50 shades of irradiated cum

Chapter 1

"What? It's hard to hear you when you're in your helicopter." Anastasia yelled into the phone. She was talking to Christian about her day, while he was out for a ride on his helicopter. He had never been to a desert before and wanted to make sure they were actually real, so he decided to take a trip to Nevada. He took a sip of whiskey and tried to hush the new secretary that was gagging on his shaft. There was a bit of turbulence, so he accidentally peed in her mouth and her eyes. "Sorry, Anastasia" he said as he wiped the piss from the ugly bitch's mouth. "I'll be making landing soon and I'll be sure to call you as soon as I arrive. Laterz, babe!" He hung up the phone and looked down at the secretary. "If you don't go faster, I'll rip off your toe nails one by one." She cried, urine running down her cheek.

Christian thought about Anastasia the whole time. He thought about his birthday the other day. The whole year, he had been hinting to Anastasia that he wanted a My Little Pony cum jar that he saw online. When it was his birthday, Anastasia and their friends threw a surprise party for him. He scanned the room and when he saw that wrapped birthday gift in the shape of a jar, he knew his wish had come true. And when he tore open his present and saw the jar of irradiated cum surrounding Rainbow Dash, he cried tears of joy. Anastasia said "I know you wanted it to be glow in the dark, so I had some radium added to the cum." Christian looked at the love of his life and smiled so hard. "Oh, Anastasia! I love you, baby!" He hugged her and they both kissed. It was the best day of his life. He has been adding to the cum jar every since. As the secretary bobbed down on his wang, he felt himself close to climaxing. He pulled out the jar from his Louis Vuitton bag and quickly opened it. The stench from it threw him over the edge, and he immediately ejaculated into the jar. Every time he came inside the jar, he felt closer and closer to the original owner. They had formed a brotherhood, an unbreakable bond. Christian sighed as he closed the jar and pulled up his pants.

All of a sudden, the helicopter started shaking. Christian unbuckled his seat belt, which slapped her in the face, and ran up to the pilot. "What's happening!" he yelled. The pilot looked at Christian with a face full of fear and confusion. "W-we got shot!" he exclaimed. "What the fuck! By who?" Christian asked. They both looked over and saw an Isis fighter jet next to his helicopter. The other pilot looked over and rammed his jet into the helicopter, causing both to crash down to the ground.

Everything suddenly went black.

When Christian finally woke up, he immediately felt enormous pain all over his body, as if he fell off a 12-story building. He was covered in bruises, cuts, and blood that wasn't his own. He slowly turned his head to the side and shrieked in fear. The pilot was completely bisected, his organs strewn all along the wreckage, baking in the sand. His penis was lying 6 feet away, with ants crawling on it. Christian turned his head to the other side. His secretary was turned inward, her feet sticking out from her chest. Her spine was sticking up 3 feet in the air from her neck hole, her head missing. "Woah, that's crazy," whispered Christian. He slowly got himself up. Luckily, it seemed like no bones were broken. He trudged along for what seemed like hours until he came across the wrecked Isis jet. The Isis soldier was completely charred and still burning. "Ha…," Christian chuckled. "I guess that's one for America."

Chapter 2

It had been 2 days since the crash. Christian was starving and thirsty. He licked his chapped lips. He had wandered the desert this whole time, searching for anything: help, food, shelter, water, anything. Christian's clothes had burned off in the crash, so he was suffering from sun poisoning. "OUCH!" he screamed. A lizard had bit his toe. He picked it up, and shoved it in his ass, killing it instantly. He felt amazing pleasure having this dead lizard slide around his prostate. It slipped out and onto the ground, dead. He picked it up and ate it. His stomach was burning and he was desperate for any kind of food. "Need...water…," he mumbled. Christian searched for sources of water in the desert, but came across nothing. He never saw any cacti he could drink from either. He remembered from a survival show that he could drink his own pee to survive. He took out his flaccid penis and aimed it at his mouth. He peed into his mouth and slurped it all up like a whore. He peed a little into his cupped hands and slurped that up too. He got a little turned on thinking about the Pee Therapy group he was in on Facebook. However, this wasn't enough to satisfy him. He was still parched and starving.

At one point he had tried to drink the blood from the pilot. He took the man's intestines and went to suck the water and food out of them. But nothing came out. Perhaps the man did not eat the day he died. Christian thought about how he only paid the man 2.50 an hour. "Maybe he should've worked harder." said Christian sternly. He kicked the intestines to the side. He took out the man's heart and took a bite. Blood gushed out and squirted all over Christian's face. He sucked the blood out of the veins like they were drinking straws. This managed to satisfy Christian for a while.

Once night fell, Christian collapsed in exhaustion after wandering for hours.

Chapter 3

His tongue was swollen from dehydration. He had stopped sweating and his skin burned. He licked his cracking lips and sighed heavily. Christian pulled the cum jar from his pocket and eyed with sadness and re-pocketed it. A scorpion caught his attention as it scuttled under a rock to escape the blazing sun. All is not yet lost, thought Christian.

He quickly snatched it up and put it to his nipple. He moaned when it clamped on. Christian ties his tie very tightly around his cock. It was too tight, the way he liked it. He began pumping himself furiously until he almost came and he edged himself for an hour before finally blowing his load onto Rainbow Dash's drowning form. He resealed the jar and fell back. The scorpion long gone, leaving large welts on his chest as a parting gift.

Chapter 4

Another day had passed and it was regretfully time to drink the only liquid he had. All the luscious cum that had congealed and turned slightly brown mixed with his own newer milky cum. Tears would have been welling in his eyes if he wasn't on the brink of death. A sob wracked through his body. This was the most thoughtful heartfelt gift he had ever received and it was from his beloved wife no less. He considered just dying before destroying his gift. His chest tightened as he broke down sobbing violently. Stupid ISIS, stupid desert. Where the hell were all the cacti?! It's a fucking desert for fucks sake! Christian decided he hated deserts and if he was rescued he would fill them with ocean water.

He hugged the jar tightly to his chest and ugly cried. He wouldn't make it back to his wife, who was going to be the next octomom.

Christian reluctantly unsealed the jar and gagged from the stench, it no longer aroused him in these dire circumstances. He held his nose and tried to down it. His body immediately rejected it and he wretched. No! It was the only thing he had! He tried again and managed to down the whole jar. He dry heaved and curled into a fetal position. The horrid taste lingered in his mouth. Though he thought fondly of the original owner and how this is the closest they'll ever be, ever though he was thousands of miles away. Another bout of sobbing took hold of Christian. His whole body hurt, he was weak and sick. He was rapidly losing any hope of rescue. He stared at his Rainbow Dash figure. It had discolored severely. He stared at it until he passed out.

He was in and out of consciousness, his beloved jar the only thing keeping him company in his final moments.

Chapter 5

Anastasia paced back and forth, her huge distended belly knocked over a 12th century vase when she turned. It had been 4 days since she last spoke to Christian. She was worried sick. All the stress put her in labor. She didn't have time to birth them as she had to find Christian. She held them in and got on their spare chopper. They fly to Nevada where there was news of a crash.

Hours passed and one baby plopped out, but since this helicopter didn't have doors, it was blown out to the ground below. Anastasia screamed and reached after the long gone child. Well, they have seven more children on the way. They would hold a memorial for their now angel baby.

A few more hours passed when they finally made it to the Christian's body. They landed, blowing sand all over his body. Ana waddled over to him.

"CHRISTIAN!" Ana screamed in agony. "wake up!" She wailed brokenly. She shook his lifeless body. The pony cum jar rolled out of his hand. She laid there until she died with him.

my bff and i wrote this together

Disclaimer: we don't own shit, except our matching purses!

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