Tanaka isn't so sure how he feels about girls.
Sure, he loves seeing them when they travel for games or when he accidentally bumps into one, but it isn't until the topic of marriage comes up during practice that he truly wonders what to think of them.
"Hm, just a few more months until we finally graduate," Daichi wistfully muses as he pats himself dry from sweat.
Sugawara perks up from his stretching spot. "That means going to university and studying."
"And then marriage,'' adds Asahi, a small smile on his face.. This earns him Suga and Daichi's playful teasing, including pokes to his side and noogies on his head, despite the ace's tall stature.
Meanwhile, the second and first years catch wind of Asahi's comment, and they turn to each other to talk.
"Uwah, marriage!" Hinata gushes, hands pressed against his cheeks. "Kageyama, what do you think about that? I can't wait to marry someone and be with them forever!"
"Huh? I just wanna focus on volleyball," Kageyama deadpans as he drinks from a water bottle, leading to a bickering match between him and Hinata about how insensitive his comment was.
Noya turns to Tanaka. "Hey, Ryu, what about you? What do you think about marriage?"
Tanaka wipes his mouth before stating, "I mean, I don't know. I really can't see myself having a wife."
"Huuh? Are you saying that 'cause your single?" Hinata gapes innocently, pausing his fighting with Kageyama. His eyes sparkled as he waited for an answer. Normally Tanaka could deflect comments like these with ease and impress his kohai, but for some reason, it hit harder. He slows down to a stop, catching the attention of some of his teammates. Does it really have to do with that?
"Wouldn't you want Shimizu as a wife, though?" Noya asks and Tanaka chokes on his spit.
"W-Well, that'd be amazing, b-but she also has a right to decide what she wants!" he manages to sputter.
"Hm, you thinking about what others want, Tanaka? That's a first," mutters Tsukishima to himself as he walks past him, making Yamaguchi suppress a snicker. Tanaka growled at him, but it lacked its signature aggressiveness, and so he turned quiet.
He honestly couldn't see himself dating a girl, much less guys, as pretty and handsome they respectively were, and that left a terribly melancholy feeling in the pit of his stomach. Everyone was destined to be with someone, right? A wife or a partner they could depend on forever through health and sickness. But what if I don't feel love like that towards people?
Everyone began discussing what kind of partner they wanted, but Tanaka couldn't conjure up even a fib to tell them, to reassure that he was perfectly normal.
"Yeah, you'd have to be pretty heartless to not love somebody," Noya jokes, but something inside Tanaka… breaks.
"N-Noya…" he tries, but it's too faint to be heard, too weak. The libero, though, continued to jabber and add to the increasing white noise that grew in Tanaka's ear. "Noya… just shut up!"
Tanaka's outburst catches everyone's attention. Even Coach Ukai and Takeda's conversation from across the gym abruptly paused.
He can feel everyone's eyes on him, practically searing holes in his gym clothes. It's suffocating, and he hates it. "I'm… I'm going outside!" And with that, he frantically escapes into the cool night, ignoring everyone's pleas and questions.
/
Tanaka can hear someone's footsteps, but he doesn't care. He has his head buried in his arms but doesn't raise his head when the footsteps grow in volume and stop right next to him.
"Tanaka… are you alright?"
Of course, of all people, Shimizu. It wasn't like he hated her, but he definitely didn't want to see her either, or anyone, for that matter. He doesn't say anything, though, and stayed still.
With a sigh, Shimizu lowered herself next to him and hesitantly placed a hand on his shoulder. "Were you uncomfortable with the conversation in the gym?"
Normally Tanaka would have been ecstatic by Shimizu even talking to him, but it was different. He raised his head and rested his chin on his arm as he continued to look forward. "Yeah, I was," he answers, his voice uncharastically soft and quiet. "I don't… I don't feel the same way about it as they do."
Shimizu didn't say anything for a while as he continued to ramble. "I mean, I've never felt like that for anyone. I do understand that marriage is a big milestone for people, but I don't get it. People can be attractive, yeah, I know that, 'cause you're pretty, but-" his voice breaks off. He can feel tears blur his vision, but he was determined not to cry, not to be seen as whiny, weak, heartless.
She nods. "I know. I understand how you feel."
Tanaka's train of thought stops abruptly and he turns to stare at her, wide-eyed. "Really, y-you do?"
Again, Shimizu nods. "The feeling you're experiencing. It's aromanticism. You're aromantic."
Aromanticism. That's something he's never heard before, and no, it wasn't because he didn't study. He must've looked confused, though, and Shimizu began to explain.
"Aromantic people don't really feel romantic feelings for other people. That doesn't mean they're heartless monsters; they can feel love in other ways, such as platonically."
He wipes his eyes to better see his manager. "How do you know so much about aromanticism?" he asks, tongue stumbling over the foreign word.
"I was like you a year ago, confused and scared. I thought I was going to be alone for the rest of my life if I didn't love anyone romantically. After some research on the internet, though, many other people experienced the same dilemma as me. Now I feel better about rejecting the boys that try to confess to me," Shimizu smiles. Did… did she just make a joke?
"What you feel towards me. It's probably an aesthetic attraction," she continues, "It's like looking at a piece of art. You appreciate it for being beautiful, but you want nothing else with it, but maybe become protective of it."
"Yeah… that makes sense," Tanaka mutters thoughtfully. Everything began to click together and make sense in his head. The idea of dating her never really appealed to him, but the thought of others making a move on his beloved manager would anger him and Noya. Other girls would catch his attention, but he never thought anything about them besides how pretty they looked, as shallow as that sounded.
Shimzu stands and dusts her pants. "Come on, let's get back to the gym. The others are really worried about you."
"Uh, yeah, behind you." He hurriedly stands up and trails behind her, crookedly smiling from ear to ear. And for the first in the evening, everything in the world made sense to him.
A/N: In honor of aromantic awareness week, I decided to write (read: project) my aro-ness onto one of my favorite characters, Tanaka! There was so much more to aromanticism that I couldn't fit into this fic, but the internet is plenty helpful if you're still confused! tbh I really hc tanaka as aro and no, it's not bc "there isn't anyone to ship him with" or w/e (if you disagree, then that's totally cool!). Regarding the final arc tho… canon who? Shimizu and Tanaka are aro buddies in my book! Anways, thanks for reading!