.
Frankie is great, yes. But when she isn't around… It's a tug of war between stubborn self-assuredness and complete and utter doubt.
It was in one of these internal struggles that she made what felt, at the time, like a huge mistake of rereading their texts. That was when she spotted the typo.
"Fuck."
I just can't be friends. I can't just be friends. They're so close, she must've missed it, but how did she fuck that up?
Which is why, now, after being alone for a few hours in a row, and not having Frankie to distract her, Alex is waiting. At the Kanaloa. Because this feels like an apology that should be made in person. Or, maybe it's because too much of her couldn't resist. She's never been great at delayed gratification. She's never been great at telling herself no, when it comes down to it. And now, hidden under that easy smile to the day shift guy, she's a mess of nerves. But the Kanaloa is familiar - it's not like she didn't come here over and over again when they were talking regularly. Sitting at the bar, grinning at Jonas, killing time and joking around. It's a comfortable place. Even if her fingers are scratching at the print on her pint glass, fidgeting, going over the flood of words trying to straighten themselves out into sentences in her mind.
-I'm so sorry-
-I never meant that-
-It's complicated-
-I could never-
I miss you. I miss you so much, Jesus fucking Christ.
Part of her is distantly aware that she's not going to be able to stop. That this is her deciding she's somehow okay with emotional infidelity— which feels morally wrong, but she's used to guilt. She's not a cheater. Been accused of it before, but clumsily kissing someone in a drunken haze and caring about them are two different things. To her, anyway. Kissing a friend or a stranger is— nothing. It's fine. She did it all the time in college, anyway. Friends kissed each other. It happened. Hell, she'd even kissed Jonas. In a… friendly way.
Fuck.
"Alex?"
She's pulled out of her tangled train wreck of thought by a familiar voice, blinking back to the present and turning. "Logan! Hi! I didn't know you knew this place." He's a regular on her routes for Frankie. Nice guy. Always offers her a snack and a drink before she heads off again.
"Yeah, I…" He trails off with a shrug. "Kinda here for work, actually."
Work? Alex raises an incredulous eyebrow. "For… the auto shop?"
"Not—" Logan is half-smiling, looking a little sheepish. "Side gig, I guess. Sorta for a friend of a friend."
"Huh." There's a moment of pause. "Are you meeting someone?"
He glances around the bar. "Should be. A little early, I guess."
Alex nods. Same, same. "So what's the side gig?"
His eyes flick over her, like he's trying to figure out how much she'll understand of whatever industry jargon he's about to spout, looking almost amused before he just shakes his head. "Actually, think you can point me to the bathroom?"
She snorts incredulously. "Okay, I mean sure, just 'cause I don't have a car doesn't— well, yeah, I guess it does, I'm shit at cars." Alex gives him that crooked grin before gesturing for the hall. "Don't hurt yourself," she jokes.
Logan isn't even gone long enough for her to sink back into the swamp of unpleasant thought before the back door opens and Alex's heart catches for a second.
Jonas looks… tired. Kind of grim. It takes a second for him to see her, and for her to figure out what the hell she's doing, but by the time he's at the edge of the bar it's too late, because she's already surging toward him. It's not a gentle impact, leaving her a bit winded, but she doesn't care because she's been really really wanting to do this for too long now. Her hands dig into his back, clutching at the fabric there, cheek pressed against his chest, catching her breath in a wave of smoke and spice and wood. "I— um." Her brain is slowly realizing her actions. "I wanted to apologize." It would be easier if she wasn't trying to speak into his shirt, but she doesn't want to pull away right this second.
.
When he trudges into work on Wednesday, he doesn't expect it to be any different. The bar is almost unusually quiet, though it doesn't really perturb him as he glances around the place— until he notices bright blue hair by the bar. At first, Jonas wants to call it a fever dream, some illusion of what he wants (what he needs, even if he'll never admit it), but then she comes running at him and he has to back up two paces with her impact. It's Alex. But that… How? Why? What's the point?
This can't be real. It can't be. This is some dream he's going to wake up from in the morning, and he's going to go through the same motions, do the same things, try to take joy in the day-to-day. Whatever Alex had said before everything went wrong. Before she left. Before he started midnight rides and too much coffee.
She's trying to apologize, and Jonas doesn't even care, just wraps his arms around her shoulders and tugs her as close as possible. Because if this is a dream, and he's going to wake up, then he damn well better make the most of this. So he buries his face into her hair and just breathes.
.
Jesus this is why tall people are such good blankets; it's the reach. She's completely wrapped up in him. But more importantly, he's hugging back. Her words are mumbled into his shirt, and she's trying not to sound like an idiot, but she's not so great at that at the moment. "I didn't realize— it was a stupid typo and I didn't mean— I mean, I meant something else, but—" She can't say that now. That's… that's a lot harder to say in person. And maybe— maybe she can just be friends. Maybe.
Liar. You're just making this worse for yourself.
Fuck. No. She can try. "I swear to god, angel, I didn't mean it that way. You're not— it's not you. I swear to god, Frankie's just—" Alex shakes her head, but it's almost like she's burrowing into him. "She's wrong about you, okay? I know that."
Okay. Okay, she should stop. She should stop hugging him.
Stop hugging him, Alex.
Seriously. You have a girlfriend.
Comfort. This is comfort. She's allowed to get comfort from someone else. She's allowed to give comfort to someone else. And that feels like what she's doing.
.
She's talking, he isn't really paying attention, but he can ask about it later. This is going to raise some questions with people, but it doesn't matter. In the grand scheme of things, nothing matters, even if he shouldn't be thinking about things like that right now. Jonas can't help the shuddering, forlorn kind of sigh that comes out of him. Because no one comes back. No one comes back, and here she is, just… just standing with him. Being here. It shouldn't be real.
Jonas doesn't pull his head back up until he's sure Alex is finished, and his eyes look more bloodshot than they should, dark circles rimming edges of the skin around them. Definitely staying up later than he probably should be. One of his hands moves to gingerly stroke a thumb over her cheek, and pull her face back in the process, because it's buried in his chest and he wants to see her. To verify that this is something. That this is Alex, and she's here, and she's not leaving again.
.
Okay, that's— that's not fair. Her mind immediately zips back weeks ago, his hand under her chin, face to face in his bed. Alex manages a nervous smile. "You're doing the thing, Jonas." It would be a joke, and might pass as one, still. She's not happy about it, but she untangles her arms from around him to pull his hand away. "You know me. If you keep doing that…" If you keep talking like that I'm gonna want to kiss you again. Fuck. She's a fucking idiot. What was she thinking, anyway?
Shaking her head, Alex takes a step back, still holding onto his wrist. "We've already established over and over again you're this fuckin' heavenly being, angel, and I would in an instant." She's trying to joke. She's almost got it, even if it's unavoidably as apologetic as it is self-deprecating. "But girlfriend."
Fickle. That's the word. Whoever's closest. With Jonas this close - and fuck, he still is, she takes another half step back - it's easy to forget how much she cares about Frankie. And when Frankie's there, so intent on keeping her occupied, she barely has a second to think, let alone let her mind wander to Jonas. And when they were in the same room… that had been the worst. And having him make the decision for her hadn't been as much of a relief as it should've been.
.
Right, right social mores are still a thing. Why do social mores have to be a thing? Jonas is still trying to piece together exactly what Alex had been saying, something about apologizing and not meaning what she said, but it's all kind of fuzzy. He's been more focused on her actual presence than her words. But he lets her go when she moves, rubbing the crown on the nape of his neck out of habit. What can he even say? What should he start with? Is there even a place to start?
Ugh. Overthinking. Then again, he overthinks everything, and that's something she should be used to by now. Though Jonas waits on her to finish, managing a tired smile at her half joke, leaning on the edge of the bar until the conversation is over. Day shift hasn't left yet. And people never seem to mind waiting a while; they can just call him if they really want something.
When he does finally speak, his voice sounds worse off than before. Probably from the screaming and lack of actual, human conversation outside of work. "Yeah."
.
There's a moment when her brows draw together, 'cause he doesn't sound so good. He doesn't look so good, either. She still hasn't let go of him. Her thumb slides up over the heel of his palm, pressing into his hand in some attempt at comfort. She's relieved, but not relieved enough to drop back into their usual banter. Even if she wants to. To get back some of that casual normalcy they had.
"Look, I… I know I'm usually with Frankie, but…" Wow, okay, that would be kinda breaking her girlfriend's trust. But… it's really hard to think of her with Jonas right here. "She's - um. She's usually gone - or I'm usually doing deliveries - like… like 1-5?" It feels illicit. "If you want to… you know. Talk." Some part of her has the presence of mind to think it's really fucking weird to have to schedule time to talk to friends when her girlfriend isn't around. But it's for Frankie's peace of mind. She's just being considerate. Right?
.
To talk. The last time he talk-talked he was probably in therapy. Or at least, as far as talking about his problems went, he was definitely in some form of forced therapy or counseling. Jonas moves to wrap an arm around her again, head shaking just a bit. "I'll be fine, Al. Just a few bad days in the grand scheme of things." A whole lot of bad days in the grand scheme of things. A whole lot of bad nights. Jonas doesn't mention that part. "Besides. You need those jobs to pay rent, right? Shouldn't mess with time you need for yourself."
It's a bit of an excuse to make sure Alex thinks he's alright. To make sure that she can talk about herself, rather than trying to comfort him, because that isn't her job. His job is to keep her safe, as best he can. Her job is to just be there. Not to entertain him, though she did that regularly with some fairly stupid antics, but to make sure he doesn't become the jaded mess that he currently is. To soften him up. God, Frankie was right.
.
This is normal human contact. Normal. Fine.
Get your shit together, Alex. Girlfriend.
She's not a fucking teenager. She can keep her fucking head around a cute guy. Still, her eyes are wandering away to resist the temptation, and she's shaking her head. "I don't mean— Christ, Jonas, just text me some time. But… but in that time, I guess." The rest of her statement is more to herself, a mumbled, "Also, I need to…" as her eyes catch on Logan coming out of the bathroom on the other side of Jonas.
It's when he starts to head in their direction, eyes fixed on Jonas, mouth a grim line, that her eyebrows start to raise. So… So is that what his business is? Her gaze flicks back to Jonas, wondering what side hustle he's running, when Logan is close enough for his voice to reach them. "Jonas. We need to talk."
Oh. Okay. This feels like… This feels like something she shouldn't be here for. Still, she hesitates, even though she objectively knows she should be pulling out of his hold.
.
He knows that voice. Which is weird, considering he hasn't heard it in years, but that's nothing new. Jonas untangles himself from Alex, because - due to the tone - this sounds like some kind of warning. "What the hell— What do you mean we need to talk?" There he goes again. Back on the defensive.
But Jonas's ex has just appeared over his shoulder, in the middle of his bar, while he's trying to convince himself that someone finally wants to stay. To say this is souring his mood would be an understatement. Though everything clicks into place rather quickly once he takes in the other man's stature, the way he's speaking, the look on his face. He's seen it before. This isn't a good news face.
.
They know each other. Okay. And Jonas isn't happy about it. So… this is like Frankie all over again? It makes sense, in a roundabout way; the jobs Alex has been doing are for Frankie, after all. Logan shoots a look first at her - something wary and unsure - before looking to Jonas again with that tight-jawed annoyance.
Alex's mouth opens in a cautious mumble. "I… I'm just gonna…" This feels like something she isn't meant to be part of. "I'll, um, see you around Jonas. Logan."
She gets the head nod from Logan, and that's enough of a dismissal, combined with the look he's giving Jonas, for her to get heading out. With another look at Jonas she adds, "You know how to find me."
.
Jonas's eyebrows furrow for a minute as he registers her words, and then his eyes pull open wider. "You know him?" His first sentence is directed toward Alex, more surprise than anything, before— "You know her? " His tone is much more accusing when it's turned on Logan. Not anger, not yet, but it's getting there. From what he can remember, he hasn't mentioned his ex at all to Alex, so unless Frankie revealed a whole lot more…
Oh God. Alex would know Logan through Frankie. Frankie knew Logan through their crew. That means either his blue-haired idiot has gotten herself involved, or she still doesn't know about it. But he still needs more answers.
.
"Yeah, we—" But Logan is looking annoyed at her now, so Alex gives a half wave and dips. He can explain it.
"I've been asked to be the bearer of shitty shitty tidings." Logan speaks up, once Alex is out the front door. His tone is wry and maybe a little bitter. "Mike says step off Frankie. She's sensitive." He's almost rolling his eyes. "And it'll be easier for everyone if you just… let sleeping dogs lie."
.
So this is a business meeting. Or— not really a meeting, just a whole bunch of threats strung together and delivered by someone he doesn't particularly want to see. Jonas has to resist the urge to snort. Step off Frankie? "I already have, in case you didn't notice. And I would've let it go-" he picks himself up from off of the bar where he'd been leaning, arms crossed over his chest, "-if she hadn't gotten Alex in on this."
.
Logan looks less than thrilled to be delivering the message, and he actually is rolling his eyes now, "I dunno, man, she's—"
.
"I can handle you guys just walking around. Would've just avoided you. But Alex? That won't fly. I mean— Does she even know?"
Either she knows and she doesn't care, or she doesn't know and has no idea what's happening. If Alex knows, he's going to talk her out of it. She shouldn't make the same mistakes he did. That would be disastrous. And make him even more guilty, because this is his old crew.
.
A look of gradual realization is dawning on Logan's face. "Oh. Are you— that would make sense, then." He nods slowly. "Yeah, Frankie, she's… not happy about you." He conveniently ignores Jonas's question.
.
Jonas glowers at Logan, and takes a step forward. It's not so much an intimidation tactic as it is just trying to figure out what his motive is. "Does she know, Logan? Yes or no question. Answer it. Now."
.
Brows are raised as Jonas steps forward, but he doesn't look particularly threatened. A little amused, maybe. It's nothing he hasn't seen before, and he appreciates the view. "I'd guess not. Frankie likes her." His eyes skate off to the side for a second before looking back to Jonas, evaluating, like he's about to say something else. Instead, he shakes his head. "Just take a step back, Jo. You don't want to get involved in this. They've upped their game since North Valley."
.
"Logan, since when do I ever just take a step back?" He's pushing his luck a bit, but his voice has dropped to less of an accusatory tone, more so exasperated. This is just great. Alex is ignorant, he's being told to just not get involved - which only makes him want to investigate further - and he still has a shift to finish. To start. Jonas sighs to himself, one hand moving up to pinch the bridge of his nose. "Seriously. I would have. You guys have your own goals, this isn't my game anymore."
.
Logan raises an eyebrow at the 'stepping back' comment. There's a glaringly obvious example staring them both in the face.
He rolls his eyes again. "Seriously." The language mirrors Jonas, but it's not mocking, just emphatic. "You left for a reason." And Logan had been one of the few to respect that reason. "Keep to your bar, to your business, and don't mess with us and ours. Seriously, Frankie will get back in line eventually and Mike will stop enforcing her shit. For now, stay out of her way and for God's sake, if you care about Alex at all you'll keep her in the dark, too. Don't get her involved in this. Things are better if she doesn't know, you know that." If she knows, she's complicit. If she doesn't… plausible deniability.
.
"Yeah, wasn't exactly planning on telling her every single thing you guys decide to do. But it's—" It makes him feel guilty if he doesn't let her know. "It's gonna be on my mind for a bit. You know how I am." How he was. Jonas has changed a bit since their half-assed gang - since he decided to try and at least carve out a better life for himself - but everything always seems to bite him in the goddamn ass. His past, the people he tries to look out for— hell, he's even fucked himself over before. Which is a pretty big feat.
.
The tough facade Logan had had at first is almost completely melted away. From both of them. Neither of them really want to be having this conversation. Logan sighs, deflating a bit. "Yeah. I know. Shit, Jo, you need to get out of your head. The hell do you do for fun?"
.
"Why does everyone keep telling me that?" Uhm. What does he do for fun, anyways? The last time he'd actually done something that could be considered a pastime was dancing with Alex. And that was… what, a month ago now? More. Two? Jesus. Jonas winces a bit at the words, and his response. "…Nothing?"
.
Logan cracks a wry smile. "That'd be why, probably." He huffs a laugh. "I mean, I'd invite you to go for a beer, but that feels like a conflict of interest. Or at the very least I'd get fuckin' ripped on by the rest of the crew." The tension that had started the whole conversation is gone. Just two old friends - okay, more than friends - catching up. In a way. A very weird way. Logan laughs again. "Fuck, man, not even Grindr?" he sounds incredulous.
.
He wants to snort at the comment, because really? "Not my game. Though yeah, you'd probably get fucking grilled by everyone if you suddenly decided to shoot the breeze with me. Even if neither of us really want to be talking about the whole thing." Jonas isn't smiling just yet, but there's a slight upturn to his lips, a hint that Logan undoubtedly remembers well. He's too tired, too drained to really be doing well right now. Especially in the emotional department.
.
'Not his game.' Logan's smile slips to the verge of a smirk. It never really was, was it? More of a pine in silence and eventually get up the nerve to ask someone out kinda guy. He shakes his head, once more amused by something in his mind. "Yeah. Yeah, no, I think I've done my due diligence. You got the message, right? My job here is done." He claps a hand on Jonas's shoulder. "Wish we coulda been meeting in better circumstances." It's sincere enough, and his grip is more reassuring than anything else. "When you were single," he adds. "And less of a softie."
.
Jonas raises an eyebrow at the last comment, though he doesn't shrug off Logan's hand. It's familiar, and he's no longer a threat, so it isn't as if he needs to get up and arms about a casual gesture. "I… am single? Last I checked." Yup. Definitely single. Because he isn't exactly looking for a relationship at the moment. Then again, when does he ever? "And I'm not a softie, so fuck off." At least his tone is joking.
.
An incredulous snort from Logan; "Yeah, right. Fuckin— tenderized, Jo." He rolls his eyes, shaking his head. "But you're smart. Don't cause drama. You never like it." It's not a warning so much as a reminder. And a parting remark. "Wait til Frankie gets her claws out of her before you make a move. Don't let me see you around, okay?"
.
Well, he's right about one thing, at least; Jonas really doesn't like drama. The other thing, though… That was odd. Right, sure— but odd. So he lets Logan walk off, out of the bar and back to the gang, unscathed and without a message back. No time to reply when he has to get back to work, and deal with everything else.
Notes: Gotta love dumbasses who don't realize that they're basically already a thing. No real notes to leave this chapter, I don't think… Or if there is anything I can't remember what it would've been? Just hoping you enjoy, really, and having fun with Logan cause he's a fun character. Also I know we theoretically could have dragged out the angst longer, but we're action-minded people at times xD In other news, Blue Hair Red Jacket has been updating as well, if you're up for a different type of Jonalex fic (the Jonas's mom lives AU). As always, thanks for reading! Feel free to drop a question or reaction in the comments ^^ -OWT