Is there no hi or hello? Even that annoying yahello would work. I supposed she isn't the Ice Queen for no reason.

"Hold up. You're the second person here. So isn't your question just as valid for you as well?"

"My reason for being here so early is due to the fact club leaders must come in early to submit forms for continue support of their respective club. Plus Yuigahama-san is coming in later. So unlike you, I am waiting for somebody rather than sitting waiting for the time to pass by."

Chill out Ice Queen. Or rather would it be heat up? Do you need an act of true love to heal your frozen heart? Maybe your sister will jump in front of you to save you from Prince Sandwiches. Hah, I can't even joke about your sister doing anything to save you. The moment that happens is the moment where Yuigahama learns to cook well.

"Still, you're waiting for only one friend. Until she comes, you're still in the same boat as me."

"Is this boat the Titanic? If it is, I can enjoy watching you sink with the ship as I leave on a lifeboat."

"I'll grab a random child and say that I'm its only parent."

"I suppose you would, Loligaya-kun."

"If that's what it takes to survive, I guess I'm a lolicon."

"You should not admit your disgusting habits so easily, especially in public."

"We're the only two people in here. How exactly is this public?"

"Has your brain degraded over the spring? Schools are considered public grounds, therefore we are in public."

"I'm sorry I offended you, oh great Yukipedia. But usually the word public brings up ideas of a gathering of people."

"Suppose it does but when did I ever specify what kind of public I was talking about?" Damn it she got me.

"Anyway can you sit down somewhere and stop annoying me?"

I put my head down in my arms trying to get back the sleep that Komachi took away from me. I suppose it was really school that took it away from me.

As I'm settling down, I hear the chair in front of me move.

Oi Yukinoshita, when I said sit down somewhere I meant away from me. That's why I include the, "stop annoying me part."

I would complain to her but the power of sleep soon overtakes me.

Again I wake to the sound my adorable sister saying some words that I can't understand. Oh god, is this the repeating day curse? Haruhi damn you!

"Hikki! Wake Up!"

Nevermind it's Yuigahama. I apologize Komachi, to even think that Onii-chan would confuse you and Yuigahama.

"Hikki are you awake yet?"

"No I'm not."

"Ehh? You're totally awake right now!"

"Do not bother Yuigahama-san. Sloths require atleast fifteen hours of sleep to survive."

"Are you saying that I'm a sloth? Because I would love to be a sloth. Since sloths are naturally lazy nobody would ever complain if I slept all day. So your insult falls short here."

"Who said that I was trying to insult you? I was merely making an observation or perhaps you have some insecurity that would automatically make any sloth related comments as a personal attack."

"I think anyone would take offense to being called a sloth."

"I suppose the truth does hurt Slothgaya-kun."

"Oi. What's with all the Gaya-kuns?"

"Guys! Stop having fun without me." Do you think I'm a masochist Yuigahama? Why would you think this would be fun for me?

Yuigahama sits down quickly right beside Yukinoshita. She has a miff look on her face. I should be the one that's mad.

"I'm sorry Yuigahama-san, it's just that making fun of Hikigaya-kun is too fun." I'm so glad that you find so much joy out of my pain.

I was about to comment on Yukinoshita's sadistic tendencies but the homeroom teacher entered the room to start class. The teacher looked just as excited as I was which means he wished that he could be anywhere else other than a school. A man after my own heart. A pair of kindred spirits bounded together through the power of hating work.

As I was getting ready to leave for club I was stopped by the service club Gestapo. Whatever you think I did, I didn't do it, Fuhrer Yukinoshita.

"Where do you think you are going Hikigaya-kun?" I definitely wasn't going to hide known fugitives if that's what you're thinking.

"I was heading over to club."

"Why don't we all head over there together?" Because I don't want to be sent over to a concentration camp for looking at you funny. Which in my case would be just looking at you at all, or more likely just existing.

"Yeah Hikki. Since we're all in the same class now, why don't we go together?"

"Sure, why not." It wasn't like I somewhere else to go. Komachi is probably hanging out with her friends or off joining a club so I can't go bother her. Plus the YY would definitely come after me.

We made our way over to the clubroom. On the way there, Yuigahama and Yukinoshita were talking amongst themselves as I 'politely listened in'.

"Hey hey Yukinon! Have you heard about that CEU guy coming to Japan?" What the hell is a CEU? Is that a room in a hospital? Or maybe corporate executive unicorn? That would be a sight to see, a unicorn in a suit running a business, while Erasure Always plays in the background.

"I believe you mean CEO, Yuigahama-san." Why must you dash my hopes and dream Hitlershita-chan?

"Yeah CEO. Anyway, the CEO of the Syntech company is coming to Chiba to establish a Japanese division of the company. Isn't that crazy?"

"I don't see what's so crazy about another rich person coming to Japan. Anime is a huge tourist sell."

"Hikki! He's not just another rich person. He's the richest person ever!"

"Indeed Hikigaya-kun, he is considered to be the first trillionaire in the world."

"Why is he consider to be the first trillionaire? Why isn't he just called the first trillionaire?" Did Solomon beat him to the punch with the uncountable amount of gold and silver?

I think that Solomon cheated because he had the god of the universe giving him handouts. To be honest if I had the god of the universe on call, I would totally take payments in Totsuka figurines.

Or maybe that god would make me kill my family then I would curse that god and swear to murder him. Only to go on two more adventures after murdering said god. Then proceed to murder myself. Vengeance is a hell of a drug.

"He is considered the first trillionaire because the exact amount that he owns is unknown."

"So tax evasion." Typically rich person. Once you're rich you want to stay rich even though you have a debt to pay to the great good of humanity.

"Not even close. Most of the money that he earns, he puts into the public wealth in many countries. However the countries that the money goes into often give back the money plus more."

"So he's investing into countries?"

"No, in fact he has stated that he never asked anything in return. The countries just keep giving him money for helping them out. It is understandable though, he did modernize most of the third world countries."

"So handouts are the reason his net worth is unknown?"

"Essentially."

"Tch. I wouldn't want to be him. It would suck to be a public figure like that."

Really being a public figure like that would suck. You would have no private life to enjoy. Plus you have to watch what you're doing at all times otherwise the public will have a field day with you. Essentially you become an animal for the enjoyment of the public, a.k.a a zoo animal. Poor trillionaire Shamu.

"I do believe that the public would suffer if you were ever a public figure. Or perhaps you are the public figure in a pervert society."

"Society would be privileged to have me as a public figure."

"You mispronounced hindrance as privileged"

Two Yukinoshita branded insults in one day? What a great deal they're having. Oh wait; I'm not Zaimokuza so this is a terrible deal. I want my money back!

"Whatever. So what about this CEO guy?"

Wipe that smirk off your face Yukinoshita. I'm dropping out of this argument because I want to, not because you won or anything like that.

"Yeah so like what's he doing here anyway?"

And Yuigahama with the interception. Thank you Yuigahama.

"I read that he's here to use the brewing industry to further research in some secret project. My family is meeting with him to discuss benefits for establishing the Japanese headquarter in Chiba."

And it's clean. Touchdown, Yuigahama.

After club ends I walk over to where Komachi was waiting.

"Oniiiiiii-chaaaaan."

Oh my dear imouto, how I have missed you. Hold on now….

"Komachi, how many guys confessed to you today?"

"Geez Onii-chan you're so paranoid. If you have to know, none did."

What! How dare they not confess? Is she not cute enough? Hold on now Hachiman. You're getting your priorities mixed up. More confessions equal more dead high school boys. That also means more work. But still! How dare they!

"Onii-chan, you have this really strange look on your face. Which is saying a lot for you."

Oh it burns. It was super effective. Critical hit with an Infinity Edge. Warlock punch to the face. The imouto burn is truly the strongest hit known to mankind. Why must you do this Komachi. Your dear brother just came back from getting insulted by the frozen queen herself, Els…Yukinoshita.

"Sorry. I was just thinking about the work needed to hire a hitman."

Komachi sighs and has a look of disgust on her face.

Hey! I'm not that creepy. Maybe a little creepy but not too much.

"You think about the wrong things Onii-chan, but Komachi will still love you anyways. Oh that's high in points!"

"Okay, okay. Here, get on."

"Thank you, good sir. Now onwards to our home!"

What am I, a horse?

As I pedal home, I notice the kids on the playground. In particular, one kid was playing alone, away from the other kids. Ah, a kindred spirit. I used to be alone like you, but then I took an arrow in the, wait a minute. I'm still alone.

After my short beating of a dead horse, I notice an older guy walk up to the kid.

Is this where the kidnapping happens?

He reaches down and pats the kid on the head with a large smile and d the kid returns the gesture.

Something about this feels so familiar, like a memory faded to emotions.

It's probably an older memory with my dad. Honestly speaking, most memories with my dead beat dad are blurs. I don't even remember his face. Maybe I should become a hunter so I can go look for him.

A/N: HOLY SHIIIIIT. This chapter took me a while to finish. Combine a changing of premise and procrastination and you have the formula of the worst crack ever. But yeah, I'm probably gonna change the beginning of this story to be different from the end of volume 11 as working from that angle is really hard as most of the characters are developed already.

So just let me know if something doesn't make sense or maybe you know what kind of character I am going to be adding in. The foreshadowing was strong in this one.

Review, reviews?

KairuG:

Thanks buddy, pal, friendo. I am taking this relationship too fast? Just let me know. Anyway I'm glad I could write similar to the great Wataru. Ego booster right there.

Hikigaya:

Oh god. Which one are you? Are you the mom, dad, Komachi, or perhaps you are the great HACHIMAN HIMSELF? I still need to work on incorporating the side characters but I feel like the clique would be gone in year three because what Hachiman did after the relay race.

Zallow:

I feel sorry for you man because this OC is gonna be so OP you'll have to get the Sue suit out for this Mary Sue. Just kidding. Well to a point I am kidding, but the character I have in mind is meant to be OP in a sense to push Hachiman character but the character themselves have a backstory to them so not too Mary Sueish. I do understand your fear of an OP character as most are really boring to read about as they solve any problem with relative ease. Just think of the antitheses of Haruno.

Vietanh10e:

Is it okay that I have no clue what you're talking about?

Bosdicha:

You're god damn right.

Yach189:

Should I read this as sarcasm? Because I take this as the green light to self-impose myself in many forms now.

RalphZiggy:

MY CHARACTER WILL BE AN ALIEN THAT LOOKS LIKE A PRETTY BOY IN EVERYWAY BUT HAS ONE THING THAT IS TRULY DIFFERENT! HE HAS DISCONNECTED EARLOBES! On a serious note, the character that I have in mind will not take an active role in moving stuff forward. As they believe in allowing Hachiman grow on his own.

ImaNukeYourFace:

Thanks buddy for nuke my face. I appreciate the occasional nuke to the face. To be serious though, writing Hachiman is hard to do, fun to ramble, hard to substantiate which is accurate to his character ironically.

Guest:

It's not like I wrote this for you! B-b-baka!

123:

Blame the fanfiction man. Anyways, it is not Orimoto unfortunately. Santa doesn't exist man. Sorry to burst your bubble but why don't you believe in more believe things, like the Easter Bunny or the Tooth Fairy. Or the North Korean sun landing because they totally did that.

A.O.W:

Wait, are you telling me that I have good grammar and spelling? Were we reading the same thing? Anyways, thanks man for the support. I have been trying to get my inner Hachiman eye going so I could write the most cynical monologues known to man but that be hard dawg.