Thomas was looking at the pile of letters sitting in front of him on his desk which had come in the morning post earlier. He was hating the feeling of hope he'd get every time the post arrived, only for there to be nothing for him. He hated the feeling of disappointment. It had been over a month now since he last heard from Richard, he just didn't get it. They were in a good place with their relationship, he thought. His last letter from him showing no signs whatsoever of any trouble between them. He even said 'I miss you, darling' towards the end of that letter. Thomas knew that phrase, and every other from that letter off by heart now, as he had read it thousands of times. So he couldn't work out what was wrong, because clearly something is wrong. His first thought was is Richard okay? Is he unwell or too ill to write? Have they been found out and Richard been subsequently arrested? If so he would have been arrested himself as well, unless Richard took the fall for him. He would do that, Thomas thought. But surely he would have heard from Izzie if something terrible had happened. So maybe it was more complicated than that. Maybe this long distance relationship of theres was finally becoming too much. Maybe Richard wanted someone who was close enough to him so that they could see each other everyday. Afterall, since they first met, they had only spent around one week in total actually in each others company, despite having known each other for a few years now. Maybe he had stopped writing because he had found someone else. Perhaps it's a simple as that. Thomas sighed, got up from his chair walked around to the window then sat straight back down, resting his head on the table with a groan. He just couldn't stand this. He just needed to know. One way or another. Least then he could try and carry on living, instead of just surviving one day to the next.
...
Later that evening, whilst sitting down to dinner Thomas' thoughts start to get the better of him. He had managed to distract himself with the days tasks pretty well, but whenever he was idle, all his doubts came flooding back to the front of his mind. He had hardly touched his food and honestly felt no desire to eat it at all. "Is anything the matter Mr Barrow?" Miss Baxter asked from a few seats down the table. She had noticed Thomas' mood had been far from his usual self of late.
Thomas looked up, his face wearing that expression that was meant to give nothing of his true emotions or feelings away, whilst telling whoever it was directed towards to back off, "What's it to you?" he answered coldly.
"No need for that Mr Barrow, she's only concerned that you seem upset," Mrs Hughes said.
"Well it's really none of your business is it?" Thomas snapped, catching Mrs Hughes and the others sitting around the table by surprise. Thomas hardly ever spoke like this, not these days. "I don't see why I have to spill all my concerns and problems onto you all."
"We might be able to help," Mr Bates said.
Thomas glared in his direction and stood up suddenly, "I doubt any of you could ever hope to understand, let alone help me. This is beyond you all. Now if you excuse me, I have no appetite." With that, Thomas marched out the room, a door slamming a few seconds later; not the behaviour they would normally expect from the butler of Downton Abbey.
"What's got into him of late?" Mr Bates said. "It's like the old Thomas has come back with a vengeance."
"I suppose everyone has bad days," Mrs Hughes said, sipping her tea.
"It's not just a bad day, it's been going on for weeks. He seems less cheery of late. Yes not a word I would have used to describe Thomas, but he's been like a changed man for years," Mr Bates replied.
"Especially when he receives letters from London," Miss Baxter said, before realising what she had said.
"What do you mean by that?" Mrs Bates asked, already knowing the answer.
"Perhaps Thomas is right and it is none of our business. Gossip on such matters could only get him into trouble." Miss Baxter replied. Mr Bates thought for a moment before realising the cause of Thomas' bad moods.
"And he hasn't received anything for a long time now has he?" Mr Bates said, thinking back to the time when he was in prison and his letters from Anna had stopped. He remembered the heartache that gave him.
"He and Mr Ellis must be having a few problems," Mrs Bates said. Everyone who was sitting around the table knew about Thomas and Richard's relationship, and none sitting here would ever dream of using it against Thomas, so her words were safe, though she still spoke in a lowered tone.
"Perhaps, although I describe Thomas' demeanor as one that shows worry rather than anger. I think he is concerned about Richard, not angry at him," Miss Baxter suggested. "I just hope it doesn't send him on a downward spiral again."