Note: Warning for homophobic language/abuse and brief descriptions of a panic attack.
...
Buckingham Palace
Richard sighed as he pulled himself out of bed, he had little sleep for weeks, he was too restless and full of worry over his future. A blackmailer for someone like him was almost impossible to find a way out of, and almost certainly meant sacrificing his livelihood and happiness. He had received a few more unsigned notes over the past few weeks. Whoever this was clearly was enjoying his or herself at building up a mountain of panic inside him. He had been clumsy whilst working, and instead of being his usual confident self he was becoming afraid of everything around him, even if the tiny part of logic still left in his mind was telling him that there was no need most of the time. He began to question people's looks in his direction, he jumped when he heard someone speak his name, and he found that when he was out walking and travelling around London he felt like people were watching him. He once took a long route back to the palace when he thought he was being followed by a policeman. This was messing with his mind. He looked at the latest notes that were left under his door in the evening: 'Maybe it wouldn't be so bad in prison, Richard. You and your dirty little secret might even get to share a cell together.' The other read: 'I always wondered if your many visits to York were just to see your parents. I think I've guessed where he is from.' The last note especially made his blood run cold. How could this person possibly know where Thomas was. What if they sent the police to Downton to arrest him? Again, logic told him that all this person could know is that Richard's lover was in York, and that wasn't even really true since Downton was only near York. But telling himself this didn't put his mind to rest at all. He wondered how Thomas was doing. He was worried what he must think. In a way this was all the easier for him because he knew that he still wanted Thomas and that he still loved him. Thomas, on the other hand, must have his mind filled with all sorts of doubts as he has no idea what situation is happening. Richard knows how insecure Thomas once was, and he has enjoyed seeing Thomas embrace his true self more and become happier and stronger. He doesn't want to send Thomas back into the realms of depression and self doubt again. He misses Thomas. He closes his eyes for a minute, savouring the memory of his face, his smile and dashing good looks, his laugh. He can still feel the softness of his lips on his own, his touch, the smell of his cologne. He has these memories at least, but he is fearful of the time when he will lose even those.
Later that evening after he had set out the king's night clothes and finished off a few mundane tasks that needed to be done, Richard decided to walk to Izzie's house, to tell her about what's happening to him and Thomas. He can trust her absolutely and hopes that she can give him some idea of how to try and fix this situation. It was a quite a distance on foot and he could have taken the underground but he needed to think. Richard walked through St James' Park. This time of evening there were still a few people around, walking along the main paths lit by the occasional street lamp. If Richard was in a happier mood, it might have looked beautiful in the dark. He passed the exact bench that he and Thomas had sat on talking and eating ice cream on Thomas' visit to London several months ago. But once again, despite trying to escape the doubts and worries in his mind, he felt uneasy. Perhaps walking to Izzie's was a bad idea after all as he could swear that he felt someone following him again. He tried to dismiss the thought, telling himself that this was only his fear speaking. But his instincts kept telling him otherwise and the more he walked, quickening his pace, the more he was convinced he could hear footsteps several paces behind him. They were heavy sounding footsteps; a man's footsteps, that quickened as Richard quickened his. He decided to put his theory to the test and came to a sudden stop in the path. The footsteps behind him stopped too. Richard started walking again, and the footsteps continued. He thought if he could make it to the street then whoever was following him wouldn't be so likely to attack him in the open. He cut off from the main path onto a smaller unlit path that he knew would be a shortcut. He was on the verge of making a run for it when he heard the person cough. He recognised that cough, it belonged to one of the footmen and the palace. Now that he knew this person worked alongside him, Richard came to the quick conclusion that this footman must be the same person blackmailing him. Richard wasn't quite sure why he did what he did next, but he stopped again suddenly and turned around quickly. Facing him was the figure of a man that he recognised, as he approached him, as Arthur Bennett. "So you guessed it was me, after all these weeks Richard. Took you awhile to figure it out," Arthur sneered as he walked slowly up to Richard.
Richard's heart was pounding so much that he could barely hear what Arthur was saying. "Why are you following me Arthur?" Richard asked abruptly.
Arthur laughed unpleasantly, as if he was enjoying the note of fear in Richard's voice. "I wanted to see where you were heading too. Wanted to make sure that you, as a member of the royal household, are not breaking the law on your evening off."
"Have you taken on the role of the police force all of a sudden?" Richard answered back, instantly regretting provoking him.
"Hmm no, but if I say so they could be here for you. I know what disgusting things you perverts get up to in the dark. The fact that you hide in the shadows is enough to confirm your guilt I reckon." It wasn't the first time Richard had been spoken to in such as way, not by a long shot, but it struck fear into him deeply. No one would take his side if it came to that. He was vulnerable and he hated it. He found himself unable to say anything. "Someone like you wouldn't last two minutes in a prison. They would break you and you would tell them who your boyfriend is. Either that or I could find out beforehand. From what he wrote to you in that letter, he seems like the soft sort, like he's kind of pathetic."
"Don't speak about him like that!" Richard exclaimed. Richard wanted to tell him that Thomas is twice as brave as you will ever be, but couldn't get the words out.
"Aww sweet," Arthur mocked, laughing. "Men shouldn't be weak like you both. Should put you all down like rabid dogs in my opinion."
Richard took a step forward. "What do you want Arthur? You obviously want something," he said, in an effort to stop the flood of abuse coming from Arthur's mouth.
"Alright fine. I want you to do exactly as I say. I want you to go to Mr Wilson tomorrow and resign. Once you have done so, I want you to recommend me as a replacement for your position. Only then will I say nothing."
"You won't keep your word. I've known people like you before," Richard said.
"Well that will be up to me. Depends how generous I am feeling at the time," Arthur said, before turning and walking away, laughing. Richard didn't know what sort of inner strength had kept him from collapsing with fear when Arthur had been there, but whatever it was, it had gone now and despite always trying to remain strong, he fell to the ground, not caring about the mud on the path beneath him as he held his head in his hands, trying and failing to stop the attack of rapid breathing and shaking coursing through his body at that moment. The last time he was like this was after the war, when he had a breakdown. He was living a different kind of war now, one that he would have to try to win on his own.