A/N: Hmm…I wasn't expecting it to take this long to update…

Chapter 4

Spencer Reid narrowed his eyes, trying his hardest to remain focused on the information. He'd been trying to read the same paper for five minutes. Five minutes. It should have only taken him ten seconds, max! He lightly shook his in disappointment.

'Great…now I can't even work.' He let out a sigh. He was late this morning. He heard his alarm sound, but he was too exhausted to get up. After an hour of trying, he finally got to his feet. He had to skip his morning shower and his jog (unfortunately) in order to make the next train. He walked into work obviously drained, and, thankfully, nobody said anything. But they did like to stare. And now, he was reviewing paperwork at an embarrassingly slow (for him) speed. He could feel Morgan watching him, and tried to ignore him. After a moment, a series of unbearable stomach cramps overtook him and he had to admit temporary defeat.

He sighed in frustration and took a sip from his bottle of water, hoping it would ease his stomach. It didn't. Morgan leaned toward him. Reid knew a conversation was sure to follow. Damn it, that was not what he needed right now.

"You know, Reid, maybe you should try to get more rest. I'm sure it'd be a lot easier for you to concentrate if you did."

Reid had to suppress a growl of annoyance. "I'm focusing fine, Morgan."

Morgan gave a humorless chuckle. "Fine? Reid, you've barely made a dent in your paperwork. I'm even ahead of you, which should never happen." Reid looked away. Morgan lowered his voice a bit and took on a serious tone. "Look, man, there's nothing wrong with needing a break every once in a while. This job can get to us all. I know. Nobody would think any less of you if you asked Hotch for a bit of time off. It might do you some good."

Reid's eyes widened in horror. 'What does he mean by that? Does he think I can't do this job? Does he think I'm not good enough? Not smart enough? Not…not fit enough? Reid slowly faced Morgan. No…I'm…I'm doing better. I've lost weight… But not enough. Not yet. But I'm going to get there. I'm going to prove to everyone that I can be fit, too. They'll see I can do this job. And maybe…maybe they'll like me more…'

"Thank you for your concern, Morgan," Reid spoke with caution and a forced calmness. "But I assure you that I'm fine."

""Reid, you are not 'fine'."

"Well, I suppose that's where we disagree." Reid reached across his desk for another file, determined not to look at Morgan.

"Reid…" Morgan grabbed Reid's upper arm to stop him from taking another file.

Reid hissed at the pain and jerked his arm away. He had forgotten about the nail marks in his arms from last night. And now he couldn't help but think about what he did before that. Those muffins… He was disgusted with himself. Anger fueled within him.

"Reid, please, just listen to—"

"No, Morgan, you listen!" Reid snapped suddenly, causing Morgan to pause in shock. "I told you I'm fine! Maybe the reason I haven't finished my work yet is because you always pile your work onto mine! Of course you're going to finish sooner if I'm doing your work and my work! Maybe if you handled your own damn responsibilities, we wouldn't have a problem!"

Morgan's face showed obvious shock, as well as the faces of Prentiss and the interns around them who pretended not to be eavesdropping. After a moment, Reid realized what he'd just done and instantly felt ashamed of himself.

Reid looked at Morgan with pleading eyes. "Morgan…" he said softly. "I'm…I'm sorry…I…" His voice trailed off as he lost the words.

Morgan's eyes held a swirl of emotions, but the only one Reid noticed was anger. "Fine," he said impatiently. "If you don't want to accept my help. I won't force you. But you won't be able to say I didn't try."

"Morgan…" The older man ignored him. Reid was swept by emotions he couldn't decipher. 'Damn it! What is wrong with me? He was only worried and I yelled at him. And now he hates me even more.' Reid felt his eyes begin to sting.

'You're so pathetic! You can't do anything right. You can't lose weight, you can't sleep, you can't focus, you can't do your job, and you can't be a good friend. Just worthless.'

Reid stood up abruptly, startling everyone around him. He ignored them as he quickly paced toward the nearest bathroom. Once inside, he made sure to lock the door this time before running into a stall. He tried to get rid of the weight, but the only thing he's had since last night's purging was water. And that was all that came up.

'You can't even vomit properly. Pathetic…'

Reid wiped the tears from his eyes as he forced himself up to his feet. After flushing, he walked out of the stall and stared at himself in the mirror before turning away in disgust. With an air of defeat about him, he slowly exited the bathroom and returned to his desk. Everyone noticed the change in his behavior immediately, but no one commented on it.

After a few minutes, the sound of heels could be heard walking into the bullpen. Reid ignored it as he struggled to comprehend the text in front of him. His recent purging helped clear his mind by the smallest of fractions, but it only worsened his cramps. He tried to think about facts of medications and treatments that would help him deal with them. But his mind was far too jumbled and hazy to decipher them. This wasn't good. The work day was a third of the way over and he still has only completed three files. His mind instantly returned to self-loathing thoughts—the only thoughts he could hear clearly. So ugly…so useless….so…

"REID!" He snapped his head up to see a worried-looking Prentiss staring at him. He blinked, unsure of what to say. "Didn't you hear J.J.?" He blinked again. "Come on, Reid, we have a case."

He watched as Prentiss headed toward the conference room with only one thought in his mind, clearer than anything else: Oh, no.

A/N: Thank you everyone for the amazing reviews! Keep 'em comin'!

REVIEW RESPONSES:

Love Of Blood: Don't ever apologize for a long review. The longer the review, the more appreciated the author feels! Long reviews are fuel…sweet, delicious fuel…for the engines that are our demented—I mean…brilliant—minds. Talking too much is forgivable when you have valuable ideas/information to share (which is why I would NEVER get mad at Reid for his ramblings!) I really appreciate your contribution to this story! Hopefully it turns out in a way that you'll find satisfactory.

Moroo123: Unfortunately, people don't take these things seriously enough, ESPECIALLY when a male is doing it. People just assume that because they've never been driven to such a point, people who have are weaker or want attention or any of the countless other ignorant explanations that only make the problem worse by not treating it as a problem.

thementalist2: Hmm…I've never heard of that. Maybe I'll use that. But the self-harm won't come until later; I want to ease into it.

wilfredthepickle: The main issue is that I'm a huge procrastinator, so I knew it would be a while before I wrote this chapter. Phew! I appreciate you telling me this; it means I'm doing a good job. I've never written a story like this, so I was worried it wouldn't seem very realistic. And thank you for pointing that out. I have already changed it. I see your point about the capitalization and I tried not to use it so much in this chapter when it wasn't entirely necessary. But here is how I like to you emphasis:
underlining=least amount of emphasis; when said, the word would be emphasized by putting a bit of a pause after the word. Ex: I wanted a hotdog-without-onions.
italics=small amount of emphasis; when said, the word may bay be drawn out slightly with a slight rise in voice pitch and/or volume. It may also be followed but a brief pause. Ex: No, you said without relish-not onions.
bold=accented emphasis, meaning the speaker would raise their voice at the beginning of the word and lower it at the end of the word. Ex: No, I said I wanted *ham*burger with no relish.
And, finally, CAPITALIZATION=pretty much yelling. Ex: WHO PUTS RELISH ON HAMBURGERS?!
I may use more than one type to show EXTRA emphasis.
These rules may also change if one of the above is being used in a way that is not meant for emphasis. Ex: The menu says this: COME TRY OUR HAMBURGERS AND HOTDOGS. YOU CAN HAVE ANY TOPPINGS YOU WANT, NO QUESTIONS ASKED!
Hopefully, this will help you when you read my writing. I probably should write this at the beginning of each of my stories so people will know what each one means inside my head.
(Also, I may use *asterisks*. Umm…I don't really have a rule for this one. I just use it sometimes.)
And I have taken your advice about separating the story and the A/N.
Thank you for your constructive criticism; all your comments are well appreciated.

sandra. johanssan. 144: Don't worry; most chapters won't be like that; just a few. I needed to dedicate a chapter to showing what was going on inside Reid's head and to explaining how his issue began. But there will only be a few more chapters like that. The rest will only have a few glimpses at his darker thoughts…unless you guys think it doesn't fit well with the story. As I said before, I want this to be your story, and I'm doing my best to make you all at least a little happy.

Reidergurl: WOW. Thank you SO much for all the information you provided. It really helps and it's nice to know I'm getting my information from someone who knows what she is talking about. I will definitely be using a few of these ideas in the future. Your review has opened the door for so many more possibilities. This story was originally going to be a few chapters, but now I KNOW it's going to be a long one. The only problem is…long story=more procrastination. And I really hate to make you guys wait when you've been so awesome about reviewing and making suggestions. And sorry to hear about what I imagine was a very traumatizing yet eye-opening experience.

hastingsftw: I'm glad you thought so. With Reid being a genius, I wasn't sure how to really capture him. So I just focused on his insecure/self-conscious side instead. Apparently, it worked out well. :D

JustSmileAndBeHappy: Thank you! J The main interactions will be Reid/Morgan, Reid/J.J., and Reid/Hotch. I do like the others, but Rossi and Garcia don't get much interaction with Reid in the show, so I'm not sure about how to write them. As for Prentiss…well, Prentiss isn't my favorite character (but that's not to say she's my least favorite character! That honor goes to…(drumroll)…Jason Gideon! :P)

MW3addict: Many thanks, and I'll try.

GuiltyPleasure: Thank you, and I hope this was "near future" enough for you.