"Pain is always a surprise. I tried to avoid it once - I could even see it coming, but until it hits you have no idea what pain is." – Sarah O'Rourke
So much of the birthing process, thought Sarah, was waiting. She had been waiting from the time she first knew she was pregnant. Waiting for the baby to grow larger, waiting to feel her kick, and now, waiting to give birth and to finally meet her.
Eimile had been kind enough to offer to read to Sarah, in order to pass the time and help her withstand the pain. It had now been several hours since her first contraction, and the contractions were steadily becoming harder and closer together.
Dr. Matthews was keeping track of her blood pressure, and listening for the baby's heartbeat as well as taking notes. Ixonia was folding clean sheets, and laying cool cloths over Sarah's forehead when she needed them.
Jareth was wonderful. He helped her ride out the contractions by holding her hands, he gently gave her lower back rubs, and when she leaned back against him he held her head against his shoulder and kissed her forehead.
"You can do this," he said. "Promise that you'll love me, even when you hate me."
"Why would I ever hate you?" She felt she wasn't going to like this answer.
"This process that we — you, really, are going through is going to be rough. And without any anesthetic, it's going to be difficult. And from what I have read, it will be frightening. I've heard that some women hate their husbands because of this."
She sighed in relief. Resting her head against his shoulder. Right now she was resting from the last contraction, and could focus a little better. "Jareth – love, there is nothing that could ever make me hate you. I'm afraid you're stuck with me."
Then she gasped, because another contraction was rolling in. That's what they did. They rolled in like ocean waves, and the trick was to ride them out. She knew they'd get worse and worse, until it became time to actively push, and not just passively hang in there, like she had been doing.
Jareth whispered into her ear, reminding her to use the breathing techniques that Ixonia had taught her. Whenever she forgot to breathe, he would do this. Gently and thoughtfully. She couldn't believe how lucky she was to have a man like this.
Breathing correctly through the rolling contractions was very helpful. The pain was still there, and it was getting worse, but the breathing definitely helped. She was sweating through her light cotton gown. Ixonia asked her if she wanted a blanket, but Sarah said no. She didn't want that extra weight. Jareth gently opened his wings. By lightly covering her with them, he could comfort her, keep her warm, and allow still allow her movement.
Suddenly she was hit with a contraction that was less like a wave and more like a hurricane. She couldn't help it. She screamed.
Ixonia was right there, and once that contraction was over, she checked for effacement and dilation again. Effacement and dilatation allow a baby to be born through the birth canal. Effacement means that the cervix stretches and gets thinner. Dilatation means that the cervix opens.
As labor nears, the cervix may start to thin or stretch (efface) and open (dilate). This prepares the cervix for the baby to pass through the birth canal. How fast the cervix thins and opens varies for each woman. In some women, the cervix may start to efface and dilate slowly over a period of weeks. But a first-time mother often will not dilate until active labor starts.
As the baby's head drops down into the pelvis, it pushes against the cervix. This causes the cervix to relax and thin out, or efface. Effacement is described as a percentage. For example, if a cervix is not effaced at all, it is 0% effaced. If the cervix has completely thinned, it is 100% effaced. After the cervix begins to efface, it will also start to open. This is called cervical dilatation.
Cervical dilatation is described in centimeters from 0 to 10. At 0, the cervix is closed. At 10, it's completely dilated. The cervix must be completely dilated before the pushing stage can begin.
"Sarah, you're already 60% effaced and at 7 cm. You're getting there!" Ixonia smiled at her. "You're handling this like a trooper. And I think you've got the best coach in the world." Jareth and Sarah both smiled slightly.
Eimile just kept on reading, even when she knew they weren't listening. Hopefully she was offering some sort of helpful distraction. She started reading louder, and put more character into her reading.
In between contractions, Sarah had started to sleep slightly with her head on Jareth's shoulder. Softly, Jareth had started to whisper his wedding vows into her ear. He changed them slightly for this occasion:
"Today's the day our family life begins. All my life I've been just me. Just an empty hearted shell. Meeting you, I become a man. Today I become a husband and father. Today I become accountable to someone other than myself. Today I become more accountable to you. To our daughter. To our future. To all the possibilities that our marriage has to offer. Together no matter what happens I'll be ready for anything for everything. To take on life. To take on love. To take on the possibility and responsibility. Today, Sarah O'Rourke, our family life begins and I for one can't wait."
She stirred, and looked up into his eyes for the longest time. He looked back at her, lovingly and steadily.
"I can't believe you remembered that," she breathed.
She wanted to respond before another contraction could hit and interrupt her.
"Jareth, I could promise to hold you, and to cherish you. I could promise to be there, in sickness and in health. I could say til death do us part. But I won't. Those vows are for optimistic couples, the ones full of hope. I do not stand here optimistic or full of hope. I am sure. I am certain. So this, I am sure. You are my partner. My person. My lover. My very best friend. My heart. My heart beats for you. And on this day, the day of our child's birth, I promise you this. I promise you to always lay my heart in the palm of your hands, I promise you... me."
Silently, his arms and wings tightened around her. In the next moment, she was hit with a devastatingly strong contraction and an urge to push, an urge to make this all over.
As if she could read her mind, Ixonia stroked one of her arms. "You're going to feel the need to push, remember? This is going to be incredibly difficult, but you'll have to wait until the right time. When that time does come, you can push against me, by putting your feet on my shoulders, Jareth can hold your knees, or we can do both, okay?"
Sarah just nodded. She had no energy left to speak. Suddenly another contraction hit, and this one was so painful, and so hard, but her eyes rolled back in her head. She arched backwards, and her head clipped Jareth's chin. He disengaged one of his hands to rub his chin. He whispered, "Don't forget to breathe, love. It will help you handle this better."
The unrelenting pain was starting to get to her. "Don't tell me how to breathe! I'll breathe when I wanna breathe!" she snapped.
He reminded himself not to personalize this. That this frequently happened, and that the woman never meant those things that she had said.
His Fae senses were able to feel the contractions as they began to roll in. This one is going to be especially rough.
When he let go his right hand from hers in order to rub his chin, he had neglected to hold her hand again. This time, when the contraction hit, she arched back again and screamed. Frantically, her hand was searching for his. They couldn't find one another, and her fingers had become entangled with some of the feathers of his wing.
The tearing sound of feathers being ripped from his body could be heard from across the room. So could Jareth's wail of pain. "Noooo! Not the wiiiiiing!"
At just that moment, Finn had popped his head into the room to see how things were going. He grimaced at the sound of Jareth's torn feathers and cry of pain. He took a deep breath, and asked quietly, "How is everyone?"
Sarah turned her face away from him, silently. Jareth snarled "WE are FAN-FREAKING-TASTIC!"
Finn gulped. "Well, as long as you're all all right – " and he ducked out of the door, running down the stairs to give news to the waiting families.
Sarah was shaking her hand, trying to free it of the beautiful long feathers she'd torn out of Jareth's wing. Finally, she held a fistful of them out to him.
He rolled his eyes and gritted his teeth. It wasn't as though he could just put these back. "Thanks," he said, shortly, taking them and dropping them on the floor. Eimile gave him an evil look. He felt another one of Sarah's contractions coming on.
This time he made sure that they were both holding each other's hands. He turned his head to the side for the inevitable arch of pain that he knew would be coming. Her cry just tore at his heart. It seemed so unfair that women had to go through this while men got off Scott free. Well, there was the matter of his chin and his feathers, but that had been an accident.
Once the pain had passed, Sarah looked plaintively at Ixonia and said, "Can I push yet?"
This time it was Dr. Matthews who did the exam. She wanted to feel useful. She had some very good news. "Sarah, you're finally at 100% and dilated at 10. Things are going to start moving very quickly now. With the next contraction, I want you to brace yourself and begin to push."
Ixonia nodded at her and Sarah braced her stockinged feet on her shoulders. Jareth let go her hands and grabbed her shoulders.
Sarah was hit with surges that wracked her body. She pushed, becoming frantic eventually, exhausted and fearful. She leaned back, burying her face in Jareth's neck. "I can't do this anymore. I can't."
Ixonia tried to cheer her on. "Sarah, you can do this! Just a few more!"
"That's what you've already said, Ixonia. I've lost track of how many times. I'm beginning to think you're lying."
"Sarah," Ixonia said, "you have another one coming on. Get ready to push."
"No."
"No? But – "
"No."
Jareth nuzzled her neck. "Love, that's not realistic. Let's get this over with."
"No."
She was nearing the end of her rope, he could tell. Gently, her turned her to face him, holding her face in his hands, he said, "You are the most gifted, most guarded, most stubborn, most challenging person I have ever met. And I love you. You can do this."
As the next one hit, she took a deep breath and pushed. Ixonia squealed. "Sarah! I can see the baby's head – just one more!"
She pushed on the next one, stopping when Ixonia told her to. It was the oddest feeling, having the baby leave her body. Even after everything she'd been through, she felt empty.
swooped in to take the baby, rubbing her with a towel to get blood circulating, cleaning off her face, and checking for any problems.
It was then that they heard it; a quiet and high pitched cry. Sarah looked at Jareth, tears in her eyes. "She's okay!"
Jareth had a huge lump in his throat. "You did it, love!"
Dr. Matthews handed the blanket wrapped little bundle to Sarah. "Congratulations, Mom and Dad! Do you know yet what you'll name her?"
Jareth and Sarah looked at each other and smiled. "Saoirse," they both said at the same time.
~~~Ó~~~
Once everyone had been cleaned up, Sarah moved to the bedroom with the baby. Jareth went downstairs to give everybody the news. They were all so joyful and excited, that Jareth decided to allow them a very short visit with Sarah and the baby.
She already had lots of thick, dark hair. She even had dark, straight eyebrows, reminiscent of her mother. When she opened her eyes however, everyone was stunned. She had one blue eye with a regular pupil, and a brown one, with a dilated pupil. Her father's eyes.
As everyone made a large sort of excited event over the baby, it was interesting. She didn't cry, even when somebody new picked her up. She didn't fuss. She seemed wise, somehow, far beyond her years.
"For some reason, life just seems to make a lot more sense when you're looking at a baby," said Brielle, Jareth's mother. Eimile and Karen agreed with her.
Jareth asked everyone to leave after about 20 minutes. He knew that Sarah and the baby were probably exhausted, and he knew that he was. Plans were made for everyone to return at different times to visit, but for now, for tonight, they would be alone. He walked everyone out.
Sarah was feeding the baby when Jareth had returned. It was completely natural and easy, she told him, wonderingly. "I've heard stories of nursing babies being so difficult, but not this one," she said.
Saoirse fell asleep, and Sarah reverently placed her in the small bassinet next to the bed on her side. She snuggled up next to Jareth, who was lying in bed, smiling. "You have given me so much," he told Sarah. "You've given me love, purpose, understanding, and now a family. I never thought I would have any of those things." He leaned over and kissed her on the forehead. "You now and forever will be my Precious."
Surprisingly, the baby only woke up once that night. There Sarah fed her in bed while Jareth slept. Then, so as not to wake him, she took Saoirse into the next room to change her. She finished, then looked down at her beautiful daughter. She was wearing the cutest little sleeper with owls on it. Only appropriate.
She was aware of a presence to her right. Turning her head, she saw a young girl, maybe 13 or 14 years old. She had straight dark hair, dark straight eyebrows, and beautiful mismatched eyes that Sarah had seen before. Except for the eyes, it was like looking at herself at that age. She looked up at Sarah with a beautiful smile.
"Hi, Mom. I just wanted to see how you were doing."
Sarah's took a sharp breath. Of course. She shouldn't have been surprised. She had already met her daughter twice before, at different ages. Having a child who could traverse through time was going to take some getting used to.
"I'm okay, Saoirse. A little sore, but nothing unexpected."
The girl reached out and gently ran a finger down on the babies arm. "I love this sleeper," she said quietly.
Sarah just looked at her, taking in the sight of her daughter at 14 years old, and the baby in front of her, who was the same person.
"Saoirse, may I ask you something?"
Again that beautiful smile, slightly like her father's. "Of course. What is it?"
"How do you do"– Sarah waved her arm around – "this?"
Saoirse looked thoughtful. "I really don't know. Sometimes, it just happens, and there's nothing I can do about it. Sometimes I'm able to control it – by thinking about someone or sometime - a place I time that I'd like to go."
"I ought to go. You and Da don't like when I do this. You worry about me. But I wanted to be sure I had the chance to talk to you on my first birthday. I'll be back. Please tell Da that I love him. And I love you too."
Suddenly, Sarah felt the girl's arms tight around her waist, and the top of her head tucked under Sarah's chin. Sarah hugged her back just as tightly, kissing the top of her head. The girl – the older Saoirse - stepped back and disappeared.
~~~Ó~~~
Saoirse = SARE-sha old Irish name meaning freedom or independence
Da = Irish term for dad. Saoirse uses this for Jareth, and because her mother is American, calls her Mom.
The birthing scene, while long, is very accurate, as it has happened to me twice. I do need to say, that by the time my second son was born, however, I was all about getting a spinal injection for the pain. People have different views on this. All I'm going to say is that birth number two was far easier than birth number one.
We first met Saoirse in book Two of the series. If you haven't read that book yet, Sarah meets her as a three-year-old toddler, playing in the gardens of a French hotel in the 1920s. Because Jareth creates a way to bend time, he took Sarah on a honeymoon to Paris in the 20s, which was her dream honeymoon.
Now that Saoirse has been born, you will be seeing much more of her, and her interesting story of how the time traveling affects her and how it happens.