So we start right where we left them. And we go from there. Sorry for the delay, I am a busy mom. Although there are many possible ways how to continue, I won't. This stands as a one-shot.
"I know you're upset because of Tanner and the promotion but…"
"But what, Jack?" Andy asked him as they were sitting on the grass having breakfast, talking about his childhood and their prospect of being roommates.
"It seems there's more to it."
"Jack…"
"I know you, Andy. I know you well. So I'm just saying that if you needed to talk…" He left the offer hanging in the air hoping Andy would take it and tell him.
"Thanks but there's not much you can do."
"He broke your heart, didn't he?" Gibson asked after a couple of silent minutes. Andy looked at him and wasn't sure if he was talking about Ryan or not. But then it dawned on her.
"I shouldn't be surprised Maya told absolutely everyone, huh?" She asked, annoyed.
"Well… you know how it is." He was pretty uncomfortable.
"Yeah, I know how it is. She'd do anything to achieve her goals. So she broke my trust in this too hoping it would do some damage." Andy was said and hurting and Jack knew it. He let her breathe and wasn't saying anything.
"He didn't."
"What?"
"He didn't break my heart. Not in the way you think."
"Ookay." Gibson wasn't exactly following. Andy sighed and closed her eyes for a moment.
"He said he wanted to protect me, that we couldn't be together because it would mess with our promotions. But… it was bullshit because we're not together and I didn't get promoted." She was bitter and she knew it.
Jack had his confirmation. So it was about Sullivan. But it wasn't obviously about oops I slept with my Captain kind of problem, this was much bigger, this was about emotions and some deep ones. It seemed like she kind of … well loved that man.
"Did you ask him about the promotion?"
"Yeah. He said I had only one shot at being good Captain and that right now I would blow it. But that's just… I don't know." And was sad and Gibson was sorry.
"Sullivan is a good man." He said in the end.
"What? You're defending him now?"
"No, no. I'm just saying that maybe he cares about you and really didn't want you to blow it." Jack tried to offer his opinion but for some reason doubted Andy would listen. She felt numb and empty and this kind of talk was beyond her now.
"Well, it doesn't matter anymore. Nothing does." Andy answered, feeling down and empty. "Robert pushed me away. Ryan died. Maya got promoted. And my dad wouldn't even talk to me." She listed it everything and Gibson had to admit that it sounded weird to hear their former Captain's given name. He watched Andy closely and understood pretty soon that she was feeling down like never before in her life. Sure, losing her mother was her breaking point but it was one event. And now… it was just too much too soon. And he couldn't really help her.
"Hey, come here." He said softly, moved closer and let her lean into this side.
"I'm glad we're friends, Jack." Andy said, sighed and leaned into his embrace.
"Yeah, me too." He answered.
"Please, don't die." She said before she closed her eyes and just rested for a moment. Gibson just sat there and thought about all she said. Was it a good idea to be her roommate? He wasn't sure. But she was his friend and they were honest with each other after their shared past so … it could work. He wanted to make at least one joke about how they would know the other had company but seeing Andy rest against his shoulder, he stayed silent. She didn't get much sleep and needed the rest. He could at least give her that.
Couple of days passed and things were not really getting better. Maya wasn't pushing them so much but other than that it still sucked pretty much. She started in a wrong way and the road to recovery would be long. Maybe too long for her to maintain her team intact.
Sullivan was sitting in his office, filling in some forms and going over reports from all the 5 stations that were under him. Being a battalion chief was a good job but the paperwork was getting worse and worse, more difficult to handle. How could Ripley do it all and still be out there in the field on calls with his people? It was beyond his understanding.
Of course he knew he had to do this job because his leg prevented him from being in the field. If it wasn't for his damn stupid leg he would have happily kept the Captain's job at 19 and be done with it. He truly hated the situation but what could he possibly do? What were his options? He had none. Well he had two. Keep doing what he was doing right now and hope that somehow the complex regional pain syndrome would go away or come out clean, get the surgery and hope he'll make it through the physical evaluation so he could go back into field.
Both sucked. Both were dangerous and he hated them from the bottom of his heart. He hated the pain and he hated the desperation it made him feel, he hated how helpless he was and he hated that it screwed something that could have been one of the best things of his life ever since losing Claire. It ruined everything he could have had with Andy.
She was hurting now, he could see that, he could feel that and there was nothing he could do. He wanted to help, he would love to help. He would do literally anything to make her feel better but he knew he couldn't. He shouldn't. And he was in no place to even think about it because it was his decision to push her away, it was his decision not to pursue anything with her and it was decision to promote Bishop. He had his reasons. And he had to believe those were the right ones. But right now he wasn't sure anymore and started to question and doubt absolutely everything – including himself.
He was disturbed from his own thoughts by a knock on the door to his office. He looked up and saw Captain Herrera standing there causally. That was a surprise.
"You got a minute, Sullivan?" Pruitt asked. Sullivan leaned back away from his table.
"Sure. Come on in." Sullivan answered. "What can I do for you?" He asked.
"I came here to apologize."
"Sir…"
"Just let me apologize for my behavior, son." Pruitt said and Sullivan nodded with a smile after a moment. Both looked like they wanted to say something more but they didn't know how to start. Their previous conversation still lingered in their heads and both knew it. Well, more than just one conversation. There were some heavy topics opened between them and neither was sure how or even if to start talking about those.
"Sir, are you ill again?" Sullivan asked then, knowing he just had to know.
"Why would you care?" Pruitt asked back.
"What do you mean why?" Sullivan answered with another question, but Pruitt just couldn't have been serious asking him why. What the hell?
"I mean what I said." Captain Herrera said. He was trying to push the younger man to his limits to make him open up a bit and it seemed to be working.
"Of course I care if you're ill again. We've known each other for ages. And you have my respect for everything you've done." Sullivan tried to answer as best as he could.
"Bullshit, Sullivan. When you came here you didn't respect me one bit and you didn't agree with any of my decisions. You thought I was too old to be doing the job." Pruitt said back.
"Well, you're right about that. But I was wrong back then. I … I was a different man when I came to 19." Sullivan admitted and Pruitt's face softened a bit.
"Yes, that you were."
"I followed your advice, Sir and you know it. I respect you and your decisions but … are you ill, Pruitt?" He asked then and used his given name, which was something he did very rarely.
"Do you worry about me or about my daughter, Robert?" He asked him back and watched the same shock he witnessed when he asked him in the name of love not to promote her. "You're asking me to be honest with you and I'm asking you the same thing. Be honest with me."
Sullivan didn't know if he should answer or not but thinking back to the past days… he had literally nothing to lose anymore.
"She thinks I don't care. She thinks I betrayed her. She just lost her best friend. She's in a very dark place right now and yes, if you are ill again, I worry about her because I know firsthand what that can do to her and I just don't want to sit back and watch her struggle and fall." Sullivan answered. Pruitt heard what wasn't said and knew he misjudged that man before.
"Because you care about her."
"Because I care about her." Sullivan repeated after him. "But you already know that."
"Yeah, because if you didn't you would have promoted her." Pruitt replied and watched the emotions on the younger man's face.
"I'm terminal." He said then, opting for the same honesty he was just given and watched the horror on Sullivan's face replacing the sadness over his broken relationship with Andrea. Sullivan couldn't believe it and didn't want to believe it. He opened his mouth to say something but they got interrupted by a knock on the door.
"Sir?" Gibson asked as he came in. "Captain Herrera, hi." He greeted him.
"What can I do for you, Gibson?" Sullivan asked when he recovered from the shock.
"Well I was hoping you could help me with something."
"I'll leave you two." Pruitt said.
"Actually, Sir, if you could stay…" Gibson asked and Pruitt nodded.
"So what is going on, Jack?" Pruitt asked and Gibson looked uneasy for a moment but straightened up and told them.
"Chief Dixon used us as bait. He let us patrol in the Aid Car and when we spotted someone that needed help we arrived to one of those camps."
"Homeless people?"
"Yes, young, old, foster kids that ran away, you know."
"And?"
"And it took me and Warren a lot of time to convince them we're not the Police and that we came to help and when we actually get to help them the Police arrived."
"Why? You needed help?" Sullivan asked.
"No, Sir. Chief Dixon said it was a joint operation. So he used us so the PD could come and arrest people and make them leave. They'll never trust us again."
"You should probably take this to your Captain." Sullivan said.
"I already did."
"And what did she say? I don't have her report."
"She just told me it wasn't in our purview. Bishop doesn't want to cross Dixon. But the whole concept is wrong. So I was hoping you could do something." Gibson said. "Please." He added.
Sullivan looked at Pruitt and Pruitt just shrugged.
"Dixon is a cop. He'll never understand us. He's not one of us and he'll never be."
"And innocent people who might actually need our help will pay the price?" Gibson asked disbelievingly.
"No, they won't." Sullivan said then. "We'll think of something."
"Thank you, Sir." Gibson said and with a nod he left the office. Pruitt and Sullivan stayed together and talked about the situation. Their mutual dislike for Dixon got to a new level now. They both knew why Gibson cared so much but he was right. And they didn't like these so called joint operations either.
Few days passed and Sullivan tried to keep up his morning routine of getting coffee and breakfast with people from 19. The atmosphere was different now, the people were different and he hated to see it happening. He observed more than actively participated during the breakfast in beanery but he needed it. He needed them. And his leg was hurting so much he didn't really care about anything. He needed them to keep it together and he could admit it to himself now. But what he heard today kind of gave him a shock.
"Hey, Andy, Lauren said she could meet us there around five, is that okay?" Gibson asked Andy as he was walking with a plate with waffles and coffee to the table.
Andy picked some yoghurt from the fridge, berries and her own coffee and walked to the table, successfully ignoring Sullivan in the kitchen, washing his cup.
"Yeah, that's okay. I've got the morning shift."
"Me too."
"Great. I really liked that place from the photos she sent."
"It looked great. I am just not sure about the windows." Gibson said.
"What? You think they might need replacing?" Andy asked him.
"I don't know. We'll see."
"Yeah, we'll see."
They noticed the whole crew looking at them like they both had a second head or horns and a tail. Vic looked from one to the other.
"Okay care to share the secret? Did we miss something?" She asked with a very happy smile on her face.
"Do we tell them?" Gibson asked Andy, half joking. She just grinned at him. They talked about this, about how the people will react and they decided to enjoy the shock. They talked about the situation, they talked about the arrangements, about all their plans and they still wanted to do this. It was a perfect solution for them right now.
"We're looking for a place." Andy said.
"What place?" Travis asked.
"Walls, roof, windows…" Gibson listed and Andy grinned. It was their inside joke.
"Like a house or something?"
"Yeah." Andy replied. "Gibson and I are going to be roommates soon." Andy said and it amused her that Miller spilled his milkshake.
"What? I told you that you didn't have to…"
"Relax, Dean. You need your privacy. And we talked about it. We're looking for a place together. We're friends so we'll be roommates." Gibson said.
"Does your dad know?" Travis asked and Andy didn't reply. She didn't know what to say and besides she just noticed Maya standing by the entrance to the beanery, shocked and hurt. Like she didn't see it coming. Andy knew she shouldn't care but there was a part of her that did. But she silenced that part. She didn't owe Maya anything for the way she treated her.
Maya walked away and closed the door to her office. She probably should have expected that Andy would move out but she didn't think it would be with Gibson. Why Gibson? Okay so Miller was having his own family now but why Gibson and Andy together?
She thought Andy was in love with Sullivan. And now she was moving in with Gibson? Maya cursed as she realized she didn't look at Sullivan when she overheard the conversation. What was his reaction to this? What did he think about it?
Well, he probably wasn't happy. That evening when she asked him why did he promote her, she just couldn't let it go. He didn't answer her and it bothered her to such extent she just couldn't forget about it. So she walked over to his office and noticed he was still there. So she knocked on the door and came inside.
"Sir?"
"Bishop." He replied and just waited for her to say what she came there to say.
"You didn't answer me, Sir. Why did you promote me? Did I earn the job over Andy and Jack?" She asked and stood firmly her ground. Sullivan watched her, leaned back into his chair and after few minutes of letting her just stand there and sweat he realized that she needed the hard cold truth so she could work on her posture and approach. Well, it couldn't get much worse now, could it?
"No. You didn't."
"Sir…" She didn't understand.
"I wanted to promote Herrera because Gibson asked me not to promote him right now, that he wasn't ready. So it was supposed to be her. But she just lost her best friend in the most brutal way so I had to react to her situation. Giving her the promotion now would be a mistake and I knew it so I had to make a different choice. It was best for the unit." He said and Maya looked hurt, offended but kept her face straight.
"With all due respect, Sir, you didn't do it because it was the best for the unit but because it was the best for Andy. You're protecting her."
"Watch it, Bishop." He warned her, keeping his face in check.
"You gave me an advice today, Sir, so let me give you one too. Sort out your feelings for your Lieutenant before you do something that destroys the unit, or maybe it destroys you." Bishop answered and with a nod she left before Sullivan could for a reply.
Now she was thinking back to that conversation and knew she overstepped a line. But she deserved the promotion and was the best for it so hearing him talk about her as about his last option didn't really make her feel well. It just sucked that Sullivan obviously fell for Andy. It messed with the unit and it messed with their results. She needed workout, she needed to go for a run. She had to clear her head or she would do some irreparable damage.
Later in the day when Andy was standing on the catwalk, watching the Station, calming her nerves, trying to feel things again, have emotions again. Something was wrong with her and she couldn't find her equilibrium again. She felt lost but here she could at least breathe. It surprised her when Sullivan appeared next to her. He tried to look casual but she knew him well enough, or used to think so, that she could tell it was no accident that he was there. She just looked at him and waited.
"Will you finally say what you came here to say, Sir?" She asked.
"I…"
"Yes?" She asked and gave her some satisfaction that he looked uncomfortable.
"I heard you were moving in with Gibson."
"That's right." She answered, keeping her answers brief. Sully obviously wanted to say something but didn't know what to reply to that. Or so Andy thought. The truth was that he was just breathing through some pain and tried really hard not to show that emotion on his face.
"Not that's any of your business, Sir." She said when he was still silent. "Or are you jealous, Robert?" She asked and deliberately used his first name. She leaned closer to him when she asked that question and watched him as he squirmed. Sullivan didn't reply and she just walked away. She just hurt him and both knew it and they both knew why as well.
Sullivan hated the situation. Maybe Pruitt was right and promoting her now would ruin her chances but he hated this! Bishop tried to find a way how to make it work at the Station. She wasn't ready but if he should be honest with himself, he didn't care that much about her blowing the chance as he cared about Andy. And it made him feel guilty because she was his Lieutenant and she was damn good, she just needed more time. Damned!
He closed his eyes and thought back to some nice moments he had in his memory about him and Andy, he thought of her smiles and laughter, he tried to recall the details of their first kiss in the garage and he felt the dull pain in his chest again. And it was even worse than the pain in his leg because there were no pills to kill that one.
By the end of the week Sullivan barely left his office, he was buried in paperwork and when he had a moment, he had to check on the other stations. He was exhausted but just didn't want to go home. He couldn't go home. He had so much work to do. It haunted him in the back of his mind that something would happen to his leg suddenly and that he wouldn't even finish his own paperwork. And he didn't want that.
He got the report about Andrea Herrera's change of address and there was the same address on the form from Gibson. And he was jealous, God help him. He thought… well he had no right to think at all when it came to this but he thought Andy and Jack were just friends. And they said they were. But living together with your ex? That was a whole different thing. He was tired, he was sad, lonely and he missed her so much it physically hurt him.
He was an idiot. And he had to live with that. And with faith in Andy's father. He still hoped Pruitt was right and he just didn't screw up Andy's life by promoting Bishop. He certainly ruined his own. He felt for his Lieutenant and it wasn't the type of oh-my-she's-gorgeous type of crush. This was different and it was real and he screwed it up.
Little he knew Andy was staying late at the Station and thinking about her own life, emotions, broken heart and uncertain future. She missed her father. She missed Ryan. And the fact she hated the most – she missed Sullivan. She missed their talks over coffee, she missed their workout sessions and she missed the shared meals in his office when they were the last people there. She loved him and it ruined everything for her.
She walked through the Station and noticed Sullivan in his office. She watched him for good ten minutes. He looked so broken, so sad. She didn't know why and it bothered her – which surprised her. She truly tried to stop caring but it was difficult, even when she tried to hide behind the tough angry mask. She was brokenhearted, yes, she was grieving, yes, she felt betrayed, yes, by him and Bishop. It was tough on her making it all more difficult.
When he stopped next to her on the catwalk, jealous of Gibson and their new living arrangements, she felt his heat seeping from him through his uniform, she felt his scent, his voice made her skin tingle and the way he looked into her eyes when she asked him if he was jealous? That made her knees go weak. She was so screwed.
She felt angry too. And not just about everything that happened but also because what she told Gibson was right. Sullivan excused everything with the prospect of her upcoming promotion. And now? Where did they stand now? Did anything change? Or not?
She didn't know what came into her but she walked over to his office, knocked on the door and stepped inside. He was surprised to see her there and didn't really know what to say. So he just watched her and she watched him and the air was thick with anticipation.
"Can you tell me truth?" Andy asked.
"Truth about what?" He didn't know. He didn't correct her for not using his title, he was just actually glad to see her. Boy he was pathetic.
"Why did you promote Maya?"
"I told you… I didn't want you to be under more pressure than you already are."
"It just doesn't make sense." Andy said then, thinking about everything as she went.
"I know you don't agree." He tried to explain but she didn't let him.
"It's not about that. But…"
"Andy." He wanted to stop this as she was clearly hurting over it and it pained him to the pit of his stomach to see it. He wanted to make her happy not to make her cry.
"You pushed me away so I could get promoted. So you could get promoted." She started and he opened his mouth to say something. "And then you promote Maya without even talking to me first." Andy finished and Sullivan shut his mouth.
He couldn't tell her the truth. He couldn't put any more strain on her relationship with her father – especially now when he was ill again and from what he knew she didn't know about it yet. No, she couldn't hate her father, it was better if she hated him.
"I told you that it was the best decision for the team because…"
"Because I am grieving? Because I can't do my job? Because what? Because Maya is so much better than me and Jack?" Andy asked and realized that after a really long time she felt actual emotions. But they were not the good ones.
"I never said that and you know it."
"I don't believe you!" Andy raised her voice a bit. "So what? Everything you said was a lie?" She asked and her heart broke all over again. But so did his.
"I never lied to you." He tried to defend himself. He was walking on a very thin ice with that sentence but well he could be more specific later. He actually never lied to her, he just skipped some facts.
"So don't start now and tell me finally what happened! Why Maya?!" Andy asked frustrated and hurting.
"Because I asked him to do it." Suddenly Pruitt said as he stood by the door, unnoticed by both Andrea and Sullivan. He heard part of the conversation and soon realized the man wouldn't say a word to betray him, to break his trust. Sullivan would let her hate him only so he, her own father, could try to mend the broken bridges. He absolutely misjudged him. And it just added more to his belief that at least from Sullivan's part those feelings for Andrea were indeed love.
"Dad." Andy reacted first.
"Pruitt…" Sullivan said almost in sync with her.
"Thank you, Sullivan." Pruitt said and Sullivan understood. Game over. Pruitt walked to Andrea and looked her in the eye.
"He wanted to promote you, he actually said some pretty nice things about you and I was so proud, still am." Pruitt told his daughter who was still trying to understand what the hell was going on.
"Dad I don't understand." Andy said.
"I came to your Captain and asked him not to promote you."
"Why?" Andy asked, tearfully. This hurt even more than thinking Sullivan betrayed her.
"Because I know you, hija. I know that look on your face, the empty look. Last time it was Ryan to pull you through and with him gone…"
"You should have talked to me."
"Yes. But I didn't want you to think I am mad at you or that I'm trying to prove something to you." Pruitt argued back.
"Dad it doesn't make any sense. You worked too when mom died. And so did you." Andy said, turning to Sullivan who was silent now.
"It was different and you know it." Pruitt said back. Andy had to bite back a bitter response. But then something dawned on her.
"Why did you agree? You didn't have to listen to him. Or was it your idea?" She asked him and Sullivan wanted to answer. He looked at Pruitt but the older man just shrugged. All be damned.
"Your dad came to me and told me that you could be a Fire Chief one day but that promoting you now would destroy you."
"And you just believed him. Just like that." Andy asked disbelievingly.
"No, I argued with him and…" He wanted to finish but Pruitt jumped in.
"He knew you would never forgive him, Andrea. But he did it because I asked him not to promote you because you would blow your chance and I couldn't let that happen. He did it because he…" Pruitt tried to finish the sentence but didn't know if he should. He looked at Sullivan and Andy was looking back and forth between them. What the hell was going on?
"I did it because I care about you a lot and I decided to trust your father." Sullivan said and felt like an idiot. Why couldn't he simply tell her how he felt? Maybe because her dad was there and she was obviously mad and hurt.
"What?" She half whispered.
"I'm so sorry." Sullivan said and had to fight his own inner battle. Pruitt was proud of him and felt sorry about the way he treated him. He looked at Andrea and waited for her to say something.
"What are you not telling me, dad?" Andy asked then as she noticed the I have a secret I need to share but don't want to look on her father's face.
"Andrea… your Captain believed you would handle the job well and I am proud of that."
"But?" Andy prompted.
"But I knew your year would get even worse and that you would certainly blow your chances." Pruitt tried to tell her.
"What the hell are you talking about?" Andy asked as she had no idea and was getting frustrated from this running in circles. "Finally tell me what is going on!" She just had enough.
"The cancer is back, Andrea." Pruitt said and Andy had to sit down. This couldn't be happening! "And I don't have much time left so I…"
"So you wanted me to do my best and be the best and I instead of that destroyed and lost everything you ever cared about." Andy answered and both men's hearts bled.
Sullivan was witnessing the talk and he was ready to jump in if needed but instead of that his phone rang and he had to take it. He left the office and let those two talk.
"I'm sorry, Andrea." Her father said and she walked over to him, embracing him, holding him. Nothing made sense. It just couldn't be happening.
"I'm so sorry…" He said again.
"Dad…" She was crying then. He moved away a bit so he could look into her eyes.
"I'm fine, okay? I have pain meds and hey I have weed." He tried to joke but she just scolded him with a look that could make him very well feel guilty.
"Is Dr. Bailey treating you?" She asked.
"Yes. She is. She told me we could start chemo but it's too late, it wouldn't make a difference, I would only feel horrible."
"So you're not doing it."
"No, I'm not doing it." Pruitt said and opted to be completely honest with her. "I didn't want to tell you, not now when we lost Ryan."
"Did he know?" She asked.
"Yes, he knew."
"Is that why he came back? Did you ask him to come back?" Andy wanted to know. Things started to make sense. And it was horrible.
"Yes. I asked him to be here for you when I'm gone." Pruitt answered and couldn't fight his own tears. Andy hugged him again.
"I'm so sorry, dad. That you're disappointed in me." She told him as deep down she knew it had been bothering her. "I wanted you to be proud of me."
"I am proud of you." He said. "And I am sorry about what I said, Andrea."
Andy moved away a bit and looked at him again. "About what, dad?"
"About you and Sullivan."
"Dad." She warned him.
"I was wrong and I am sorry." He said firmly. She needed to understand.
"I didn't sleep with my Captain." She repeated.
"I know. I just didn't want to see it. But don't tell me there's nothing going in between you two." He tried to open this subject.
"There's not. He decided that for both of us." Andy replied and felt sudden exhaustion wash over her. It was just all too much.
"Andrea, that man cares about you deeply." Pruitt said. "And for what it's worth I think he is a good man." He told her. Andy watched him in shock. Was he saying he would be okay with it – with them?
"I have to go but will you call me so we can talk or have dinner or something? I need to talk about something else with you." Pruitt asked.
"Sure. I'll talk to Jack, we can invite you over." She said and Pruitt looked at her like she was crazy.
"Jack? Like Jack Gibson?"
"Yeah, I moved out from Maya's place and he moved out from Dean's. We found a place together, as friends, roommates." She said and her father grinned and then chuckled.
"Good." He said then which surprised her again. He walked over to her, kissed her forehead and tried to smile.
"I love you." He told her and she hugged him.
"I love you too, dad." She said and felt one big heavy stone being lifted from her shoulders while being replaced with a cold hand around her heart.
Andy walked away and tried to find Sullivan but didn't so she went to change and left the Station. The next day she worked through her shift and it all kept on coming back to her, she kept on thinking about it and she couldn't just let it go. She didn't see Sullivan whole day. So when the evening came and she left the Station, she gathered up all her courage and found herself at his doorstep, ringing his bell.
When he opened the door, he was dressed casually, he was barefoot and Andy's heart stopped for a moment. He was so damn handsome.
"Andy…" He greeted her, surprised.
"Hi. I… Can I come in for a moment?" She asked and felt nervous like a teenager. Sullivan wasn't sure but she was there at his doorstep so why the hell not.
"Sure." He answered and let her enter his apartment. She looked around his living room, noticed the breakfast bar and nice kitchen counter, something smelled nice.
"I'm sorry for disturbing you."
"No, it's okay." He said, trying to assure himself more than her.
"I was thinking and trying to understand everything and I keep on coming back to one thing." She said and his mouth felt dry and his heart was beating so madly it would probably soon jump out from his chest.
"Yes?" He asked when she didn't continue.
"You said you care about me."
"Andy…" He managed to say only her name. This was a very dangerous territory and he wasn't sure if he could do this anymore, if he could just keep on pretending that he didn't care at all.
"Tell me, Robert. Tell me. I need to know. I have to know." She asked him. Her eyes misty, her voice full of emotions. Sullivan was looking at her, into her eyes and he knew that this was the last chance he had. And so he reached out and caressed her face. She sighed and closed her eyes for a moment. The touch sent bolts through him and he knew he that he would an idiot to let her go again. He couldn't.
"I love you." He said and she opened her eyes in shock. She didn't think he would do it.
"I love you and I'm sorry. I wanted the job to be yours but then your father came and asked me not to do it, that it would ruin your chances and I … I decided to trust him." He was rambling and he knew it. Andy just smiled, tears falling down her cheeks. Without saying anything back she just stood on her tiptoes, leaned in for a kiss and waited.
It was just a second, brief moment before he reacted. Pressing her to him he kissed her back. All those weeks of suppressed emotions coming back to the surface. There was passion and pain in that kiss, hope and despair, they were both equally compromised and neither wanted to step back and end this.
"Andy…" He whispered her name and she shushed him with another kiss.
"Don't tell me to go, please." She pleaded, still hurt over their first time when he pushed her away without an explanation.
"Stay." He asked and she nodded after a moment of searching his face for any clues.
"Yes." She said and they kissed again. "Love me, Robert." She said and he could only comply. On their way, very slow way, to the bedroom he turned off the stove. They never stopped kissing till they were at the doorstep. He picked her up then and laid her down on his bed gently. She was so overwhelmed she just watched every single of his movements, all his steps. She was mesmerized and she loved every moment of it. This was different from their first time, this was deeper and had much bigger meaning.
"Are you sure about this?" Sullivan asked as he leaned down and his body was touching hers. She put her palms on his face and gently caressed him.
"Yes." She answered.
"You're still grieving for Tanner." He said and she looked so sad immediately.
"I am and it won't just go away. He died under ma hands. With all my expertise and experience, with all my training I couldn't save him. I had his blood all over me and I couldn't save him." She said and had tears in her eyes.
"I know how that feels." He said and she knew he actually did.
"Why don't we just get some sleep, huh?" He tried as he thought she needed that more than she needed or wanted him.
"We'll get some sleep later. I want this. I want you." She clarified and without missing a beat she kissed him. She pulled him closer, she needed to feel him everywhere around her and was happy to find out he understood that need completely.
He took his time learning all he could about her and it made her feel so special she wasn't sure what to do about it. They were in no haste at all. From the clumsiness of first intimate encounter through pent-up passion to deep meanings of love they spent the night in each other's arms, falling asleep and waking up, cuddling, kissing and enjoying each other. They barely talked but knew the important had been already said and more will be said later. This time belonged to them only.
When Andy woke up in the morning she looked around and finally looked at his bedroom, took in the details and little things that just showed her what kind of man he was. She noticed a photograph of his late wife by his side of the bed and she didn't know what to think about it. She wasn't jealous or anything. She was just sorry for him, that he had to go through something so terrible. And she remembered her favorite childhood photo of her and Ryan that was in her locker at the Station. Yeah, she could understand this very well.
She was disturbed from her quiet thoughts by a loud noise, falling glass and yelp of pain. She bolted out of the bed wearing only his t-shirt she stole sometimes through the night and she tried to find him. She was calling his name and then there he was, on the kitchen floor.
"Robert!" He was sitting on the ground, one of his legs stretched out, there was a broken glass next to him and bowl of some berries spilled all over the floor.
"Carefully." He said. "Don't come closer."
"You're hurt." She said and carefully sat down to him. She checked his hand and leg if there were any cuts but it seemed he was lucky.
"Sorry I woke you." He said, his face in agony.
"What's wrong?" She asked, her instincts kicking in.
"It's okay."
"Don't lie to me." She told him matter-of-factly and he tried to search her face for any doubts.
"Andy…"
"Look, something is clearly wrong and I want to know what. I know we won't figure everything out today but I want this, okay? I want us. But you have to trust me otherwise it won't even stand a chance to work." She told him and noticed he had tears in his eyes. When he blinked them away she was pretty scared. Could she take any more bad news?
"I have complex regional pain syndrome. My leg is on fire." He told her. Andy didn't know what to say to that. "It's chronic and it comes and goes. I do physical therapy and I have pain meds for it."
"Oh my God, Robert… when did it start?" She wanted to know, still kneeling by his side.
"After we came back from L.A."
"What?" It didn't dawn on her just yet so he with a deep worry close to his heart opened up. "When you walked to lock the door. I felt sharp pain in my leg and lost the ability to move." He said and watched her face, her round eyes and half opened mouth.
"You told me to go because of your leg?" She couldn't believe it.
"Yes. It was so sudden. I was scared and didn't know what was happening. I panicked."
"You could have told me."
"I know. But…." He stopped and took a deep breath. "But I haven't felt what I feel when I'm with you ever since I lost Claire and you were there and you wanted me and I couldn't…." Andy was looking at him like he just grew another head.
"I'm sorry, Andy. I'm so sorry. I know I screwed up but just panicked." He told her honestly and screamed in pain as another wave hit him and as they were getting worse and worse.
"What can I do?"
"Nothing. It has to pass." He told her because he was almost out of pain meds and wanted to keep them for the really bad episodes.
"That's why you wanted the promotion, isn't it?" She asked and waited for him to say something. Which he didn't. "You needed the promotion because you needed a desk job." She said and he nodded.
"Yes. And I really wanted you to make Captain." He told her.
"You pushed me away and you kept this to yourself the whole time." She said and he noticed how sad she looked.
"I couldn't tell anyone because if I do I'm done." He said firmly. "I need a very expensive surgery and if I tell the department I'm done. Especially now when Dixon wants the shiny publicity. I'm a liability. But without the job…" He left the rest unsaid but Andy understood.
"Forgive me, Andy. Please, forgive me. I never meant to hurt you. I know I screwed up. I… " He said and watched her to see her reaction. She smiled at him after a moment and as he started to move the leg again, the pain was gone, she helped him to stand up.
"What I feel with you is something I have never felt in my life before. It's scary and beautiful and I need you more than I like to admit." She told him and he kissed her. He couldn't take it anymore and he was worried about what would come next.
"I think I love you, Robert, I think it's the real thing and I don't know what to do. Everything's so messed up." She said and let him hug her close to his chest.
They stayed silent for a while and just enjoyed each other's company.
"Is that my crewshirt?" He asked then and she had to look down to see if he was right.
"It appears so." She answered and watched him grin.
"And nothing but a smile." He said and it made her giggle. She told him that when she walked in on her father and Reggie. And now she was … having her own morning delight. And they knew they wouldn't figure it all out this morning but they knew they wanted to be together and they wouldn't let anything destroy that, not now after all those weeks of agony before they found their way to each other.